Where's your NORTH STAR leading you?

Photo Credits to:  http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Bennett000

If there is one thing that I love when I go to our cottage, it is sitting outside on our deck, on a crisp winter evening and looking up at the night sky.  We don't have power at our cottage, so once everyone else has turned off their propane lights for the night, and if there isn't a moon in the sky, it is the most amazing feeling to look up into the night sky and see all the millions of stars.  Another favorite time is lying on the docks at night in the summer.  Same overwhelming feeling.  I know very little about the constellations, but my man at least knows more than I do.  At least some of the major ones.  Very often he will try to point out the big dipper, the small dipper, and any others that he knows.  The north star is always one that he is able to pick out.  But for the life of me, I could never tell you which one it could be.

Years ago, and perhaps, by some still today, the north star was used to figure out directions.  If you were lost on the seas, at night, you could always tell which direction you needed to go, by finding the north star and heading into it's general direction.  But doing so, would require you to know at lease SOMETHING about the constellations.  For me, I'd be better off just to stay put rather than following "my north star" because chances certainly would be that I ended more lost than what I'd start out as.  However, if you did know exactly where to find that north star, you could always use it to navigate your way home.

As I've looked at the starts in the past, I have seen the big and small dipper, I have seen the north star (because my man pointed it out to me) but just because I've had them pointed out to me, does not guarantee me success in using it to navigate me anywhere!!!  I would have to do some serious looking and understanding to figure out which star exactly was the North Star.  If I chose the wrong one, I would be in a mess of trouble.  And if I accidentally started following a shining satellite, well, I'd definitely be off course!!!

Isn't that the way with our life too?  What/Who is the north star that we are following to direct our life course?  What are the thing(s) in our lives that we are focusing on that we strive towards?  What do we know about the North Star (God)?  Are we listening to what others are telling us about the North Star, or are we researching it ourselves and finding out exactly how to find it and follow it?  Have we decided that we can take our eyes off the Star and go it on our own for awhile? I know I can see God/North Star, but what happens when I do start following Him?  Do I look down at the area around me, and loose my focus?  Do I look down, see a path and decide that I can follow that path on my own, rather than follow God, my North Star?  Do I look down and see all the "brush" of life around me and panic because I've taken my eyes off of Him?

It sounds awful, but it is so easy to loose my focus on God!  So often, I look down at the "brush" below and think "this is too much. . . this is too awful."  But I've taken my eyes off of Him.  I'm not looking in the direction that I should be.  I'm looking down, when I should be looking UP!  My focus needs to stay on God, my spiritual North Star, because without HIS guidance, I'm lost.  Without His light there for me to follow, I'm just going to go in circles!  AND, if I don't really know who He is, I may easily be swayed by other things/teachings, that are not from God.  Any star might look like the north star.  And what if something shines brightly?  Am I lured by it's brightness or am I striving to focus on the north star, and only the north star?  So often I find myself distracted.  By situations.  By stresses.  By people.  By things.  By my desires.  And I loose my focus.  I take my eyes off of God - my north star.  And it either causes me to panic, or just as often, it sends me to directions of uncharted waters.  It sends me to places I don't want to go.  Taking my eyes off of Him sends me in the complete opposite direction from Him.  

I always thought that when horses had blinders on their eyes it was such a cruel thing.  But I have to admit, there are days I wish I had a set.  Those blinders kind of act like a telescope for our spiritual eyes.  If we have blinders on, our eyes stay focused on what it ahead.  On our North Star - God.  If we are looking only through that telescope to where the north star is, our eyes stay focused on it.  It's when we look away, when we take those blinders off, that our focus is taken off of God.  And when our focus is off of God, it cannot be right.  We will loose our way.  We will loose our charted course.  We will never get to the destination we are striving for.

Join me won't you, as we strive to keep our focus on God - our North Star.  May the things of this earth not entice us - rather cause us to look to Him who gives us the direction and guidance we so desperately need!!! Let's keep our eyes focused on the light and direction our North Star - God - gives to us and follow HIS paths, not our own.

Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.
Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your word.

-Psalm 119:36-37

When the impossible is possible

This morning, I've been doing some looking back.  A good looking back.  I guess this time of year brings that out in me.  I've been thinking about where I was a year ago, and where God has brought me to this year. I've been remembering those dark dark days that I thought would never go away.  Those days that anxiety and panic consumed me.  The days that fear clawed it's way into the very core of my being and consumed me for days on end.  It was a time that I never thought I could be released of.  Moments, when the very simplest of tasks looked like a mountain completely impossible to scale.  I remember the days when just getting up and being able to make my children's lunch for the school day was a feat in and of itself.  If there was a day that was spent without fear and anxiety, without terrors ripping through my body at the thought of leaving the house, it was a good day.  A good day meant actually getting clothes on, and forcing myself through the door.   A great day was being able to sit on the parking lot of Superstore and "talk myself" into actually going inside and getting the groceries.  (Many times were spent turning the truck around, clothed in fear and panic - unable to do that simple task.)

Today, I sit here, not without struggles, but with a new perspective.  Those days sometimes seem like a lifetime away, and there are still those days that it take everything within me to garner up the strength and go out.  I like my home.  I like the safety, the security of my home.  That in and of itself, doesn't make me a candidate for anxiety and panic.  It does however, lend itself to being a stepping stone towards it.  Last year was a year of extreme changes in my life - changes that led to more incredible changes.

One of those changes was being able to acknowledge that I needed help.  That our family could not survive how we were trying to survive.  With the panic and anxiety came the depression.  The interpretation that my anxiety and panic attacks were a failure of sorts.  That because of my struggles with it, I was somehow less of a person.  The physical symptoms of feeling the tightness and pressure and heart palpitations in my chest were more than I could take at times.  I felt like I was loosing my grip on reality.

Thankfully, through the help of my doctor, counselor and ultimately God, I have been able to control these episodes.  I look back and am so thankful for the tools that I have learned over the year to come to the point to help me with this.  And like I said, I'm not over it.  But thankfully it is not an all consuming issue that I have to deal with.  Thankfully with my medications and coping mechanisms for the most part I am able to have some control over these episodes.

I truly believe that when I have a panic/anxiety attack it is two fold.  First of all, a chemical imbalance of sorts, but also I do believe that Satan also plays a part in it.  I believe he is trying to get me down and each time he does so, I have to fight those old feelings of inadequacies.  Each time I struggle with the panic, I have to fight his lies.  Because truthfully once I have made it through those panic attacks, the truth is that God has gotten me through yet another one.  Satan DID NOT keep me down.

