When life's not all it was cracked up to be

I am a big fan of the author Lysa TerKeurst.  I think I've mentioned her before since I've read some of her books and love to follow her at Proverbs31 Ministry.  She has a unique perspective on life and somehow has this uncanny ability to hit me right where I need to.  Sometimes her writing/books leave me nodding my head in agreement, and other times it leaves me hanging my head just a bit because I've realized I've got a lot of work to do!  Regardless I really appreciate her insight into the Christian life and into life as a woman.

The other day, I came across this quote of hers on Pinterest, and I thought it was so appropriate.




I realize that it is linked with the unmet expectations around Valentines, but the quote itself really got me thinking about life in general.

We have so many expectations in life.  So many things that we think should happen, or should happen in a certain way.  So many times life doesn't turn out a certain way and those expectations are shattered. I have so many expectations for the people around me. My husband. My kids.  For my job.  For each situation that I encounter.  I go into things having a specific idea as to how it will turn out.  Obviously sometimes those expectations are low and the returned outcome ends up being more than I could have dreamed of.  More often than not, though, I create high expectations and am disappointed when those expectations aren't met. Sometimes, when we are disappointed by the turnout, we are right to be disappointed.  We were right to have those high expectations and when they weren't met, it's okay to be sad or disappointed.  Other times, I know for myself, when I look at my marriage, I need to rethink some of my expectations. Really?? My husband can't read my mind and know what I am thinking????  With my kids, I need to reassess.  Did I really give them a full rundown of what my expectations were for that situation, or did I just assume they understood or knew what my expectations were?  And were my expectations fair?

I know for myself, I put so many expectations on God and what should happen or how life should turn out. And in the end, I've had to ask myself this:  Should I really be putting any expectations on God?  I struggled with that question for awhile.  I mean, who am I to EXPECT things from God?  I am the one that should be doing things for Him.  God doesn't owe me anything - He gave His life for me!!!!!  On the other hand, God HAS made promises to us - so the things that He has promised me are valid expectations.

However, sometimes, what God has promised me, I tend to interpret in my own way.  For example.  Phil. 4:19 says But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  It's a promise. However, what God sees my needs to be aren't necessarily what I see my needs to be.  And truthfully, more often than not, they really aren't my needs, they are my wants.  I know back 20 years ago when we were going through the throws of my husbands accident, I really had an expectation of how God would heal my husband.  I thought complete healing was giving him all the feeling/movement back in his body. I never for a moment thought that complete healing would mean anything else.  But those were MY expectations of what God would do for him.  Those weren't God's plans.

As I go through different circumstances and at times feel like my expectations haven't been met even when "God promised", I just keep coming back to the fact that I just have to trust God.  The expectations that I experience in my day to day life with my husband, kids, friends, jobs, daily life etc.  Those things I can change my expectations or I can verbalize to those people what my expectations are so that they can potentially be met.  And I believe that God wants us to do that too!  I believe God wants us to share our burdens with Him.  He wants us to cry out to Him with all our hurts and fears and pain and anguish that consumes our souls.  He WANTS TO HEAR US!!!!  But that is it.  We need to tell Him what our expectations are.  What our desires are.  What our deepest longings are.  But then LEAVE IT!!!!  Leave it in His hands. As a "doer" that is really hard for me to do.  But I truly believe that is what He has asked us to do.  He wants us to leave it in HIS capable hands and He will do what is best for us.  We won't always understand it.  In fact, we won't always like it.  But we CAN trust that He knows what's going on.  Recently someone shared a family's prayer request with me, and I couldn't help but think "Lord, hasn't that family gone through enough?"  And I will admit, I've thought that about my own life at times.  NO MORE Lord!!!  But it all comes back to the fact that we have to trust that God is in control.

So often I have come back to this verse in Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding;

I think the most difficult thing for me in that verse is lean not on your own understanding.  We don't have to understand it.  We don't have to get it.  We just have to trust.  We just have to rest in the arms of God and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is there.  He is carrying us when we can't continue. The other day on Facebook I saw a picture of a friend cradling her new son.  He was sleeping so peacefully and the thought that crossed my mind was how that tiny little boy was putting all his trust in his Momma.  He was resting so peacefully. And his Momma was going to do whatever it took to take care of all his needs.  And I thought about how that should be us.  Resting peacefully in God's arms. Trusting Him with our whole heart.  

Unfortunately, so often for me, I am trying to clamor out of God's arms and take care of things myself.  How I think they should be.  I'm trying to work things out to MY expectations.  Instead I just need to stop.  I need to rest.  I need to trust.  That God is there, and my expectation should be just that He loves me.  And I can trust Him no matter what.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46.10.  Rest in me.  

