Wednesday Weigh In #3

As I lay in bed this morning, I dreaded getting up, knowing today was my weigh in. I've taken to only getting on the scale once a week and so I knew today was the day. I was feeling much like this above image.  Surely it is going to take Keith, Taylor & Peyton to get me off the ground.  I am never going to get healthy.  It's just not possible.   And yet, those were lies Satan was telling me, because in fact this week had gone fairly well. 

The week had gone remarkably well in the exercise department.  I actually feel like I can get on the treadmill without feeling like I am going to collapse after 10 minutes!!!  I've been able to increase my speed and this morning, I was even able to run (6mph) for 6 minutes out of my 20 that I worked.  I was impressed with myself.  Total this week, I was on the treadmill 4 times, with 2 times being for 1/2 an hour.  Now, I know for some of you, that doesn't sound like much, but for me, any day I am up and exercising is that many more minutes than I have done in the last year. 

My daughter asked me why I didn't just wait until January and make a new resolution to eat healthier and be healthier and I laughed at her and my comment was : BEEN THERE DONE THAT.  But generally by February (okay, let's be truthful - Jan. 15!!!) that resolution has hit the toilet and is long gone!!!  This time, I feel it has been different.  It is more about my spiritual journey than anything, to be quite honest.

I am excited that I am taking this body that God has given to me and treating it with respect.  I love watching what I am eating.  So often in the past, I just ate - giving no attention to what or how much I was putting in my body.  Now, as I track my daily progress with My Fitness Pal it helps me to stay accountable with everything.  Whatever goes into my body, I track the nutritional value.  If there's no room for extra calories after supper? Well, then there's water for a snack.  But if I have an extra hundred or so calories that can be consumed, or extra protein, carbs etc. I can see what kind of a snack I can have after supper.  It's true:  I'm a nutritional information junkie.  And I LOVE that my kids are starting to read it too.  The other day, Peyton picked up his box of Chocolate Cheeries, and just about fell off his stool.  "Mom do you KNOW how much sugar there is in here?!?!? "  (Um yes son I do!!!LOL) "Well, at least there's lots of healthy vitamins in it.  That kind of cancels out the sugar right?!?!?"  Well, not so much.  But at least he's looking!!!!

One of my goals through all of this is to be able to get back to being able to do 4 miles of running.  Years ago I was up to being able to do that, but I was also about 30 pounds lighter.  I don't have unrealistic goals either.  I'm not really setting a time frame for myself, but it would be really cool to be able to do that by spring.  If not, that's okay.  The truth is, that my main goal is just to eat healthier and be more active.  If that translates into weight loss and me being more fit, I am all about that.

When I was young, okay into my 30's (that's young to me now!!!) my mom would tell me - just wait till you are 40. You won't be as thin as you are now! I thought it would never happen.  I could never be overweight to the point of needing to lose 30 pounds.  But as I've watch myself change over the last 3 or 4 years, I've realized I am there. 

HOWEVER, I am resolved, to not let myself stay there.  I WANT to be healthy.  I WANT to be around for when my kids grow up and get married.  If there's grand babies, I want to be able to be healthy enough to play and run with them.  I may be old and grey when that happens(because THAT had better not happen too soon!!  LOL), but at least I will be healthy and can be outside playing.  I am not going to give in to the stigma that just because I am 40+ there is nothing I can do about it.  Yes, things change when you are this age.  But it just means I have to pick up and work harder.

One little side/spiritual note that has come along with walking on the treadmill is that I have found it to be a wonderful time with God.  No one else is in the house and it is just my time that I am able to talk openly to God and share my heart.  Crazy as this sounds, I look forward to these mornings, when I can go downstairs first thing after the house is quiet and spend that time with God.  The steady pace of my feet often help me to pray and focus. Where as other times when I am somewhere else, I am too easily distracted.  I love it and look forward to going down to "walk with God". 

