But I have to admit. It's been hard to "imagine" these past 6 weeks. Its been hard to think past the walls of my mind. I've been struggling. To get rid of the blackness. To be rid of the winter and ice that clings to the walls of my heart. And each day that passes, it gets more and more difficult to try to imagine.
There ARE light days. There are days when the sun is able to peak in. But many days its dark. Many days the difficulties get the best of me. Many days, the old nature takes over and I lie in the darkness thinking "I cannot imagine in this darkness. I cannot open my eyes to what might be."
Imagining can be difficult. You see imagining means opening my heart to the possibilities. And opening my heart risks being hurt. Imagining means opening my mind to other things. And I am scared. I am scared of becoming vulnerable and finding myself in a darker spot than the past. I am scared of allowing myself to feel. . . to hope. . . to imagine.
But it's when I hang on to the those old dark places, that the imagining gets crushed down. The darkness that surrounds my thoughts make it hard to imagine. But what is imagining? Is it holding on to something tangible? No. It's thinking about something that isn't. It's hoping for something that you can't yet see. Imagining CAN be done in the dark. Imagining CAN be done when my heart is in a dark place. I just have to imagine. I just have to push away the darkness even for a minute and open my mind to the possibilities. I just have to open the door, just a crack to let the sun start to peak in. To let it warm the dark spots. Let it warm the icy grip that the past has on my heart and to let it start to warm even the smallest spots.
And the days when the darkness isn't so overwhelming? Allow the sun to illuminate the joys that life brings. Let it begin to warm my heart into a glowing ember of joy. Of thanksgiving. and imagine all the things that could be.
I can imagine in the dark. And I can put my hope in the LIGHT!
