And how do you do it? How do you pick yourself up and decide to get going? How do you just put those feelings aside and start the day? How do you just put one foot in front of the other and start?
Well, today, I guess I just do it. Today I CAN do it. I might not WANT to do it, but today I can. Today, I am very aware of the choice I have. Today, I am very aware of the fact that I can either go back to bed and stay there, or I can get up and get something done - or in the least put clothes on this morning. That's step one.
Today I am going to choose to remember a time when I couldn't logically make that choice. Today I choose to remember those times that because of the tears, I couldn't get out of bed. I choose to remember the times when all I could do was lie in bed and think of how awful my life was. I choose to remember those dark days when all I could think of was ending my life - parking my car on a train track begging God to send a train. I choose to remember the days when I was completely unavailable to my children, and my husband had to carry on life for my kids without me. I choose to remember the days that I sat at the door sobbing because I knew I needed to go out, but sat in terrified panic of walking out the door. I choose to remember those days. . .
. . . because today is not one of those days. Today. Today I can think about those days. Today, I can look back and know that my life didn't end that day. For right now, today I am on the other side of that path. Today I can look back and thank God that I can see things clearer now. Today I might feel kind of blah, but I can still see out the window and find the good in the day. Today, I remember that God has walked me through a path of incredible darkness, and I am thankful.
Today I could read the devotional from Proverbs31.org (Proverbs31 Ministries) and say - yes that was me. . . but I too have been brought through those dark days. Today because of God's goodness, I can say that I still can see the sun rising each morning. And each day further away from those days, brings me hope that I will be able to stay in this emotional healthy state. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy road back. Getting over the stigma of taking medication to keep my chemicals in balance was a tough thing to get accustomed to. Having to make the choice to go to see a counselor regularly to help me refocus my thought patterns was not an easy choice. Accepting that maybe God was using those things (medication, doctors & counseling) to help me out of my depression rather than performing an all out miracle was tough. I knew that God COULD do that, but I also came to accept that God brought those people, the words in books, my doctors to help me. Of course, I spent hours and hours going to Him. Believe me, I knew I needed Him first and foremost. In his book Emotionally Free, Grant Mullen talks about how if someone has cancer, we pray that God would heal their bodies. But never for a moment, would we encourage someone to stay away from the doctors or hospital. We know God can (and does!) heal them but we also know that God uses the benefits of modern medicine to show His work as well. And for depression or other mental illnesses, it is no different. God has provided the medication to balance out the chemicals in our bodies. By no stretch of the imagination do I believe that I don't need God because of my meds. I DO however, believe that God used my doctor to find the appropriate medicine that worked for me. I DO believe that He led me to my counselor Lynn (Crocus Counseling) who has helped me walk through these difficult times, and taught me to change my thought patterns. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God used Grant Mullen's book to help me gain victory over these issues. God was in it all.
And so today, when I face a difficult morning. I go to God. It is easy to use Satan's lies. And I will be honest, I do not always gain great victory. But more and more often, I am able to go to God first and then using what I have been taught gain those little daily victories. I'm constantly having to defeat Satan and rebuke his lies. I am constantly having to focus my face on God and the victories He has given me in the past to show that He is still moving - and changing me.
It's not easy. Many mornings there is a struggle. Many times during the day it is a struggle. Many times, I must consciously beg God to help me focus on His truths, and not on Satan's lies. Many times, I have a very specific decision to make. Will I believe the lie that Satan is telling me, or dig deeper and find the truth that God has placed there for me?
I pray that if you struggle with believing Satan's lies - whatever they may be - I encourage you first and foremost to talk to God. Take that very moment and ask God to take those thoughts away. And secondly talk to someone!!! The longer you believe the lies that Satan is feeding you the more difficult it becomes to find the truth that God has for you.
I love Psalm 139. It's a longer one so I won't post it here, but here's a link to it.Psalm 139 Read it when you can. It is a great reminder of who we are in God. And as dark as your days may sometime seem, remember HE is there. He has been there, and He wants to bring you into His Light. I pray that if you find yourself struggling today that you will be able to find a way through the fog and focus on God's light. That you will be able to defeat Satan's badgering and focus on what God is trying to tell you. And if there is something that I can pray for you, I would love for you to leave a comment below so that I can pray for you. If you don't want to leave specifics, that's fine. . . just know I'd love to take the time to pray for you!
Praying that you will be able to see God's light and focus on the goodness He has given to you today.
*HUGS*