Last year when I thought it truly was impossible to carry on, God provided me with the truth that it was possible.  And each time when I have another attack now, I try to bring my focus back to God that He is STILL in control.  And that all things are possible with Him.  I would love for God to take away EVERY anxiety attack from here on out.  That would be my version of God's answered prayer.  However, at this point, I also believe that being able to control my attacks and not having them consume me is also a form of God's healing.  When I look back to where I was a year ago as compared to now, WOW - now that's healing!  The tools that God has allowed me to use. . . the imagery that I use to calm myself down. . . the prayers that I pray. . . the verses He brings to my mind. . . I totally believe these are all God's answers to the impossible!!!  And I can say that with any attack that I do still experience, it simply serves as a reminder to how far God has brought me.  God has been so good to me.  He has provided so many things to make me realize that the impossible IS possible.

Finally I just want to share one of these little miracles that showed me again how God is in control.  How God is using a variety of ways to help me cope with my anxiety and panic attacks.  The other day as I sat fixating on leaving the house, fear washed over me.  "I just can't."  "I cannot do this." "It is safer to just stay home."  "I am so not equipped for this!"  All those thoughts jumbled around in my head.  Lies. . . all lies from Satan.  However, at that exact moment, they felt like my reality.  They felt like that was my life.  Like that was truth.  As I sat at my desk and listened to my iPod and begged God to help me, as the tears streamed down my face, and my heart was breaking, this is the answer that God provided to me.  He reminded me that He was there. . . and I can ALWAYS go to Him.

I realize this is a video about Plumb's anxiety disorder, but truly it is a video for all of us - for anyone who believes that the possible is not possible. Do not believe those lies. . .

Because I am here to tell you that:

THE IMPOSSIBLE IS POSSIBLE  

With God's strength all is possible!!!!!

For those of you struggling with anxiety, panic attacks, etc., I just want to share this article with you.  It is about Plumb and her struggle with anxiety - the birth place for this song.  She has an amazing story about how God has been faithful and helps her through each attack.  What a ministry in music and her life story she has!!!

Plumbs story about overcoming anxiety and her ministry through her music

If any of you need someone to talk about your struggles with, please know I'm hear and would love to listen and pray for/with you.  And for those of you who struggle with anxiety/panic attacks, as someone who knows what you are struggling through, know I'd love to help you as we walk this journey together.

LOST: My identity

You're likely thinking by the title that I'm having a midlife crisis. . . you may be right, although unfortunately I'm way past midlife.  At 46 1/2 years old, I have started asking myself this question:  WHO AM I?

For 20+ years, I was daughter of John & Gretha.  Then I became wife to Keith.  Then Mom to Taylor and Peyton.  And here I sit in the quietness of my house thinking. . . but who am I really?  Being a mom and wife can be all consuming.  As a woman, we tend to be nurturers.  We pour ourselves into the people that we have around us, whether it's our husband's, children, other family members around us.  We tend to be givers.  We tend to put others needs before our own needs.  (Don't get me wrong, I'm as selfish as they come at times - I'm not saying I'm a saint in that department!!!)  But in general, we try to take care of the needs of others.  I believe God has created us that way.  I think it is a gift we have that is an incredible honor to have.

HOWEVER, sometimes I think that we as women tend to forget about ourselves.  I truly think that as women, we treat others way better than we treat ourselves.  In fact, if we stood back and looked at how we treat ourselves, we would never dare treat another person like that.  And suddenly when the nest is empty, or at least when the little ones are sprouting their own wings, we are suddenly left with the question, now what?  We stand in front of the mirror and really barely recognize the person staring back.  And I'm not talking about the extra pounds we might see that have somehow appeared over the last 20 years (and believe me - they ARE staring back at me these days!!) but I'm talking about the person inside of us.  The heart of me.

Who am I?  What do I really think about myself?  As I was thinking about these questions these past few months, I was continually brought back to a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.  If you find yourself looking in the mirror wondering how you got to be the person you are today, this is a really incredible book. I went through it with my counselor this past summer and it really opened my eyes to how I was treating others and how I was treating myself.  AMAZING book!!!

One of the things that I started thinking about was how I was treating myself, and why I was treating myself that way.  After 20 years of being a mom and wife, I didn't really like the person I saw in the mirror.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually.  And I started to get down on myself.  The words failure, useless, loser floated around in my head all the time. I saw all that I had tried to accomplish for others and it seemed to not be enough.  They weren't happy and I wasn't happy.  All those things I had tried to do for others ended up not being what really made them or me happy.  In fact, a lot of those things were things that in the end were either controlling on my part, or frustrating for them on their part.  And so I started to dig into who I wanted to be.  Not LIKE someone else, but who Christ would really want me to be.

As I started reading scriptures, I started to realize that my view of myself was far from what God had said about me. (Eph.1:10)  I was bashing what God had created.  I was bashing God's masterpiece.  I was bashing God's workmanship.  He created me IN HIS IMAGE.  Even though I think less of me, the Bible says that I am alive with Christ.  (Eph. 2:5)  The Bible says I am protected by God because I am His child (I John 5:18).  I have been chosen by God, holy and blameless before Him (Eph. 1:4)  Every time I put myself down, every time I think less of me, I am in essence putting down what God created.  Could I be thinner? Could I be more patient?  Could I speak less and listen more?  Could I be a better person?  YES to all those things. BUT, those things are not what make me the person I am.  I am loved by the King.  He is waiting for me to come to Him, just as I am.  He's not waiting for me to be perfect so He can love me.  He is standing there with open arms waiting for me to run into them, and all I am doing is standing in the mirror looking at myself saying "I'm not worthy".  But that is SO not what God is telling me.  that's Satan.  That's his lies.  And who am I going to believe?????  I am God's child.  I know how much I love my kids, warts and all, and I can't even begin to imagine that God loves me so much more than I can ever love my kids.  My kids don't have to be perfect for me to love them, and God doesn't expect me to be perfect for Him to love me.  I just need to come into His presence and BE WITH HIM. I need to get the focus off of me, and focus on Him.  And remember that in Him. . . I am perfect.  He made me and loves me just as I am.

I have had this video for a long time now and even today, as I listen to it, tears stream down my face because I still struggle with believing it.  But I KNOW it's true.  I know every detail that is in this video is bang on.  I am God's and that's all that matters.

When life's not all it was cracked up to be

I am a big fan of the author Lysa TerKeurst.  I think I've mentioned her before since I've read some of her books and love to follow her at Proverbs31 Ministry.  She has a unique perspective on life and somehow has this uncanny ability to hit me right where I need to.  Sometimes her writing/books leave me nodding my head in agreement, and other times it leaves me hanging my head just a bit because I've realized I've got a lot of work to do!  Regardless I really appreciate her insight into the Christian life and into life as a woman.

The other day, I came across this quote of hers on Pinterest, and I thought it was so appropriate.




I realize that it is linked with the unmet expectations around Valentines, but the quote itself really got me thinking about life in general.

