A struggling day. . . . BUT HE HAS TOMORROW!!!!!

Today had many struggles. . . . but also some extreme blessings.  Struggled with where I am at right now, but had some confirmations too that God is in control.

As I sat in my prayer room this evening (Prayer Room Link) I struggled with where I was at.  I know my Saviour has taken my past away, has taken today away (also my past!) And as I listened to the music rotating through on my iPod, I came upon these words that lifted me up beyond what anyone could speak to me.  LIVING - He loved me. . .. . DYING He saved me. . . . BURIED - He carried my sins far away. . . .OH WHAT A GOD WE LOVE!!!!!!

I hope they do the same to you!!!!  Regardless of what happened, God has TODAY.  And He had yesterday, and (here's the kicker. . . .) HE HAS TOMORROW!!!!!!!  What a God we serve. .. . . .

"Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)"

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises

One day when sin was as black as could be

Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin

Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us

His glory revealed

[Chorus:]

Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away

Rising, He justified freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain

One day they nailed Him to die on a tree

Suffering anguish, despised and rejected

Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree

And took the nails for me

[Chorus]

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer

One day the stone rolled away from the door

Then He arose, over death He had conquered

Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him

From rising again

[Chorus]

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming

One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing

My Savior, Jesus, is mine

Here's the musical version, but also the lyrics. . . . listen and let God's words wash over you!!!!

LOST: My identity

You're likely thinking by the title that I'm having a midlife crisis. . . you may be right, although unfortunately I'm way past midlife.  At 46 1/2 years old, I have started asking myself this question:  WHO AM I?

For 20+ years, I was daughter of John & Gretha.  Then I became wife to Keith.  Then Mom to Taylor and Peyton.  And here I sit in the quietness of my house thinking. . . but who am I really?  Being a mom and wife can be all consuming.  As a woman, we tend to be nurturers.  We pour ourselves into the people that we have around us, whether it's our husband's, children, other family members around us.  We tend to be givers.  We tend to put others needs before our own needs.  (Don't get me wrong, I'm as selfish as they come at times - I'm not saying I'm a saint in that department!!!)  But in general, we try to take care of the needs of others.  I believe God has created us that way.  I think it is a gift we have that is an incredible honor to have.

HOWEVER, sometimes I think that we as women tend to forget about ourselves.  I truly think that as women, we treat others way better than we treat ourselves.  In fact, if we stood back and looked at how we treat ourselves, we would never dare treat another person like that.  And suddenly when the nest is empty, or at least when the little ones are sprouting their own wings, we are suddenly left with the question, now what?  We stand in front of the mirror and really barely recognize the person staring back.  And I'm not talking about the extra pounds we might see that have somehow appeared over the last 20 years (and believe me - they ARE staring back at me these days!!) but I'm talking about the person inside of us.  The heart of me.

Who am I?  What do I really think about myself?  As I was thinking about these questions these past few months, I was continually brought back to a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.  If you find yourself looking in the mirror wondering how you got to be the person you are today, this is a really incredible book. I went through it with my counselor this past summer and it really opened my eyes to how I was treating others and how I was treating myself.  AMAZING book!!!

One of the things that I started thinking about was how I was treating myself, and why I was treating myself that way.  After 20 years of being a mom and wife, I didn't really like the person I saw in the mirror.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually.  And I started to get down on myself.  The words failure, useless, loser floated around in my head all the time. I saw all that I had tried to accomplish for others and it seemed to not be enough.  They weren't happy and I wasn't happy.  All those things I had tried to do for others ended up not being what really made them or me happy.  In fact, a lot of those things were things that in the end were either controlling on my part, or frustrating for them on their part.  And so I started to dig into who I wanted to be.  Not LIKE someone else, but who Christ would really want me to be.

As I started reading scriptures, I started to realize that my view of myself was far from what God had said about me. (Eph.1:10)  I was bashing what God had created.  I was bashing God's masterpiece.  I was bashing God's workmanship.  He created me IN HIS IMAGE.  Even though I think less of me, the Bible says that I am alive with Christ.  (Eph. 2:5)  The Bible says I am protected by God because I am His child (I John 5:18).  I have been chosen by God, holy and blameless before Him (Eph. 1:4)  Every time I put myself down, every time I think less of me, I am in essence putting down what God created.  Could I be thinner? Could I be more patient?  Could I speak less and listen more?  Could I be a better person?  YES to all those things. BUT, those things are not what make me the person I am.  I am loved by the King.  He is waiting for me to come to Him, just as I am.  He's not waiting for me to be perfect so He can love me.  He is standing there with open arms waiting for me to run into them, and all I am doing is standing in the mirror looking at myself saying "I'm not worthy".  But that is SO not what God is telling me.  that's Satan.  That's his lies.  And who am I going to believe?????  I am God's child.  I know how much I love my kids, warts and all, and I can't even begin to imagine that God loves me so much more than I can ever love my kids.  My kids don't have to be perfect for me to love them, and God doesn't expect me to be perfect for Him to love me.  I just need to come into His presence and BE WITH HIM. I need to get the focus off of me, and focus on Him.  And remember that in Him. . . I am perfect.  He made me and loves me just as I am.

