In the Blink of an Eye. . .

In the blink of an eye. . . . . . .

I remember so clearly, the day I was standing in front of the dryer folding the tiniest little socks I'd ever seen.  Folding a receiving blanket and thinking "Could it be?  Could we really be getting a baby?"  A birth mom had picked us to parent her child and for the first time in maybe forever, it was beginning to start to feel real.  Keith & I MIGHT actually become more than a couple.  We might be a family of more than 2!!

A few weeks later, our dreams came true and our daughter Taylor was born.  What an incredible gift we'd been given.  She was everything we'd ever dreamed of.  She was perfect.  And so tiny and we knew we would drink in every moment of her growing up.  But that felt sooooo far into the future.  We had YEARS to enjoy her and be with her.

Just over 2 1/2 years later, God blessed us with our 2nd miracle.  Never in a million years did we think that I would be giving birth to a child.  Doctors had said it was basically impossible.  And yet, 16 1/2 years ago, I gave birth to the most handsome little boy I'd ever seen.  Our 2nd miracle baby - Peyton!  And while time with him seemed to progress quicker than it did with Taylor , I just KNEW we'd absorb every possible moment with him as well.

But here I sit.  With an empty house.  Realizing that my babies are no longer babies!!  Okay, so I knew that, but how did this happen so quickly??? How did they go from being those tiny bundles of miracles into full grown (almost) adults?  Taylor is living on her own in her 2nd year of university.  Peyton just started his 2nd last year of high school!!  In the blink of an eye, right before my eyes, they have grown up, without me hardly noticing!  

While I may not remember every little detail, I do remember so many.  I am thankful for the pictures that have captured smiles, memories and my heart!  I could post hundreds, okay thousands of pictures of them.  Each with their own unique memory.  Some blissfully happy.  Others have heartache attached to them.  Some memories are difficult to think about, knowing I've made more than my fair share of mistakes raising them.  But, one thing I know is that my kids are my favourite people in this whole world.  I love them so incredibly much and thank God for both of them each and every day.  They each have their own unique and wonderful traits that make them so amazing.  They both love people and will fiercely fight for what is right.  They both are passionate about the things they love to do.  But most importantly, they are proud of who they are.  They have found friends that make them better people, and I believe they do that for their friends.  When I see the quality of friends that both my kids have, I know that my kids are also quality people.  

I am SO proud of both of my babies.  And yes, to me they will always be babies.  And yes, I am still trying to wrap my head around how quickly they went from itty bitty ones to beautiful amazing grown ups!!  It has been in the blink of an eye. . . . but oh how thankful I am for every little moment I was given with them.  They stole my heart the moment I first laid eyes on them.  And I have never been more proud of anyone than these two amazing humans that God has blessed me with.

Taylor & Peyton: I love you so very much and this Momma is so thankful to have been blessed with you in my life!!!

 

HEALING. . . My will? Or God’s Will???

Healing

So I have been sitting here praying for a young mama. She’s in for the fight of her life. She’s fighting for her two babies - for her family - and I am bringing all of them and their family to God.

As I sit here, I think about prayer and how we pray. So often I pray for healing, but do I really? Or do I just beg God for Him to paint the picture that I see in my mind to be healing. So often, when I pray for healing, I envision what I think to be someone healed - some situation brought to what I see to be a beautiful ending.

In my own life, when my husband suffered a neck and back injury, we prayed for healing. In fact, we had several people pray over him when he was confined to a wheelchair. We had 4 or 5 people who prayed probably for 15 or 20 minutes, expecting God‘s healing to be instant. We waited and waited and waited. If anyone wanted to be healed, it was Keith. He wanted to walk again. He wanted to run. He wanted to ski. He wanted to stand up out of the wheelchair that he had then been confined to. But, that evening he would not stand up and walk. He would not run. He would not drive the vehicle home.  He would not carry me into our home. He could NOT move his legs or feet.  As much as he hoped.  As much as he had faith that GOD could do it.

However, a few years later we were able to talk with the people who had prayed over Keith that night, and tell them that while God had not healed him in the way that they had envisioned, God had indeed healed him. Keith was now doing some walking assisted with a cane and braces, and the healing had happened not only in his body but in his heart.  He no longer wanted to take his own life. He saw how God had brought him through a difficult circumstance and was going to use him for God's glory and to bring healing to others. He saw how God was working in HIS own life.

Years later in our marriage, I begged healing from God. I prayed that he would heal our marriage and restore our family after pornography had torn it apart. I begged that God would heal my marriage. I had a very specific image of what that would look like. And so when I prayed, I prayed toward that end. However, I didn’t realize that God’s healing would look different than what my healing looked like. I thought my marriage would be the happily ever after type of marriage. It’s not! It’s far from it! But. . . It is mending. Truthfully, it’s a work in progress. And I’ll be honest, many days, it’s completely stalled. But, we are together. And two years ago, I would never ever have believed that possible.  I don't know what the future holds for us.  But when I look back to 4 or 5 years ago, God has been healing.  He IS healing.  In me, my children, and my family.

So, I have begun to learn to leave my prayers in God's hands. I can tell Him my hopes and my dreams. I can tell Him what I beg for. I can ask Him over and over to please do this or that, but ultimately, I want God's best. For me? For you? For all of us.

Isn’t what God has for us better than what we could envision? I have come to realize that while I want the Cinderella ending in every story, sin doesn’t allow for that. Sin has consequences. I’m not saying that someone is sick because of sin. I’m not saying that this mom is struggling because of any sin she has committed. Far from it!!! Is Keith in a wheelchair because of his sin?  NO WAY!!!  Is pain a suffering a consequence of human nature's sin?  YES!!!  Sin is a part of our world. And agony is a part of that our world. But God can use that agony. God can use our pain. God can use the difficult points in our life to bring glory and honor to him.  What if these difficult moments we are going through in OUR lives will allow God to speak to others because of it?  What if the difficult waters we are trying to wade through, allow us to use our experiences to guide and direct others?  I can tell you.  I have a sister-in-law That has gone through some awfully difficult stuff.  But I believe 1000% that because she was faithful to her walk with God, He is using her story to bring honor to Him!!  Does she have the fairy tale story we'd like to imagine?  NOPE  Not at all.  But God IS using her.  And God is giving her joy in her journey as she seeks Him and HIS direction in her life.  She is a witness to so many other women, wives, Grandmas and others.  She is sharing God through her journey. 

We may not "like" what we are going through.  We may not have prayed for the situation we are faced with.  BUT if we TRUST that God is in control, then when we pray. . . we know that God IS IN CONTROL and will work everything out to bring Him glory.  God created us. God created us FOR HIS GLORY.  And so when we pray, let's tell God what we want, but ultimately, let's ask God to use us TO BRING HIM GLORY. . . . . . ..  whatever the circumstance. 

Let our prayers bring honor and glory to God. . . not to us.