Good Bye. . .

. . . 2013!!!  I am not sorry to see you go. 

i  am thankful, however, for all the lessons learned this past year, but excited for the new ones that will be learned in 2014.   it is true. . . . lesson learning is usually a "ripping and stripping" process that, for me, tends to take way longer than what i think it should - but also that is way more difficult than i think it should be - however, as the old saying goes, no pain, no gain, right?

i wish it were not so.  i wish i were much quicker at learning lessons.  i wish once i learned them, they would STICK because all too often it seems that i have 'learned' the lesson before, but am back at the same spot all to soon because i apparently have to 'relearn' it!!  

but i guess that is my sinful, human nature.

i am striving to make 2014 better - with more lessons learned - but more lessons stuck! maybe this year i will learn a lesson and be able to have it stick just a little longer.

do i make new year's resolutions? sometimes. . . but what i do find is that the end/beginning of a year is a great time to evaluate the last 12 months.  how did it go?  what did i accomplish?  what lessons did i learn?  what lessons stuck?  so as i go into 2014, i am not looking at 2013 with regret.  i am not looking at it in terms of where i failed.  i am not going to look at it with a negative attitude.  

rather - i am choosing to look at the positive things that happened.  the joys that became mine this year.  the lessons learned - and stuck. .  but even the lessons learned that became unstuck - and resolve to make them stick in 2014.

i am choosing to look back and see all the incredible blessings god has granted to me this past year - and trust him for more to come.  

my 3 greatest blessings are truly my two amazing miracle children, and my amazing miracle husband.  some time i might just have to share with you those miracle journeys as well. 

happy new year to all my friends and family.  may you experience god in a completely new way this year, and may you look back on 2013 and see all the goodness he has blessed you with.

(and on a side note - HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my amazing mom.  wishing you so many joys this year - thanking and praising god for all the things you do for us.  and while we may not see you as often as we'd like, we are truly thankful for the times we have been able to be with you this year.  i love you so much!!!)

Monday's Musings - thoughts on FORGIVENESS

* as i sit and think about the past year and try to compact the things that i have learned, i think i can say the biggest thoughts/changes have been that of forgiveness.  for so many years, i saw forgiveness as forgetting what had happened in the past and just ignoring it.  but as i have looked more and more into what forgiveness is, i am realizing that i had a completely wrong perception of what forgiveness was

* i saw forgiveness as something i was doing/giving to another person.  it is in fact, something i am doing for myself.  a gift i am giving to myself.  a gift of freedom and release to and for myself.  here are some of the thoughts, quotes and meanderings that i have accumulated about forgiveness over the past several months

~ forgiveness does NOT require an apology (or another person). RECONCILIATION requires another person.

~ "Forgiveness is giving up my right to get even"  charles stanley

~  Forgiveness is a promise not a feeling.  When you forgive other people, you are making a promise to yourself not to use their past against them.

~  Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behaviour.  Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying YOUR heart.

~ "Forgiveness is giving up your right to hold someone accountable for their sin against you.  It DOESN'T mean that you are letting them off the hook.  It means that you are setting yourself free from the pain and anger that has connected you to them for so long.  When you choose to forgive, it does not mean you will forget what happened, rather it means that the event will no longer have the same emotional control over you that it used to have.  Forgiveness releases the power of God to bring healing into the wounded places of your heart."  Grant Mullen from the book EMOTIONALLY FREE

~ you forgive someone for YOU - for YOUR benefit, not for them.

I can't say that this has been an easy process.  and i still struggle with thinking that forgiveness means "it's all better and fixed" because it doesn't.  it just means that i am not letting the black ugliness of the situation take hold of my present life.  

*  i want to live in the joy of right now, rather than in the pain of the past.

* just some thoughts i wanted to share with you and i mused about the past and the future. . . 

blessings on your day - and may you find forgiveness in the situations you find yourself in today

Break over!

as this  year ~2013~ draws to a close, I have been looking back on the past year and all that i have been through.  Seems amazing that it is the end of the year, and i have come out better for all that i've been through.  haven't blogged since may, and that is a sure sign of where my life has been.  wanting to be closed in.  wanting to be private.  wanting to hide the pain away from others.  wanting to protect my shell, the walls that i have built over the years.

but today, i purpose to share some of those journeys that i have been on over the past little while.  

journeys that included painful moments.  

journeys that included a stripping down of my comfort zone.  

journeys of admissions of failures.

journeys filled with joy.

journeys filled with pain, anger humiliation, yet

journeys filled with growth and healing and forgiveness.

journeys filled with a search for joy

journeys filled with a deeper understanding of my relationship with jesus


i am excited about this path of renewal that i feel i am on.  i am excited about the path of growth and stretching that i am on.  

so join me if you care, to hear about the moments, thoughts and journeys that god has taken me through this past year - a year of stretching and growth - but a year that i wouldn't change for anything - as i look forward to a new and exciting year in 2014

Anxiety Disorder

I am Royce White: Living and working with anxiety disorder - SBNation.com

I just wanted to share this link with you.  What a fabulous write up about some of the struggles that I deal with, but sometimes have no way of putting into words.

