What's your heritage? What's your life saying about you?

Many years ago, my husband and I joined my parents on an incredibly memorable trip to Holland.  Both my parents were born and raised in Holland, and eventually immigrated to Canada.  However, the majority of my relatives with the exception of one family all lived outside of Canada - and most of them were in Holland.

I had remembered visiting Holland as a child, but was so excited to be able to bring my husband back there to show him all those things I remembered as a child.  We had the opportunity to meet several of my aunts and uncles and cousins, and even were able to see the homes where my Mom and Dad grew up in.  In fact, we stayed in the very home that my father grew up in.

The Langendoen farmhouse was amazing.  While it had gone under some transformations, it was amazing how similar it was and how it brought back so many memories from my visits there as a child.  One of the things that I have cherished was finding the Langendoen family crest.  As a child I had not known it existed, but when we went back in 1993, I saw it displayed up on the Langendoen family home - proudly indicating that this was a home that belonged to the Langendoen's.  Several years later, I decided to get that same crest as a tattoo.  I am proud of my dutch family heritage and that I come from the Langendoen family.

As I've thought about that crest and what it means, I realized that if anyone actually recognized that crest they would know that I am a Langendoen because it is proudly tattooed on my body.

And from that, I've wondered what kind of crest am I displaying for those around me.  Every day, each of us presents a crest to the world.  What is it saying?  Does our crest make people realize that we are children of God?  Does what I do, show others around me the things that God has called me to do and be?  What are my actions speaking?  I might not be wearing a crest for others to see, but my actions certainly are speaking volumes.

Over the years, as we have met different people and interacted with them, there have been, on occasion, times when Keith & I have walked away from a conversation knowing without a doubt that that individual was a Christian.  Not so much by their words, but by their actions.  The gentleness, the kindness that they displayed.  Or we've come away from a situation and commented how we wondered if that person was a Christian because of the things that maybe weren't said - a situation where someone may have held their tongue. (Oh, sadly not my strong suit!)  There have also been times when we have met someone and by their words have realized that they are Christians.  But they have worn their Christianity - whether by word or deed - as a crest - a badge - for all to see.  They are a child of God.  They live their lives for all to see.  They share Christ wherever they go - just by being themselves.

Oh how I hope that my life would speak like that.  I hope that the actions I show to others shine like a tattoo on my life that I am forever linked to Christ.  I pray that through my life - in all I do - and in my case - in all I say, that I will speak Jesus.  That my life will radiate His message.

This is my prayer for you - for me - today.  That we will bear Christ, like a tattoo on our lives.  That all who see us will recognize Christ through us!!!

Ephesians 3:18-19

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Blew it Big time. . .

Well, yesterday was the bomb.  Really, it was.  I know that lots of you might here that term from the kids and think it's a positive comment.  Like "she's the bomb" - meaning she's awesome! Or "that was the bomb" meaning something was really cool - awesome.

Well my yesterday was the bomb - in a blow up, nuclear explosion sort of way!  Man, how did such a good start to the morning, turn so wrong.  I was very motivated yesterday.  I got started early, had my supper started before lunch and finished and ready in the crock pot before my piano students came and I was cruising!  In fact, I was pretty proud of the soup I'd made for supper.  Tuesdays are my busy piano day with students starting first thing in the morning, then at lunch, then through the afternoon and 4 after school.  My daughter has swimming at 6:15, so supper needs to be ready for the other three before I teach so that they can eat at 5:15 and head to the pool.

And indeed it was.  Not only supper ready, but quite truthfully, one of THE BEST soups I have ever made.  It was DELICIOUS.  Okay, maybe I'll share it with you later - or maybe I'll make you wait until tomorrow.  But I have to say, it was the best soup I have ever made!  EVER.  :-)  So I was pretty pleased with myself that I had done so well! (YES - I  already see why the explosion first ignited. . . . )  So, as my 5:00 student arrived, I noticed my husband was not yet home.  Oh well, I'm sure he'd be there for 5:15.  Well, at 5:30 I noticed my son was still not inside, my daughter had helped herself to a bowl of soup, because husband did not appear to be home yet either.  Well, by 5:55, he apparently showed up, got my daughter and headed out for swimming.

By the time my final student left, my insides were seething about as hot as what the soup was in the crock pot.  How dare they all be so ungrateful for the time I had spent on this soup.  None of them deserved this oh so delicious meal that I had prepared out of the goodness of my soul!  JUST FOR THEM. . . . . . Don't they know I work just as hard as the rest of them AND I made this soup!!!! (Can you see how poorly this was going??!?!?!)  Oh let me tell you, the fury was boiling!