One other thing that I have been struggling with is trust issues.  If you read my God Knows blog, you know that I have been struggling with some tough emotions.  This week as I have prayed, I have struggled to "trust" God.  This has started a couple of weeks ago, but continues with the thoughts of "I know God CAN, but WILL He?"  And so as I shared my heart, I am on a journey to try and trust God with these intimate emotions.  Sometimes all it takes is to share those things that are so tied close to our hearts, with the One who already knows where we are at.  He knows, but He just wants to hear us share them with Him.  I do have to admit, yesterday after I had spent some time crying out to God and sharing my heart, it did feel better.  Had anything changed?  No, and maybe even got worse.  However, it was such a relief to know that God had heard me and HE was in charge.  Not me.  Yes I needed to do my part, but God will do the rest.  And so I have tried to leave it with Him.

And as I write about that, I was reminded of my "issues" last week - an attitude issue.  I am happy to report that while it isn't perfect, God has been gracious and things have been better.  Not with out their fall down flat on my face moments, but still it is better.  Every day, I am consciously trying to do something tangible that overcomes this attitude.  It's working.  God has been gracious and for the moment those walls are coming down. I praise God for that.  I know I can't let my guard down.  Because if it was a problem before, I know Satan will try to use it against me again.  That's the sneakiness of Satan.  BUT My God is greater than him, and with God's help, I will continue to gain victory over these areas of my life that need HIS touch!!

So I leave you with this today.  God can do anything!!!  He loves you.  He wants the best for you.  And while we (OFTEN) don't understand His ways, He loves us and is growing us into His image!!!

Blessings on you today and through this week as you strive to serve Him and bring Him joy in all you do.  Let HIS light shine through your life!!!

God knows!!!

As I sat staring out the window, trying to figure out the feelings that were rumbling around in my heart and head, I started to feel very alone.  These were things I really couldn't share with anyone.  Feelings that came from deep inside.  Feelings that, if voiced, would be judged.  Would maybe even be condemned.  It felt like there was no one who could understand the agony of emotions curled up in a tiny ball, and imbedded in my very being.  No one would get it. 

As I stared at the tall lonely pines in our back yard, the feeling of isolation, sadness, loneliness settled in.  I didn't want it to take root there.  But who would understand?  IF I even dared voice my feelings, who would even understand the anxious thoughts that lay there, taunting me?

So I prayed.  I prayed that God would take the tangled mess of emotions and hold them.  Heal them.  I unleashed the emotions I was scared to vocalize to others - to God.  He knew them before they left my lips, but I emptied my heart to Him.  As I lay my fears, my agonies before Him, a chickadee landed on the railing of the deck.  The feeder was empty.  Nothing left.  As I watched it disappear into the pine trees, I happened to see it sitting on an outer branch cracking something.  A seed. Where had it come from?  Certainly not the empty bird feeder.  Perhaps a stash of seeds left by a hungry squirrel.  But that chickadee had it's food.

And as I thought about the little scenario played out, I was reminded of the verse in Matthew. 

Matthew 6:25, 26 (MSG) “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

 

I count, far more to God, than even those tiny little birds!!! There is nothing that I can struggle through that God doesn't care about.  There is no hurt, no ache, no burden that God doesn't see.  He notices them all.  He cares for them all.  He understands, no matter how crazy I think my emotions are.  He gets it.  He knows.

 

Psalm  56:8 reads: You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

It is so comforting that, even when I can't make sense of the struggles I'm feeling, God knows.  He gets it.  And I can always always go to Him, because He loves me.  He cares for me.  He aches for me.  

 

 We all know the verse: Cast all your cares on Him (God) because He cares for you.  Not an easy verse to conquer, but a comfort none the less. God cares for us.  And He wants to hear our aches.  He wants to have us unload those burdens on Him.

 

So remember with me today, won't you?  God knows.  And He cares.  He's waiting to wrap His loving arms around us and comfort us.  And say, "I get it!!  I know your pain.  Remember, I am right there with you!!!"