When the impossible is possible

This morning, I've been doing some looking back.  A good looking back.  I guess this time of year brings that out in me.  I've been thinking about where I was a year ago, and where God has brought me to this year. I've been remembering those dark dark days that I thought would never go away.  Those days that anxiety and panic consumed me.  The days that fear clawed it's way into the very core of my being and consumed me for days on end.  It was a time that I never thought I could be released of.  Moments, when the very simplest of tasks looked like a mountain completely impossible to scale.  I remember the days when just getting up and being able to make my children's lunch for the school day was a feat in and of itself.  If there was a day that was spent without fear and anxiety, without terrors ripping through my body at the thought of leaving the house, it was a good day.  A good day meant actually getting clothes on, and forcing myself through the door.   A great day was being able to sit on the parking lot of Superstore and "talk myself" into actually going inside and getting the groceries.  (Many times were spent turning the truck around, clothed in fear and panic - unable to do that simple task.)

Today, I sit here, not without struggles, but with a new perspective.  Those days sometimes seem like a lifetime away, and there are still those days that it take everything within me to garner up the strength and go out.  I like my home.  I like the safety, the security of my home.  That in and of itself, doesn't make me a candidate for anxiety and panic.  It does however, lend itself to being a stepping stone towards it.  Last year was a year of extreme changes in my life - changes that led to more incredible changes.

One of those changes was being able to acknowledge that I needed help.  That our family could not survive how we were trying to survive.  With the panic and anxiety came the depression.  The interpretation that my anxiety and panic attacks were a failure of sorts.  That because of my struggles with it, I was somehow less of a person.  The physical symptoms of feeling the tightness and pressure and heart palpitations in my chest were more than I could take at times.  I felt like I was loosing my grip on reality.

Thankfully, through the help of my doctor, counselor and ultimately God, I have been able to control these episodes.  I look back and am so thankful for the tools that I have learned over the year to come to the point to help me with this.  And like I said, I'm not over it.  But thankfully it is not an all consuming issue that I have to deal with.  Thankfully with my medications and coping mechanisms for the most part I am able to have some control over these episodes.

I truly believe that when I have a panic/anxiety attack it is two fold.  First of all, a chemical imbalance of sorts, but also I do believe that Satan also plays a part in it.  I believe he is trying to get me down and each time he does so, I have to fight those old feelings of inadequacies.  Each time I struggle with the panic, I have to fight his lies.  Because truthfully once I have made it through those panic attacks, the truth is that God has gotten me through yet another one.  Satan DID NOT keep me down.

Last year when I thought it truly was impossible to carry on, God provided me with the truth that it was possible.  And each time when I have another attack now, I try to bring my focus back to God that He is STILL in control.  And that all things are possible with Him.  I would love for God to take away EVERY anxiety attack from here on out.  That would be my version of God's answered prayer.  However, at this point, I also believe that being able to control my attacks and not having them consume me is also a form of God's healing.  When I look back to where I was a year ago as compared to now, WOW - now that's healing!  The tools that God has allowed me to use. . . the imagery that I use to calm myself down. . . the prayers that I pray. . . the verses He brings to my mind. . . I totally believe these are all God's answers to the impossible!!!  And I can say that with any attack that I do still experience, it simply serves as a reminder to how far God has brought me.  God has been so good to me.  He has provided so many things to make me realize that the impossible IS possible.

Finally I just want to share one of these little miracles that showed me again how God is in control.  How God is using a variety of ways to help me cope with my anxiety and panic attacks.  The other day as I sat fixating on leaving the house, fear washed over me.  "I just can't."  "I cannot do this." "It is safer to just stay home."  "I am so not equipped for this!"  All those thoughts jumbled around in my head.  Lies. . . all lies from Satan.  However, at that exact moment, they felt like my reality.  They felt like that was my life.  Like that was truth.  As I sat at my desk and listened to my iPod and begged God to help me, as the tears streamed down my face, and my heart was breaking, this is the answer that God provided to me.  He reminded me that He was there. . . and I can ALWAYS go to Him.

I realize this is a video about Plumb's anxiety disorder, but truly it is a video for all of us - for anyone who believes that the possible is not possible. Do not believe those lies. . .

Because I am here to tell you that:

THE IMPOSSIBLE IS POSSIBLE  

With God's strength all is possible!!!!!

For those of you struggling with anxiety, panic attacks, etc., I just want to share this article with you.  It is about Plumb and her struggle with anxiety - the birth place for this song.  She has an amazing story about how God has been faithful and helps her through each attack.  What a ministry in music and her life story she has!!!

Plumbs story about overcoming anxiety and her ministry through her music

If any of you need someone to talk about your struggles with, please know I'm hear and would love to listen and pray for/with you.  And for those of you who struggle with anxiety/panic attacks, as someone who knows what you are struggling through, know I'd love to help you as we walk this journey together.