Wednesday's Weigh in #4

Wednesday. . . . it comes around every week. . . and each Wednesday, I have the time to look back and reflect on my week.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Where I've been, where I should have been, and where I desperately need to be.

They are good days - Wednesdays.  Days that I can see the positive week past, yet start over to renew my resolve to do better on the things that went badly.  For me here in my home, Wednesdays are a day of calm.  No teaching until later in the day.  Generally a day to do and plan as I please.  That's not to say they aren't full, but generally a stress free day.

But as i look back, I am so easily taken with the failures.  I so easily see the miss - steps.  The miss-takes.  The miss-erable failures.  And believe me, it's easy to do that.  In some respects, it's easier to do that than it is to focus on the good things that happened.  Why is it easier to believe Satan's lies than it is to believe the truth of God?  I guess that is our fallen nature.  That is what happens when our ears aren't tuned to God.  It happens when we allow ourselves to be lured by the serpent.  It happens when we focus on ourselves, instead of our creator.

Today I dreaded stepping on the scale and weighing in.  My week - was dreadful.  Mistakes made.  Harsh words spoken.  Unforgiving heart.  Walls built back up. 

As for my physical journey, well that too seemed to falter badly.  Exercise got put off one too many days.  Too many sweets needing to be baked. . . . and ultimately sampled.  Too many unhealthy choices over the course of the week.  I disappointed myself.  I let my guard down.  I gave in to the temptations around me.

So, today.  With another clean Wednesday slate, I sit here and have a choice to make.  Do I let the disappointments from last week, weigh me down and stain the future of this week?  Or am I going to take hold of this clean start and forge ahead with new resolve to do better this week?  A choice so seemingly easy, yet difficult.  Truth or lies?  What am I going to believe? 

Why does it always seem to be a difficult thing to focus on the positive? On God's truth?  Why do I keep focusing inward instead of upward to Him?  Oh, if I could only learn that lesson.  If only I could see me how HE sees me.  How He MADE me!!!

And yet, as I stepped on the scale today, I could hardly believe my eyes.  With all the failures of the previous week, with all the emotional struggles I'd battled with, it was as though God was telling me, you need to focus on the truth.  Not lies.  Focus on ME, not the deceiver.  See?  While he is getting you to focus on the negative, I am the Positive.  I am the Truth.  And with all the negativity, with all the lies that Satan tried to throw my way - there it was.  The truth.  Despite my week of "failures", I had shed another two pounds.  (Believe me!  I got off the scale several times to make sure there was not something wrong!!)  It was as if God was telling me, "See?  It is all just lies.  You are not a failure.  Focus on me.  I am the Truth." 

Psalm 139 (The Message)


God, investigate my life;
    get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
    I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
    before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
    then up ahead and you’re there, too—
    your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
    I can’t take it all in!

^7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
    to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
    If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
    to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
    you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
    At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
    night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

^13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

^17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
    God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them—
    any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
    And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
    all the men and women who belittle you, God,
    infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
    see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
    Your enemies are my enemies!

^23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
    find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
    get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
    then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Wednesday Weigh In #3

As I lay in bed this morning, I dreaded getting up, knowing today was my weigh in. I've taken to only getting on the scale once a week and so I knew today was the day. I was feeling much like this above image.  Surely it is going to take Keith, Taylor & Peyton to get me off the ground.  I am never going to get healthy.  It's just not possible.   And yet, those were lies Satan was telling me, because in fact this week had gone fairly well. 

The week had gone remarkably well in the exercise department.  I actually feel like I can get on the treadmill without feeling like I am going to collapse after 10 minutes!!!  I've been able to increase my speed and this morning, I was even able to run (6mph) for 6 minutes out of my 20 that I worked.  I was impressed with myself.  Total this week, I was on the treadmill 4 times, with 2 times being for 1/2 an hour.  Now, I know for some of you, that doesn't sound like much, but for me, any day I am up and exercising is that many more minutes than I have done in the last year. 

My daughter asked me why I didn't just wait until January and make a new resolution to eat healthier and be healthier and I laughed at her and my comment was : BEEN THERE DONE THAT.  But generally by February (okay, let's be truthful - Jan. 15!!!) that resolution has hit the toilet and is long gone!!!  This time, I feel it has been different.  It is more about my spiritual journey than anything, to be quite honest.

I am excited that I am taking this body that God has given to me and treating it with respect.  I love watching what I am eating.  So often in the past, I just ate - giving no attention to what or how much I was putting in my body.  Now, as I track my daily progress with My Fitness Pal it helps me to stay accountable with everything.  Whatever goes into my body, I track the nutritional value.  If there's no room for extra calories after supper? Well, then there's water for a snack.  But if I have an extra hundred or so calories that can be consumed, or extra protein, carbs etc. I can see what kind of a snack I can have after supper.  It's true:  I'm a nutritional information junkie.  And I LOVE that my kids are starting to read it too.  The other day, Peyton picked up his box of Chocolate Cheeries, and just about fell off his stool.  "Mom do you KNOW how much sugar there is in here?!?!? "  (Um yes son I do!!!LOL) "Well, at least there's lots of healthy vitamins in it.  That kind of cancels out the sugar right?!?!?"  Well, not so much.  But at least he's looking!!!!

One of my goals through all of this is to be able to get back to being able to do 4 miles of running.  Years ago I was up to being able to do that, but I was also about 30 pounds lighter.  I don't have unrealistic goals either.  I'm not really setting a time frame for myself, but it would be really cool to be able to do that by spring.  If not, that's okay.  The truth is, that my main goal is just to eat healthier and be more active.  If that translates into weight loss and me being more fit, I am all about that.