I know I've shared these pockets of thoughts before.  And bear with me as I do it again. . . Sarah Young in her Jesus Calling Calendar wrote this for February 15:  

"COME TO ME with all your weaknesses: physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Rest in the comfort of My Presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me.

Pry your mind away from your problems so you can focus your attention on Me.  Recall that I am able to do immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine.  Instead of trying to direct Me to do this and that, see to attune yourself to what I am already doing."  (Luke 1:37; Ephesians 20-21)

Praying that God will fill you with peace today and that your expectations will be met today because you are resting in His everlasting arms.  

Putting the pieces together

I am not a puzzler by any stretch of the imagination.  I might BE a puzzle to some people, but I do not enjoy puzzling.  I am a very task oriented person and if I cannot figure that thing out in short order, you might as well put it right back into the box and have it put out with the recycling.  No, I do not like puzzles.  For me, solving a puzzle is a waste of time.  Why put something together, only to take it all apart so someone else has to put it back together?!?!?!  Some people are good at puzzles.  They have patience.  They can visualize the end picture.  My husband likes to puzzle - he is patient.  I do not like to puzzle - I am not. . . . . . . .    Well, you get the picture.

Recently I started thinking about all the things God brings into our lives at various times.  And how I just want to try and make sense of it all.  Why did my husband have to have his accident 20 years ago?  Why did my brother have to go through a traumatic fall and sustain a massive head injury?  Why does my sister have to constantly deal with pain from scoliosis?  Why did I have to be accepted for a job I dreamed of only to have me crippled by anxiety and fear and lose that dream job?  Why did/do I struggle with depression?  Why did my husband and I have to go through the separation last fall?  WHY? WHY? WHY?  Some of these things I struggle with I can definitely see the good things that have come out of them.  Some, not so much.  Some things in my life I still shake my head at and say GOD I DON'T GET IT.

As I've been trying to make sense of things, I've realized that we may never get that answer.  At least not here on earth.  We may never receive the answer to our why questions.  That's a difficult pill for me to swallow since I am a person who likes to make sense of things.  I'm a practical person.  I like to know the answer to the question why.  And I think for me it all comes down to the fact that we are not in control:  God is.  And He knows what the end result will be.

I've started to look at the things that happen in my life as little puzzle pieces.  (I know. . . I think I'm a bit morbid since I don't like puzzles, but hear me out!)  Every thing, little or big is a puzzle piece.  Each event, good or bad, is a puzzle piece that fits into my puzzle of life.  God knows what that end picture is but I don't have a clue.  God didn't provide me with the picture on the box.  HOWEVER, I am having to trust that He is my puzzle maker and is putting down the pictures to create an amazing picture.  Sometimes I see how the pieces fit together.  (They must be the edge pieces because those really are the only pieces that make sense to me!!!)  Other times, there are a few pieces that happen that don't seem to fit into my puzzle of life anywhere.  In fact, some of those pieces seem like they should belong in a completely different puzzle!!! Actually, I'd like to put them in someone else's box so I don't have to go through them!!!

But, if I trust that God, as my puzzle maker, knows what picture He is building with my life, I will trust that each piece serves a purpose.  That, while I can't make sense of some (okay A LOT!!!) of the pieces in my puzzle, God knows what that end picture is going to look like.  I am going to trust Him as my ultimate Puzzle Maker!  I'm not going to try to make some of the pieces fit on my own. Pressing, and pushing to make them fit is never going to work.  I'm also not going to try to "trim" some of the pieces to better suit me.  I'm going to leave the puzzle making up to Him.  I'm going to trust that He has me in His hands.  That He is going to complete my puzzle some day and look at it and say "YES!  That's exactly the picture I had in mind for her!"

My Coca Cola puzzle that I have hanging on my wall is a 2000 piece puzzle that I did years before we had children.  You will notice that it was done, glued down onto cardboard, put under glass and framed (by my dear husband) - so that it never has to be done again.  (Okay, so I never have to redo it!!!)  It was done once and it turned out perfectly.  In my human little mind, I kind of think that's the way God might look at us once our puzzles of life are all completed.  He might look at our puzzle and say, "yes, despite all those pieces that didn't always seem to fit, or didn't seem to belong. . . THIS is what I had planned for this puzzle to look like."  I'm glad that God knows the end result of our lives.  I am glad that God knows in advance what our puzzle is going to look like and knows exactly the pieces we need to complete the perfect picture.  After all, God created the puzzle, so He knows which pieces are needed to create the masterpiece.

I am thankful that He has my puzzle in His control!!!!

Tuesday's Choice: This week's memorizing verses

In honor of the ongoing Olympics, I thought we could memorize these verses.

Philippians 3:10-14

10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

It's all a matter of perspective. . .

Some days it's really easy to stay positive.  Some days the sun feels warmer.  Some days the sky is bluer. The grass is greener.

