EXPOSED!!!!!

As parents, we come across numerous times in our kids' lives that while serious, we can hardly keep ourselves from bursting out in laughter.  You know those moments. . . . when your child has disobeyed, or done something they shouldn't have. . . . and it is definitely time for them to learn a life lesson, but the picture before you, just causes your spirit within to laugh because of the absurdity of the situation.  Years ago, my sister had sent my daughter a box of 1000 stickers.  My daughter and I had talked about how she could use them for pictures or decorating letters etc. but I didn't want to see them on the walls etc.  Yes, she nodded her head in agreement.  After finishing up the dishes, I returned to the sitting room where my not quite one-year old son was resting in a bouncy chair, to find him covered in stickers.  Over a hundred of them for sure.  I needed to deal with the disobedience, but OH MY was that picture priceless! 

I had such a situation again the other day.  My children are older now - and of course much wiser than my daughter was at 3 years old!  As we sat down to supper one evening, I looked across the table at my son and saw that his eyes looked different than usual.  Now, if you have met my son, you know he has these beautiful long eyelashes than any of us girls would crave to have.  They are full, dark and beautiful.  But that day, there was something off about how he looked - almost as if he had make up on or something.  I couldn't quite put my finger on it, and when I asked him if he had makeup on, he said no, and asked why I thought that.  I told him it looked darker under his bottom lashes, but he said no, and since I really couldn't put my finger on it, I left it.  He had had a play at school that he had performed a couple days earlier, and I thought perhaps he may have had makeup on that day and it still lingered a little.

Later on that evening. . . the truth came out.  As I was finishing up teaching piano, my husband came with my son and commented that my son would have to tell me what had happened. As he came into the piano room, I saw dark streaks running down his face!!  Completely surprised, but not wanting to laugh, I asked him what happened. He said he and his sister had been playing downstairs and he had gotten hurt.  He had started to cry. . . . and that is where the supper time lie began to unravel.  As the tears rolled out from under his lashes, mascara began to wash off of his lashes, leaving a trail of black streaks.  His lie had been revealed.  In broken tears, he admitted to me that he had lied at supper about the make up and that he had indeed been looking through my makeup basket and found a bottle labeled mascara and read that it was for eye lashes.  He said he had put some one, but thought no one would ever find out.  Well, I have to admit, laughter was welling through my heart!!  The sight of him standing there with big black streaks running down his cheeks was quite comical.  However. . . . the issue behind those streaks was not comical at all.  Of course we dealt with it at that moment and you can be sure he will NEVER be trying my makeup again, or at least lying about trying it!!!  After we finished praying about it, he asked me, "Mom, how do you always find out when I'm lying.  Even when I am sure you will never find out, most of the times you do!"  Ah my dear son. . . . that is just what a mother does!  Okay, so that's not what I told him - but what I did tell him is that God knows it's my job to care for and teach my children, and I truly believe that God brings incidents like this one to my attention, so that I CAN teach them.  That I can train him in the way that God wants him to go.

In the days following this episode, I couldn't help but smile as I envisioned his streaked face.  But it also made me think of how we perceive God.  I know my son does things at times that he is SURE we will never find out.  But am I not like that with God?  As I thought about that, I initially thought that no - I wouldn't do that.  But as I thought about what it would be like to have my whole life laid out before God.  Laid out there bare for Him to see.  All the deeds.  Good, bad, ugly.  Right out there bare for Him to see.  How would I feel?  As I pondered over all those things that I would love to sweep under the carpet, I was struck by how absurd that thought was.  Because all my deeds ARE laid out bare for God to see.  In fact, it's more than my deeds. It's my thoughts.  It's the motives behind my deeds.  It's everything.  I truly think that most times, I deceive myself by thinking that God is not aware of what I'm doing.  I go about my daily activities really doing as I please.  I'm not saying that it's all wrong things or negative things. But I just do as I please.  I haven't really given my day, my moments over to God.  And in the process, I do mess up.  I do go about doing things that really do not bring honor or glory to Him.  And I ignore the fact of how it affects Him.  In my previous post, I commented about what God must have felt when He created Adam & Eve only to have them choose Satan over obedience to Him.  And yet. . . so often that is what I do.  Oh it might not be that big deliberate heinous sin, but it's those little ones.  The ones we tend to think aren't so bad.  The ones that we really never even ask for forgiveness for because we see them as not too bad.