Thanks to my sister Wendy for getting this to me.

Struggles

So what are you struggling with tonight???

I'm struggling with. . . .
- not being what I need to be for my kids

-  not being what I should be for my hubby

- not being what God wants for me. . . . .


Trusting that next week I'll get a grip on it.

My God is … Faithful Deuteronomy 7:9

Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Meatless Mondays? Oops. . .

GOOD MORNING!!!!  Hope your day is off to a roaring start!  :-)

Generally, I try to go with the label of meatless Mondays.  Don't always remember, but that is often what I try to go with as I think about my menus for the week.

Yesterday was one of those days where the day got away from me (working hard on getting the kitchen finished - of course pictures will follow hopefully later this week) but even during the weekend a recipe for Quick and Easy Calzones was sitting on the back burner of my brain. So, since it was already 5:00 and the kitchen was still in disarray with black grout EVERYWHERE!, I remembered my calzone recipe but forgot about meatless Monday. 

I grabbed the recipe from my binder, looked at it and decided it was indeed a quick make for Monday.  And it was a keeper!!!  It called for chopped cooked meat so I decided to quickly boil up 2 chicken breasts and shred them. (QUICK TIP:  Boil chicken breasts for about 10 minutes until cooked through.  Cut into 4 or 5 small pieces and put them in your Kitchen Aid Mixer.  With the paddle inserted, "whip" them for 2 or 3 minutes on medium speed and VOILA - perfectly shredded chicken!!!)  You could use any meat that you had on hand or even cut up pieces of pepperoni would work I am sure. The recipe makes 6 but they are quite large so I am sure you could reduce the size of the dough and make 8 instead.

FAST AND EASY CALZONES

Here is the recipe.  Quick and easy and OH SO YUMMY!!!!

Fast and Easy Calzones

Ingredients

    1 Tbsp honey

    1 Tbsp oil (I used olive oil)

    1 cup warm water

    1 Tbsp yeast

    ½ tsp garlic salt

    3 cups flour

    1 cup ricotta cheese

    1 cup mozzarella cheese

    1 cup of cooked meat

    fresh or died herbs to taste (I mixed in some fresh basil)

    cornmeal

    4 Tbsp Olive Oil

    6 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

    marinara or pizza sauce to serve with

Instructions

    Preheat oven to 475 degrees.

    In a bowl, combine the honey, oil, water, yeast, and garlic salt together. Then mix in the flour. Once mixed knead the dough for a minute or two.

    Divide dough into 6 easy pieces. Roll each ball out into an 8 inch circle using extra flour if needed.

    In a bowl, combine the ricotta, mozzarella, meat, and herbs.

    Take ½ cup of filling and place on half of each rolled out 8 inch round of dough.

    Fold other half of dough over each round and seal seams.

    Dust cookie sheet with corn meal and place calzones on cookie sheet.

    Brush tops of calzones with olive oil and sprinkle each with 1 Tbsp of the Parmesan cheese.

    Bake at 475 for 10 to 12 minutes until golden. Allow to set for 5 minutes before serving. Serve with marinara or pizza sauce for dipping. Serves 6.

Serving Size

One of my new blogs that I have started enjoying is the blog Power of Moms.  (http://powerofmoms.com/register/)  What a wonderful little space.  A space written by mothers, for mothers.  A space written by mothers who are searching/scrambling/struggling to make each day the best for their families.  I have loved their down to earth, I'm-no-better-than-you-because-I-write-a-blog attitude because so often they write about the very things I struggle with.

Recently one of the ladies wrote about the thought of How Big is Your Plate?  What a good question.  So often we hear about people feeling like their plate is overflowing.  Or you hear about people and we think "They sure have their plate full". 

But this blog made me think about plate size.  Our serving size.  And it made me think about meals. And the size of plates we use to eat vs. the size of plate we use to serve!  And I got to thinking about the fact that we don't always use the same size of plate for everything.  Imagine a dessert plate.  TINY.  and very often I'd like to use a serving plate to eat my dessert with - but it is small.  At lunch we use a luncheon sized plate and at supper, a dinner plate.  NOT EVERY PLATE IS THE SAME SIZE.

So why do I think after having struggled the last few months that my plate should be the same size as it was a year ago?  Perhaps God is telling me to use a dessert plate.  Put on my dessert plate what I can fit today, and if tomorrow it feels like a luncheon plate kind of day, just do a luncheon sized job!  I think I have created this idea of what I am SUPPOSED to be able to handle, SUPPOSED to be able to accomplish because "she" can do it, or I used to be able to do it all, but God hasn't called me to do that.  He has called me to take today and to go at it with HIS strength.  And maybe all I can handle today is a dessert plate.  But HE has given me the dessert plate and he will give me the strength to take care of that dessert plate.  Next year He may be giving me a supper plate, but regardless He will give me the strength to take on the supper plate.

So today, I am going to try to be thankful for the dessert plate.  To NOT be down on myself for not having/using the dinner plate.  But to take on my dessert plate and make sure I take care of it in a God honouring fashion.

