Hangin' On. . .

So today has been one of those days that I've felt like I'm just hanging on. Certainly things in our life are hanging a bit by a thread it feels, but even aside from that, just feeling like I am just getting by today.

This morning before everyone else got up, I was drawn to Psalm 143.  I have always been drawn to the Psalms.  It seems that David really got that depression things at time.  He really understood that life wasn't always rosy.  And he also understood that he messed up.  But he also got that the One to go to during those times was God.  He realized he couldn't do it alone!  He knew that at the end of the day - or moment - it was God who was going to sustain him.

Here is the Psalm I read this morning.

Psalm 143
1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; answer my plea because you are faithful to your promises. 2 Don’t bring me to trial! For as compared with you, no one is perfect.

3 My enemies chased and caught me. They have knocked me to the ground. They force me to live in the darkness like those in the grave. 4 I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.

5 I remember the glorious miracles you did in days of long ago. 6 I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. 7 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens; don’t turn away from me or I shall die. 8 Let me see your kindness to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for my prayer is sincere. 9 Save me from my enemies. O Lord, I run to you to hide me. 10 Help me to do your will, for you are my God. Lead me in good paths, for your Spirit is good.

11 Lord, saving me will bring glory to your name. Bring me out of all this trouble because you are true to your promises. 12 And because you are loving and kind to me, cut off all my enemies and destroy those who are trying to harm me; for I am your servant.

Two things that stood out to me were these:  David remembered (in verse 5) the miracles of days long ago.  He KNEW that God had done miracles for him in the past.  God had brought him out of dark days before and he was calling on Him again.

I had to kind of chuckle at verse 11, because he really does sound like he's begging God - almost bribing Him.  God if you do this for me, it will show others your greatness. I don't think that is what he was doing, but I have to admit that sometimes that IS the way my mind works.  If only God would do this one thing I'm asking of Him, it would just show everyone else how awesome He is.  It was cause other people to be drawn to God.  Obviously, my intention is for my good, and just trying to beg God to see "the other side of things".  I realize that's not how God works.

The other thing that really struck me was at the very end.  Regardless of what God was going to do, David's last statement was this. . . I AM YOUR SERVANT.  Regardless of what the day would bring.  Regardless of how God was going to answer his prayer, he laid it all out there - God regardless of what happens I am your servant.  That shows David's heart.  That's why I think he really was genuine in telling God that His name would be lifted up and glorified if God saved Him.  David acknowledged that he was not in control of his life.  God was.  He was God's servant, and he was giving that over to God to do with as he pleased.  I truly believe that God wants to hear our prayers, our petitions, our hearts groanings and beggings, but if we can truly say in our heart of hearts that WE ARE GOD'S SERVANTS, then we will thank God for the journeys He has brought us into.  Planned or unplanned.  Believe me, I KNOW that is not always (okay - not usually!) an easy thing to do. But in the end, if we truly are God's servants, we will trust our Master.  We will believe that He will do what is best.

Trying to trust the fact that if i just let go of my agenda, what I want, what I am begging God for, He will carry me.  He will catch me.  He's got His hands right there, waiting for me to let go and give it all to Him and say Lord, I am your servant.  I trust you. . . .