Like my son, I think I can hide from God. I can just ignore those areas in my life that need His attention!  I ignore the subtle areas that don't "appear" as gross sins, but that really are what color my very existence day to day.  

Hebrews 4:12-13 reads like this: 

¹² The word of God is living and active. It is sharper than any sword that has two edges. It cuts deep enough to separate soul from spirit. It can separate joints from bones. It judges the thoughts and purposes of the heart. ¹³ Nothing God created is hidden from him. His eyes see everything. He will hold us accountable for everything we do.

WOW!  If I truly lived my life with those verses as my motto, I think my life would be a very different story.

Sometimes there are areas in our lives that we aren't even aware we are hiding from God.  Areas that we need God to expose and show us. But as verse 13 states He will hold us accountable for EVERYTHING we do.  Not just the stuff we are aware of, but everything.

Won't you join me today to ask God to expose those things to us?  Let's keep these verses in the forefront of our minds as we go about our every day lives.  Let's give God all those areas of our lives that we'd rather hide, stuff down.  Let's give them to Him and ask Him to take control of those areas.  With His strength, we can conquer these areas too, and bring Him glory in doing so.  Let's get God to get right into those ugly spots of our lives - visible or invisible - and have God take over.  Let Him change us so that we can face God each day knowing we are striving to become more and more like Him.

Let's expose our lives to Him - so that those "black streaks" in our lives can be wiped away.  Replaced by the glow of serving Him!!!

Give it up!!!!

Give it up.  Isn't that a funny saying?  It can mean so many things.  Sometimes you hear someone say "Give it up for so and so" which means give the person a round of applause - cheer them on!!!  Sometimes, you hear someone say "Give it up" and it's laced with sarcasm because they just want you to stop doing what you are doing.  Another time, you might hear someone say "GIVE IT UP!" in a demanding tone, and it means give it to me right now!!!!

Today, my "give it up" means to just stop trying.  Just stop.  Just give it up!  Let me explain.

This weekend, I had my heart stomped on.  My feelings crushed.  You know what I mean.  Those times in your life when you have given your whole heart to something.  You have tried so hard to accomplish something.  You have persevered and in your own mind felt that you really had conquered what ever it was that you were working toward. It might be a project.  It might be a recipe.  It might be an attitude you were trying to eradicate. It might be a friendship you were trying to work on or repair. It might be a character trait that you were working hard at trying to change.  Whatever it was, you were feeling pretty good about what you were doing, and how you were really reaching that goal.  And not proud in a bad way.  But feeling thankful - grateful for whatever your accomplishment had been.

And then in one foul swoop, those feelings were crushed.  Your efforts were trampled on.  You were made to feel that all the efforts you had worked on so hard and long were all for not.  Someone or something crushed your spirit and that joy that you had been feeling was stamped out in one action. . . in one sentence. . . in one look. . . in one mocking laugh.  The joy, the accomplishment you had once felt was sucked out, and all you were left with was a void.

And you just want to throw whatever it was that you were working towards, what you were working on, you just want to throw it away.  Well, that is NOT the "give it up" that I was thinking about either.

Like I said, this weekend, I had my feelings crushed.  My spirit bruised.  And I was broken.  I just wanted to walk away and forget what I had worked on so hard. I began to nurse a "poor me" complex.  I began to nurture the "I'm no good for anything" complex.  I began to sing the song "Why even try????"  All those things swirled around in my head.  I started becoming more and more negative.

