When the impossible is possible

This morning, I've been doing some looking back.  A good looking back.  I guess this time of year brings that out in me.  I've been thinking about where I was a year ago, and where God has brought me to this year. I've been remembering those dark dark days that I thought would never go away.  Those days that anxiety and panic consumed me.  The days that fear clawed it's way into the very core of my being and consumed me for days on end.  It was a time that I never thought I could be released of.  Moments, when the very simplest of tasks looked like a mountain completely impossible to scale.  I remember the days when just getting up and being able to make my children's lunch for the school day was a feat in and of itself.  If there was a day that was spent without fear and anxiety, without terrors ripping through my body at the thought of leaving the house, it was a good day.  A good day meant actually getting clothes on, and forcing myself through the door.   A great day was being able to sit on the parking lot of Superstore and "talk myself" into actually going inside and getting the groceries.  (Many times were spent turning the truck around, clothed in fear and panic - unable to do that simple task.)

Today, I sit here, not without struggles, but with a new perspective.  Those days sometimes seem like a lifetime away, and there are still those days that it take everything within me to garner up the strength and go out.  I like my home.  I like the safety, the security of my home.  That in and of itself, doesn't make me a candidate for anxiety and panic.  It does however, lend itself to being a stepping stone towards it.  Last year was a year of extreme changes in my life - changes that led to more incredible changes.

One of those changes was being able to acknowledge that I needed help.  That our family could not survive how we were trying to survive.  With the panic and anxiety came the depression.  The interpretation that my anxiety and panic attacks were a failure of sorts.  That because of my struggles with it, I was somehow less of a person.  The physical symptoms of feeling the tightness and pressure and heart palpitations in my chest were more than I could take at times.  I felt like I was loosing my grip on reality.

Thankfully, through the help of my doctor, counselor and ultimately God, I have been able to control these episodes.  I look back and am so thankful for the tools that I have learned over the year to come to the point to help me with this.  And like I said, I'm not over it.  But thankfully it is not an all consuming issue that I have to deal with.  Thankfully with my medications and coping mechanisms for the most part I am able to have some control over these episodes.

I truly believe that when I have a panic/anxiety attack it is two fold.  First of all, a chemical imbalance of sorts, but also I do believe that Satan also plays a part in it.  I believe he is trying to get me down and each time he does so, I have to fight those old feelings of inadequacies.  Each time I struggle with the panic, I have to fight his lies.  Because truthfully once I have made it through those panic attacks, the truth is that God has gotten me through yet another one.  Satan DID NOT keep me down.

Last year when I thought it truly was impossible to carry on, God provided me with the truth that it was possible.  And each time when I have another attack now, I try to bring my focus back to God that He is STILL in control.  And that all things are possible with Him.  I would love for God to take away EVERY anxiety attack from here on out.  That would be my version of God's answered prayer.  However, at this point, I also believe that being able to control my attacks and not having them consume me is also a form of God's healing.  When I look back to where I was a year ago as compared to now, WOW - now that's healing!  The tools that God has allowed me to use. . . the imagery that I use to calm myself down. . . the prayers that I pray. . . the verses He brings to my mind. . . I totally believe these are all God's answers to the impossible!!!  And I can say that with any attack that I do still experience, it simply serves as a reminder to how far God has brought me.  God has been so good to me.  He has provided so many things to make me realize that the impossible IS possible.

Finally I just want to share one of these little miracles that showed me again how God is in control.  How God is using a variety of ways to help me cope with my anxiety and panic attacks.  The other day as I sat fixating on leaving the house, fear washed over me.  "I just can't."  "I cannot do this." "It is safer to just stay home."  "I am so not equipped for this!"  All those thoughts jumbled around in my head.  Lies. . . all lies from Satan.  However, at that exact moment, they felt like my reality.  They felt like that was my life.  Like that was truth.  As I sat at my desk and listened to my iPod and begged God to help me, as the tears streamed down my face, and my heart was breaking, this is the answer that God provided to me.  He reminded me that He was there. . . and I can ALWAYS go to Him.

I realize this is a video about Plumb's anxiety disorder, but truly it is a video for all of us - for anyone who believes that the possible is not possible. Do not believe those lies. . .

Because I am here to tell you that:

THE IMPOSSIBLE IS POSSIBLE  

With God's strength all is possible!!!!!

For those of you struggling with anxiety, panic attacks, etc., I just want to share this article with you.  It is about Plumb and her struggle with anxiety - the birth place for this song.  She has an amazing story about how God has been faithful and helps her through each attack.  What a ministry in music and her life story she has!!!

Plumbs story about overcoming anxiety and her ministry through her music

If any of you need someone to talk about your struggles with, please know I'm hear and would love to listen and pray for/with you.  And for those of you who struggle with anxiety/panic attacks, as someone who knows what you are struggling through, know I'd love to help you as we walk this journey together.

Going through the motions. . .

Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions?

The last few days have been a bit like that for me.  Going through the motions but feeling nothing.  Doing what I KNOW to be right, but feeling like it's pointless.  I'm not talking about my day to day stuff. . . I'm talking about my relationship with God.  Reading because I'm supposed to.  Praying because there's a need.  But just really feeling dry.  Like I'm in a desert.  Or in a pit.  Not a depressed pit, but just a space that feels BLAH!  Like there's nothing.  There's no passion.  There's no desire.  It kind of feels like I'm in a valley, and can't seem to climb my way out.

Yesterday I was home sick, and as I lay on the couch, I had lots of time to think.  Part of me felt that what I was feeling was from being sick, part of me felt that I was feeling blah because I'm really tired of winter, but another part of me thought about how natural feeling blah likely was.  I mean in Psalm 23 David does talk about walking through the valley.  Even David wasn't able to stay on the top of the mountain all the time.  Jesus went to the desert to pray. I'm sure our spiritual leaders go through those times as well that just feel like we're merely existing in our spiritual walk.