When I was young, okay into my 30's (that's young to me now!!!) my mom would tell me - just wait till you are 40. You won't be as thin as you are now! I thought it would never happen.  I could never be overweight to the point of needing to lose 30 pounds.  But as I've watch myself change over the last 3 or 4 years, I've realized I am there. 

HOWEVER, I am resolved, to not let myself stay there.  I WANT to be healthy.  I WANT to be around for when my kids grow up and get married.  If there's grand babies, I want to be able to be healthy enough to play and run with them.  I may be old and grey when that happens(because THAT had better not happen too soon!!  LOL), but at least I will be healthy and can be outside playing.  I am not going to give in to the stigma that just because I am 40+ there is nothing I can do about it.  Yes, things change when you are this age.  But it just means I have to pick up and work harder.

One little side/spiritual note that has come along with walking on the treadmill is that I have found it to be a wonderful time with God.  No one else is in the house and it is just my time that I am able to talk openly to God and share my heart.  Crazy as this sounds, I look forward to these mornings, when I can go downstairs first thing after the house is quiet and spend that time with God.  The steady pace of my feet often help me to pray and focus. Where as other times when I am somewhere else, I am too easily distracted.  I love it and look forward to going down to "walk with God". 

One other thing that I have been struggling with is trust issues.  If you read my God Knows blog, you know that I have been struggling with some tough emotions.  This week as I have prayed, I have struggled to "trust" God.  This has started a couple of weeks ago, but continues with the thoughts of "I know God CAN, but WILL He?"  And so as I shared my heart, I am on a journey to try and trust God with these intimate emotions.  Sometimes all it takes is to share those things that are so tied close to our hearts, with the One who already knows where we are at.  He knows, but He just wants to hear us share them with Him.  I do have to admit, yesterday after I had spent some time crying out to God and sharing my heart, it did feel better.  Had anything changed?  No, and maybe even got worse.  However, it was such a relief to know that God had heard me and HE was in charge.  Not me.  Yes I needed to do my part, but God will do the rest.  And so I have tried to leave it with Him.

And as I write about that, I was reminded of my "issues" last week - an attitude issue.  I am happy to report that while it isn't perfect, God has been gracious and things have been better.  Not with out their fall down flat on my face moments, but still it is better.  Every day, I am consciously trying to do something tangible that overcomes this attitude.  It's working.  God has been gracious and for the moment those walls are coming down. I praise God for that.  I know I can't let my guard down.  Because if it was a problem before, I know Satan will try to use it against me again.  That's the sneakiness of Satan.  BUT My God is greater than him, and with God's help, I will continue to gain victory over these areas of my life that need HIS touch!!

So I leave you with this today.  God can do anything!!!  He loves you.  He wants the best for you.  And while we (OFTEN) don't understand His ways, He loves us and is growing us into His image!!!

Blessings on you today and through this week as you strive to serve Him and bring Him joy in all you do.  Let HIS light shine through your life!!!

God knows!!!

As I sat staring out the window, trying to figure out the feelings that were rumbling around in my heart and head, I started to feel very alone.  These were things I really couldn't share with anyone.  Feelings that came from deep inside.  Feelings that, if voiced, would be judged.  Would maybe even be condemned.  It felt like there was no one who could understand the agony of emotions curled up in a tiny ball, and imbedded in my very being.  No one would get it. 

As I stared at the tall lonely pines in our back yard, the feeling of isolation, sadness, loneliness settled in.  I didn't want it to take root there.  But who would understand?  IF I even dared voice my feelings, who would even understand the anxious thoughts that lay there, taunting me?

So I prayed.  I prayed that God would take the tangled mess of emotions and hold them.  Heal them.  I unleashed the emotions I was scared to vocalize to others - to God.  He knew them before they left my lips, but I emptied my heart to Him.  As I lay my fears, my agonies before Him, a chickadee landed on the railing of the deck.  The feeder was empty.  Nothing left.  As I watched it disappear into the pine trees, I happened to see it sitting on an outer branch cracking something.  A seed. Where had it come from?  Certainly not the empty bird feeder.  Perhaps a stash of seeds left by a hungry squirrel.  But that chickadee had it's food.

And as I thought about the little scenario played out, I was reminded of the verse in Matthew. 

Matthew 6:25, 26 (MSG) “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

 

I count, far more to God, than even those tiny little birds!!! There is nothing that I can struggle through that God doesn't care about.  There is no hurt, no ache, no burden that God doesn't see.  He notices them all.  He cares for them all.  He understands, no matter how crazy I think my emotions are.  He gets it.  He knows.

 

Psalm  56:8 reads: You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

It is so comforting that, even when I can't make sense of the struggles I'm feeling, God knows.  He gets it.  And I can always always go to Him, because He loves me.  He cares for me.  He aches for me.  

 

 We all know the verse: Cast all your cares on Him (God) because He cares for you.  Not an easy verse to conquer, but a comfort none the less. God cares for us.  And He wants to hear our aches.  He wants to have us unload those burdens on Him.

 

So remember with me today, won't you?  God knows.  And He cares.  He's waiting to wrap His loving arms around us and comfort us.  And say, "I get it!!  I know your pain.  Remember, I am right there with you!!!" 

 

Wednesday Weigh In

Wow.  I can hardly believe we are at another Wednesday!  Sometimes I really have to wonder where the days go.  It seems that one week just melts into another and here we are four days away from December!?!?! 

As I've been thinking about how fast life seems to be passing, I have really started wondering what I am doing with it!  I have these ideas of what I would like to do.  Sometimes it's during that day.  Sometimes it's in a week or two.  Sometimes it's a bucket list kind of thing, but recently I've been reminded how quickly time is passing.  And each day that passes is one I'm never getting back.  The things I didn't do that day, have one less opportunity to get done. 