Oh my poor son.  I hollered at him to get inside (RIGHT NOW!) and unleashed the fury that was inside.  Poor kid didn't know what hit him - I will be honest.  Why was he still outside?  Why was he in the back yard when he was supposed to be in the front?  Why had he not had supper?  Why was home reading not done?  WHY WHY WHY??????? And hurry up and eat the best soup I have ever made -  and you'd better LOVE IT!!!! . . . . . Poor husband came home and got the same treatment. (Well actually worse - I took the leftover soup and froze it!!!!!)

Suddenly, my bowl of best ever made soup, wasn't tasting so wonderful right now.  I went to my office (which ironically also serves as the prayer room) to cool down.  HOW DARE THEY not appreciate me and my wonderful soup???? As I let the steam cool down just a little, my eyes were directed to the words above my bulletin board. . . . Oh WHY does God have this amazing ability to not say anything verbally, but speak volumes?  As I looked up, I stared at the words that were written on the wall.  "be still and know that I am God".  AND not to be outdone, were more words I'd put up on the wall "Listen with compassion - Speak with grace".  WOW!  Talk about a slap in the face.  How is it that I know these words, I look at these words most every day, and yet, I can't live up to them?  How is it that in just a slip of the tongue, in the twist of my thoughts, I inflicted a world more of pain on the ones I love the most, than any of the "poor me thoughts" ever even felt.  Sure I was hurt, but nothing like the pain I had spewed forth.

Sadly, this is not the only time it's happened.  Sadly I have hurled words like they were poison. Sadly, these are episodes that fall off my tongue before I even have a moment to stop it.

Thankfully God has given me a husband and children who are filled with forgiveness.  Thankfully God has offered His forgiveness to me, and in turn I ask for it from my family.  But each time, I struggle with it.  How can someone who is supposed to be controlled by God, lose control in the blink of an eye?  How is it that I can be so sure I've put Christ as number one in my life, and yet, take it back in an instant and make myself number one.  How is it that without so much as a thought, I can hurt the people I love the most.  Not to mention how I mess up with God Himself?  How is it that my sinful nature seems to take over so much easier than my Godly nature?

I can say, that after episodes like yesterday, I struggle with feeling like a good Mom.  Like a good wife.  Like a good Christian.  I hang my head in shame.  I go to work in the mornings and think - why am I here?  Don't they know what an awful person she is?  I struggle.  I struggle with how God sees me.  I don't believe for a moment, He could love me.  And yet He does.  I don't believe for a moment, He could forgive me.  And yet He has!  Why?  Because of His love for me.

And what about today?  Well, today, I pull the covers off and say (yet again) "Okay Lord, today is yours!  Please help to take the ME out of my day."  I go into the day and try to start it new.  Try to start it fresh.  God has forgiven me.  Thankfully my family has forgiven me.  Thankfully I am blessed with forgiveness.  All around.  And so plug on.  I put one foot in front of the other and with each step caution my thoughts.  With each step, think about honoring God.  And with each step, I think about a God who sent His Son to die for my sins.  All of them.  Even the down right ugly ones that hurt the very ones I love.  Even the ones that will yet be made - because they are there.  And I trust that God knows my heart.  He knows my desires and I know His forgiveness is never ending. . . I beg Him to help me show that same love.  That same forgiveness.  That same blessing to those I come in contact with.  That when the times come where I am the one needing to offer the forgiveness, I will be ready with the same forgiveness that He (and my family) have blessed me with.  Truly truly I am a blessed girl - blow ups and all. . . .

Titus 3:4-6
4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior

Growing Pains. . .

Week 3 for my seedlings

About 3 weeks ago, I eagerly started several petunia seeds.  I wouldn't say I'm an experienced gardener, more like a trial and error gardener.  Sometimes things work and thrive in my garden, other times my attempts feel futile.  So 3 weeks ago, I decided I would try my hand (AGAIN!) at starting my plants from seeds.  A few  years back, I had purchased a grow light and was sure that was my answer to all of the problems I'd had starting seeds in the past.

Well, the first year, it was "okay".  Most of my seeds germinated, but I'd realized that I had started them WAY to late.  When they say start seeds 8-10 before last frost, that doesn't work for Manitoba!!!  First of all it needs to be more like 12-14 weeks because those poor little guys just couldn't survive out in our "frost free" zone.  Sure we weren't having frost at the end of May, but my seedlings weren't very happy with temperatures hovering around 5C!!!  So for June, and most of July, my "beautiful" petunias had absolutely no blooms.  My ideas of saving money and starting my own seeds had successfully been squashed because I "HAD" to go out and buy plants that actually had blooms on them so my yard did have some color.

HOWEVER, my seedlings continued to grow and get stronger, and as my greenhouse purchased plants started to look spent and scraggly, here were my own petunias that I had started from seed just bursting forth with vibrant color and lots of blooms.  The pots from the greenhouse that had bloomed so beautifully in July were now sad and not very attractive.  But the pots that I had started "too late" and were slow in blooming were now loaded with blooms - at a very time when it felt summer was winding down.  Some of my pots I had started were now in their full glory. So while I had thought that year was a failure, it had turned out that it had actually prolonged the beauty of my gardens!!!