We have so many expectations in life.  So many things that we think should happen, or should happen in a certain way.  So many times life doesn't turn out a certain way and those expectations are shattered. I have so many expectations for the people around me. My husband. My kids.  For my job.  For each situation that I encounter.  I go into things having a specific idea as to how it will turn out.  Obviously sometimes those expectations are low and the returned outcome ends up being more than I could have dreamed of.  More often than not, though, I create high expectations and am disappointed when those expectations aren't met. Sometimes, when we are disappointed by the turnout, we are right to be disappointed.  We were right to have those high expectations and when they weren't met, it's okay to be sad or disappointed.  Other times, I know for myself, when I look at my marriage, I need to rethink some of my expectations. Really?? My husband can't read my mind and know what I am thinking????  With my kids, I need to reassess.  Did I really give them a full rundown of what my expectations were for that situation, or did I just assume they understood or knew what my expectations were?  And were my expectations fair?

I know for myself, I put so many expectations on God and what should happen or how life should turn out. And in the end, I've had to ask myself this:  Should I really be putting any expectations on God?  I struggled with that question for awhile.  I mean, who am I to EXPECT things from God?  I am the one that should be doing things for Him.  God doesn't owe me anything - He gave His life for me!!!!!  On the other hand, God HAS made promises to us - so the things that He has promised me are valid expectations.

However, sometimes, what God has promised me, I tend to interpret in my own way.  For example.  Phil. 4:19 says But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  It's a promise. However, what God sees my needs to be aren't necessarily what I see my needs to be.  And truthfully, more often than not, they really aren't my needs, they are my wants.  I know back 20 years ago when we were going through the throws of my husbands accident, I really had an expectation of how God would heal my husband.  I thought complete healing was giving him all the feeling/movement back in his body. I never for a moment thought that complete healing would mean anything else.  But those were MY expectations of what God would do for him.  Those weren't God's plans.

As I go through different circumstances and at times feel like my expectations haven't been met even when "God promised", I just keep coming back to the fact that I just have to trust God.  The expectations that I experience in my day to day life with my husband, kids, friends, jobs, daily life etc.  Those things I can change my expectations or I can verbalize to those people what my expectations are so that they can potentially be met.  And I believe that God wants us to do that too!  I believe God wants us to share our burdens with Him.  He wants us to cry out to Him with all our hurts and fears and pain and anguish that consumes our souls.  He WANTS TO HEAR US!!!!  But that is it.  We need to tell Him what our expectations are.  What our desires are.  What our deepest longings are.  But then LEAVE IT!!!!  Leave it in His hands. As a "doer" that is really hard for me to do.  But I truly believe that is what He has asked us to do.  He wants us to leave it in HIS capable hands and He will do what is best for us.  We won't always understand it.  In fact, we won't always like it.  But we CAN trust that He knows what's going on.  Recently someone shared a family's prayer request with me, and I couldn't help but think "Lord, hasn't that family gone through enough?"  And I will admit, I've thought that about my own life at times.  NO MORE Lord!!!  But it all comes back to the fact that we have to trust that God is in control.

So often I have come back to this verse in Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding;

I think the most difficult thing for me in that verse is lean not on your own understanding.  We don't have to understand it.  We don't have to get it.  We just have to trust.  We just have to rest in the arms of God and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is there.  He is carrying us when we can't continue. The other day on Facebook I saw a picture of a friend cradling her new son.  He was sleeping so peacefully and the thought that crossed my mind was how that tiny little boy was putting all his trust in his Momma.  He was resting so peacefully. And his Momma was going to do whatever it took to take care of all his needs.  And I thought about how that should be us.  Resting peacefully in God's arms. Trusting Him with our whole heart.  

Unfortunately, so often for me, I am trying to clamor out of God's arms and take care of things myself.  How I think they should be.  I'm trying to work things out to MY expectations.  Instead I just need to stop.  I need to rest.  I need to trust.  That God is there, and my expectation should be just that He loves me.  And I can trust Him no matter what.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46.10.  Rest in me.  

I know I've shared these pockets of thoughts before.  And bear with me as I do it again. . . Sarah Young in her Jesus Calling Calendar wrote this for February 15:  

"COME TO ME with all your weaknesses: physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Rest in the comfort of My Presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me.

Pry your mind away from your problems so you can focus your attention on Me.  Recall that I am able to do immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine.  Instead of trying to direct Me to do this and that, see to attune yourself to what I am already doing."  (Luke 1:37; Ephesians 20-21)

Praying that God will fill you with peace today and that your expectations will be met today because you are resting in His everlasting arms.  

Putting the pieces together

I am not a puzzler by any stretch of the imagination.  I might BE a puzzle to some people, but I do not enjoy puzzling.  I am a very task oriented person and if I cannot figure that thing out in short order, you might as well put it right back into the box and have it put out with the recycling.  No, I do not like puzzles.  For me, solving a puzzle is a waste of time.  Why put something together, only to take it all apart so someone else has to put it back together?!?!?!  Some people are good at puzzles.  They have patience.  They can visualize the end picture.  My husband likes to puzzle - he is patient.  I do not like to puzzle - I am not. . . . . . . .    Well, you get the picture.

Recently I started thinking about all the things God brings into our lives at various times.  And how I just want to try and make sense of it all.  Why did my husband have to have his accident 20 years ago?  Why did my brother have to go through a traumatic fall and sustain a massive head injury?  Why does my sister have to constantly deal with pain from scoliosis?  Why did I have to be accepted for a job I dreamed of only to have me crippled by anxiety and fear and lose that dream job?  Why did/do I struggle with depression?  Why did my husband and I have to go through the separation last fall?  WHY? WHY? WHY?  Some of these things I struggle with I can definitely see the good things that have come out of them.  Some, not so much.  Some things in my life I still shake my head at and say GOD I DON'T GET IT.

As I've been trying to make sense of things, I've realized that we may never get that answer.  At least not here on earth.  We may never receive the answer to our why questions.  That's a difficult pill for me to swallow since I am a person who likes to make sense of things.  I'm a practical person.  I like to know the answer to the question why.  And I think for me it all comes down to the fact that we are not in control:  God is.  And He knows what the end result will be.

I've started to look at the things that happen in my life as little puzzle pieces.  (I know. . . I think I'm a bit morbid since I don't like puzzles, but hear me out!)  Every thing, little or big is a puzzle piece.  Each event, good or bad, is a puzzle piece that fits into my puzzle of life.  God knows what that end picture is but I don't have a clue.  God didn't provide me with the picture on the box.  HOWEVER, I am having to trust that He is my puzzle maker and is putting down the pictures to create an amazing picture.  Sometimes I see how the pieces fit together.  (They must be the edge pieces because those really are the only pieces that make sense to me!!!)  Other times, there are a few pieces that happen that don't seem to fit into my puzzle of life anywhere.  In fact, some of those pieces seem like they should belong in a completely different puzzle!!! Actually, I'd like to put them in someone else's box so I don't have to go through them!!!