My kids are growing up so quickly.  I've started to realize that my baby is no longer my baby.  And I need to get a grip on that.  We've been struggling through the issue of responsibility.  My daughter has always been way more responsible than my son - maybe it's a boy girl thing I don't know.  However, I am realizing that it is in part due to how my husband and I treat him.  We have not taught him responsibility.  We don't want him to feel the sting of a consequence and so we "help" him out.  We make it so that he doesn't really feel the consequence - thus producing a child who doesn't know how to be responsible.  Case in point: My children both have agendas from their school.  Each day they are to bring them home for the parents to look at and sign.  In my son's class, if they have it signed 3 days in a week, they get "Fun Friday" which is a free time class that they can do as they please (within reason of course!)  Yesterday my son came home and was in a panic by about 5 o'clock.  He didn't have his agenda for us to sign, and he hadn't brought it home on Monday either.  My first reaction was to send my husband to the school to see if they could find it. "Thankfully" he was not yet home (I was teaching and couldn't go) and he didn't arrive home until 6 pm or so, when the classrooms would be closed.  My next thought was to write his teacher a letter explaining that Peyton had forgotten, and making excuses etc.  After taking some time to think about this I realized we were just making excuses for him and trying to fix something that actually required consequences!  If he missed a class time of fun, surely it would not scar him for life.  So this morning we told him, that he would be facing the consequences this time and we would not be fixing it for him.  (Let me tell you, it makes a Momma's heart break when you see those tears stream down his face. But I KNOW in the end, he will learn his lesson). Each day I "baby" him, is one less day that he has to learn responsibility.  I know it's better for him to learn responsibility sooner than later!!

As I've thought about the passing of time, I've started to wonder what I am doing with each day.  How I am making each day count - in my life, in my family's life, in my walk with God etc.  It has really challenged me to take a step back and look - really look into what I am doing with my days here on earth. 

And so with those thoughts in mind this week, my Wednesday weigh in is more about my heart than my health. I have started to ask God to show me the areas in my life that need changing. Rearranging.  It is terrible.  Awful.  You know - those things that you KNOW need it, but now God just keeps dangling them in my face.  The afternoon that I was wrestling with some of this, there was one specific thought, rather attitude, that kept nagging at me.  Start here.  Start with this one.  This is the one that if you truly want to change, needs to change first.

I have to tell you, I am still struggling with it.  It has a tight grip on my heart.  It's something, I don't want to break.  I don't want to give up.  I want to hang on to it because it gives me a certain amount of power.  A certain amount of control. That I like. That makes me feel like I am in charge.  But I know it's something that God is calling me out on.  And so while changes have not come too easily, I continue to pray that God will help me WANT to change.  That He would change my heart first so that I can surrender that stronghold to Him.  That attitude that is quite truthfully rooted in sin needs to be loosed.  I'm not quite sure how to do that because it has such a grip on my heart.  However, as I've been praying about it this morning, I feel God telling me this:  do ONE THING today to change that attitude.  Don't just pray.  Take the first step.  Do something small that will start to kick out the stronghold of that attitude.  And each day, take another step.  Regardless of how tiny it is.  But CONSCIOUSLY each day, do something specific that deals with that attitude.

So today, that's my weigh in.  And I'll come back to you next week with a response as to how it has gone.  My gut reaction is to think "Well, it likely won't amount to much" but I know if I think negatively, it will get negative results.  So I promise, I will share with you how well I've done this week!  ;-)

As for my health challenge, this week has been a fairly good week.  I've been on the treadmill 3 times this week.  My goal is 4 times each week, but seeing as this is my 2nd week doing this, I'm happy with 3.  My son keeps me motivated to do squats, so I've been able to do them 5 times this week - and I'm still able to stand!  HA HA!  For the most part we've eaten healthy.  My portion sizes are staying down, and while I've had a few "give ins" (especially on the weekend - I find that the most difficult!) I am proud of how I have stayed the course so far.  This week, I didn't have any weight loss, but I did lose an inch in my waist and that excites me!!!  And the other thing, I find I'm actually enjoying walking on the treadmill!  Go figure!  But what it also does is motivate me to watch what I'm putting into my body. If I am going to work so hard to be on the treadmill, I surely don't want to mess it up by eating things that are going to hinder all that hard work!!!

So that's my week - past, and what I hope to do in the future. 

Trusting you had a good week as well!!!  One last little tidbit I thought I'd share is this.  I was listening to Christine Caine's podcast on CHANGE this past week and got some really great thoughts, one of which I'd like to share with you.  "We cannot go out and change the world if we have not changed on the inside.  "Love the Lord your God with all YOUR HEART"  Change has to start with the heart.  It comes from the inside out.  You reproduce who you are not what you want."  So I am asking God to change me from the inside first.  Another of her comments was this:  "The more I allow God to change me, the more God can use me."  WOW!  It's scary, but I want that.  I want that for you too!

If you are interested in listening to Christine's podcast about CHANGE, you can find it here : Christine Caine  The Change message is from November 17, 2014.


Blessings on you as you seek God's direction in YOUR life!!!!

My body - the Holy Spirits dwelling place. . . ?!?!?!

As some of you know, these last few weeks I have started on a journey to become healthier.  This is not just a sudden idea I had because of the numbers on the scale.  However, that certainly did help.

Over the last several months, maybe a year, I have been exploring what the Holy Spirit means to me and how that affects me.  As I've started to become so aware of the Holy Spirit in my life, I've realized that my body is the dwelling place for Him.

In 1 Corinthians we read “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).  WOW!  As Christians, we have the Spirit of God living in us.  That concept has blown me away.  And as I've thought about that concept, I've thought about what kind of vessel am I.  What am I doing to my body that brings honor to God?  How am I treating my body that dishonors God?