And some days it just isn't easy at all.  The dishes lay stacked in the sink from two days ago.  The house isn't as clean as it should be.  The kids head off to school disgusted with their mother for enforcing some rules.

Sometimes, life just seems to suck you into that place you don't want to go, but seem to have little control over.

Today was one of those days.  My daughter came upstairs wearing makeup that was WAY too dark, so we asked her to tone it down a bit and instead, in a fit of annoyance, she wiped it all off, and made it very clear all the way to school she was not pleased!  My son insisted he didn't need to wear ski pants to school because NO ONE wears them to school even when it is -30C with windchill.  I made him wear them because he is walking home from school today in these kind of crazy temperatures.  So he too was thoroughly upset with me this morning.  One thing is for sure, it made for a quiet ride to school!  There were a few mumbled I love you's to my words, but alas, MY drive home was spent thinking about what a failure I had been.

As I sat down with my tea, I got to thinking about how so much of what I feel is just a matter of perspective. So much of how I interpret life is just a matter of it being either half full, or half empty.  I decided to get up and get the groceries.  A job I hate.  But I got it done with little or no issues (not bad!!!) and as I came home I noticed the wind had picked up and the wind started swirling.

MORE WINTER!  JUST what I didn't need.  Grumble. . . . grumble. . . . grrrrrr!!!!!

So I sat and started to pray.  And I started to think about what REALLY was wrong with all those things that happened today.  And I came up with that the way I had interpreted each of those situations, was just a matter of perspective.  How I put the spin on each situation.  And then, I realized, for all my memorizing this week, the very verse that SHOULD have changed my perspective, was the one I hadn't been putting into practice.
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
Well, I can tell you, I was CERTAINLY not thinking on those things.  I was think on what ever was wrong, whatever bothered me, whatever frustrated me. . . those were the things I was thinking on.

So here goes:

I am thankful for my daughter's relationship with Jesus and that she really does have a heart of gold. (Okay, and truthfully I am thankful she wiped off all the make up instead of toning it down so that there wasn't even more of a tug of war!)

I am thankful that my son is willing to walk home so many days which allows my husband and I to work the jobs we do.  (Okay, and truthfully, I am thankful he still did take his ski pants even though he was right ticked off with me so that I didn't have to hear how frozen his poor legs were when he got home!)

I am thankful that even though their hearts maybe didn't feel it right at that moment, the mumbled I love you's were genuine, and they both understand that they'd rather say it even though they are frustrated, than miss saying it and possibly miss the chance to ever say it again!

I am thankful that I was able to get the groceries - that we have jobs that allow us to make $$ to buy those groceries.

I am thankful for the warm home that we have when the winds whip up the snow the way they were, that I am in a beautiful warm home, and not homeless somewhere.

I am thankful that despite the snow, I bought some peat pellets and petunia seeds to start within the  next few weeks - a sign that spring will come.

PERSPECTIVE.  It's all in what I think about. . . . If I think on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable. . . it completely changes my perspective.  And what better perspective to have than to focus our thoughts on the Lord.  He is true.  He is pure.  He is lovely. . . . can't get better than focusing on Him!!!

So today, I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective, rather than looking at the negative. . . . because there is so much to be thankful for!!!!

Mercy and Grace - be more

Mercy and Grace are two words as Christians we hear a lot about.  But do we really understand what they mean?  On Saturday in the devotional Our Daily Bread (Unintentional) there was an amazing write up that hit a little close to home.  

But the thing that really caught my eye was the definitions of grace and mercy.

Grace is getting what we do not deserve. 

Mercy is not receiving what we do deserve.

Those two little words really do encapsulate what Christianity is.  In our church service on Sunday, the whole concept of not getting what we deserve (because of our sin and the consequences it should bring) as well as  the possibility of us going to Heaven when we are sinners and therefore do not deserve it were really brought home as well.

Sometimes we as  Christians get this pretty good view of ourselves.  We can look in the mirror and think "Wow.  I'm doing a pretty good job at this Christianity thing."  We look at ourselves and think that our sins really don't amount to much.  We see all the things we are doing right and pat ourselves on the back.  

But the thing I was reminded of this Sunday was that even if it was true or possible, despite doing almost everything perfect, the fact that we DON'T do everything perfect leaves us with the penalty of death.  Every one of us.  Every one of us deserves death as our punishment.  But the fact that Jesus Christ came to die for us is the biggest gift of mercy ever.  The fact that we do not have to die because Christ paid that penalty is the biggest gift of grace there could possibly ever be.  

Today in our home, we experienced a big gift of mercy.  Something had happened last week where a mistake had been made and we were not certain of the consequences.  We thought our lives were going to be turned upside down.  We prayed.  We begged God for that not to happen.  But we knew that because of the situation, it was definitely a possibility.  Today we learned that mercy was given to us:  Mercy - not receiving what we deserve.  The huge relief that was lifted off of our shoulders today is indescribable.  It was tangible that feeling.  I could just about and reach out and feel the freedom of the decision that was made to give us mercy.  