 As I nursed those thoughts in my mind, and justified them, and rationalized them as being "truth", the thought crossed my mind of what God must have felt when Adam and Eve sinned.  Here he had made the most beautiful perfect creatures.  He had given them everything they ever could have wanted.  He even gave them each other - when in fact He had created them for His own pleasure.  God saw everything and it was GOOD!   And in one fateful moment, all of that was lost.  A snake slithered it's way into Adam & Eve's life and took everything precious that God had created.  It was gone.  With one small bite.  Perfection was lost.

I thought about that agony.  I thought about how I would feel in that situation.  How I was feeling in my own present situation.  And I wondered to myself, how would God deal with this situation? And as I wondered about it and thought about how God dealt with sin entering into His perfect creation, I realized that God did not wallow in self pity.  God did not become angry and destructive.  God did not close Himself off.  Instead, God created a way of redemption.  God created a way to fix the mess that had been made.  He went (and I mean no disrespect of God in saying this), He went with plan B.  We messed up and He provided away out.

As I thought about that fact, and I thought about the negative feelings swirling around in my heart, the words GIVE IT UP SHARON resounded in my head.  STOP THIS already!  Sure you had your feelings hurt.  You were crushed. . . but give it up.  Shake yourself off and move on!  You have the choice to sit here and wallow in your self pity, or you have the choice to brush yourself off and move on.  GIVE UP the "right" you feel to be angry.  GIVE UP the justification that you are feeling to close yourself off.  GIVE UP any negative responses to this and THANK GOD FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR YOU!!!  Thank Him, that He provided a plan B for you.

So today, I sit here, still bruised. . . .still hurting. . . still crushed. . . . BUT I will give it up and not allow those things to define me.  I will not let that situation color the rest of my week.  I will not let it affect the relationships that I have with those around me.  Because if I do that, ultimately Satan has won yet again.  So today, I will look in the mirror and say to myself "Sharon GIVE IT UP! There is so much more out there than feeling negative."  And when I think of all the blessings God has given me, I cannot help but "give it up".  I cannot help but begin to let go of the anger.  Begin to give up the resentment.  Give up the right to retaliate.  I am giving up all those things to FOCUS ON GOD - what He has for me.  He has never failed me.  He has never given up on me.  He has never disappointed me.  So I will focus on that today.

As I sat and gave this to God this morning, the image of a blank easel came to my mind.  It was as if God was telling me, "Sharon, Give it up.  Today is a new day.  You have a blank canvas before you.  What are you going to do with it?  What beautiful masterpiece are you going to create for Me today?"
So today - I WILL give it up.  I will give it to God and let Him take over!!! Regardless of what happens around me, I will strive to be thankful for each and every blessing that God brings my way.  The other stuff - I will try to give it up!!!  Give it up. . . . and let God. . . . !!!!

Psalm 31:14   But I trusted in you, O LORD: I said, You are my God.

Mirror Mirror on the wall. . .

As I have been going through the book of Acts with the ladies over at IF:EQUIP I have certainly been challenged by their words.  In the last few months as well, I have really started to take a look at my own life and see how the Holy Spirit is affecting my life.  If the Holy Spirit truly indwells me (and we know this to be true from what Jesus told us), then how is that changing the person I am?

Today in the devotional, the passage was from Acts 4:5-13.  I was struck my the last couple of verses that read like this:

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.

It made me sit back and wonder when people look at me do they recognize that I have been with Jesus?  And it made me realize how little time I do spend in God's word.  I have to BE with God in order to have people see Him through me.  So if I am spending little time in God's word, listening to Him, focusing on Him, how can people even see that I have been with Him?  How can they see Jesus shining through me, if I am not spending time with Him?

I know when people go to other parts of the country or to other countries where a different language is spoken, sometimes they come back to our part of the world and it sounds like they have an accent.  Or they speak slightly different than what they did when they left.  I remember when a friend of mine moved down to Georgia and when I saw her again she had acquired that beautiful Georgian drawl.