So it was with those thoughts in hand, that I have chosen a path to bring honor to God by creating a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit that brings honor and glory to God.  He is using my body to share the Holy Spirit to others, and if I am treating my body with disrespect and abuse, what does that say to others about where the Holy Spirit is living?

I am not an avid runner.  In fact, for the most part I do not even enjoy exercise.  I enjoy eating well.  I love my sweets.  I like my glasses of wine.  I love just sitting around and hanging out.  And all these things in and of themselves are not wrong.  But what I have started to realize is that any of these things IN EXCESS is bringing dishonor to God.  First of all they are becoming my idols, and second of all it is disrespecting the body that God has given to me.

In my journey to this point, I have realized that it is a laziness that I have allowed to come over me that has gotten me to the point of being overweight.  And as I've thought about my body being a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit, I have really been challenged as to what I am putting into my body.  What I am doing with my body.  How am I honoring God by what I am doing to or with my body?

In Psalm 139, we read about how wonderfully created we are.  God didn't randomly put us together.  We are His workmanship.  In Ephesians 2:10, it states "we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  How can I do good works when I am not taking care of the body that God has given to me.  How can I hear what the Holy Spirit is telling me, when I am filling my ears and head with things that are not God honoring?  What am I listening to or watching?  If I am filling my thoughts with things that dishonor God, why do I expect to be able to hear Him when I have filled my head with garbage?

I want my temple to be a place that brings honor to God.  I want the food that I eat to be healthy.  I want what I watch and listen to to be things that allow me to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying to me, rather than to cloud and muddy up my thoughts.  I want this vessel that God has created in His image to be just that.  I don't want it to be something I have created.  What I have ruined.  I want it to be something that brings honor and glory to God in EVERYTHING that I do. 

When I think of the temple of the Old Testament, it was a place that was made of the finest, most exquisite materials.  It was a place that was the most magnificent.  Why? Because it was where the Holy Spirit rested.  God even gave very specific instructions for the Tabernacle and how it was to be built.  It was the place that God chose to meet the Israelites. It was a place where they could meet God and worship Him.  And that is what God has done with our bodies.  Our bodies, as Christians, are where the Holy Spirit is.  We don't have to look for Him.  He is right here present in our bodies. 

And so I come back to the question - how am I treating the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit?

For me it means eating healthier.  It means getting fit and not allowing myself to become lazy.  It means being so careful of what I watch and listen to.  However, even more, it means becoming aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life.  And by spending time in the Scriptures and in prayer, I am able to take that time to open up my heart to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying to me.  I am stripping away the things that clutter that communication.

I realize this was likely a jumbled mess of thoughts and bits and pieces, but I trust that you are able to understand my journey just a little bit and to see how truly we are so blessed to have the Holy Spirit indwelling us. The apostle Paul wrote, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you are bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body”. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Wednesday's Weigh In

I know. . . I know. . . You thought I was going to tell you my weight right?!?!?! Nope.  Sorry not that!!!!!  :-)

Okay, so you can hardly believe it.  I'm still alive.  Haven't blogged in weeks and you all thought I had run away from home.  :-)

Okay, so maybe not quite that bad. 

I have taken a bit of a hiatus.  For a couple of reasons.


1.  The first being that I realized that my blogging was becoming a bit of a God for me.  ???  I know sounds a bit crazy, but I'll try to explain.  When I started blogging, I just wanted to share some of the things God had taught me over the past several years.  I wanted to share the journey that God had brought me on and if in the process of that God used what I had said, great.  However, over the last several months, it was becoming something different.  It was becoming . . . . shall I say. . . a popularity contest.  Oh, not for anyone else.  Just for me.  I wanted to be this amazing person who touched everyone's life by what I was writing.  It was becoming more about me, and less about God.  More about what people would think, rather than what God wanted me to share.  So I took a hiatus.  I stopped looking at the stats and gave this back to God. 

2.  Second, I was feeling more pressure to keep up the writing every so and so many days.  And as you can tell, that still goes back to number one, about the whole focus being misconstrued!!  So I took some time to breathe.  Truthfully, I have enjoyed the break, but I have also enjoyed doing my 100 days of Praise on my Facebook page as well.  I'm on day 58 and it has been such a refreshing thing to focus on thanksgiving and praise.  So many times it has changed my demeanor for the day. 

So today, I thought I'd share with you my new "journey" I am starting on. 

A little more than a week ago, I stepped on the scale to see numbers I hadn't ever seen before.  Aghast, I stepped off and hoped for the error sign on my digital scale.  Hmmm. . . . no error. (sometimes if the scale has been upright along the wall, the first reading is often incorrect - usually higher - and it shows that an error incurred).  Unfortunately, this time there was no error reading.  So I stepped off and got on again, in the hopes of a new number. . . . No.  Really???? Step on again a few minutes later - perhaps that would change things. . . . still no. . . . .

So for a day or so, I sat down in the dumps.  I'm old.  I'm fat.  I'm ugly.  I'm awful!!!  The lies came pouring in like a dam had just broken.  As I sat at my desk, the devotional calendar from Sarah Young read like this:  (based on Psalm 89:15, 16  1 John 3:19-20, Jude 24-25, Psalm 41:12
"FOCUS YOUR ENTIRE BEING on My living Presence.  I am most assuredly with you, enveloping you in My Love and Peace.  While you relax in My Presence, I am molding your mind and cleansing your heart.  I am recreating you into the one I designed you to be.    As you move from stillness into the activities of your day, do not relinquish your attentiveness.  If something troubles you, talk it over with Me.  If you get bored with what you are doing, fill the time with prayers and praise.  When someone irritates you, don't let your thoughts linger on that person's faults.  Gently nudge your mind back to Me.  Every moment is precious if you keep your focus on Me.  Any day can be a good day, because My Presence permeates all time."