So what do we do?  What do I do when I don't "feel" anything?  I think a prime example of what to do would be in our day to day relationships.  With our spouse, or our kids.  Truly, there are some mornings when we all go our way and NO ONE is "feelin' the love".  But by 5:30 every day we are all back home, usually feeling it.  We don't walk away for good.  We come right back home and work through the issues, or very often, by 5:30 we've forgotten why it was that we weren't feeling it in the first place and it's back.  (It's amazing what a day at school does to change my kids' demeanor!!)

So I got to thinking about my spiritual journey as well.  Really, I'd like to just avoid the valleys all together.  By I also know that without those valleys, I'd never be able to appreciate those mountain top experiences either.  I might feel like I'm in the desert right now where it's dry and uncomfortable, but without knowing what the desert is like, I'll never be able to enjoy the lush green meadow times when they come.  I can tell you this, that with the cold that we've been experiencing in Manitoba, I know that summer will be even more appreciated when it finally arrives!!!

So what do I do now when I'm not feeling the connection to God.  When I'm not feeling the joy. . .

Well, first of all, I decided to give thanks.  Regardless of what I am feeling, there are always things for me to give thanks for.  And there are LOTS.  So I write.  I journal my joys.  I keep counting, and praising. . .

And also, I decided to be straight with God. (I mean, who am I kidding. He knows my thoughts anyway, so why am I trying to "hide" what I'm really feeling?!?!?) I know this sounds like I'm a bad Christian, but honestly, I really don't feel like praying. They just feel like words.  Like it's not getting any further than my lips!!! BUT I'm going to do it any way.  I'm going to be honest with God and tell Him exactly what I feel. (1 Peter 5:7 Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.)  I'm going to pray myself back to Him.  Just because I don't "feel" something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist!  So if I back away from my relationship with Him because I don't feel anything, then that is the first step in ensuring that there really WON'T be anything.  If I am not feeling love for my kids, and I walk away from them, then there is no chance of working through those dry feelings and getting that feeling back.  I KNOW I love them, and so stick with it.  I know in the past, I have just let my Bible reading and prayer dwindle, but that is SO not the way to do it.  If I want to have a strong vibrant relationship with God, I'm not going to get it by walking away every time I feel "dry".  I am going to go to Him.  Keep going to Him. I'm going to listen.  And that might even just mean being still and taking some time away with just me, God and silence.  It may not happen right away. . . but it certainly is not going to hurt.  BUT, not going to God WILL hurt my relationship with Him. I truly believe that even through these dry, "unfeeling" times, God can speak to us.  God is right there with us.  He sees.  He knows our heart. And I truly believe that He will honor our efforts to seek Him.  Even when we don't feel it!

I trust that on those days when you don't "feel" it, that you will not walk away.  It's easy to.  I will admit that.  It's easy just to let one day slide because you don't really feel it.  But one day may lead to the next and to the next. . . and then what do you have?  Nothing. . .  I know I'd fight for a relationship with my kids, my husband. . . so why don't I fight for my most important relationship - with my Heavenly Father?

Join me in "keeping on" and let's be amazed at how He is going to speak to us. . . . even in this dry and deserted time.

Tuesday's Choice: Memorizing

Well, I have a confession to make.  Well, not so much a confession as an admission!

This month has been really difficult for me to memorize!  Not sure why - but I can say that what I thought had been memorized seem to fly right out my ears or something!  Really really struggled.  And then when i went to go back to the previous week's portion, it was gone.  Like I'd never even memorized it!

So for myself, I've decided this is going to be a review week.  I'm posting the 3 previous portions in the hope that I can mull over them some more and HOPEFULLY get them to stick a little better than what they have been!  I'm thinking it's Satan who is messing with me, so I'm just going to keep at it until they get stuck!!!


Philippians 4:4-8

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 
Philippians 3:10-14

10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
 
2 Corinthians 4:13 – 18

13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak,

14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself.

15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Olympics. . . . realigning my priorities!!!!

And now. . . the Olympics are over. . . Canada smiles a collective satisfied sigh. . . Pretty good.  We did pretty good didn't we?  Both our women and men won GOLD in hockey & curling!  What's more Canadian than those two sports????

Funny how we couch potatoes didn't do a thing to get those 25 medals, but somehow we feel like we had something to do with it.  Somehow, we feel like our cheering from our warm comfy homes, changed things just a little.  We didn't fly to Sochi.  We didn't train for 4 years.  We didn't lift a finger.  We didn't have to.  The athletes, coaches, families and others did it all.  But we are quite ready to take just a little bit of pride with us that somehow, we are a part of those medals.

What patriotism we display.  What passion we portray.  What connection we feel sitting in a room with others cheering on our teams.  All for a chance to say "We won".  We made it.  We accomplished our goal of winning a medal.

I will admit this.  I was curious.  I wasn't so much consumed with Canada's medals as I was curious as to how we would stack up against other countries.  I also can admit that playing sports is not my thing.  So the Olympics was more about our ratings against other countries than it was about winning each sport.

As I watched our country's patriotism rise, and as I saw and heard people talk about Sochi, the Olympics, the athletes, it made me wonder how such a (truthfully) trivial thing like sports could bind a country together for 2 1/2 weeks?  How could a mere hockey game cause a country to stand still and hold it's breath?

And then I stood back, took a breath and thought. . .

Why is it, that the the reactions we have knowing that there are millions of people out there who are dying without ever having known Jesus, pales terribly in comparison to our reactions to a gold medal win?  Why is it, that when we think of Heaven and worshiping our Saviour, it doesn't garner the same response as the moment we realized that Canada would win a gold medal hockey game?  Why is it that the priorities in my life are so messed up?  Why is it that we focus so much of our energy on 16 days of Olympic games and yet our focus for eternity is in reality not even there?

What does that say about me?  What does that say about my priorities?  What does that say about where my focus is?  Where is Christ in the midst of all my cheering?  Where is my ache for those that have never heard of Christ?  Do I cheer excitedly when i hear that someone has come to know Jesus?  Am I doubled over in despair when I hear about a person who has passed away without ever having made a commitment to Christ?  Is the first word on my lips each morning "Jesus Christ", the way "Olympics" was these past weeks? How much time did I spend with my Lord and Savior as compared to the amount of time I spent fixating on the games?