So I am wondering. . . if I were to immerse myself in God's word, and His teachings, how different would I be?  Would I change?  Would I shine God through my actions?  I would think so.  When we are so affected by God, I don't think we can help but be changed.  And I can imagine that is what had happened to Peter & John.  They had spent so much time with Jesus, that people could just see it by their actions, by their speech, by whatever they did.

It has certainly challenged me to spend more time in God's word, allowing Him to speak to me.  To direct my thoughts continually on Him.  When I look in the mirror each morning, do I see more of the Holy Spirit shining through me?  Do others see Him exemplified in my life?

As I read this passage and thought about if others see the Holy Spirit in my life, I was reminded of a song from long ago that I wanted to share with you today.  I trust that this might challenge you as well to spend more time in the Scriptures so that others recognize that "you have been with Jesus"!!!

Staying the course

Today is a big day for me.  Well not just for me.  But for our whole family. 

May 13, 1989.  What a day it was.

Twenty five years ago today my husband and I were married.  If I would have known then what I do now, I don't think I would have jumped in so quickly.  I knew that marriage was not always a bed of roses.  I knew it would have it's ups and downs.  But I never dreamed of all the things that I would experience in twenty five years.

To be truthful, they have not all been wonderful years.  They have not all been honeymoon moments.  Believe me.  There have been the drop down drag out fights that lasted for days.  There have been nights spent apart.  There have been "rip your heart out" moments for both of us that we would never want to repeat.

Then there were all the curve balls that were thrown our way that we never ever could have predicted:  an accident that caused Keith to be an incomplete paraplegic having to use a wheelchair to get around, infertility, the loneliness of always living away from family, marital separation, depression, anxiety, joblessness, to name just a few.  . . . . no one told me there would be THOSE moments to look forward to. . . .

Yet through those dark times. . . those difficult times. . . thankfully we did not give up.  Truthfully, God did not give up - or rather we did not give up on God.  While I am not always thankful for those times - those moments, I AM thankful for the end result.  If only I could go along the journey without having to endure those moments - and yet learn all those life lessons, I would love that.   But alas, that is not the case.  It's those difficult moments that polish us.  That refine us.  And if we stay the course.  If we allow God to direct us through those difficult waters.  Those dark times. . . He DOES bring us out the other side.

Today, I can honestly say that regardless of all the difficulties Keith and I have gone through, there is no one else I'd rather be spending the rest of my life with.  There is no one else who better understands me (and accepts me!) than he does.  Believe me. . . .he has his hands full.  Even I wouldn't want to have to put up with me most days!  But he does.  And he forgives.  And he loves me.

I am such a fortunate girl to be married to him. He is an amazing husband - not with out his faults - but perfect for me.  He's an incredible dad to our kids and an amazing example to those around him.

I am so proud and thankful to be able to say that I am married to Keith for twenty five years today!  And I pray for many many more of these crazy years to come.

I love you Keith!!!!

Your Job Description

Recently, I was introduced to a group of women who have put together a space as they say "for the next generation of women to wrestle with essential questions that plague their generation."  It is a website that has daily scriptures with a video. I can tell you that you will be challenged.  They are going through the book of Acts right now, and since I didn't start on day 1, this afternoon I went back to go through their first few devotionals.  And WOW was I blow away - and convicted!!!!  

(BTW - men, these are words that are just as important for you as they are for us women and I challenge you to take a peak at the devotionals as well!!!) 

To access their website you may click here:  IF:Equip

 

Without giving away all that they have shared, I wanted to share one of the tidbits that I got from listening to these women discuss the book of Acts.

I was listening to the women as they discussed Acts 1:6-11 and the verse that stuck out to me was verse 8. 

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

They were sharing about how Jesus told us that we are to BE His witnesses.  God has given us the power to BE witnesses.  It's not necessarily something we have to do, but rather what we have to BE. Ironically for me, it's so much easier to use words. I want to tell people.  But we are called to BE witnesses.  In so many ways, it's easier to use words because you can say something, but the actual acting out of those words is a completely different story.  God has called me to BE a witness.