Well, let me tell you, that was certainly NOT what I was doing.  I was allowing Satan's lies to worm their way into my mind.  I was NOT focusing any part of my being on God. 

So as I prayed and thought about where I was physically, I made a decision to start to live healthier and start to work on my body.  Not because I was believing Satan's lies that I was an awful person, but because I started to realize that I had started to use food, and a lifestyle of laziness to make excuses for myself.  I had used the past years of anxiety and depression to justify allowing my physical body to become what it had.  I was not honoring the temple that the Holy Spirit was dwelling in.  I was treating it with disrespect and selfishness.

As I was looking through a variety of health websites, I saw several proclaiming the "sure fire way" to get healthy.  The 5 foods you should never eat.  The 3 exercises to become lean and fit.  And then there was the one that actually caught my attention for real and I opened it.  "The one thing that is keeping overweight people from getting healthy."  I opened it and was amazed to find out that it wasn't over eating.  It wasn't lack of exercise.  Do you know what it was?   LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY!!!!  For those of you who have a gym membership.  For those of you that walk regularly with someone else.  For those of you that are involved in a weight loss program, you know that value of accountability.

So, today I am starting something called Wednesday's Weigh in.  OH don't think for a moment, I'm going to be telling you what the numbers on the scale are.  NO WAY!  :-)  Not even Keith or my kids see that.  At least not yet!  However, every Wednesday, I am going to share how my weekly journey has gone in the "getting healthy" department.  So for today, I am going to share with you, what my plan is.

1.  I am using myfitnesspal.com to track my progress.  The food I eat.  The exercising I do. etc.
2.  I am starting to exercise more regularly.  My goal at this point is to walk (and eventually run) 4 times a week.  I have the luxury of having several mornings without students, so my goal is to be able to walk at least 20 minutes on those days.  I am also starting a squat routine that hopefully I'll be able to stick too.  Thankfully I've found one that is slow going and I still am able to walk after 3 days of doing it!!!! LOL
3.  I am starting to eat healthier.  Now. . . that doesn't mean every meal will be like that.  (Today I had a wonderful lunch with an amazing group of friends, and chocolate cake is NOT on the healthy list, but it was amazing.)  Like I said, it just eating healthier.  So today, instead of drinking pop, I drank water instead.  Instead of having double of what I normally would have of the pulled pork, I had a respectable amount.  Instead of a second bun, I had lots of veggies - no dip.  Little things like that.  Small steps that I know will in the end make my body much healthier.  The ironic thing is that during this first week of trying to do better, Keith just found out that his cholesterol is too high and he needs to be eating healthier as well - so it was perfect timing that we both have made this decision at this point!!!!

So my Wednesday weigh ins, will be how I am doing.  My exercise progress.  My healthy eating progress. But also my spiritual progress.  How my week has been and the things that have gone well.  As with my 100 days of Praise, I plan to focus on the positives.  I plan on sharing the good things.  Not to say that every week will be great progress.  but I KNOW that every week will have something positive to share.
 

I'd love to hear about your week as well!  Let's start sharing our journeys.  Let's start becoming accountable to those around us.  In our health walk.  In our family walks.  In our spiritual walks.  Let's weigh in with each other and be accountable to each other for our healthy growth - both in spirit, mind and body.

Let's weigh in together and grow together in our journeys.  I'd love to hear how YOU are doing!!!



Blessings on you as you seek to follow God's journey for you!!!

*Hugs to you*

Playing a new tune

Today, I am getting my piano tuned!!! YEAH!!!!  It should have been done already three months ago, but it's one of those things in life that you don't realize it isn't quite right, until it is really quite wrong!!  Through the summer when the kids and I would play on it, it really didn't sound that bad.  However, listening to 34 students playing on it, well, let's just say, my ears are ringing a little due to the bad vibrations.  And don't get me wrong.  It's not their faults!  Okay, well usually it's not!  ;-)

As I was thinking about getting my piano tuned, I realized how I was rationalizing not doing it.  It's not cheap to get it done.  To the students, it really doesn't make a difference.  To my life in general, it doesn't even make a difference whether the notes are all exactly in tune or not.  But when I listen, really take the time to sit and listen to the sounds those strings are making, I can so easily hear where there is discord.  Certain notes are worse than others.  But the strings are definitely out of tune.  And admittedly, the piano is old.  Almost 25 years old.  But it's not the age that makes it sounds bad.  It's the lack of attention I've been giving it.

So today that is over.  Today my piano will ring out with perfect sounds.  My piano technician is a miracle worker.  (It truly amazes me how he can twist and turn those pins and make the strings sound all the same!) Sometimes, he really has to fight with the tuning pins to get them to move.  Other times they glide with ease.  Some keys have three strings that need to all be tuned to the same pitch.  Others have one big string, but are difficult to hear.  Amazing what he does to make each tone sound perfect.

It is so cool how our spiritual walk is the same.

We can live our lives, day after day, and not realize how out of tune we are.  We go about our daily routines, and not even notice that we have let our walk with God slide.  Or perhaps we hear it, but don't bother to do anything about it, in the hopes that it will get better.  We glide along each day, okay with how our relationship is with God.  But sometimes, it takes someone else to notice how badly out of tune we are.  Sometimes it takes a good long look into the mirror to examine where we've gotten out of tune. 

Not everyone might see that our spiritual walk is out of tune.  On the outside, we are shiny and black.  One might look at us and think "Wow.  Now she is a polished Christian.  Just look at what she is doing."  But when the keys get struck.  When the chords are played.  When the piano is played, and not just looked at, the evidence is there.  We are not in tune at all.