I can tell you. . . that I have no answers.  I have no responses.  I know my priorities are askew!  I know that I need to refocus my thoughts.  I need to realign my priorities.  The one who made the universe. . . the one who has saved me from eternal death. . . the one who forgives me each day. . . . Where is He in the priorities of my life. . . .

Really feeling called to realign my priorities!!!!

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

A struggling day. . . . BUT HE HAS TOMORROW!!!!!

Today had many struggles. . . . but also some extreme blessings.  Struggled with where I am at right now, but had some confirmations too that God is in control.

As I sat in my prayer room this evening (Prayer Room Link) I struggled with where I was at.  I know my Saviour has taken my past away, has taken today away (also my past!) And as I listened to the music rotating through on my iPod, I came upon these words that lifted me up beyond what anyone could speak to me.  LIVING - He loved me. . .. . DYING He saved me. . . . BURIED - He carried my sins far away. . . .OH WHAT A GOD WE LOVE!!!!!!

I hope they do the same to you!!!!  Regardless of what happened, God has TODAY.  And He had yesterday, and (here's the kicker. . . .) HE HAS TOMORROW!!!!!!!  What a God we serve. .. . . .

"Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)"

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises

One day when sin was as black as could be

Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin

Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us

His glory revealed

[Chorus:]

Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away

Rising, He justified freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain

One day they nailed Him to die on a tree

Suffering anguish, despised and rejected

Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree

And took the nails for me

[Chorus]

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer

One day the stone rolled away from the door

Then He arose, over death He had conquered

Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him

From rising again

[Chorus]

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming

One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing

My Savior, Jesus, is mine

Here's the musical version, but also the lyrics. . . . listen and let God's words wash over you!!!!

LOST: My identity

You're likely thinking by the title that I'm having a midlife crisis. . . you may be right, although unfortunately I'm way past midlife.  At 46 1/2 years old, I have started asking myself this question:  WHO AM I?

For 20+ years, I was daughter of John & Gretha.  Then I became wife to Keith.  Then Mom to Taylor and Peyton.  And here I sit in the quietness of my house thinking. . . but who am I really?  Being a mom and wife can be all consuming.  As a woman, we tend to be nurturers.  We pour ourselves into the people that we have around us, whether it's our husband's, children, other family members around us.  We tend to be givers.  We tend to put others needs before our own needs.  (Don't get me wrong, I'm as selfish as they come at times - I'm not saying I'm a saint in that department!!!)  But in general, we try to take care of the needs of others.  I believe God has created us that way.  I think it is a gift we have that is an incredible honor to have.

HOWEVER, sometimes I think that we as women tend to forget about ourselves.  I truly think that as women, we treat others way better than we treat ourselves.  In fact, if we stood back and looked at how we treat ourselves, we would never dare treat another person like that.  And suddenly when the nest is empty, or at least when the little ones are sprouting their own wings, we are suddenly left with the question, now what?  We stand in front of the mirror and really barely recognize the person staring back.  And I'm not talking about the extra pounds we might see that have somehow appeared over the last 20 years (and believe me - they ARE staring back at me these days!!) but I'm talking about the person inside of us.  The heart of me.

Who am I?  What do I really think about myself?  As I was thinking about these questions these past few months, I was continually brought back to a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.  If you find yourself looking in the mirror wondering how you got to be the person you are today, this is a really incredible book. I went through it with my counselor this past summer and it really opened my eyes to how I was treating others and how I was treating myself.  AMAZING book!!!

One of the things that I started thinking about was how I was treating myself, and why I was treating myself that way.  After 20 years of being a mom and wife, I didn't really like the person I saw in the mirror.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually.  And I started to get down on myself.  The words failure, useless, loser floated around in my head all the time. I saw all that I had tried to accomplish for others and it seemed to not be enough.  They weren't happy and I wasn't happy.  All those things I had tried to do for others ended up not being what really made them or me happy.  In fact, a lot of those things were things that in the end were either controlling on my part, or frustrating for them on their part.  And so I started to dig into who I wanted to be.  Not LIKE someone else, but who Christ would really want me to be.

As I started reading scriptures, I started to realize that my view of myself was far from what God had said about me. (Eph.1:10)  I was bashing what God had created.  I was bashing God's masterpiece.  I was bashing God's workmanship.  He created me IN HIS IMAGE.  Even though I think less of me, the Bible says that I am alive with Christ.  (Eph. 2:5)  The Bible says I am protected by God because I am His child (I John 5:18).  I have been chosen by God, holy and blameless before Him (Eph. 1:4)  Every time I put myself down, every time I think less of me, I am in essence putting down what God created.  Could I be thinner? Could I be more patient?  Could I speak less and listen more?  Could I be a better person?  YES to all those things. BUT, those things are not what make me the person I am.  I am loved by the King.  He is waiting for me to come to Him, just as I am.  He's not waiting for me to be perfect so He can love me.  He is standing there with open arms waiting for me to run into them, and all I am doing is standing in the mirror looking at myself saying "I'm not worthy".  But that is SO not what God is telling me.  that's Satan.  That's his lies.  And who am I going to believe?????  I am God's child.  I know how much I love my kids, warts and all, and I can't even begin to imagine that God loves me so much more than I can ever love my kids.  My kids don't have to be perfect for me to love them, and God doesn't expect me to be perfect for Him to love me.  I just need to come into His presence and BE WITH HIM. I need to get the focus off of me, and focus on Him.  And remember that in Him. . . I am perfect.  He made me and loves me just as I am.

I have had this video for a long time now and even today, as I listen to it, tears stream down my face because I still struggle with believing it.  But I KNOW it's true.  I know every detail that is in this video is bang on.  I am God's and that's all that matters.

Wednesday's Wonderful Winter

Well, finally here in Manitoba, we are getting some wonderful days of winter.  Yes!  You read it!  Wonderful because it's melting.  I can't say it's been all bad this year, but it's just been really really long.  But it's made for some beautiful scenery.

Thought I'd share some of my wonderful winter moments and share this wonderful winter video with you as well!

It's winter. . . . but spring's a comin'

Our Snow clearing crews hard at work.  They've been kept busy this winter!

Only God can create this!!!