As I thanked God for the mercy that was given to us in this situation, I couldn't help but wonder how relatively "unthankful" I am for the gift of MERCY and GRACE that God has given to me.  I wondered about this and realized that in so many ways, I act like I deserve this grace and mercy God has given to me by sending Jesus.  I live like it is no big deal that I was supposed to die, but Christ took that penalty for me.  I sat thinking about the consequences that could have come down on our family because of the mistake that was made and how inconsequential that mistake was compared to sins of all nations.  Today someone chose to bestow grace on us - for that one mistake.  And it felt like the world to us. I know every effort will be made to never let that mistake happen again.  We will do everything to learn and grow from this situation.  But how do I view what Jesus Christ did for the sins of my entire life????  How do I react to that knowledge?  Am I striving every day to serve Him?  Am I showing everything possible in my life that I love Him?  Am I doing whatever I can to give praise, honor and glory to the One who removed that consequence of death from my life?  How am I striving to be more like the One who has provided a way for me to go to Heaven?

Today as I considered how grateful I was for the gift of mercy that was granted to us today, it made me think WHAT AM I DOING FOR JESUS????  How am I showing my gratitude for the grace and mercy He has given to me?  It made me ashamed, to be quite honest.  But it also made me motivated to change the things in my life that need to show Him that I am grateful for His gift.  It made me want to BE MORE for Jesus!!!!

Hangin' On. . .

So today has been one of those days that I've felt like I'm just hanging on. Certainly things in our life are hanging a bit by a thread it feels, but even aside from that, just feeling like I am just getting by today.

This morning before everyone else got up, I was drawn to Psalm 143.  I have always been drawn to the Psalms.  It seems that David really got that depression things at time.  He really understood that life wasn't always rosy.  And he also understood that he messed up.  But he also got that the One to go to during those times was God.  He realized he couldn't do it alone!  He knew that at the end of the day - or moment - it was God who was going to sustain him.

Here is the Psalm I read this morning.

Psalm 143
1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; answer my plea because you are faithful to your promises. 2 Don’t bring me to trial! For as compared with you, no one is perfect.

3 My enemies chased and caught me. They have knocked me to the ground. They force me to live in the darkness like those in the grave. 4 I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.

5 I remember the glorious miracles you did in days of long ago. 6 I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. 7 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens; don’t turn away from me or I shall die. 8 Let me see your kindness to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for my prayer is sincere. 9 Save me from my enemies. O Lord, I run to you to hide me. 10 Help me to do your will, for you are my God. Lead me in good paths, for your Spirit is good.

11 Lord, saving me will bring glory to your name. Bring me out of all this trouble because you are true to your promises. 12 And because you are loving and kind to me, cut off all my enemies and destroy those who are trying to harm me; for I am your servant.

Two things that stood out to me were these:  David remembered (in verse 5) the miracles of days long ago.  He KNEW that God had done miracles for him in the past.  God had brought him out of dark days before and he was calling on Him again.

I had to kind of chuckle at verse 11, because he really does sound like he's begging God - almost bribing Him.  God if you do this for me, it will show others your greatness. I don't think that is what he was doing, but I have to admit that sometimes that IS the way my mind works.  If only God would do this one thing I'm asking of Him, it would just show everyone else how awesome He is.  It was cause other people to be drawn to God.  Obviously, my intention is for my good, and just trying to beg God to see "the other side of things".  I realize that's not how God works.

The other thing that really struck me was at the very end.  Regardless of what God was going to do, David's last statement was this. . . I AM YOUR SERVANT.  Regardless of what the day would bring.  Regardless of how God was going to answer his prayer, he laid it all out there - God regardless of what happens I am your servant.  That shows David's heart.  That's why I think he really was genuine in telling God that His name would be lifted up and glorified if God saved Him.  David acknowledged that he was not in control of his life.  God was.  He was God's servant, and he was giving that over to God to do with as he pleased.  I truly believe that God wants to hear our prayers, our petitions, our hearts groanings and beggings, but if we can truly say in our heart of hearts that WE ARE GOD'S SERVANTS, then we will thank God for the journeys He has brought us into.  Planned or unplanned.  Believe me, I KNOW that is not always (okay - not usually!) an easy thing to do. But in the end, if we truly are God's servants, we will trust our Master.  We will believe that He will do what is best.

Trying to trust the fact that if i just let go of my agenda, what I want, what I am begging God for, He will carry me.  He will catch me.  He's got His hands right there, waiting for me to let go and give it all to Him and say Lord, I am your servant.  I trust you. . . .