Heaven on my Mind

Recently, I've been struggling through some dark places again.  Thankfully not the deepest darkest ones, but dark none the less.  Anxiety/depression is a weird thing.  That most certainly is something I have realized.  Just when you think things have turned a corner, and life might be a little different, you get hit again, with the realization that this is something I will struggle with constantly.  And no level of meds. or Scripture reading will ever make it go away.  (Thankfully both of those thinks help me walk through those times, but they don't erase them.)

Having lived far away from my family for the last 32 out of 50 years, I have often gone through times, where I desperately wanted to move back to Ontario.  Sometimes it's a fleeting thought - other times its an all consuming desire for weeks on end.  I miss being near my parents.  I miss being near my siblings.  I hear of friends who go to Mom & Dad's for Sunday lunch, and I wish I had the opportunity of doing that.  I hear when friends children get to have sleep overs at Grandpa & Grandma's and I wish my kids had that.  The longing for "home" never goes away.

But, I have never been as homesick as I was when I was 17.  During that summer, I had the privilege of being at a leadership camp at Bark Lake in northern Ontario.  This was not a Christian camp, but a friend of mine & I had been chosen by the camp we counselled at to go and learn for 3 weeks at this camp.  It truly was a privilege, but after several days of no other Christian friends around, no family and feeling so utterly alone, homesickness started to settle in.  The ache that I felt in my heart was actually painful.  It was so strong, and so all consuming.  It was all I could think of.  I missed home so much, I could feel it in my throat - in my stomach.  Phone calls were not always possible and while we did receive mail, and a visit from our boyfriends, nothing eased the ache of just wanting to be home.  I will never forget the moment, when I & my group of friends that I had made there, were sitting waiting for our parents, and I realized it was my parents who were driving up to pick me up.  (They had purchased a new car while I was gone, so it was only when I saw their faces that I realized it was them.)  Oh the feeling of relief when I was back together with them.  I can't say I was close to my parents (I was a teenager after all!), but that feeling of security and safety and relief to see them again was incredibly powerful.  I learned so much that summer from my time away and have never forgotten that feeling of "coming home", even if it was not really home, but simply being in my parents presence.

My brother Brian (he also lives far away from family) & I often talk about that feeling of going home.  The feeling of being back on familiar ground.  The feeling of being "home".  For both of us, even after so many years, the moment we drive up near Kitchener, or drive on roads we used to, we are home.  There is just something comforting and familiar, and it gives us a sense of peace.

Brian & I also often talk about Heaven.  For so many years, regardless of how our lives have been going, we have often talked about that desire to leave this world behind and spend the rest of our days in Heaven.  We often chat abou
t the feelings we will have worshiping.  Adoring. In complete Awe.  Recently as I've struggled through these dark places, that feeling of homesickness has been getting stronger and stronger.  Not going back to my Ontario home, but my heavenly home.  Don't get me wrong I wouldn't do anything to make that happen, but that feeling of knowing that someday, I will get to leave this life behind is so comforting.  The yo-yo of emotions that I feel will be completely replaced with being in Jesus' presence.  The intense loneliness and sadness I feel will be replaced with joy unspeakable.  The overwhelming feeling of homesickness that I feel will be filled with overwhelming awe and adoration for my Jesus.  I will get to sit at His feet and praise Him.  I will get to be in His presence and know that "I am Home".

As I've struggled through these lonely days, that feeling of homesickness has intensified.  I cannot wait!!  I cannot wait to be consumed and flooded with joy at being able to see Jesus.  In our church services recently, we have been doing a series called "Legacy of the Shepherd".  Yesterday, we sang an old hymn called "Who is on the Lord's Side?" and it had a verse that went like this:

1. Fierce may be the conflict, strong may be the foe,
   But the King’s own army none can overthrow;
   ’Round His standard ranging, vict’ry is secure,
   For His truth unchanging makes the triumph sure.
   Joyfully enlisting, by Thy grace divine,
   We are on the Lord’s side—Savior, we are Thine!

It got me thinking again about how thankful I am that I have Jesus.  That I have Him to be my anchor.  My strength.  And no matter how homesick I get here on earth, I know I have the hope that the darkness I feel, the loneliness I experience, the sadness and disappointment that surrounds me, will all someday be gone because Jesus has taken all that away for me.  I will get to see Jesus face to face.

I found this song written in the '90's by Danny Plett (who ironically is now our church's Worship Ministry Pastor) and it made my heart sing.  The thought of Heaven and going there is written so perfectly in this song and it has been going over and over in my head, so I wanted to share it with you.

If you are struggling with life here on Earth, just know that if you know Jesus Christ as your Savior, you have a hope that will take this all away.  Jesus died for you, and He knows the pain we are going through here on an imperfect earth, and He wants you with Him one day.  If you don't know Jesus personally, or want to find out more about Heaven and the confidence I have that one day I will be there, I'd love to chat with you  about it.  Or find someone in your life that knows that without a doubt they are headed there too.

It's a hope we can each have that can take away the deepest ache, the sharpest pain, the darkest night.  Because Jesus took it all for us.  And I personally can't wait for the day to see Jesus face to face and thank Him for the gift that He has made available to each one of us.  What a day that will be!!!!!

2 Corinthians 4:7-10

But this precious treasure—this light and power that now shine within us—is held in a perishable container, that is, in our weak bodies. Everyone can see that the glorious power within must be from God and is not our own.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. These bodies of ours are constantly facing death just as Jesus did; so it is clear to all that it is only the living Christ within who keeps us safe.