What's your temperature? HOT? COLD?

So last night in our Bible Study, we watched a video that really made me stop and think.  This past week I struggled with feeling empty and emotionless.

Well, last night, I left feeling very alive.  Not excited for God per se, but alive and aware about how NOT excited I am for God.  We watched a video by Joel Thomas called Choose to Lose.  I think the bottom line in it (if I can paraphrase it) was I need to loose things in my life in order to win Christ.  I jotted down the question: WHAT AM I WILLING TO LOSE?

Then this morning, this video from Francis Chan comes across my desk, and I tell you . . . I am feeling a lot more than I really want to.  It made me really question my faith!  Not question God, but it made me question what I believe.  I know WHAT I believe, and I know WHO I believe, but do I truly believe it?  Francis challenged the listeners that if we really BELIEVE GOD, we will choose to lose everything for Christ.  We will put everything in our lives behind us to put God first.

He asked:  What are you putting before God?  He shared the verses in Revelation3:16-21

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

21 To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

I have been made increasingly aware that my walk with God is not all it should be.  In reading the book The Christian Atheist (Craig Groeschel), in watching these two videos it really made me think about how little I am losing for God.  It made me so aware of all the things I am putting in front of my relationship with God.

My relationship with God should be SO IMPORTANT that everything else pales in comparison.  I know at Lent we give something up for God, but shouldn't we be giving everything up for Him?  ALL THE TIME?? Shouldn't I be putting such little value on the things around me that my focus, my value, my primary goal in life is to please God?  Oh how I have failed.  Oh how my life needs to change.

What am I willing to give up for God?  What am I willing to lose in or to win in my relationship with Jesus Christ?  One of the comments in our video last night was "Jesus didn't want to lose His life, but He did because He knew if He didn't, we all would have been lost."  So what am I doing for Him?  Am I putting Him first in my life?  Am I a hot Christian, a non Christian, or even worse a lukewarm Christian.  Because according to Revelation, if I AM a lukewarm Christian, I'm only fooling myself.  Because the very word Christian means follower of Christ.  NOT FOLLOWER OF OUR OWN DESIRES.

I need to lose myself, my life, my goals, my own selfishness - in order to gain Christ!

Be prepared to feel uncomfortable watching this video!  I can tell you, it has given me a lot to think about.

Strength and Song

This week has been a struggle.  I can't put my finger on anything specific, but emotionally, it has been a struggle to stay positive.  I feel dry.  I feel empty.  I can't say I've struggled with depression, but just really have felt blah.  Almost emotionless.  Like I've been going through the motions.  Going to work.  Teaching. Making sure the house is running smoothly.  Doing what has to be done, but doing it without any emotion. And you can tell by the silence on my blog.  Thankfully those feelings have not erupted into any storms here at home, but I don't like this feeling.  I just feel emotionless.  And I don't like that.  I like to feel alive.  I like to feel motivated and energized.  We have our spring break to look forward to and yet, even that is not getting me energized.  I've tried spending time in the Word and it has felt like I'm just going through the motions.  I've tried praying and it feels like the words really barely got past my lips.

And then the questions have started. What's the point?  Where's the meaning in all this?  Where's the joy?  Surely there has got to be more than this for my week?  I want to feel alive.  I want to feel happy.  I want to feel joy!!!

Then out of mere habit I turned my page on my Jesus Calling devotional calendar from Sarah Young and read this:

"TRUST ME AND DON'T BE AFRAID, for I am your Strength and Song.  Think what it means to have Me as your Strength.  I spoke the universe into existence:  My Power is absolutely unlimited!  Human weakness, consecrated to Me, is like a magnet, drawing My Power into your neediness.  However, fear can block the flow of My Strength into you.  Instead of trying to fight your fears, concentrate on trusting Me.  When you relate to Me in confident trust, there is no limit to how much I can strengthen you.

Remember that I am also your Song.  I want you to share MY JOY, living in conscious awareness of My Presence.  Rejoice as we journey together toward heaven; join Me in singing My Song.  Isaiah 12:2-3; Psalm 21:6"

I don't know necessarily how to get out of this dry spell I am in a the moment, but I DO know that my song - my joy - will come from God.  And focusing on Him is going to get me moving.  So that's what I will do.  I will not concentrate on my own fears, I will instead, try to focus on God and His Strength.  I will try to draw my joy from all He has for me.  I will put the music on and let the words speak to my heart.  I will allow God's praise to sink down to the very bottom of my day and focus on that.  I will listen to Him speaking to me today and seek my joy from that, rather than from the happenings around me.  I will draw my joy, my strength from the One who is the ultimate Strong One.  The giver of TRUE JOY!

OH HOW I WISH. . . . . . . . . . .. . .. yup . . .. . . my dreams came true. . . . .

so i will start with this. . .

i am sorry that there are those of you out there that have bigger (and truthfully) more anguishing wishes than me.  I pray for you! I DO!!!  I pray for the cancers.  I pray for the broken families.  I pray for the illnesses. . .  PLEASE do not think that I think these issues any less.  BELIEVE me they teach me lessons.  I am so thankful that god brings these thoughts. . . and FRIENDS to me. . .

But for tonight. . .. . i choose to share my thoughts via this forum.

I wish I could take away all the struggles that we/I have gone through. . . as my son strives to be a better hockey player (nope not on a team! -  on our driveway!) he plays with his dad - an incomplete paraplegic.   As proud as I am of my husband (AND I AM - BELIEVE ME I AM!!!!) i am saddened for the things that my son would have liked to do but didn't b/c he did not want to disappoint or make his dad feel bad.  Peyton has an extreme pride in his dad.  Keith is his world.  He's my world - okay - that has nothing to do with sports - but he is AMAZING!!!  Did you know?  That Keith did the time clock so that my  boy could experience hockey?  Keith couldn't coach.  He couldn't show Peyton how to skate. . . but he DID what he could do.

Do you know?  That every swimming lesson, Keith takes Taylor to it because I am teaching????  He cheers her on!!!  He brings her there and takes her home BECAUSE HE LOVES HER!!!

Did you know that even in the worst storms, my husband that has an C2 and an L2 fracture in his neck and his back, snowblows my driveway????  AND not only does he do that for me, but he does it for about 4 or 5 other seniors on our crescent??? and with this absolute love for Jesus, he is teaching my son to do the same???

OH HOW I AM BLESSED!!!!  Sometimes I get covered in ME. . . in what I don't have. . . . and God redirects my focus.

I started this blog with OH HOW I WISH. . . . . and it was things I was thinking about what I wanted.   but i would like to say this.. . .

OH HOW I WISH YOU ARE AS BLESSED BY SOMEONE AS I AM . . . . 

BY MY HUSBAND!!!!!!!

keith i love you. . . . . .

Keith at a Blue Bomber game with Taylor

Keith took Peyton to a Monster truck evening!  Peeps was SO thrilled!!!