But, if I trust that God, as my puzzle maker, knows what picture He is building with my life, I will trust that each piece serves a purpose.  That, while I can't make sense of some (okay A LOT!!!) of the pieces in my puzzle, God knows what that end picture is going to look like.  I am going to trust Him as my ultimate Puzzle Maker!  I'm not going to try to make some of the pieces fit on my own. Pressing, and pushing to make them fit is never going to work.  I'm also not going to try to "trim" some of the pieces to better suit me.  I'm going to leave the puzzle making up to Him.  I'm going to trust that He has me in His hands.  That He is going to complete my puzzle some day and look at it and say "YES!  That's exactly the picture I had in mind for her!"

My Coca Cola puzzle that I have hanging on my wall is a 2000 piece puzzle that I did years before we had children.  You will notice that it was done, glued down onto cardboard, put under glass and framed (by my dear husband) - so that it never has to be done again.  (Okay, so I never have to redo it!!!)  It was done once and it turned out perfectly.  In my human little mind, I kind of think that's the way God might look at us once our puzzles of life are all completed.  He might look at our puzzle and say, "yes, despite all those pieces that didn't always seem to fit, or didn't seem to belong. . . THIS is what I had planned for this puzzle to look like."  I'm glad that God knows the end result of our lives.  I am glad that God knows in advance what our puzzle is going to look like and knows exactly the pieces we need to complete the perfect picture.  After all, God created the puzzle, so He knows which pieces are needed to create the masterpiece.

I am thankful that He has my puzzle in His control!!!!

Mercy and Grace - be more

Mercy and Grace are two words as Christians we hear a lot about.  But do we really understand what they mean?  On Saturday in the devotional Our Daily Bread (Unintentional) there was an amazing write up that hit a little close to home.  

But the thing that really caught my eye was the definitions of grace and mercy.

Grace is getting what we do not deserve. 

Mercy is not receiving what we do deserve.

Those two little words really do encapsulate what Christianity is.  In our church service on Sunday, the whole concept of not getting what we deserve (because of our sin and the consequences it should bring) as well as  the possibility of us going to Heaven when we are sinners and therefore do not deserve it were really brought home as well.

Sometimes we as  Christians get this pretty good view of ourselves.  We can look in the mirror and think "Wow.  I'm doing a pretty good job at this Christianity thing."  We look at ourselves and think that our sins really don't amount to much.  We see all the things we are doing right and pat ourselves on the back.  

But the thing I was reminded of this Sunday was that even if it was true or possible, despite doing almost everything perfect, the fact that we DON'T do everything perfect leaves us with the penalty of death.  Every one of us.  Every one of us deserves death as our punishment.  But the fact that Jesus Christ came to die for us is the biggest gift of mercy ever.  The fact that we do not have to die because Christ paid that penalty is the biggest gift of grace there could possibly ever be.  

Today in our home, we experienced a big gift of mercy.  Something had happened last week where a mistake had been made and we were not certain of the consequences.  We thought our lives were going to be turned upside down.  We prayed.  We begged God for that not to happen.  But we knew that because of the situation, it was definitely a possibility.  Today we learned that mercy was given to us:  Mercy - not receiving what we deserve.  The huge relief that was lifted off of our shoulders today is indescribable.  It was tangible that feeling.  I could just about and reach out and feel the freedom of the decision that was made to give us mercy.  

As I thanked God for the mercy that was given to us in this situation, I couldn't help but wonder how relatively "unthankful" I am for the gift of MERCY and GRACE that God has given to me.  I wondered about this and realized that in so many ways, I act like I deserve this grace and mercy God has given to me by sending Jesus.  I live like it is no big deal that I was supposed to die, but Christ took that penalty for me.  I sat thinking about the consequences that could have come down on our family because of the mistake that was made and how inconsequential that mistake was compared to sins of all nations.  Today someone chose to bestow grace on us - for that one mistake.  And it felt like the world to us. I know every effort will be made to never let that mistake happen again.  We will do everything to learn and grow from this situation.  But how do I view what Jesus Christ did for the sins of my entire life????  How do I react to that knowledge?  Am I striving every day to serve Him?  Am I showing everything possible in my life that I love Him?  Am I doing whatever I can to give praise, honor and glory to the One who removed that consequence of death from my life?  How am I striving to be more like the One who has provided a way for me to go to Heaven?

Today as I considered how grateful I was for the gift of mercy that was granted to us today, it made me think WHAT AM I DOING FOR JESUS????  How am I showing my gratitude for the grace and mercy He has given to me?  It made me ashamed, to be quite honest.  But it also made me motivated to change the things in my life that need to show Him that I am grateful for His gift.  It made me want to BE MORE for Jesus!!!!

Hangin' On. . .

So today has been one of those days that I've felt like I'm just hanging on. Certainly things in our life are hanging a bit by a thread it feels, but even aside from that, just feeling like I am just getting by today.

This morning before everyone else got up, I was drawn to Psalm 143.  I have always been drawn to the Psalms.  It seems that David really got that depression things at time.  He really understood that life wasn't always rosy.  And he also understood that he messed up.  But he also got that the One to go to during those times was God.  He realized he couldn't do it alone!  He knew that at the end of the day - or moment - it was God who was going to sustain him.

Here is the Psalm I read this morning.

Psalm 143
1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; answer my plea because you are faithful to your promises. 2 Don’t bring me to trial! For as compared with you, no one is perfect.

3 My enemies chased and caught me. They have knocked me to the ground. They force me to live in the darkness like those in the grave. 4 I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.

5 I remember the glorious miracles you did in days of long ago. 6 I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. 7 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens; don’t turn away from me or I shall die. 8 Let me see your kindness to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for my prayer is sincere. 9 Save me from my enemies. O Lord, I run to you to hide me. 10 Help me to do your will, for you are my God. Lead me in good paths, for your Spirit is good.

11 Lord, saving me will bring glory to your name. Bring me out of all this trouble because you are true to your promises. 12 And because you are loving and kind to me, cut off all my enemies and destroy those who are trying to harm me; for I am your servant.

Two things that stood out to me were these:  David remembered (in verse 5) the miracles of days long ago.  He KNEW that God had done miracles for him in the past.  God had brought him out of dark days before and he was calling on Him again.

