September 19, 1993 - A Day of Miracles

September 19, 1993 . . .  a day where every moment is etched into my memory as if it were a photo.  The sounds, the smells, the memories.  Every detail is carved into my memory as though it happened last year.

It was on that day, that Keith's and my life changed forever.  It was the day God gave us miracle after miracle.  It was the day God chose not to take Keith home to Heaven but rather to leave him here on earth to share his story with others so that they might know the God who orchestrated all the events that day.



You see, September 19, 1993 was the day that Keith went out to do his job for Red Rock Bible Camp as a maintenance manager, but never returned to that position.  In brief, I will share the story with you.  A bus full of Bible College students had left the camp to head back to Winnipeg.  As it headed home, it ended up in a ditch on it's side not far from the camp.  Being the maintenance director at the time, Keith and the onsite manager, Rob, went to go to see how they could get the bus out of the ditch.  Without going into details, in the process of trying to get the bus out, an accident happened that ended up with Keith under the tow truck with a broken neck (C2), a broken back (L2) and a compound fracture in his tibia/fibula.

He was taken to the Health Sciences Center where he spent the next 6 1/2 months recovering and trying to figure out how to put his life back together - knowing he would now spend it in a wheelchair.

We arrived at the HSC around 8 p.m.  At that point I still did not know to what extent he had been injured.  He had first been taken to the Beausejour hospital and there, they had told me he had a broken back, and I knew he couldn't feel or move his legs, but quite truthfully I really never realized to what extent he had been injured.  So, at the HSC, they finally told me not only had he broken his leg and back, but he had also broken his neck.  So that evening, they took him into surgery to "stabilize" his neck.  I knew this meant putting a halo on since a year previous to Keith's accident we had been to this very hospital visiting one of the staff that had worked for Keith at the camp who had also broken his neck but was a quadriplegic because of it.  When Keith woke from surgery, he had been fitted with a halo, with a weight hanging off the end of his bed to give his neck traction.  His leg had been temporarily set but his back was still broken.  They would have to wait to do anything with his back because they couldn't move him without risking damage or death from his broken neck.

The next morning we waited to hear what the doctors would say.  What they told us at that time was that Keith would never walk again.  His back vertebrae had been so completely shattered that there was nothing left of it.  They would wait for a few weeks to see what could be done to remove the intense nerve pain that he was having, although he could not feel his legs at all.

Two and a half weeks later on October 7, as reality started to settle in that he would never walk again, the doctor's decided to do surgery on his back.  It was risky because his neck was not healed.  Because of the risks involved, they put all the tubes etc. down his throat while he was still awake because they had to know whether or not he was loosing feeling in his upper body or feeling any pain when they turned him.   By about 9:30 a nurse came out to tell me that he had indeed survived being turned over, he was now out and the doctor was beginning to operate.

Before his operation, the doctor had asked Keith what he was hoping for from the operation.  We had pretty much resolved in our own minds that he would never walk again, so Keith said that the only thing he was hoping for was that he could get rid of the nerve pain in his legs that never went away.  This was being caused from all the bone fragments that were lodged in his spinal chord.  So that is what the doctor began to work on.  For the next 7 hours, he picked every splinter of bone out of Keith's spine and when Keith came to the next day, it was the first thing he realized - he had no more intense burning from the nerve pain he had had.  They also harvested a bone from his hip to create a new vertebrae to replace the one that had been shattered.  Praise the Lord!!!

One of the benefits of being in the hospital was that Keith got to meet Matt Dunigan.  Although Matt was playing for Winnipeg at the time, Keith made very sure to share the fact that he was indeed a Saskatchewan Roughrider fan!!!

Over the next several months, Keith had many many hours of physical therapy, occupational therapy and basically retraining his life to deal with legs that didn't move.  Learning to transfer in and out of a wheelchair.  Learning to sit up when you have no leg muscles to support you.  Life was very different.  After his surgery he had been fitted with a halo vest that kept his neck stabilized allowing him to sit up.  Later on once his neck was starting to heal, he was able to do more physical therapy and was fitted into a stand up wheelchair that allowed him to be upright, although he had no leg muscles.

Over the next several months, we realize that he was starting to get a few quad muscles back, and so they fitted him with full length leg braces and taught him how to use his hips to swing his legs forward to take a few steps.  It wasn't really functional for any length of time, but it did allow him to be upright and see the world from a different perspective than from his wheelchair.

Over the next year or so, Keith started to get more and more muscles back to the point that he is now able to walk with the use of canes, and braces that go under his feet to just below his knees.  What an incredible gift!!!  Being able to walk and even climb stairs.  You have no idea how restricted you are until you cannot get out of a wheelchair.

So today, 21 years later, we celebrate all the miracles that God has done for us.  It has not been an easy road.  And there are days where it is still difficult for him.  Seeing someone skating.  Or skiing.  Or biking.  Running. . . these are all things that he used to love dearly, but can no longer do.  However, we are both acutely aware that God has blessed us with 21 bonus years.  21 years that could so easily have been different.

So today, I choose to look back with joy.  With thanksgiving.  With praise to God for all the miracles he has done in Keith's life.  The story that I have written here, is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to all the amazing little things that God worked out.  Oh how we have been blessed!!!  So today I thank God above all else for giving me these extra bonus years with Keith.  I truly am blessed to have him in my life.  He is my miracle - every day!!!

Why do I deserve to be loved?

As I sit staring into the empty computer screen, my reflection screams back at me with words already swirled around in my head but unspoken.

You have failed yet again.  You do not deserve all the gifts God lavishes on you.  You do not deserve to be loved by your children, your husband. Let alone God! You make mistake after mistake and never seem to learn.  You hurl angry words at your child all because a basketball bounced into your pot of flowers.  You sit in silence and don't speak words because your husband didn't understand what you didn't say.  You start a day with frustration and anger and send your most loved ones out the door feeling like they just want to rush out of the door to get away from the awfulness of their day so far.  What kind of a mother ARE you?  What kind of a wife are you??? You do not deserve love.  You do not deserve forgiveness.  YOU ARE A FAILURE! 

Those are the words that the reflection in my computer was shouting back at me.  Why do you expect to receive forgiveness or grace or any other good thing when there is nothing about you that is good????

Mired in shame and guilt, I bowed my head and wept.  And as I poured my heart out to God, I knew those answers.  I didn't deserve it.  I didn't deserve any of the God things that I have received.  BUT, because of God's grace and forgiveness He has given me many precious gifts.  God knows my heart.  God knows that I have and will continue to make mistakes.  Big ones.  Seemingly unforgivable ones.  But God forgives.  God has promised His forgiveness to me.  God has promised to love me unconditionally.  Any good thing I have comes from Him and it is because of His love for me, that I have any good thing at all.


So as I proceed through my day, I will claim God's grace.  For each mistake I make, I will claim God's forgiveness and grace.  And I will strive to do the same for others.  I will ask for and offer my forgiveness to others.  And above all, I will praise God for His goodness.  I am not a failure.  I may fail, but I am not a failure.  I will claim God's promises and allow Him to keep working on me and make me into a vessel that brings Him honour and praise. 

Sunday's Praise

 

Psalm 103

Of David.

¹ Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶ The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
⁸ The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
²¹ Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
²² Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.