Good morning child!  Remember I love you - God

For those of you who know our yard, there's chairs and a pond under there!!! Our sweet summer oasis!

created by:  THE CREATOR!

And so we've had lots of snow this winter!!  BUT IT'S ALMOST SPRING!!!!  :-)

And just a bit of music to go with winter.  Truly these men are blessed with a gift from God!!!!  And their backdrop could only be created by Him!!!!!

Tuesday's Choice: Memorization

Been thinking a lot about eternity lately.  That regardless the mess down here, I cannot wait to get to Heaven!  Sometimes it's a scary thought when I think about what God say about me and what I've done or not done for Him, but that too, causes me to press on.  The things that I think are big down here, are nothing to Him. When we see His face, the things I thought were big won't even matter - or exist.  So just focusing on Him and on the future.



2 Corinthians 4:13 – 18

13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, 

14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. 

15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

When the laundry hamper's full, but your heart feels empty

It is always amazing to me how "stuff" can get in the way.  I don't mean clutter, but rather jobs. Tasks. Agendas. The to do list.

I find myself getting caught up in the oh so unimportant things of life, when there are so many other valuable things that I should be focusing on.  Today my laundry hamper is overflowing.  I have no snack food in the house for school snacks.  The floors need vacuuming and washing.  The furniture needs dusting. . . and my list goes on and on.

As I lay in bed this morning, I started thinking about all the things that "need" to be done.  Now panic didn't quite set in, but it started to feel overwhelming.  I started to think negative thoughts.  I started to feel that no one else in the house was going to be doing any work today, expect for poor little 'ol me.  Yup, I was having a pity party.  You see, today is a holiday here in Manitoba.  Family day to be exact.  Yup FAMILY day.  And I knew just the way I was going to spend family day - DOING LAUNDRY!!!  And every one else was going to be lazing around doing nothing!  I had the day "figured out" perfectly.

All the laundry hampers gathered into the laundry room were screaming my name.  And as I went down and sorted through the mounds of clothing, I started muttering.  I started grumbling.  I started seething.  Everybody else had nothing to do but me.  And oh how my heart started to crumble. . .

But you see, it was all in my own little "poor me" head.  As I sat and sorted the laundry, I remembered what I used to do way back when we were waiting to adopt a baby.  We had been picked by our birth mom, and so I had purchased a few things in the event that the adoption did proceed.  I remember folding the tiny little socks and praying for our baby.  That God would direct his/her path wherever it brought them.  I remembered folding the little onesies and praying that God would have control over his/her heart.  I remembered folding the little sleepers and praying that he/she would grow up to be a strong child of God. The wash cloths, the blankets, the towels.  Every item I laundered with joy and anticipation.

And here I sat today - remember - it's family day - grumbling about the laundry my family had generated.  The very thing that I had prayed for for so long, I had!!! I had two wonderful children that for years I never thought I would be able to enjoy.  For 12 long years, I begged God for a child.  And that day, 12 1/2 years ago, as I folded an unborn child's laundry - a child I wasn't sure would become mine, I prayed that God would allow me to have a child or two.  I remembered thinking that laundry would always be such a wonderful task because it meant I had a child!!

And here I was, buried in my own self absorbed thoughts when I was reminded of those days.  I was reminded how I had longed for a child.  I was reminded how I thought laundry was a blessing.  And so as I foldED my sons pants, I prayed.  As I folded my daughters shirts, I prayed.  As I folded my husbands work shirts, I prayed. I rejoiced.  I became thankful.  For here, in the middle of a pile of laundry lay so many blessings.  The floor was littered with them.  The floor was filled with past activities.  The floor was brimming with happiness.  With Joy.  With answered prayers.  And with each load of laundry I did, I praised.  Because each load was another load of evidence of how God had blessed me.  With an amazingly patient husband.  A beautiful daughter - inside and out.  A son with a soft and gentle spirit.  All of who have brought me such joy.

And suddenly the laundry room became a mountain of praise.  And as each pile of clothes was laundered, I was reminded that God had blessed me so incredibly much.

And just like that, the hamper was empty, but my heart was full!!!

Psalm 136:1-5

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his loving-kindness continues forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods, for his loving-kindness continues forever. 

Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his loving-kindness continues forever. 

Praise him who alone does mighty miracles, for his loving-kindness continues forever. 

Praise him who made the heavens, for his loving-kindness continues forever. 

When life's not all it was cracked up to be

I am a big fan of the author Lysa TerKeurst.  I think I've mentioned her before since I've read some of her books and love to follow her at Proverbs31 Ministry.  She has a unique perspective on life and somehow has this uncanny ability to hit me right where I need to.  Sometimes her writing/books leave me nodding my head in agreement, and other times it leaves me hanging my head just a bit because I've realized I've got a lot of work to do!  Regardless I really appreciate her insight into the Christian life and into life as a woman.

The other day, I came across this quote of hers on Pinterest, and I thought it was so appropriate.




I realize that it is linked with the unmet expectations around Valentines, but the quote itself really got me thinking about life in general.

We have so many expectations in life.  So many things that we think should happen, or should happen in a certain way.  So many times life doesn't turn out a certain way and those expectations are shattered. I have so many expectations for the people around me. My husband. My kids.  For my job.  For each situation that I encounter.  I go into things having a specific idea as to how it will turn out.  Obviously sometimes those expectations are low and the returned outcome ends up being more than I could have dreamed of.  More often than not, though, I create high expectations and am disappointed when those expectations aren't met. Sometimes, when we are disappointed by the turnout, we are right to be disappointed.  We were right to have those high expectations and when they weren't met, it's okay to be sad or disappointed.  Other times, I know for myself, when I look at my marriage, I need to rethink some of my expectations. Really?? My husband can't read my mind and know what I am thinking????  With my kids, I need to reassess.  Did I really give them a full rundown of what my expectations were for that situation, or did I just assume they understood or knew what my expectations were?  And were my expectations fair?

I know for myself, I put so many expectations on God and what should happen or how life should turn out. And in the end, I've had to ask myself this:  Should I really be putting any expectations on God?  I struggled with that question for awhile.  I mean, who am I to EXPECT things from God?  I am the one that should be doing things for Him.  God doesn't owe me anything - He gave His life for me!!!!!  On the other hand, God HAS made promises to us - so the things that He has promised me are valid expectations.