I had to kind of chuckle at verse 11, because he really does sound like he's begging God - almost bribing Him.  God if you do this for me, it will show others your greatness. I don't think that is what he was doing, but I have to admit that sometimes that IS the way my mind works.  If only God would do this one thing I'm asking of Him, it would just show everyone else how awesome He is.  It was cause other people to be drawn to God.  Obviously, my intention is for my good, and just trying to beg God to see "the other side of things".  I realize that's not how God works.

The other thing that really struck me was at the very end.  Regardless of what God was going to do, David's last statement was this. . . I AM YOUR SERVANT.  Regardless of what the day would bring.  Regardless of how God was going to answer his prayer, he laid it all out there - God regardless of what happens I am your servant.  That shows David's heart.  That's why I think he really was genuine in telling God that His name would be lifted up and glorified if God saved Him.  David acknowledged that he was not in control of his life.  God was.  He was God's servant, and he was giving that over to God to do with as he pleased.  I truly believe that God wants to hear our prayers, our petitions, our hearts groanings and beggings, but if we can truly say in our heart of hearts that WE ARE GOD'S SERVANTS, then we will thank God for the journeys He has brought us into.  Planned or unplanned.  Believe me, I KNOW that is not always (okay - not usually!) an easy thing to do. But in the end, if we truly are God's servants, we will trust our Master.  We will believe that He will do what is best.

Trying to trust the fact that if i just let go of my agenda, what I want, what I am begging God for, He will carry me.  He will catch me.  He's got His hands right there, waiting for me to let go and give it all to Him and say Lord, I am your servant.  I trust you. . . .

Run Away. . . .

Sitting here staring at a blank screen.  Feeling a bit like I just want to run away.  Run far far away.  Away from the stresses of this life.  Run away from the cold that never seems to end.  Wanting to just close the door to my room and forget that life continues.

And how do you do it?  How do you pick yourself up and decide to get going?  How do you just put those feelings aside and start the day?  How do you just put one foot in front of the other and start?

Well, today, I guess I just do it.  Today I CAN do it.  I might not WANT to do it, but today I can.  Today, I am very aware of the choice I have.  Today, I am very aware of the fact that I can either go back to bed and stay there, or I can get up and get something done - or in the least put clothes on this morning.  That's step one.

Today I am going to choose to remember a time when I couldn't logically make that choice.  Today I choose to remember those times that because of the tears, I couldn't get out of bed.  I choose to remember the times when all I could do was lie in bed and think of how awful my life was.  I choose to remember those dark days when all I could think of was ending my life - parking my car on a train track begging God to send a train.  I choose to remember the days when I was completely unavailable to my children, and my husband had to carry on life for my kids without me.  I choose to remember the days that I sat at the door sobbing because I knew I needed to go out, but sat in terrified panic of walking out the door.  I choose to remember those days. . . 

. . . because today is not one of those days.  Today.  Today I can think about those days.  Today, I can look back and know that my life didn't end that day.  For right now, today I am on the other side of that path.  Today I can look back and thank God that I can see things clearer now.  Today I might feel kind of blah, but I can still see out the window and find the good in the day.  Today, I remember that God has walked me through a path of incredible darkness, and I am thankful.

Today I could read the devotional from Proverbs31.org (Proverbs31 Ministries) and say - yes that was me. . . but I too have been brought through those dark days.  Today because of God's goodness, I can say that I still can see the sun rising each morning. And each day further away from those days, brings me hope that I will be able to stay in this emotional healthy state.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy road back.  Getting over the stigma of taking medication to keep my chemicals in balance was a tough thing to get accustomed to.  Having to make the choice to go to see a counselor regularly to help me refocus my thought patterns was not an easy choice. Accepting that maybe God was using those things (medication, doctors & counseling) to help me out of my depression rather than performing an all out miracle was tough.  I knew that God COULD do that, but I also came to accept that God brought those people, the words in books, my doctors to help me.  Of course, I spent hours and hours going to Him.  Believe me, I knew I needed Him first and foremost.  In his book Emotionally Free, Grant Mullen talks about how if someone has cancer, we pray that God would heal their bodies.  But never for a moment, would we encourage someone to stay away from the doctors or hospital.  We know God can (and does!) heal them but we also know that God uses the benefits of modern medicine to show His work as well.  And for depression or other mental illnesses, it is no different.  God has provided the medication to balance out the chemicals in our bodies.  By no stretch of the imagination do I believe that I don't need God because of my meds.  I DO however, believe that God used my doctor to find the appropriate medicine that worked for me.  I DO believe that He led me to my counselor Lynn (Crocus Counseling) who has helped me walk through these difficult times, and taught me to change my thought patterns.  I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God used Grant Mullen's book to help me gain victory over these issues.  God was in it all.

And so today, when I face a difficult morning.  I go to God.  It is easy to use Satan's lies.  And I will be honest, I do not always gain great victory.  But more and more often, I am able to go to God first and then using what I have been taught gain those little daily victories.  I'm constantly having to defeat Satan and rebuke his lies.  I am constantly having to focus my face on God and the victories He has given me in the past to show that He is still moving - and changing me.  

It's not easy.  Many mornings there is a struggle.  Many times during the day it is a struggle.  Many times, I must consciously beg God to help me focus on His truths, and not on Satan's lies.  Many times, I have a very specific decision to make.  Will I believe the lie that Satan is telling me, or dig deeper and find the truth that God has placed there for me?

I pray that if you struggle with believing Satan's lies - whatever they may be - I encourage you first and foremost to talk to God.  Take that very moment and ask God to take those thoughts away.  And secondly talk to someone!!!  The longer you believe the lies that Satan is feeding you the more difficult it becomes to find the truth that God has for you.

I love Psalm 139.  It's a longer one so I won't post it here, but here's a link to it.Psalm 139  Read it when you can.  It is a great reminder of who we are in God.  And as dark as your days may sometime seem, remember HE is there.  He has been there, and He wants to bring you into His Light.  I pray that if you find yourself struggling today that you will be able to find a way through the fog and focus on God's light.  That you will be able to defeat Satan's badgering and focus on what God is trying to tell you.  And if there is something that I can pray for you, I would love for you to leave a comment below so that I can pray for you.  If you don't want to leave specifics, that's fine. . . just know I'd love to take the time to pray for you!

Praying that you will be able to see God's light and focus on the goodness He has given to you today.

*HUGS*

What to do when life throws you curve balls

I LIFT MY EYES UP - WHERE DOES MY HELP COME FROM?  MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH
The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Today, something happened.  Something big. A grand slam.  Yes. . . I know a grand slam in baseball is a good thing, but today that grand slam is more like a grand slam right into the ground.  A grand slam so scary that it slices right through you. Slices right through to the very core of who you are. Slices right through to the very foundation that is within you.  Slices right through to the place that fear grows.  Slices right through to the places that you never dared breathe on your lips.  