I have had this video for a long time now and even today, as I listen to it, tears stream down my face because I still struggle with believing it.  But I KNOW it's true.  I know every detail that is in this video is bang on.  I am God's and that's all that matters.

Wednesday's Wonderful Winter

Well, finally here in Manitoba, we are getting some wonderful days of winter.  Yes!  You read it!  Wonderful because it's melting.  I can't say it's been all bad this year, but it's just been really really long.  But it's made for some beautiful scenery.

Thought I'd share some of my wonderful winter moments and share this wonderful winter video with you as well!

It's winter. . . . but spring's a comin'

Our Snow clearing crews hard at work.  They've been kept busy this winter!

Only God can create this!!!

Good morning child!  Remember I love you - God

For those of you who know our yard, there's chairs and a pond under there!!! Our sweet summer oasis!

created by:  THE CREATOR!

And so we've had lots of snow this winter!!  BUT IT'S ALMOST SPRING!!!!  :-)

And just a bit of music to go with winter.  Truly these men are blessed with a gift from God!!!!  And their backdrop could only be created by Him!!!!!

Tuesday's Choice: Memorization

Been thinking a lot about eternity lately.  That regardless the mess down here, I cannot wait to get to Heaven!  Sometimes it's a scary thought when I think about what God say about me and what I've done or not done for Him, but that too, causes me to press on.  The things that I think are big down here, are nothing to Him. When we see His face, the things I thought were big won't even matter - or exist.  So just focusing on Him and on the future.



2 Corinthians 4:13 – 18

13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, 

14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. 

15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

When the laundry hamper's full, but your heart feels empty

It is always amazing to me how "stuff" can get in the way.  I don't mean clutter, but rather jobs. Tasks. Agendas. The to do list.

I find myself getting caught up in the oh so unimportant things of life, when there are so many other valuable things that I should be focusing on.  Today my laundry hamper is overflowing.  I have no snack food in the house for school snacks.  The floors need vacuuming and washing.  The furniture needs dusting. . . and my list goes on and on.

As I lay in bed this morning, I started thinking about all the things that "need" to be done.  Now panic didn't quite set in, but it started to feel overwhelming.  I started to think negative thoughts.  I started to feel that no one else in the house was going to be doing any work today, expect for poor little 'ol me.  Yup, I was having a pity party.  You see, today is a holiday here in Manitoba.  Family day to be exact.  Yup FAMILY day.  And I knew just the way I was going to spend family day - DOING LAUNDRY!!!  And every one else was going to be lazing around doing nothing!  I had the day "figured out" perfectly.

All the laundry hampers gathered into the laundry room were screaming my name.  And as I went down and sorted through the mounds of clothing, I started muttering.  I started grumbling.  I started seething.  Everybody else had nothing to do but me.  And oh how my heart started to crumble. . .

But you see, it was all in my own little "poor me" head.  As I sat and sorted the laundry, I remembered what I used to do way back when we were waiting to adopt a baby.  We had been picked by our birth mom, and so I had purchased a few things in the event that the adoption did proceed.  I remember folding the tiny little socks and praying for our baby.  That God would direct his/her path wherever it brought them.  I remembered folding the little onesies and praying that God would have control over his/her heart.  I remembered folding the little sleepers and praying that he/she would grow up to be a strong child of God. The wash cloths, the blankets, the towels.  Every item I laundered with joy and anticipation.

And here I sat today - remember - it's family day - grumbling about the laundry my family had generated.  The very thing that I had prayed for for so long, I had!!! I had two wonderful children that for years I never thought I would be able to enjoy.  For 12 long years, I begged God for a child.  And that day, 12 1/2 years ago, as I folded an unborn child's laundry - a child I wasn't sure would become mine, I prayed that God would allow me to have a child or two.  I remembered thinking that laundry would always be such a wonderful task because it meant I had a child!!

And here I was, buried in my own self absorbed thoughts when I was reminded of those days.  I was reminded how I had longed for a child.  I was reminded how I thought laundry was a blessing.  And so as I foldED my sons pants, I prayed.  As I folded my daughters shirts, I prayed.  As I folded my husbands work shirts, I prayed. I rejoiced.  I became thankful.  For here, in the middle of a pile of laundry lay so many blessings.  The floor was littered with them.  The floor was filled with past activities.  The floor was brimming with happiness.  With Joy.  With answered prayers.  And with each load of laundry I did, I praised.  Because each load was another load of evidence of how God had blessed me.  With an amazingly patient husband.  A beautiful daughter - inside and out.  A son with a soft and gentle spirit.  All of who have brought me such joy.

And suddenly the laundry room became a mountain of praise.  And as each pile of clothes was laundered, I was reminded that God had blessed me so incredibly much.

And just like that, the hamper was empty, but my heart was full!!!

Psalm 136:1-5

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his loving-kindness continues forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods, for his loving-kindness continues forever. 

Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his loving-kindness continues forever. 

Praise him who alone does mighty miracles, for his loving-kindness continues forever. 

Praise him who made the heavens, for his loving-kindness continues forever.