Maybe some day I'll be able to take on the serving platter that I made at Crockadoodle last summer.

Blessings. . . .

Serving Platter I made at CrockaDoodle last summer.

Two

I sit here struggling how to put down into words what my heart has been feeling recently.

TWO weeks since my last post.  TOO difficult to bring myself to the computer and write down words in my heart.

I struggle with depression and anxiety.  TWO major things that I'm realizing MANY women struggle with.  It can be a constant battle, or it can be one that suddenly rears it's ugly head and controls my day.  Someone recently told me "you always have TWO choices.  Give in to the struggle or live above it."  I'd asked if she had ever struggled with regular depression or if she'd ever experienced an anxiety attack, and admittedly she had not.  TWO choices are NOT always available to me.  Sometimes there ARE no choices.  Sometimes, it's all I can do to get up and send the kids off to school.  Sometimes, I just have to turn the car around and go back home because there are no TWO choices.  I can only give it to the anxiety.

TWO children who look to me for guidance.  TWO children who I fail every day.  TWO adults who are muddling through life/marriage trying to keep our heads above water. TOO many times I give in to the selfish nature that I struggle with over and over again. 

But ONE God. . . who hears me even when I don't have the words to cry to Him.  ONE God who knows that in the deepest part of my heart, I truly want to serve Him.  ONE God that that has promised me, that even when the walls and world around me feel like they are falling down. . . HE IS ALWAYS THERE. 

MISSING: Motivation

For some reason, this week has been painfully long.  Not sure.  Started out Monday with having to go into my dermatologist and finding out I have 4 more skin cancer spots that need to be removed.  I thought that I'd get another 6 month all clear, but alas such is not the case.  I AM thankful that I have such a great doctor who is SO careful to check each mark out and takes great care in removing each one before it turns into all out melanoma!! 

So since then, I've been blah.  Just unmotivated, tired, slow and just blah.  (Yes, I DO think that should be a word in the dictionary!)  Efforts to pick myself up and go just are not working.  The kitchen is hardly progressing (well, PAINFULLY slow!) and along with feeling like spring is never gonna get here, I just feel like sitting here and doing nothing.

Ever get that feeling?  What do YOU do to pull yourself out of it?

So here's what I'll share with you today. 

Our pastor at EEFC is Terry Kaufman and both Keith and I really enjoy his speaking.  He shared some really great things on Sunday that I quickly jotted down during the service.  While TODAY I'm not struggling with doubt, there are definitely times when I am.  On a variety of levels.   So I'll share what he said:

"Doubts do not equal:  1. us rejecting God 2.  God rejecting us 3. us rejecting each other"

"Jesus is waiting to meet you RIGHT NOW just where you are - not after you've figured it out "

So when in doubt, go to God!

Have a great day and hopefully I'll find my motivation today!  :-)

New Menu

Today was one of those days that I struggled with ambition.  So what better way to get motivated than to come up with something new to make.  After some searching, I decided on

Spinach Bacon Alfredo French Bread Pizza

Before baking

Ready to eat!

and

No Bake Fresh Strawberry Pie

and was it ever yummy!!!  Definitely keepers and definitely will be making these again.  Two big thumbs up from each of us!

Here are the recipes:

Spinach Bacon Alfredo French Bread Pizza

1/2 loaf French Bread

1 cup Alfredo sauce

1/2 cup baby spinach leaves

1/3 cup sliced mushrooms, optional

1 cup cooked, chopped bacon

1 large cooked and chopped/sliced chicken breast (to make it extra quick I used canned chicken)

2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Cut bread in half lengthwise. Lay each one on a cookie sheet. Spread Alfredo sauce evenly over the top of each half. Use as much or as little sauce as you would like. Then layer spinach, sliced mushrooms, bacon, and chicken until it reaches your desired amount.

2. Evenly sprinkle mozzarella over the pizzas and bake for about 15 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly. Remove, let cool slightly, slice and serve. Enjoy!

(I made my own alfredo sauce:  1/2 C of butter, 1 C whipping cream 1/2 C Parmesan cheese and salt to taste.  You may thicken with flour if desired)

No Bake Fresh Strawberry Pie

Ingredients

•  1 1/4 Cups chocolate Oreo crumbs.
• 1/3 cup margerine
• 6 ounces 1/3-less-fat cream cheese, softened
• 1/3 cup powdered sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups frozen fat-free whipped topping, thawed
• 2 tablespoons strawberry flavored ice cream topping
• 1 tablespoon raspberry ice cream topping
• 1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
• 1 pound small strawberries, hulled and cut in half

Preparation

1.    Melt margarine.  Mix together with chocolate crumbs and press into pie plate. Place in freezer 15 minutes or until set.

2.    Place cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla in a medium bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth. Fold in whipped topping. Carefully spread over bottom of crust. Mix together strawberry and raspberry topping and lemon juice; stir with a whisk until smooth. Add berry halves; toss to combine. Arrange berry halves over pie. Chill for 30 minutes before serving.