And what do you do when that "never talk about thing" comes along side you and completely blind sides you?  Where do you go?  Where is God in that moment?  How do I deal with this?  What is my response?  

For those of you that know me, I have traveled a lot of roads. Today there was something I had never faced before.  Something I have never dared think about.  Something that brought fear into the very heart of me. HOWEVER, while I cannot share what that "something" is right now, today, but for God's incredible grace, He gave me peace.  He gave me His promise that no matter what, HE IS THERE!  Today, the lessons that God has been trying to teach me, I had to put into practice.

I have to trust Him.  I have to have faith that He has gone before me, and knows what tomorrow, the day after, the week after will bring.  The very verses that He put into the rotation of memory in my head, I am having to play it out. (Tuesdays memory verses)  I am having to LIVE those verses.  I am having to CLAIM those verses. . . moment by moment.  I am having to find the thankfulness in my prayers.  I am having to put away those anxious thoughts and trust in the One who created me.  The One who went before me today.  The One who knows those fears that cut through me.  The One who helps me be strong in the face of fear and uncertainty.  I am putting my everything in Him.  Because He knows.  He knows what my future will hold.  And HE HOLDS it.  I have no control over what may happen.  It is completely in His hands.  And so at this moment. . . I rest. . . I wait. . . and I trust. . . My God who knows it all is in control.  And I will thank Him.  I will praise Him.  And I will wait for His guidance. . . 




And as I sat writing this blog, I looked over to my calendar from Sarah Young : JESUS CALLING. . . and this is what I read. . . 

SEEK MY FACE, and you will find not only My Presence but also MY PEACE.  To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust.  The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand.  Ask My Spirit within you to order your day and control your thoughts, fir the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace.

You can have as much of Me and My Peace as you want, through thousands of correct choices each day.  The most persistent choice you face is whether to trust me or to worry.  You will never run out of things to worry about, but you can choose to trust Me no matter what.  I am an ever-present help in trouble.  Trust Me, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
Romans 8:6  Psalm 46:1-2

TODAY LORD, I CHOOSE TO TRUST YOU.

The Journey

Here in Manitoba, it's the middle of winter.  DEEP winter.  And last night we got even more snow.  I have to say I feel like saying "ENOUGH ALREADY!!!" but at least it's not cold.  And at least it's nice enough that I can send the kids outside and they can work off their energy outside sledding or playing with the dog!

Dog pile anyone????

Can't swing any more - the snow's too deep, so might as well climb up the slide.

Buddy time - a great day to climb the snow drifts!

But along with winter, comes my ever increasing desire to head somewhere warm.  To escape the frigid temperatures.  Get away from it all.  I've been hoping to get to the Dominican Republic this spring (don't think it's going to work since I want all four of us to go and $$ is always an issue). So resigning myself to not being able to do that, I've been thinking about where we might go for a family vacation.  Having family to the far east of us, and family to the far west of us, while our children children were young, we opted to visit family for our vacations.  But now that at least one is heading into her teen years, the request has been to "see more".  Two years ago we headed to South Dakota for a very memorable vacation, so this year, I was trying to think of where we could go.  I love the mountains, but have been to the Canadian Rockies, so the thought about going to Colorado has been on my mind.  (If any of you have been there, I'd love to hear some thoughts as to where we should go!)

For us we have always traveled.  Our kids were young travelers jetting across Canada as early as four months.  They soon learned to be content in their car seats as we journeyed 20+ hours to my home in southern Ontario or the 9+ hours to my husband's home in Saskatchewan.  Both our kids soon learned that the trips could be as interesting or boring as they made it.  If they brought things to entertain them, the journey went much better.  If they drank too much juice at one time, the journey was not a pleasant one when the service stations were far and few between.

Each journey we took was never the same.  We saw different things, encountered different road blocks, admired different scenes, stopped at different waysides, went up incredibly steep hills, and made the descents trusting our brakes to hold, etc.  In the end, our destination was always worth the journey. We would arrive at Opa and Oma's or Grandma and Grandpa's homes where we were greeted with outstretched arms and hugs and kisses.

As I focused on finding out information for a potential journey to Colorado, I was reminded how our lives here on earth are a journey.  No one's journey is the same.  Some might be on a road that seems to be pretty smooth, with very few hills or valleys.  Some of us might be on a journey with many twists and turns and lots of road blocks.  Some of us might be on a journey that gets us lost at times.  But each of us has our own journey that we are on - with eternity as the final destination.

I'm thankful I know that my final destination will be with my Lord Jesus.  I'm also thankful that He knows every path and curve on my journey.  He knows when I have a "breakdown".  He knows when I've missed a major turn and gotten lost in the woods somewhere.  He knows when I am just coasting downhill not watching for what might be at the end of the hill.  He knows when I am diligently searching the map to make sure I stay on course. He knows when I have been in constant conversation with Him, to ensure that I am still staying the course.  He knows when the journey gets too much and He just needs to pick me up and carry me for awhile.  My Navigator knows all things about my journey.  He knows what my path will be and is just waiting for me to contact Him with questions or requests for help.  AND, He is waiting for me at my final destination, waiting with open arms to welcome me.

But it makes me wonder. . .  what am I doing with my journey?  Am I continually seeking guidance from my Navigator or am I trying to figure it out on my own?  When I take my eyes off the road or the map, do I try to find my way back on my own, or am I crying out to God for forgiveness and direction?  When I decide to take a detour, do I beat myself up and stay put in the pit that I've ended up in, or trust that He will guide me back to the road I should be on to continue with my journey?

Yesterday, I took a detour.  In fact, I flew completely off the tracks.  Didn't listen to my Navigator and went off on my own detour again.  Why is that so easy?  Why is it so easy to blow my stack instead of being calm?  Why is it so easy to point the finger instead of being humble and gentle?  Why is it so easy to spew angry and hurtful words?  I know. . . it's because I wasn't listening to my Guide.  I wasn't focusing on my destination but was rather looking in the rear view mirror at my own life.  At myself.  When I should have been looking forward toward my Guide.  To the one who is showing me where I should be going.

But I remind myself that today is a new day.  And I'm trying to take One Day at a Time.  My journey isn't over, it just had a minor set back.  So today, I resolve to get back on the tracks and keep my focus on God. To keep my thoughts, my words, my everything - tuned into my Navigator.  And any road blocks that come up today, I will connect with Him to get the energy and strength from Him to do the right thing.  To head in the right direction.  He's there, just waiting for me to follow.

God, help me to listen with COMPASSION and speak with GRACE!!!!  Help me to focus on YOU instead of ME!  Help me to complete a journey that brings honor and glory to YOU!!!!