The first year I had purchased my seeds from Canadian Tire, but the second year, I decided I was now a pro at starting seeds!  (OOPS!  BIG MISTAKE!)  I'm not sure if it really was about the company, but the next year I decided to purchase my seeds from a reputable mail order seed company.  I thought that SURELY those seeds must be incredible and I couldn't fail.  Well, if I thought my first year was a failure, last year was a complete failure.  I would say maybe only 15% of my seeds germinated, and then the ones that did germinate well, let's just say, if you forget to take them inside when the frost hits, it doesn't make for some very pretty pots!!!

So this year, I have big hopes.  I have gone back to Canadian Tire for my seeds, I've started them 4 weeks (or maybe more) earlier in the hopes of positive results!  And I do have to say, so far so good.   Out of a tray of 36 petunias, one 3 didn't germinate!  I'd say that's a pretty good ratio so far.  My oregano is coming up.  My parsley and chives too!  It's exciting.

HOWEVER, it's not over just yet.  That I think, may have been the easy part.  Now to keep the mold away, to keep those babies watered - just enough and not too much.  To keep the grow light at the proper height.  And oh. . . when do I transplant them?

As I've babied and coddled and cared for my seedlings over the year, this year I was struck by how many times I've tried to get this gardening thing just right.  (I'm hoping it's this year!!!) These are my three attempts with grow lights.  And believe me there have been many more errors when I tried to grow them in a window sill with minimal light.  Talk about some leggy tomato plants!!! But I continued on.  Each time I learned a little more.  I tried some new ideas.  I didn't give up.

Today I was again reminded how my spiritual walk is like that.  Sometime I get it right.  There are moments when it feels like I am growing by leaps and bounds.  Sometimes I find that when I spend chunks of time with God, I have this incredible growth spurt.  There are other times when it feels like no matter what I do I just can't seem to get germinated.  The seed is there.  My Bible is open. . . but NOTHING!!!  Today as I purposed in my mind to spend that chunk of time with God, I read.  I prayed.  I listened.  I waited.  Nothing.  Okay, so not nothing, but no big epiphanies.  Just some little reminders in Titus of how I should act.  Well, I know that already Lord.  I don't want to hear THAT again, I want something GOOD!  Something really meaty.  But as I looked for that "great eye opening moment" I realized that the very things that I was reading about were the very things I was needing to follow through on.  It kind of made me realize that its the watering and the lighting that is the most important for my seedlings.  If I try to give them a huge dose of fertilizer right now, I'll just kill them all off.  I need to do the every day, maybe even mundane things to keep them growing.

And so to it is in my spiritual walk.  I might not be having these major break through moments, but all God is asking of me is to do things for Him.  I'm having my time with Him.  I'm being reminded of things He wants from me - and my job right now is to do those things.  When I was reading in Titus 2 it was talking about the role of the older woman.  (Yes, I do feel that's me these days).  But the one part that struck me was that in all I do, I need to do it well "so that the Christian faith can’t be spoken against by those who know them." There was no major lightening bolt moment this morning as I was reading.  There was no audible voice from God.  There was no "fertilizer boost" from what I was reading.  I just was reminded that I am to be an example for Christ in EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I DO!!!  I'll go about my daily tasks here at home.  I will teach my piano students.  I will care for my kids and husband.  I'll do all those regular "watering and lighting" things.  And hopefully the way I do those things I will bring honor and glory to God. Hopefully my heart will be right and the seedlings that are in my heart will continue to grow and flourish.  Hopefully, in the end, my life will have produced a floral display for God that brings Him glory.  And that will show Christ to those around me.

So you might feel like today is just another uneventful day.  But keep the lighting right.  Keep watering those seeds you have started in your heart.  God will honor your diligence. God will bless you for serving Him even in these times when it feels dry.  God knows your heart and He knows you are seeking Him.  Let Him grow you into something beautiful - even when it feels like nothing is happening.  He is making those roots strong to stand the test of time.  He is growing you into His beautiful creation.

Missed Opportunities

Yesterday, as I sat and munched down on a snack, I scrolled through the channels looking for some paralympic coverage. . . . Alas. . . . couldn't find any.

What I DID find, what the Shopping Channel!!!  Now for any of you who hate to go out, The Shopping Channel could be where you find all your deals. . . .  or spend all your money.  I have to say. . . I don't spend too much money here, but when I have laid down some dollars, it has been worth it!!! NOPE!!!! this is not a Shopping Channel infomercial!