However, sometimes, what God has promised me, I tend to interpret in my own way.  For example.  Phil. 4:19 says But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  It's a promise. However, what God sees my needs to be aren't necessarily what I see my needs to be.  And truthfully, more often than not, they really aren't my needs, they are my wants.  I know back 20 years ago when we were going through the throws of my husbands accident, I really had an expectation of how God would heal my husband.  I thought complete healing was giving him all the feeling/movement back in his body. I never for a moment thought that complete healing would mean anything else.  But those were MY expectations of what God would do for him.  Those weren't God's plans.

As I go through different circumstances and at times feel like my expectations haven't been met even when "God promised", I just keep coming back to the fact that I just have to trust God.  The expectations that I experience in my day to day life with my husband, kids, friends, jobs, daily life etc.  Those things I can change my expectations or I can verbalize to those people what my expectations are so that they can potentially be met.  And I believe that God wants us to do that too!  I believe God wants us to share our burdens with Him.  He wants us to cry out to Him with all our hurts and fears and pain and anguish that consumes our souls.  He WANTS TO HEAR US!!!!  But that is it.  We need to tell Him what our expectations are.  What our desires are.  What our deepest longings are.  But then LEAVE IT!!!!  Leave it in His hands. As a "doer" that is really hard for me to do.  But I truly believe that is what He has asked us to do.  He wants us to leave it in HIS capable hands and He will do what is best for us.  We won't always understand it.  In fact, we won't always like it.  But we CAN trust that He knows what's going on.  Recently someone shared a family's prayer request with me, and I couldn't help but think "Lord, hasn't that family gone through enough?"  And I will admit, I've thought that about my own life at times.  NO MORE Lord!!!  But it all comes back to the fact that we have to trust that God is in control.

So often I have come back to this verse in Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding;

I think the most difficult thing for me in that verse is lean not on your own understanding.  We don't have to understand it.  We don't have to get it.  We just have to trust.  We just have to rest in the arms of God and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is there.  He is carrying us when we can't continue. The other day on Facebook I saw a picture of a friend cradling her new son.  He was sleeping so peacefully and the thought that crossed my mind was how that tiny little boy was putting all his trust in his Momma.  He was resting so peacefully. And his Momma was going to do whatever it took to take care of all his needs.  And I thought about how that should be us.  Resting peacefully in God's arms. Trusting Him with our whole heart.  

Unfortunately, so often for me, I am trying to clamor out of God's arms and take care of things myself.  How I think they should be.  I'm trying to work things out to MY expectations.  Instead I just need to stop.  I need to rest.  I need to trust.  That God is there, and my expectation should be just that He loves me.  And I can trust Him no matter what.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46.10.  Rest in me.  

I know I've shared these pockets of thoughts before.  And bear with me as I do it again. . . Sarah Young in her Jesus Calling Calendar wrote this for February 15:  

"COME TO ME with all your weaknesses: physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Rest in the comfort of My Presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me.

Pry your mind away from your problems so you can focus your attention on Me.  Recall that I am able to do immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine.  Instead of trying to direct Me to do this and that, see to attune yourself to what I am already doing."  (Luke 1:37; Ephesians 20-21)

Praying that God will fill you with peace today and that your expectations will be met today because you are resting in His everlasting arms.  

Putting the pieces together

I am not a puzzler by any stretch of the imagination.  I might BE a puzzle to some people, but I do not enjoy puzzling.  I am a very task oriented person and if I cannot figure that thing out in short order, you might as well put it right back into the box and have it put out with the recycling.  No, I do not like puzzles.  For me, solving a puzzle is a waste of time.  Why put something together, only to take it all apart so someone else has to put it back together?!?!?!  Some people are good at puzzles.  They have patience.  They can visualize the end picture.  My husband likes to puzzle - he is patient.  I do not like to puzzle - I am not. . . . . . . .    Well, you get the picture.

Recently I started thinking about all the things God brings into our lives at various times.  And how I just want to try and make sense of it all.  Why did my husband have to have his accident 20 years ago?  Why did my brother have to go through a traumatic fall and sustain a massive head injury?  Why does my sister have to constantly deal with pain from scoliosis?  Why did I have to be accepted for a job I dreamed of only to have me crippled by anxiety and fear and lose that dream job?  Why did/do I struggle with depression?  Why did my husband and I have to go through the separation last fall?  WHY? WHY? WHY?  Some of these things I struggle with I can definitely see the good things that have come out of them.  Some, not so much.  Some things in my life I still shake my head at and say GOD I DON'T GET IT.

As I've been trying to make sense of things, I've realized that we may never get that answer.  At least not here on earth.  We may never receive the answer to our why questions.  That's a difficult pill for me to swallow since I am a person who likes to make sense of things.  I'm a practical person.  I like to know the answer to the question why.  And I think for me it all comes down to the fact that we are not in control:  God is.  And He knows what the end result will be.

I've started to look at the things that happen in my life as little puzzle pieces.  (I know. . . I think I'm a bit morbid since I don't like puzzles, but hear me out!)  Every thing, little or big is a puzzle piece.  Each event, good or bad, is a puzzle piece that fits into my puzzle of life.  God knows what that end picture is but I don't have a clue.  God didn't provide me with the picture on the box.  HOWEVER, I am having to trust that He is my puzzle maker and is putting down the pictures to create an amazing picture.  Sometimes I see how the pieces fit together.  (They must be the edge pieces because those really are the only pieces that make sense to me!!!)  Other times, there are a few pieces that happen that don't seem to fit into my puzzle of life anywhere.  In fact, some of those pieces seem like they should belong in a completely different puzzle!!! Actually, I'd like to put them in someone else's box so I don't have to go through them!!!

