One of the things that I dislike about driving in cities is all the boulevards that there seem to be. When you are driving along and you can SEE where you want to go, but it is on the other side of the street and there is a boulevard in the way, it's annoying. You are RIGHT there. But because of those boulevards, you have to drive way further down the road until you find a street that doesn't have a "NO U-TURN" sign and make the U-turn and drive all the way back to get to where you want to go.
Have you ever felt like your life has had to do a U-turn? That you were heading in one direction, sailing along just fine, when suddenly your life comes to a screeching halt and you get flipped around and you are heading in the opposite direction? Well, recently, that is what my life has felt like. Four years ago, I truly felt like God had done a miracle in my life. God had answered prayers in ways I never thought possible. I was so thankful for where we were. Things were going smoothly. Covid was rough, but I had survived that. Life was sailing along and I could find so many things to be thankful for. Sure there was stress. Sure there was upheaval at times, but I could always look back and see how God had worked and the miracle that he had done in our family.
This past year, I had a major U-turn to that miracle. Addictions are awful things. They are devastating. They cause incredible heartache and heart break. And where I thought God had done a miracle in our lives, I again was now reeling from the realization that things had again taken a U-turn. I had watched Him do a miracle in our lives in the past, and here things were once again crumbling. Was it a miracle? Was it real? Why was this happening again? Where was my miracle I believed God had given me?
Maybe you have had it in your own life. You've watched God miraculously heal someone, only to have a return of the disease a few years down the road. Or you watched someone who you've prayed for years for come back to a relationship with Jesus, only to have them walk away from their faith yet again. We've watched God do a miracle in our life. We've praised God for that miracle. And then, suddenly, what we saw to be our miracle comes crashing down, and it feels like more pain than what we ever had in the beginning before our miracle.
What do we do with that? Where do we put God in all of that? Was it ever really a miracle? Can God be trusted? NOW what?
These are all questions I have wrestled with in 2022. And more. I have spent countless hours reading. Praying. Weeping. Yelling. Trying to understand why God would allow this U-turn in my miracle. And I will be honest. I really don't have an answer and I don't know what my future holds. And while I may be physically alone, I know Jesus is always right there with me.
I want to share with you what I HAVE learned over these last several months.
2. God is always working, whether I can see it or understand it or not. Don't get me wrong. God is never pleased by sin, suffering or pain. BUT He is all powerful and can/will still work through our circumstances. I believe that God's heart aches for us when we go through these situations. I also know God can see the big picture and I cannot. I also know that He gives us choices every day. And so when we walk through these difficult situations, as we know we will because we live in a sinful world, all God has asked us to do is keep our eyes on Him. I don't know why sometimes things work out exactly the way we want, and other times they don't. When God gave me my miracle, I was the one assuming it was a "forever" miracle. But today, I can see that it was a miracle for that time. It was something I needed. And today, my only job is to keep my eyes focused on Him. To go hand in hand striving every day to be the best version of a Jesus follower that I can be. Some days, I don't know how to move forward. But when I start with a thankful heart, and keep my eyes focused on the fact that the Holy Spirit is right there beside me helping me, I can make it through each day.
3. Live life one moment/day at a time. Sometimes I have wished that I could see the whole picture. That God would show me the bigger scope of things. But most often, when I truly think about it, that would be way to overwhelming and I don't think I could handle knowing what all was ahead. BUT, taking one moment at a time. Dealing with one little part of my story at a time. THAT way, I can see my way through. There are some days, that it's all I can do to see ahead to the next meal. It's all I can do to make it to the next little task on my list. I literally have to pray my way through to the next moment because if I don't, and I start to focus on the next month, or year or stage of life? Then panic sets in. I think my favorite character in the Bible is Peter. Boy, I can relate to that guy in so many ways. But the story of when he was walking on the water towards Jesus and took his eyes off and began to sink. Well that is me. BIG time. Thankfully, Jesus never gets tired of me calling out His name in panic because I've taken my eyes off of Him. He always is there reminding me that He is RIGHT there. RIGHT beside me. And when I redirect my focus on Him and do what pleases Him, that is when I am able to put the next foot in front of the other. That is when I am able to breath a little easier. That is when I can sing again. I can play piano again. I can see joy again. Coupled with the practice of being thankful, and remembering that God is still working despite my circumstance, I can continue moving forward. Anticipating what other great things God has ahead for me. Of course there are other lessons God has taught me, but I think these three things are what have kept my head above the water this year. I am so thankful. For EVERY part of my miracle. And while the miracle as I saw it has taken a U-turn, it's still a miracle. It might not look exactly as I would have liked, but the fact that God continues to give me the strength to walk each day with Him? Now that is the true miracle. That is the true moment of gratitude. Life is difficult. And no matter what miracle U-turn you have experienced, we can still work to see God's hand in every moment.
As I said, I am learning to be thankful for every part of my miracle. No matter how different it looks from what I had hoped. God taking me through every day, holding my hand and getting me through, that is a miracle in and of itself.
I'd love to sit and have a coffee with you and hear about your miracle and how you have seen God work through your life, and to hear about all the wonderful gifts that He has given you for which to be thankful. We DO have so many blessings. Some days we might need to look a little harder. But they are there. And we can always trust God to take us through each situation, so long as we keep our eyes solely focused on Him, with our hand firmly entwined in His. Life is a journey, and this current U-turn is only one part of this amazing journey God has for me.
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For those of you wanting to read about the first part of my journey you can do so here