Blessings

A couple of years ago, I read Ann Voskamp's book 1000 Gifts.  If you have not read it, run to the nearest bookstore and buy it.  (For a little peek into what it's about check her site out here:  One Thousand Gifts ) I had picked up the book initially because I recognized the author's last name from when I had gone to high school, and had heard that this book was a life changer.  As I read through this book I was stunned to realize that the church the author was talking about in the pages of her book, was the church that I had attended as a teen!  The people that were mentioned in her book were people I had grown up with, including my piano teacher and my best friends parents!!!  After the first few chapters, I realized that this was indeed someone who was related to a guy I had gone to school with and the in-laws that she spoke about were in fact the same people that I had gone and had clubs at as a young child.  Talk about a small world.

As I read through the book I was challenged to take up an attitude of gratitude!  For me, it is way too easy to focus on the negative things in my life, and so I took up her challenge of starting my own 1000 gift list.  This is a list of things that I am thankful for.  It can be as simple as a beautiful sunny day (which when you think of that is actually awe inspiring!) or as complex as answered prayer and seeing God's hand working in your life.  I do have to admit as I look back on my journal of praise, I have not been very faithful.  Ann's challenge is to every day write down three things for which you are thankful.  There are times that I am diligent in my thankfulness journey, but as I look back, there are months where I haven't written anything.  And ironically, its the times when life "is good" that I haven't entered anything into my journal, and yet the times that are most difficult I have tried desperately to be thankful and enter those into the journal.  I found it a little curious that it was those "good times" that I had no entries.  But I also realized that so often it is in the good times that I become complacent.  I forget that I need God.  I go about my daily duties and forget to thank Him for the very things that He has blessed me with day after day.  

Years ago, a friend of mine had made this quote "Every time you breathe in, you suck in mercy."  Isn't that so true?  Every time we take a breath in, it's one more moment that God has given to us.  What am I doing with that moment?  Am I thankful for that moment that God has given to me?  Am I using it to draw others into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ?  Am I focusing that moment on myself, or directing it in praise to God?  When I actually stop to think about all that God has blessed me with, I am overwhelmed.  I can't help but praise God.  It's when I look inward to myself, and focus on me, that I forget the blessings.  I am focused on the negative.  Satan gets a hold of me and forces my thoughts into some of the deepest, darkest places.  

However, it is also true that when I enter those dark places, it is at those times that I try to force myself to focus on the blessings that God has given to me.  To forge ahead in my praise journal and remind myself of how blessed I am by all the things/people/situations God has granted to me.  I will admit. It is not always an easy abyss to come out of.  But I can say that as I try to focus on the blessings, I am able to remind myself of what God has brought me through.  And I can say that some of those dark days of depression have been some of my most meaningful days of focusing on God's blessings.

On the good days, I am too focused on everything else.  I forget the One who has made all those good things possible.  I forget the joys that He provides for me day to day.  I forget that the very fact that I am breathing, is a sign that I am still sucking in breaths of God's mercy!!!!

So today my question to you is this:  What are you thankful for today?  What blessings has God showered on you that maybe you haven't thanked Him for?  When we turn our minds to focus on God's blessings and all the amazing benefits He gives to us, it sends Satan packing.  And I like that image.  I like that image of kicking him to the curb so that I can walk up my driveway and praise God, thank God, worship God.

One of my all time favorite hymns is To God Be the Glory.  I can still hear my Dad and so many of the GBF congregation singing it out at the top of their lungs. What precious memories! (think I'll have to add that one to my joy journal!)

Be blessed my friends, and hopefully this little blog reminds you to focus on God's blessings and to give Him such praise today!

Enjoy these words!!!!

To God Be the Glory

1. To God be the glory, great things he hath done!  

So loved he the world that he gave us his Son, 

who yielded his life an atonement for sin, 

and opened the lifegate that all may go in.

Refrain:

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, 

let the earth hear his voice!  

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, 

let the people rejoice!

O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son, 

and give him the glory, great things he hath done!

2. O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood, 

to every believer the promise of God; 

the vilest offender who truly believes, 

that moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

(Refrain)

3. Great things he hath taught us, great things he hath done, 

and great our rejoicing thru Jesus the Son; 

but purer, and higher, and greater will be 

our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

40

Yesterday, a friend of mine turned 40.  Now for her, and for many of you out there, 40 is a difficult year to celebrate.  In some respects it was for me, but not too bad.  Of course I didn't FEEL like I was 40 so it really didn't bother me too much.  My kids were still young, I was teaching young children, so feeling old wasn't really there for me.  (Don't ask me how I feel at 46 though!!!!  :-) )

These past 4 months, 40 has become a very important number for me.  A positive number.  As I shared in my post entitled Prayer Room (http://sharon2kids.blogspot.ca/2014/01/prayer-room.html) my husband and I had separated for awhile this past fall.  As we started to heal and rediscover our communication, I started to wonder when it would be that he would come home.  I was well aware that we were far from done dealing with all our issues, but I was also well aware that, as two different individuals, we would always have issues. The major one that resulted in our separation was being dealt with, the hurts and emotions were being healed, but there were so many other issues, that I knew if I waited for them ALL to be dealt with, K more than likely would never move home. I also didn't want us to jump back into something too soon that would result in more hurt, anger and frustration.  And I also wanted to be mindful of the kids, and a long separation I knew would not be in their best interest.  So after many days of praying and asking God for wisdom, 40 days was brought to my mind.  I started to do a little research on the number 40 and this is what I found.

Some of the common examples that I knew about "40" were these:
- it rained 40 days and 40 nights and then it stopped and God provided His promise with a rainbow.
- Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness for 40 days
- The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years before they were allowed into the Promised Land
- Goliath had taunted the Israelites for 40 days before David defeated him.
- Moses was on the mountain for 40 days and nights before delivering the Ten Commandments to the Israelites
- Lent lasts for 40 days

In fact, I found out that 40 is mentioned in the Bible 146 times where it refers to trial and testing or probation.  As I thought about the separation that we as a family were going through, I though how ironic it would be if the time of trials and testings in our marriage also lasted 40 days, with the deliverance  or renewal of our family.

When I was at Bible School at Millar College of the Bible, we had a wonderful professor who taught The Pentateuch and Old Testament classes and who had also studied the numbers of the Bible extensively.  It intrigued me.  As I thought back to those classes, I recalled that 5 was the number of grace and 8 was the number of renewal or revival - AND 8 times 5 is 40.  Now, I'm not sure if this is all truth or not, but I was intrigued that after 40 days, and by God's grace, our marriage/family was renewed and we were able to move forward out of the dark days of separation.  It was a date I had specifically chosen and by God's grace, we are moving forward.  So what a joyful day November 27 was, that after 40 days of our family being broken, we were once again restored.