But yesterday. . . I saw the most amazing thing:   THE EUROSTEAM IRON.  A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!!  Seriously!!!!!  For those of you who have husbands who have oodles and oodles of dress shirts to be pressed, or if you have mountains of dress clothes that need to be neat and tidy. . . . let me tell you

THIS PUPPY HERE?!?!?!?  IS ALL YOU NEED!!! Okay, so technically I haven't tried it. 

But I HATE IRONING!!!

Oh, did I say that out loud?!?!?  LOL  Seriously, though, the mountains of dress shirts that I have to iron is sometimes overwhelming.

{okay. . . admission time - if I would only iron them as they became available in my laundry pile, it would not be a mountain.  however, i hate ironing. . . so as you can imagine. . . they get left.  and not only are they my husband's clothes, but my daughters, and . . . . get this. . . . my son has now decided he likes the "button up cowboy shirts" WHICH ALSO NEED TO BE IRONED!!!! and oh yes. . . i recall a recent post that I said I prayed for my family as I did laundry. . . . Oops WHEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER's FULL BUT THE HEART IT EMPTY}  

OK, sorry for that outburst!!!

Anyway, this iron seemed like the answer to all my problems AND. . . . . there were SIX EASY PAYS!!!!! Okay, so after my initial freak out - truly this was amazing!!!! I decided that I needed to do the right thing, and wait. . . . wait. . . breathe. . . until Keith got home. . . . 

ALAS. . . . . . . ............................. by the time Keith got home: I FORGOT ABOUT MY IRON!!!!

So today. . . i checked, and of course, it was no longer on sale.  If I wanted it, I had to pay full price. . . . I had to pay shipping. . . . and it . . . . was. . . .. just . . . . too much money.

I MISSED IT!!!  I MISSED THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFE TIME!!!! Ok, okay, not so much, but I missed out on a $75.00 savings!!!   I MISSED THAT PERFECT OPPORTUNITY!!!

Alright. . . so truth is. . . it was probably the right decision.  It likely was a "too good to be true" deal {and yet, the things i have purchased through the shopping channel. . . . . . . . . }

So, i know. . . not a major missed opportunity right?  I AGREE!!!  (and okay, truthfully it wasn't quite that dramatic but when I found out the deal didn't continue on through the weekend it WAS disappointing - because I REALLY DO HATE IRONING!!!!!!!!!) And truthfully, there are no repercussions because I didn't buy that steam iron.   

HOWEVER. . . . how many other opportunities have I let slip by that I didn't take notice of.  How many times did I talk about me, instead of listening to someone else?  (I will be honest when you go through stuff, you need to talk. . . but what I forgot, was I also needed to LISTEN!)  How many times did I see someone in need, but kept walking by.

A few weeks ago, at the Preschool where I teach, we talked about the story of the good Samaritan. (Luke 10:30-37) I went home and asked my kids this question:  If you saw someone on the floor of your school that was hurt, what would you do?  They both admitted, unless it was someone they knew, they likely would have walked around, looked, but not done a thing. Both said they would tell their teachers that someone was "down"  (WHEW!!!) but that was about it. When asked why, both of them admitted a couple of things:  1.  they didn't know who the kids was  2. they weren't sure if the kid would want their help, so they would walk away.  3.  They didn't want to get in trouble if someone saw them talking to the kid on the floor; 4. they didn't want to get in trouble for being "late".

Upon hearing these things, I wondered about my response.  I wondered what I would do if I came upon someone in need.  I'm not sure my responses would be any different.  Yes, the situation would be different, but in comparison, my reaction would truthfully be the same.  

As I have sat and contemplated that conversation, along with my ever prompting thoughts about my 2014 goal of BE MORE, I can't help but wonder what REALLY am I doing to be more???  Am I conscious about those around me that need more?  That need a helping hand.  That need prayer.  That need my minutes.  That need my time.  That need my thoughts. . . .

I started to think about how (oh sad soul. . . ) self absorbed I am, and it is humiliating.  For all I WANT to be, what I am is woefully inadequate.  I have missed so many opportunities.  To BE MORE.  To help more.  To listen more.  To sit more. To care more.  To pray more. . . . TO BE MORE.

Oh, the missed opportunities.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not begging for ANYONE to say - Oh but you did this for me.  NO NO NO.  I have done good things.  I AM trying.  But oh how I have failed in so many ways.  

Right now. . . in my "joy journal" (#437- PAUSE!!!) I am taking a time out to list how, for this week, I am going to use what might have been the "missed opportunities.  I'm going to look for the OPPORTUNITIES that I can BE MORE.  I am going to try to not walk away.  I am going to try to go beyond my day to day routine and BE MORE!

Will you join me?  Will you look beyond your day, and find something - someone - somehow - that you can be more?  I'd love to hear your journey.

I'll share my more - will you share your more????  Oh how I would love to hear how God is using YOU to be more!!!!!