I had been struggling with many different things personally. And I wanted to go to the lake to "find God", and to find out what He had for me. I think the bottom line was that I was unhappy, and discontented. I needed some guidance. So I went to the lake, and in a variety of ways found what I was needing. I found a peace that I hadn't had in a very long time. I found the recipe for joy that I had been missing. And it was simple. It was something I've known all along, but quite honestly couldn't put into practice. You see, I had been looking for joy, for peace in all the wrong places. I was looking to others to make me happy. I had expectations of what others should be doing. . . . being. . . . for me, that ultimately ended up bringing more pain and tears than anything. My expectations weren't being met, but it's because my expectations were in things that couldn't bring me joy. That couldn't bring me peace. I realized that my joy ultimately was up to me, and between me and God. And the only place I could find that joy was to completely put my trust and hope in God. He was the only one who could never - who WOULD never - let me down.
I was reading a book called Turn Your Mourning into Dancing by Henri Nouwen when I was at the lake. (I HIGHLY encourage you to read it. You can find it here: TURN MY MOURNING INTO DANCING ) It truthfully has been a life changer for me. Nouwen writes "We have hope and joy in our faith because we believe that while the world in which we live is shrouded in darkness, God has overcome the world." Hope has to do with God. Joy has to do with God. Not anyone or anything else around me. And it's when I trust in God, and am going to Him for my joy, it allows me to live with expectations, but expectations of what God will do for me, not what others will do for me. I can trust Him implicitly because I can know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, He has my best interests at heart.
I will be honest. I still go back. I still conjure up expectations for those around me of how they should act. How they should be for me. What they can provide for me. How they can bring me joy. But thankfully, God continues to remind my that my joy comes from Him and none other.
As I sat doing my devotions this morning (have I mentioned how I hate that word??? For me it has such guilt associated with that word because as I was growing up devotions were something I HAD to do. And if I didn't I must not be a very good Christian! ☺ ), but as I was spending time with God this morning (much better term!!) I was reading about how Christ's sacrifice was once and for all. I was reminded about how the high priests used to have to make daily sacrifices to cover the sins of the people. In verse 14 of Hebrews 10 it reads, "For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy."
What a thing of joy. We are being made holy because of Christ's sacrifice. That is something I can put my expectations in. THAT is something that when I think of it, brings me such joy. I know I fail, but I don't have to make any sacrifices. I know I go back to putting my expectations in people instead of God to bring me joy. But this morning, as I read and was reminded about the sacrifice that God gave to me by sending His Son, I couldn't help but feel a joy. I couldn't help but again be amazed that regardless of how I back track, regardless of how far I fall, regardless of how many times I put my hope in something or someone that doesn't bring me joy, God is still there for me. God has allowed me to have full expectations in Him. I can be guaranteed that HE will bring me the joy, the peace, the hope I am looking for. Philippians 3:20 tells us "Our homeland (our citizenship) is in Heaven, where our Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, is; and we are looking forward to his return from there." What an expectation I can have.
My brother and I were chatting this weekend about how, for so many reasons, we cannot wait for Christ's return. I know I wish for joy, and peace, hope, in my life. Can you imagine when we are in Heaven how we won't have any expectations not met? Can you imagine the awe we will feel when we are sitting at Jesus' feet worshiping Him? It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
Now there is something to have expectations about. There's something that will bring my joy. There is something that I can place my hope in.
What a day that will be!!!