And what does it take to get us back in tune?  Back in a right walk with our Saviour? Well, truthfully, sometimes it all depends on how badly out of tune we are.  Sometimes those tuning pins really need to be tugged on.  They have to be turned an awful lot in order to get us back in tune where we should be.  Sometimes, it's just a slight tweak.  Sometimes our own spiritual tuning pegs don't even want to be turned.  We fight against the changes that we need to make in our life.  And so the song our life sings is sadly out of tune.

However, when we let the Master Tuner take charge and make the necessary adjustments, when He plays the music, it sounds heavenly.  It's the Hallelujah chorus.  Sometimes it might just a be a little turn, sometimes a complete round, but if we allow God to change us - to make those adjustments, we begin to realize that the music that is coming from our lives is something that God is pleased with.  In fact, it is God Himself who is streaming from our lives.  The music that is coming from within us, is the Holy Spirit flowing out of us.  BUT, we need to be able to realize that we have to be tuned.  We need to take the steps to allow the Master Tuner to do His job.

And, the tuning process, like with my piano, is not just a once in a couple year process.  It is a regular maintenance.  Something that has to happen regularly in order to keep those songs of our lives completely in tune.  If we neglect it, we get sorely out of tune.  But if we allow God to be the master tuner. . . . If we allow Him to make those necessary adjustments, He WILL be honored by the music our lives are producing.  I can't guarantee it will be an easy process.  It might even cost you something.  But the end results will be more beautiful than you can imagine. 

The music you will be playing will bring honor and glory to your master Tuner!!

Home

Today in church we sang the song "I Surrender All".  I have heard much more amazing and moving renditions of this song, but today I was reminded for several reasons of home.  This is another one of those songs that I remember Dad singing.  I remember singing in our brethren assembly without instruments and pure hearts just belting out this tune.  Not always in tune, but the heart completely in tune with God.

So two things came to me today. . . How much I miss my family. . . . my "home".  Not the physical home, but the companion of my siblings - that "home" feeling.  My growing up home has long since been sold, but the "home" feeling of us being together.  I missed that today.

This week a friend of Peyton's buried his grandpa.  His friend's mom buried her father.  I am so blessed to still have my father alive. But it got me to thinking about home.  Panicking just a little bit to have that "one more chance" with my dad - just in case.  And so today as I imagined him singing beside me, I could help but feel a little nostalgic.

Our youth pastor shared a sermon today about temptation. And I guess with it, the relationship that we have with God -  and how temptation plays into that relationship.  I have also been thinking of my relationship with God and wondering how I can even call it a relationship at times.  But today as we listened to Pastor Kent talk about temptation, I was reminded that if my relationship with God is what it is supposed to be, temptation - while still a temptation - will become less so.  When I am accessing the Holy Spirit within me, and letting Him spill out in my every action, emotion and being, temptation becomes less and less.  Not that it won't be there, but the Holy Spirit is stronger.  The temptation becomes just that.  A temptation.  And the Holy Spirit gives me victory. 

I so long for the day when I am Home with God.  The day when I can just sit and praise my Saviour.  I know for now, the Holy Spirit is in me - directing me - motivating me - hopefully flowing out of me.  And hopefully because of that  I will be able to resist temptation.  Don't get me wrong.  Temptation will always be there while Satan is rampant.  However, if I am tapping in to the full power of the Holy Spirit that God has promised me, I too can resist the devil - and he will flee from me!!!!  I long to be Home in Heaven to be able to experience that full surrender to God.  Without distractions. Without temptations.

But I guess for now, I will claim the power that God has promised - the Holy Spirit in me - and work towards that Home going with Him.  I look forward to the day when I can sit and just praise Him.  No worries or distractions.  No temptations.  No decisions to make.  Just pure praise.  I can only imagine how awesome that will be.  All my focus, my energy, my thoughts - everything will be focused on my God.  I will be HOME with Him. forever. . . . .

Forgiving. . . . sort of. . . .

I have been thinking and reading a lot about forgiveness lately.  A few situations have arisen as of late that required me to request forgiveness, but also to extend forgiveness to others.

When I first started this blog, it was one of the things I was struggling with the most.  Forgiveness and what it means.  What it meant to me.  How it affected me and my life.  How my forgiveness affected others. You can read about my thoughts here - forgiveness. 

Recently I found myself thinking about what an apology looked like, and how the words I'm sorry can be said in so many different ways.  Someone might offer an apology that really isn't an apology.  And as I thought about two little words that made a world of difference in an apology, I realized that I have done this many, many times when I have "apologized" for something.

Here they are - the two small words that make a world of difference in an apology.  Two words that make an apology a genuine selfless acknowledgement, or that can change it to not being an apology at all!

IF and THAT

Those two little words can take an apology from an admission of guilt, to word spoken still out of defiance, but made to look like an apology.  Think about it.  If you were to hear this from someone:

I'm sorry THAT I hurt your feelings.  

That statement takes ownership of the action.  It is admission that you were wrong.  You are truly admitting that there was an error on your part and you are requesting forgiveness for the issue.  However, if you hear this:

I'm sorry IF I hurt your feelings.

Well, that is a completely different sentiment. There's no admission of the actual act.  There is no acknowledgement of any wrong doing.  It is simply an IF you did something wrong, or hurtful or whatever the case may be.  The words "I'm sorry" are in the statement, but truthfully the statement does not take ownership of what has happened.

As I thought about these two little words, I have realized how often I think I have spoken the word IF in my apologies.  And quite truthfully, there is a level of defiance in those kind of "apologies".  I will apologize, but seriously, I am NOT willing to make an admission of guilt.  I do not want to acknowledge that I did anything wrong.  I'll say IF when I say the words I'm sorry because apologizing is the right thing to do, but I sure don't want to acknowledge that I am wrong.