But, if I trust that God, as my puzzle maker, knows what picture He is building with my life, I will trust that each piece serves a purpose.  That, while I can't make sense of some (okay A LOT!!!) of the pieces in my puzzle, God knows what that end picture is going to look like.  I am going to trust Him as my ultimate Puzzle Maker!  I'm not going to try to make some of the pieces fit on my own. Pressing, and pushing to make them fit is never going to work.  I'm also not going to try to "trim" some of the pieces to better suit me.  I'm going to leave the puzzle making up to Him.  I'm going to trust that He has me in His hands.  That He is going to complete my puzzle some day and look at it and say "YES!  That's exactly the picture I had in mind for her!"

My Coca Cola puzzle that I have hanging on my wall is a 2000 piece puzzle that I did years before we had children.  You will notice that it was done, glued down onto cardboard, put under glass and framed (by my dear husband) - so that it never has to be done again.  (Okay, so I never have to redo it!!!)  It was done once and it turned out perfectly.  In my human little mind, I kind of think that's the way God might look at us once our puzzles of life are all completed.  He might look at our puzzle and say, "yes, despite all those pieces that didn't always seem to fit, or didn't seem to belong. . . THIS is what I had planned for this puzzle to look like."  I'm glad that God knows the end result of our lives.  I am glad that God knows in advance what our puzzle is going to look like and knows exactly the pieces we need to complete the perfect picture.  After all, God created the puzzle, so He knows which pieces are needed to create the masterpiece.

I am thankful that He has my puzzle in His control!!!!

Tuesday's Choice: This week's memorizing verses

In honor of the ongoing Olympics, I thought we could memorize these verses.

Philippians 3:10-14

10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

It's all a matter of perspective. . .

Some days it's really easy to stay positive.  Some days the sun feels warmer.  Some days the sky is bluer. The grass is greener.

And some days it just isn't easy at all.  The dishes lay stacked in the sink from two days ago.  The house isn't as clean as it should be.  The kids head off to school disgusted with their mother for enforcing some rules.

Sometimes, life just seems to suck you into that place you don't want to go, but seem to have little control over.

Today was one of those days.  My daughter came upstairs wearing makeup that was WAY too dark, so we asked her to tone it down a bit and instead, in a fit of annoyance, she wiped it all off, and made it very clear all the way to school she was not pleased!  My son insisted he didn't need to wear ski pants to school because NO ONE wears them to school even when it is -30C with windchill.  I made him wear them because he is walking home from school today in these kind of crazy temperatures.  So he too was thoroughly upset with me this morning.  One thing is for sure, it made for a quiet ride to school!  There were a few mumbled I love you's to my words, but alas, MY drive home was spent thinking about what a failure I had been.

As I sat down with my tea, I got to thinking about how so much of what I feel is just a matter of perspective. So much of how I interpret life is just a matter of it being either half full, or half empty.  I decided to get up and get the groceries.  A job I hate.  But I got it done with little or no issues (not bad!!!) and as I came home I noticed the wind had picked up and the wind started swirling.

MORE WINTER!  JUST what I didn't need.  Grumble. . . . grumble. . . . grrrrrr!!!!!

So I sat and started to pray.  And I started to think about what REALLY was wrong with all those things that happened today.  And I came up with that the way I had interpreted each of those situations, was just a matter of perspective.  How I put the spin on each situation.  And then, I realized, for all my memorizing this week, the very verse that SHOULD have changed my perspective, was the one I hadn't been putting into practice.
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
Well, I can tell you, I was CERTAINLY not thinking on those things.  I was think on what ever was wrong, whatever bothered me, whatever frustrated me. . . those were the things I was thinking on.

So here goes:

I am thankful for my daughter's relationship with Jesus and that she really does have a heart of gold. (Okay, and truthfully I am thankful she wiped off all the make up instead of toning it down so that there wasn't even more of a tug of war!)

I am thankful that my son is willing to walk home so many days which allows my husband and I to work the jobs we do.  (Okay, and truthfully, I am thankful he still did take his ski pants even though he was right ticked off with me so that I didn't have to hear how frozen his poor legs were when he got home!)

I am thankful that even though their hearts maybe didn't feel it right at that moment, the mumbled I love you's were genuine, and they both understand that they'd rather say it even though they are frustrated, than miss saying it and possibly miss the chance to ever say it again!

I am thankful that I was able to get the groceries - that we have jobs that allow us to make $$ to buy those groceries.

I am thankful for the warm home that we have when the winds whip up the snow the way they were, that I am in a beautiful warm home, and not homeless somewhere.

I am thankful that despite the snow, I bought some peat pellets and petunia seeds to start within the  next few weeks - a sign that spring will come.

PERSPECTIVE.  It's all in what I think about. . . . If I think on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable. . . it completely changes my perspective.  And what better perspective to have than to focus our thoughts on the Lord.  He is true.  He is pure.  He is lovely. . . . can't get better than focusing on Him!!!

So today, I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective, rather than looking at the negative. . . . because there is so much to be thankful for!!!!

Mercy and Grace - be more

Mercy and Grace are two words as Christians we hear a lot about.  But do we really understand what they mean?  On Saturday in the devotional Our Daily Bread (Unintentional) there was an amazing write up that hit a little close to home.  

But the thing that really caught my eye was the definitions of grace and mercy.

Grace is getting what we do not deserve. 

Mercy is not receiving what we do deserve.

Those two little words really do encapsulate what Christianity is.  In our church service on Sunday, the whole concept of not getting what we deserve (because of our sin and the consequences it should bring) as well as  the possibility of us going to Heaven when we are sinners and therefore do not deserve it were really brought home as well.

Sometimes we as  Christians get this pretty good view of ourselves.  We can look in the mirror and think "Wow.  I'm doing a pretty good job at this Christianity thing."  We look at ourselves and think that our sins really don't amount to much.  We see all the things we are doing right and pat ourselves on the back.  

But the thing I was reminded of this Sunday was that even if it was true or possible, despite doing almost everything perfect, the fact that we DON'T do everything perfect leaves us with the penalty of death.  Every one of us.  Every one of us deserves death as our punishment.  But the fact that Jesus Christ came to die for us is the biggest gift of mercy ever.  The fact that we do not have to die because Christ paid that penalty is the biggest gift of grace there could possibly ever be.  