Believe me, that does not mean that all our issues were resolved.  But what it did do, was give us each some space.  K & I have grown through this time apart and I truly believe that the time apart allowed us to focus on areas of our own lives that needed changing.  It allowed us time to focus on our relationship with Jesus and to see where we needed to change.  It allowed us to remember those things that had drawn us to each other in the first place. Even the kids have grown through this.  Their spiritual and emotional strength grew by leaps and bounds.  Prayer became a huge part of their and our lives.  Believe me, I am not recommending that every family take a 40 hiatus from each other, but I do know that we as a family, endured the trials and testing for 40 days, and after that, came renewal.  We have established a better communication for it.  We have established better relationships with God because of it.  We have grown together as a family.  Truthfully, we are way better off for having taken this time.  (On a side note, I DO have to emphasis that the separation was never intended to be permanent so the time apart was always done with the intent of working to get back together.)

I praise God for our forty days that He blessed us with. I thank God that after our 40 days, came our renewal, our revival.  So today, I am thankful to God for "my 40"  !!!!

Prayer Room

~ as I have mentioned in previous posts, 2013 was a bumpy year for me, for a variety of reasons.  one of those bumps along the way, happened in my marriage.  2014 is going to be our 25th anniversary, but at one point it seemed like we might not make it.  after much prayer and frustration, this past october, my husband and i separated.  we never intended for it to be permanent, but hoped it would be a time where we could work on our issues personally, and also as a couple.  in the end, we were separated for 40 days in october/november (that in itself is another post yet to come) but they were the best and some of the most difficult days of my life.  it was a time where we both grew, and our children grew.  it's not that we didn't see each other, because in reality, we did see each other most days, but it was a time to be separate and look through each of our own lives and reassess where we were at. . . what changes needed to be made. . . what changes we wanted to see in our own life, but also in our marriage.  it was a time that, as difficult as it was, i wouldn't trade for anything
~ while K was gone, he stayed with a couple of angels.  i say angels because i truly believe they were god sent!  he was my husband's boss and long before we were even separated, god had started working in their lives.  his boss was being challenged to carry out his faith deeper into the workplace and had even felt god calling him to give up their own comforts at home to minister to others.  they didn't know at that time that that meant taking my husband in for a month, but god had set their hearts in motion so that when K needed a place to stay, they were prepared.
~ they were truly god sent.  they ministered to my husband like i don't think anyone else could have.  god had prepared their hearts to meet the need of K's heart.  one of the biggest impacts that their home had on K was the focus on prayer.  the moment K walked into their home, he was prayed over by them.  they also had a prayer room that they allowed K to use as well.  that was a life changer.  K spent hours and hours in the prayer room reading, praying and just being still and spending time with god.  when he would come home to visit, i could see the power that spending that time closed off alone with god was having on K.  it was incredible. it was as though he would walk into the holy of holies when he walked into that room.  it just felt that god was right there. as he shared with me how valuable that space was to him, we started to talk about how we could incorporate this concept into our home.
~ i will admit, at first i was skeptical about the value of it.  but, it was something that i could easily provide for him, and if that grew him to become more of a godly father and husband, it was an easy fix.  the only spare space we had was our spare room, which also doubled as my office and scrap booking room.  we had a single bed in there, which was generally used for one of our kids since my daughter had a double bed in her room, and so guests stayed there.  we decided that we could do without the single bed, so we brought up two rockers, purchased a wonderful bookcase from Ikea and took all our books out of storage and put them on the shelves - ready to be read.  one of the things that impacted K was that in his boss's prayer room, they had soft praise music playing continually.  so i took one of our old iPods and downloaded several soft praise & worship albums and keep it playing day and night.  i also purchased a vinyl wall decal with a scripture verse on it. it (or others) can be purchased here.  http://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/152302618/custom-order-for-sallieu-psalm-4610-be?ref=shop_home_active     i still had to keep part of it as my office, but for the most part, it is our new prayer room.  what a blessing it has been.  i have even woken up in the morning to find my 9 year old in it reading his bible.  talk about blessing a mother's heart!!! WOW!
~ it is amazing to be able to walk into this room and hear hymns and worship songs playing continuously.  even when i am working on piano stuff the music fills my thoughts and directs my thoughts to worship.  it is such an amazing space.  i never thought that a simple room could help me focus on god and what he is teaching/telling me, as what this room has done.  and we all know that if the door is closed it means do not disturb because someone is spending their time with god.  it has also been a wonderful space to become quiet and read the many books we have accumulated over the years with the intention of reading, but never did.
~ so i thought i would share my space with you and encourage you to see if this is something that might benefit you.  in this day of age, where we all are so busy hurrying to everything and everywhere, this room has become a place of quiet and solace.  a place to come before god and be still.  you might not have a room to devote to this.  maybe it's a corner in your living room or bedroom.  i really encourage you to carve out a space that allows you to meet god there.  i know we can meet god wherever we are, but it has really felt like this room allows me to shut out all the busyness of life and make time to meet with god.  it has truly been a blessing to me.
~ enjoy a peek into our prayer room.

Thinking ahead: Tuesday's Challenge

~ as you may or may not know, i am a piano teacher.  i also have 2 kids and a hubby that would love to have suppers each evening. . . yes. . . prepared by me!  ;-)  i teach piano three days a week, so each of those days, i try to have supper ready for them to either eat while i am teaching, or to be ready to eat so we can all sit together and have supper.

~ today as i sat looking through my recipes trying to come up with a "new" exciting recipe, i started to think about how much time i devote to getting meals ready.  before i could get supper started, i had also gone out and purchased some new piano books for some students.  as my mind wandered from making supper to the amount of prep time i do for my piano lessons, i started thinking about how much time i spent with my poet.  (See my post on January 3rd http://sharon2kids.blogspot.ca/2014/01/valuable.html about God calling us his poem.)

~ i started to think about how little time i spend actually reading God's word.  sure i read lots of great books, and devotionals - other people's writings about His word.  but how much time do i actually spend reading HIS words?  when i think of all god did for me, what he all gave up for me, i am humbled by it all.  and i am humiliated by how little time i spend with him.  how little time i talk to him and how little time i listen for him .

~ in Anne Voskamp's blog http://www.aholyexperience.com/ she writes about scripture memorization.  what an incredible way of getting into god's word.  i did this as a child, and have on occasion memorized scripture through out my adult years, but what an incredible way of getting into god's word.  not only are we reading it, but we are mulling over it.  over and over. . . and what better way to defeat the devil than by reciting god's word.

~ as i sat and thought about this and about what i was going to try to memorize, i thought about my favorite book - philippians.

So here are the verses, i purpose to memorize this week:

Philippians 2: 1 - 4    1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

join me on my journey to memorize more of god's word so we can turn it over and over in our minds to be able to have it on the tips of our tongues.  so that when we rise up and when we lay down, we will have his words in our hearts and in our minds.