Do you see the difference?  Changing that one little word in an apology makes a world of difference.  It shows the contrite heart when you use the word that instead of if. 

One thing that we have often shared with our kids is to not tack on the word BUT after an apology.  That is another word that changes the tone of an apology BIG time.  I'm sorry for hurting you, but. . . .   The word but after an apology is an attempt to justify the reason for your mistake, for your actions.  If the apology is genuine, there should be no need to justify your action because the apology is taking ownership of the offending action and there COULD be no justification since the action was wrong.

As I've thought about the whole concept of forgiveness, I enjoyed reading through the various scriptures that speak about forgiveness.  First and foremost, I am grateful for God's unending forgiveness.  But even more, I am thankful for the example that He has left with us on how to forgive.

In Micah, the verses read as follows:

Micah 7:18-19

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

Not only does God completely forgive any of our messes, but He DELIGHTS to show mercy.  Wow!  That's powerful to me.  So often I tell my kids I forgive them, but truthfully, I still want to make their lives a little difficult to show that I didn't like their actions. (I know - vindictive - not a quality I'm proud of and not a quality that exemplifies God's forgiveness of me!!!) But God, well He doesn't do that.  Not to say that our actions don't have consequences.  They do, but quite truthfully, we don't get any of those consequences the way we truly deserve!!!  Because actually, we deserve the punishment of hell because of our actions.  BUT, God in His mercy allowed His Son to become a man, come down to earth and DIE FOR ME!!!!  WOW!  Sometimes that very thought just blows me away.

No matter what I have done, or will do, Jesus already died for that.  What mercy!!! What LOVE!  What an example for me to follow.  The example of extending forgiveness is incredible. 

So as I've thought about forgiveness, I've sat in awe at the magnitude of God's love for me.  And you can bet I will be saying to Him, sorry THAT I have messed up again and not IF.  And I certainly won't be qualifying my actions!

But not only that, in extending my forgiveness to others, it must be done with the same heart, and attitude that God has forgiven me.  Endless.  Without strings.  Out of love.  All those things.  I must forgive others in the same way as He has forgiven me.

What an example.

What an expression of love.

100 Days of Praise - Join me, won't you???

Here in Manitoba, we are enjoying a BEAUTIFUL fall weather.  This weather completely reminds me of fall at home in Ontario.  One of my favourite memories growing up was when we we go for fall walks.  We didn't really do big birthday parties in our family, so one thing that I did often ask for around the time of my birthday was if we could go walking on a trail near our farm.  I would invite my friend Janice to come along with our family and we would go for a Sunday walk through the bush.  The colours were always breathtaking with the sugar maples being in full colour.  There was a little pond along the way that we would sometimes stop at as well.  That was always a fall highlight for me!!

So hopefully you won't be too upset with me when I tell you that as of today, there are only 100 days left in 2014!!!  So, that means only 94 more days till Christmas. 

My motto for this year was BE MORE.  That has taken on a variety of meanings for me, but the main one has been BE MORE GRATEFUL.  Back in May my niece Karin started doing 100 happy days. Now for the average person it would take some dedication to post something happy for 100 days.  But what amazed me is that she and my nephew not only have a 3 year old daughter, but they also had just had twins.  It amazed me that she was able to share with us these 100 days of happiness besides all of her regular busyness!  I always looked forward to reading her thoughts!

A week ago, my sisters and brother challenged me to list 3 things that I was thankful for for 10 days.  As I realized that 2014 was slowly drawing to a close, I decided rather than do this for 10 days, I would take the lead from Karin and close out the year with 100 days of Praise.  I have so many things to be thankful for and I believe it honours God when we share them with others.  I won't nominate anyone to do this along with me, but wouldn't it be awesome if we could all take those few moments every day to share our moments of praise together? 

Join me won't you?  I do this on Facebook, so if you are interested in joining me via Facebook and I haven't friended you yet, message me and we can connect!!!

Let close out 2014 praising God!!!!!

Fall colours at our lake

Nothing like a fall sunset at the lake

Ready for fall harvest near Keith's parents in Saskatchewan

A Hutterite Crew ready for fall harvest near Main Center, SK

September 19, 1993 - A Day of Miracles

September 19, 1993 . . .  a day where every moment is etched into my memory as if it were a photo.  The sounds, the smells, the memories.  Every detail is carved into my memory as though it happened last year.

It was on that day, that Keith's and my life changed forever.  It was the day God gave us miracle after miracle.  It was the day God chose not to take Keith home to Heaven but rather to leave him here on earth to share his story with others so that they might know the God who orchestrated all the events that day.



You see, September 19, 1993 was the day that Keith went out to do his job for Red Rock Bible Camp as a maintenance manager, but never returned to that position.  In brief, I will share the story with you.  A bus full of Bible College students had left the camp to head back to Winnipeg.  As it headed home, it ended up in a ditch on it's side not far from the camp.  Being the maintenance director at the time, Keith and the onsite manager, Rob, went to go to see how they could get the bus out of the ditch.  Without going into details, in the process of trying to get the bus out, an accident happened that ended up with Keith under the tow truck with a broken neck (C2), a broken back (L2) and a compound fracture in his tibia/fibula.

He was taken to the Health Sciences Center where he spent the next 6 1/2 months recovering and trying to figure out how to put his life back together - knowing he would now spend it in a wheelchair.