Today in our home, we experienced a big gift of mercy.  Something had happened last week where a mistake had been made and we were not certain of the consequences.  We thought our lives were going to be turned upside down.  We prayed.  We begged God for that not to happen.  But we knew that because of the situation, it was definitely a possibility.  Today we learned that mercy was given to us:  Mercy - not receiving what we deserve.  The huge relief that was lifted off of our shoulders today is indescribable.  It was tangible that feeling.  I could just about and reach out and feel the freedom of the decision that was made to give us mercy.  

As I thanked God for the mercy that was given to us in this situation, I couldn't help but wonder how relatively "unthankful" I am for the gift of MERCY and GRACE that God has given to me.  I wondered about this and realized that in so many ways, I act like I deserve this grace and mercy God has given to me by sending Jesus.  I live like it is no big deal that I was supposed to die, but Christ took that penalty for me.  I sat thinking about the consequences that could have come down on our family because of the mistake that was made and how inconsequential that mistake was compared to sins of all nations.  Today someone chose to bestow grace on us - for that one mistake.  And it felt like the world to us. I know every effort will be made to never let that mistake happen again.  We will do everything to learn and grow from this situation.  But how do I view what Jesus Christ did for the sins of my entire life????  How do I react to that knowledge?  Am I striving every day to serve Him?  Am I showing everything possible in my life that I love Him?  Am I doing whatever I can to give praise, honor and glory to the One who removed that consequence of death from my life?  How am I striving to be more like the One who has provided a way for me to go to Heaven?

Today as I considered how grateful I was for the gift of mercy that was granted to us today, it made me think WHAT AM I DOING FOR JESUS????  How am I showing my gratitude for the grace and mercy He has given to me?  It made me ashamed, to be quite honest.  But it also made me motivated to change the things in my life that need to show Him that I am grateful for His gift.  It made me want to BE MORE for Jesus!!!!

Hangin' On. . .

So today has been one of those days that I've felt like I'm just hanging on. Certainly things in our life are hanging a bit by a thread it feels, but even aside from that, just feeling like I am just getting by today.

This morning before everyone else got up, I was drawn to Psalm 143.  I have always been drawn to the Psalms.  It seems that David really got that depression things at time.  He really understood that life wasn't always rosy.  And he also understood that he messed up.  But he also got that the One to go to during those times was God.  He realized he couldn't do it alone!  He knew that at the end of the day - or moment - it was God who was going to sustain him.

Here is the Psalm I read this morning.

Psalm 143
1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; answer my plea because you are faithful to your promises. 2 Don’t bring me to trial! For as compared with you, no one is perfect.

3 My enemies chased and caught me. They have knocked me to the ground. They force me to live in the darkness like those in the grave. 4 I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.

5 I remember the glorious miracles you did in days of long ago. 6 I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. 7 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens; don’t turn away from me or I shall die. 8 Let me see your kindness to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for my prayer is sincere. 9 Save me from my enemies. O Lord, I run to you to hide me. 10 Help me to do your will, for you are my God. Lead me in good paths, for your Spirit is good.

11 Lord, saving me will bring glory to your name. Bring me out of all this trouble because you are true to your promises. 12 And because you are loving and kind to me, cut off all my enemies and destroy those who are trying to harm me; for I am your servant.

Two things that stood out to me were these:  David remembered (in verse 5) the miracles of days long ago.  He KNEW that God had done miracles for him in the past.  God had brought him out of dark days before and he was calling on Him again.

I had to kind of chuckle at verse 11, because he really does sound like he's begging God - almost bribing Him.  God if you do this for me, it will show others your greatness. I don't think that is what he was doing, but I have to admit that sometimes that IS the way my mind works.  If only God would do this one thing I'm asking of Him, it would just show everyone else how awesome He is.  It was cause other people to be drawn to God.  Obviously, my intention is for my good, and just trying to beg God to see "the other side of things".  I realize that's not how God works.

The other thing that really struck me was at the very end.  Regardless of what God was going to do, David's last statement was this. . . I AM YOUR SERVANT.  Regardless of what the day would bring.  Regardless of how God was going to answer his prayer, he laid it all out there - God regardless of what happens I am your servant.  That shows David's heart.  That's why I think he really was genuine in telling God that His name would be lifted up and glorified if God saved Him.  David acknowledged that he was not in control of his life.  God was.  He was God's servant, and he was giving that over to God to do with as he pleased.  I truly believe that God wants to hear our prayers, our petitions, our hearts groanings and beggings, but if we can truly say in our heart of hearts that WE ARE GOD'S SERVANTS, then we will thank God for the journeys He has brought us into.  Planned or unplanned.  Believe me, I KNOW that is not always (okay - not usually!) an easy thing to do. But in the end, if we truly are God's servants, we will trust our Master.  We will believe that He will do what is best.

Trying to trust the fact that if i just let go of my agenda, what I want, what I am begging God for, He will carry me.  He will catch me.  He's got His hands right there, waiting for me to let go and give it all to Him and say Lord, I am your servant.  I trust you. . . .

Run Away. . . .

Sitting here staring at a blank screen.  Feeling a bit like I just want to run away.  Run far far away.  Away from the stresses of this life.  Run away from the cold that never seems to end.  Wanting to just close the door to my room and forget that life continues.

And how do you do it?  How do you pick yourself up and decide to get going?  How do you just put those feelings aside and start the day?  How do you just put one foot in front of the other and start?

Well, today, I guess I just do it.  Today I CAN do it.  I might not WANT to do it, but today I can.  Today, I am very aware of the choice I have.  Today, I am very aware of the fact that I can either go back to bed and stay there, or I can get up and get something done - or in the least put clothes on this morning.  That's step one.

Today I am going to choose to remember a time when I couldn't logically make that choice.  Today I choose to remember those times that because of the tears, I couldn't get out of bed.  I choose to remember the times when all I could do was lie in bed and think of how awful my life was.  I choose to remember those dark days when all I could think of was ending my life - parking my car on a train track begging God to send a train.  I choose to remember the days when I was completely unavailable to my children, and my husband had to carry on life for my kids without me.  I choose to remember the days that I sat at the door sobbing because I knew I needed to go out, but sat in terrified panic of walking out the door.  I choose to remember those days. . . 

