Going through the motions. . .

Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions?

The last few days have been a bit like that for me.  Going through the motions but feeling nothing.  Doing what I KNOW to be right, but feeling like it's pointless.  I'm not talking about my day to day stuff. . . I'm talking about my relationship with God.  Reading because I'm supposed to.  Praying because there's a need.  But just really feeling dry.  Like I'm in a desert.  Or in a pit.  Not a depressed pit, but just a space that feels BLAH!  Like there's nothing.  There's no passion.  There's no desire.  It kind of feels like I'm in a valley, and can't seem to climb my way out.

Yesterday I was home sick, and as I lay on the couch, I had lots of time to think.  Part of me felt that what I was feeling was from being sick, part of me felt that I was feeling blah because I'm really tired of winter, but another part of me thought about how natural feeling blah likely was.  I mean in Psalm 23 David does talk about walking through the valley.  Even David wasn't able to stay on the top of the mountain all the time.  Jesus went to the desert to pray. I'm sure our spiritual leaders go through those times as well that just feel like we're merely existing in our spiritual walk.

So what do we do?  What do I do when I don't "feel" anything?  I think a prime example of what to do would be in our day to day relationships.  With our spouse, or our kids.  Truly, there are some mornings when we all go our way and NO ONE is "feelin' the love".  But by 5:30 every day we are all back home, usually feeling it.  We don't walk away for good.  We come right back home and work through the issues, or very often, by 5:30 we've forgotten why it was that we weren't feeling it in the first place and it's back.  (It's amazing what a day at school does to change my kids' demeanor!!)

So I got to thinking about my spiritual journey as well.  Really, I'd like to just avoid the valleys all together.  By I also know that without those valleys, I'd never be able to appreciate those mountain top experiences either.  I might feel like I'm in the desert right now where it's dry and uncomfortable, but without knowing what the desert is like, I'll never be able to enjoy the lush green meadow times when they come.  I can tell you this, that with the cold that we've been experiencing in Manitoba, I know that summer will be even more appreciated when it finally arrives!!!

So what do I do now when I'm not feeling the connection to God.  When I'm not feeling the joy. . .

Well, first of all, I decided to give thanks.  Regardless of what I am feeling, there are always things for me to give thanks for.  And there are LOTS.  So I write.  I journal my joys.  I keep counting, and praising. . .

And also, I decided to be straight with God. (I mean, who am I kidding. He knows my thoughts anyway, so why am I trying to "hide" what I'm really feeling?!?!?) I know this sounds like I'm a bad Christian, but honestly, I really don't feel like praying. They just feel like words.  Like it's not getting any further than my lips!!! BUT I'm going to do it any way.  I'm going to be honest with God and tell Him exactly what I feel. (1 Peter 5:7 Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.)  I'm going to pray myself back to Him.  Just because I don't "feel" something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist!  So if I back away from my relationship with Him because I don't feel anything, then that is the first step in ensuring that there really WON'T be anything.  If I am not feeling love for my kids, and I walk away from them, then there is no chance of working through those dry feelings and getting that feeling back.  I KNOW I love them, and so stick with it.  I know in the past, I have just let my Bible reading and prayer dwindle, but that is SO not the way to do it.  If I want to have a strong vibrant relationship with God, I'm not going to get it by walking away every time I feel "dry".  I am going to go to Him.  Keep going to Him. I'm going to listen.  And that might even just mean being still and taking some time away with just me, God and silence.  It may not happen right away. . . but it certainly is not going to hurt.  BUT, not going to God WILL hurt my relationship with Him. I truly believe that even through these dry, "unfeeling" times, God can speak to us.  God is right there with us.  He sees.  He knows our heart. And I truly believe that He will honor our efforts to seek Him.  Even when we don't feel it!

I trust that on those days when you don't "feel" it, that you will not walk away.  It's easy to.  I will admit that.  It's easy just to let one day slide because you don't really feel it.  But one day may lead to the next and to the next. . . and then what do you have?  Nothing. . .  I know I'd fight for a relationship with my kids, my husband. . . so why don't I fight for my most important relationship - with my Heavenly Father?

Join me in "keeping on" and let's be amazed at how He is going to speak to us. . . . even in this dry and deserted time.