We arrived at the HSC around 8 p.m.  At that point I still did not know to what extent he had been injured.  He had first been taken to the Beausejour hospital and there, they had told me he had a broken back, and I knew he couldn't feel or move his legs, but quite truthfully I really never realized to what extent he had been injured.  So, at the HSC, they finally told me not only had he broken his leg and back, but he had also broken his neck.  So that evening, they took him into surgery to "stabilize" his neck.  I knew this meant putting a halo on since a year previous to Keith's accident we had been to this very hospital visiting one of the staff that had worked for Keith at the camp who had also broken his neck but was a quadriplegic because of it.  When Keith woke from surgery, he had been fitted with a halo, with a weight hanging off the end of his bed to give his neck traction.  His leg had been temporarily set but his back was still broken.  They would have to wait to do anything with his back because they couldn't move him without risking damage or death from his broken neck.

The next morning we waited to hear what the doctors would say.  What they told us at that time was that Keith would never walk again.  His back vertebrae had been so completely shattered that there was nothing left of it.  They would wait for a few weeks to see what could be done to remove the intense nerve pain that he was having, although he could not feel his legs at all.

Two and a half weeks later on October 7, as reality started to settle in that he would never walk again, the doctor's decided to do surgery on his back.  It was risky because his neck was not healed.  Because of the risks involved, they put all the tubes etc. down his throat while he was still awake because they had to know whether or not he was loosing feeling in his upper body or feeling any pain when they turned him.   By about 9:30 a nurse came out to tell me that he had indeed survived being turned over, he was now out and the doctor was beginning to operate.

Before his operation, the doctor had asked Keith what he was hoping for from the operation.  We had pretty much resolved in our own minds that he would never walk again, so Keith said that the only thing he was hoping for was that he could get rid of the nerve pain in his legs that never went away.  This was being caused from all the bone fragments that were lodged in his spinal chord.  So that is what the doctor began to work on.  For the next 7 hours, he picked every splinter of bone out of Keith's spine and when Keith came to the next day, it was the first thing he realized - he had no more intense burning from the nerve pain he had had.  They also harvested a bone from his hip to create a new vertebrae to replace the one that had been shattered.  Praise the Lord!!!

One of the benefits of being in the hospital was that Keith got to meet Matt Dunigan.  Although Matt was playing for Winnipeg at the time, Keith made very sure to share the fact that he was indeed a Saskatchewan Roughrider fan!!!

Over the next several months, Keith had many many hours of physical therapy, occupational therapy and basically retraining his life to deal with legs that didn't move.  Learning to transfer in and out of a wheelchair.  Learning to sit up when you have no leg muscles to support you.  Life was very different.  After his surgery he had been fitted with a halo vest that kept his neck stabilized allowing him to sit up.  Later on once his neck was starting to heal, he was able to do more physical therapy and was fitted into a stand up wheelchair that allowed him to be upright, although he had no leg muscles.

Over the next several months, we realize that he was starting to get a few quad muscles back, and so they fitted him with full length leg braces and taught him how to use his hips to swing his legs forward to take a few steps.  It wasn't really functional for any length of time, but it did allow him to be upright and see the world from a different perspective than from his wheelchair.

Over the next year or so, Keith started to get more and more muscles back to the point that he is now able to walk with the use of canes, and braces that go under his feet to just below his knees.  What an incredible gift!!!  Being able to walk and even climb stairs.  You have no idea how restricted you are until you cannot get out of a wheelchair.

So today, 21 years later, we celebrate all the miracles that God has done for us.  It has not been an easy road.  And there are days where it is still difficult for him.  Seeing someone skating.  Or skiing.  Or biking.  Running. . . these are all things that he used to love dearly, but can no longer do.  However, we are both acutely aware that God has blessed us with 21 bonus years.  21 years that could so easily have been different.

So today, I choose to look back with joy.  With thanksgiving.  With praise to God for all the miracles he has done in Keith's life.  The story that I have written here, is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to all the amazing little things that God worked out.  Oh how we have been blessed!!!  So today I thank God above all else for giving me these extra bonus years with Keith.  I truly am blessed to have him in my life.  He is my miracle - every day!!!

Why do I deserve to be loved?

As I sit staring into the empty computer screen, my reflection screams back at me with words already swirled around in my head but unspoken.

You have failed yet again.  You do not deserve all the gifts God lavishes on you.  You do not deserve to be loved by your children, your husband. Let alone God! You make mistake after mistake and never seem to learn.  You hurl angry words at your child all because a basketball bounced into your pot of flowers.  You sit in silence and don't speak words because your husband didn't understand what you didn't say.  You start a day with frustration and anger and send your most loved ones out the door feeling like they just want to rush out of the door to get away from the awfulness of their day so far.  What kind of a mother ARE you?  What kind of a wife are you??? You do not deserve love.  You do not deserve forgiveness.  YOU ARE A FAILURE! 

Those are the words that the reflection in my computer was shouting back at me.  Why do you expect to receive forgiveness or grace or any other good thing when there is nothing about you that is good????

Mired in shame and guilt, I bowed my head and wept.  And as I poured my heart out to God, I knew those answers.  I didn't deserve it.  I didn't deserve any of the God things that I have received.  BUT, because of God's grace and forgiveness He has given me many precious gifts.  God knows my heart.  God knows that I have and will continue to make mistakes.  Big ones.  Seemingly unforgivable ones.  But God forgives.  God has promised His forgiveness to me.  God has promised to love me unconditionally.  Any good thing I have comes from Him and it is because of His love for me, that I have any good thing at all.


So as I proceed through my day, I will claim God's grace.  For each mistake I make, I will claim God's forgiveness and grace.  And I will strive to do the same for others.  I will ask for and offer my forgiveness to others.  And above all, I will praise God for His goodness.  I am not a failure.  I may fail, but I am not a failure.  I will claim God's promises and allow Him to keep working on me and make me into a vessel that brings Him honour and praise. 

Sunday's Praise

 

Psalm 103

Of David.

¹ Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶ The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
⁸ The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
²¹ Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
²² Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.