. . . because today is not one of those days.  Today.  Today I can think about those days.  Today, I can look back and know that my life didn't end that day.  For right now, today I am on the other side of that path.  Today I can look back and thank God that I can see things clearer now.  Today I might feel kind of blah, but I can still see out the window and find the good in the day.  Today, I remember that God has walked me through a path of incredible darkness, and I am thankful.

Today I could read the devotional from Proverbs31.org (Proverbs31 Ministries) and say - yes that was me. . . but I too have been brought through those dark days.  Today because of God's goodness, I can say that I still can see the sun rising each morning. And each day further away from those days, brings me hope that I will be able to stay in this emotional healthy state.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy road back.  Getting over the stigma of taking medication to keep my chemicals in balance was a tough thing to get accustomed to.  Having to make the choice to go to see a counselor regularly to help me refocus my thought patterns was not an easy choice. Accepting that maybe God was using those things (medication, doctors & counseling) to help me out of my depression rather than performing an all out miracle was tough.  I knew that God COULD do that, but I also came to accept that God brought those people, the words in books, my doctors to help me.  Of course, I spent hours and hours going to Him.  Believe me, I knew I needed Him first and foremost.  In his book Emotionally Free, Grant Mullen talks about how if someone has cancer, we pray that God would heal their bodies.  But never for a moment, would we encourage someone to stay away from the doctors or hospital.  We know God can (and does!) heal them but we also know that God uses the benefits of modern medicine to show His work as well.  And for depression or other mental illnesses, it is no different.  God has provided the medication to balance out the chemicals in our bodies.  By no stretch of the imagination do I believe that I don't need God because of my meds.  I DO however, believe that God used my doctor to find the appropriate medicine that worked for me.  I DO believe that He led me to my counselor Lynn (Crocus Counseling) who has helped me walk through these difficult times, and taught me to change my thought patterns.  I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God used Grant Mullen's book to help me gain victory over these issues.  God was in it all.

And so today, when I face a difficult morning.  I go to God.  It is easy to use Satan's lies.  And I will be honest, I do not always gain great victory.  But more and more often, I am able to go to God first and then using what I have been taught gain those little daily victories.  I'm constantly having to defeat Satan and rebuke his lies.  I am constantly having to focus my face on God and the victories He has given me in the past to show that He is still moving - and changing me.  

It's not easy.  Many mornings there is a struggle.  Many times during the day it is a struggle.  Many times, I must consciously beg God to help me focus on His truths, and not on Satan's lies.  Many times, I have a very specific decision to make.  Will I believe the lie that Satan is telling me, or dig deeper and find the truth that God has placed there for me?

I pray that if you struggle with believing Satan's lies - whatever they may be - I encourage you first and foremost to talk to God.  Take that very moment and ask God to take those thoughts away.  And secondly talk to someone!!!  The longer you believe the lies that Satan is feeding you the more difficult it becomes to find the truth that God has for you.

I love Psalm 139.  It's a longer one so I won't post it here, but here's a link to it.Psalm 139  Read it when you can.  It is a great reminder of who we are in God.  And as dark as your days may sometime seem, remember HE is there.  He has been there, and He wants to bring you into His Light.  I pray that if you find yourself struggling today that you will be able to find a way through the fog and focus on God's light.  That you will be able to defeat Satan's badgering and focus on what God is trying to tell you.  And if there is something that I can pray for you, I would love for you to leave a comment below so that I can pray for you.  If you don't want to leave specifics, that's fine. . . just know I'd love to take the time to pray for you!

Praying that you will be able to see God's light and focus on the goodness He has given to you today.

*HUGS*

What to do when life throws you curve balls

I LIFT MY EYES UP - WHERE DOES MY HELP COME FROM?  MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH
The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Today, something happened.  Something big. A grand slam.  Yes. . . I know a grand slam in baseball is a good thing, but today that grand slam is more like a grand slam right into the ground.  A grand slam so scary that it slices right through you. Slices right through to the very core of who you are. Slices right through to the very foundation that is within you.  Slices right through to the place that fear grows.  Slices right through to the places that you never dared breathe on your lips.  

And what do you do when that "never talk about thing" comes along side you and completely blind sides you?  Where do you go?  Where is God in that moment?  How do I deal with this?  What is my response?  

For those of you that know me, I have traveled a lot of roads. Today there was something I had never faced before.  Something I have never dared think about.  Something that brought fear into the very heart of me. HOWEVER, while I cannot share what that "something" is right now, today, but for God's incredible grace, He gave me peace.  He gave me His promise that no matter what, HE IS THERE!  Today, the lessons that God has been trying to teach me, I had to put into practice.

I have to trust Him.  I have to have faith that He has gone before me, and knows what tomorrow, the day after, the week after will bring.  The very verses that He put into the rotation of memory in my head, I am having to play it out. (Tuesdays memory verses)  I am having to LIVE those verses.  I am having to CLAIM those verses. . . moment by moment.  I am having to find the thankfulness in my prayers.  I am having to put away those anxious thoughts and trust in the One who created me.  The One who went before me today.  The One who knows those fears that cut through me.  The One who helps me be strong in the face of fear and uncertainty.  I am putting my everything in Him.  Because He knows.  He knows what my future will hold.  And HE HOLDS it.  I have no control over what may happen.  It is completely in His hands.  And so at this moment. . . I rest. . . I wait. . . and I trust. . . My God who knows it all is in control.  And I will thank Him.  I will praise Him.  And I will wait for His guidance. . . 




And as I sat writing this blog, I looked over to my calendar from Sarah Young : JESUS CALLING. . . and this is what I read. . . 

SEEK MY FACE, and you will find not only My Presence but also MY PEACE.  To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust.  The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand.  Ask My Spirit within you to order your day and control your thoughts, fir the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace.

You can have as much of Me and My Peace as you want, through thousands of correct choices each day.  The most persistent choice you face is whether to trust me or to worry.  You will never run out of things to worry about, but you can choose to trust Me no matter what.  I am an ever-present help in trouble.  Trust Me, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
Romans 8:6  Psalm 46:1-2

TODAY LORD, I CHOOSE TO TRUST YOU.