And what is a witness.  A witness is someone who has experienced something.  And if you look at the passage we have all been given the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  We are to BE a witness of Him.  He needs to be flowing out of every part of our daily lives so that we are BEING a witness for Him.  Not just our words.  But our BEING.  AND we get to truly experience that indwelling of the Holy Spirit.  And how do we do that - by experiencing Him.  Drawing close to Him.  Spending time in prayer and reading Scripture.  Drawing on Him so that we can BE that witness He has called us to be.  That we can experience Him and that experience will flow out of our lives to BE the witness He has called us to be.

The other (NOT SO LITTLE) thought I had was when I was reading verse 8 as well.  It talks about being a witness is Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the earth.  I know I was always taught that those places for us would be the same as saying at home, to those you come in contact with daily, and those far away.  So starting right at home and being a witness from there - working out.  

Oh how difficult that is for me.  First of all I have to shut my mouth and just BE that witness, but that witness must start right here at home.  With my children.  With my husband.  OH how difficult that can be!!! But if we cannot be that witness to those we are in contact with every day, then who can we be a genuine witness to?  If we are BEING a witness - not just saying words - then it will be easy to start being that witness right here at home.  Because rather than it be something we have to work at, it will be something that just oozes out of us.  Just by going about our daily routine, we will be BEING that witness.  At home, at work, at the grocery store.

The job description that God has given us to do is to just BE.  Be His witness.  Wherever we are.  At any given moment.  BE.  Be God's witness.  Experience Him so that we can be that person that others see and they see the Holy Spirit flowing out of us.  Because we are BEING His witness.

Conversations in the quiet

One would think that with all that I have been through over the years I would have learned my need for God.  You would think after all the times that I have struggled through the mire, I would learn that I cannot do things on my own.  Sad as it is, I eventually come crawling back to God and beg Him to help me out of the mire.

How thankful I am that even in those times of stubbornness and insisting to myself that "I can do it", God doesn't give up on me and still comes to my rescue.

One thing that in the last few weeks I have been trying to do is go directly to Him - with my small things.  I'm thinking that even if I am going to Him with my small things, my first response will be to go to Him with my big things.

Don't get me wrong. . . I'm not just talking about asking here.  I'm talking about everything.  My joys - big and small.  My gratitude. My every day responses.  One thing that I have the luxury of is that I have many days at home by myself.  I am learning to speak with God through out my day - and for me that includes verbal conversation.  Talking to God as I work, cook, clean whatever.  Now I get that if you still have kids or others around you, that might now work for you, but I am SO enjoying this bit of freedom that I have to converse with God.

The last couple of weeks I've struggled with several different issues and it's been refreshing to talk them out with God.  There are times that I wish He would just speak to me audibly, but it has been amazing how many times I've gone to Him and the answer is a peace in my heart.  Not necessarily a door being opened or closed.  But a peace that I can't necessarily understand.  Monday afternoon as I "chatted" with God about some of my anxieties and feelings of insecurities, He prompted a friend to drop by a flower for me that reminded me that God has me.  That those insecurities are not what He thinks of me and not necessarily what others think of me!  (Thank you Shannon F. for blessing me - and listening to God's prompts!!!)   So often I believe we over look the little things that cross our paths that I believe are God's little moments or gifts to us.

So as I've talked with Him over the last few weeks, it has opened my eyes to those prompts - those gifts that He gives to me.  I think so often we don't see God in things.  We go about our day and don't see what He is placing right in front of us.

I realize that not all of you have the luxury of a quiet house, but I encourage you to take those times that you do get and speak to God.  Of all the things that lie in your heart. The joys, the struggles, the gratitude.  I truly have felt that as I have spoken audibly to Him, I've started to see and hear Him more too.  It's cool because I truly never thought it would turn around that way.  It started out as a way for me to focus on my praying - and in turn it has turned my eyes to praising instead.

What's your focus?

Yesterday was one of those days when anxiety - and life - just took over.  Thoughts of inadequacy, panic, fear, insecurities seemed to cloud my every thought.  Looking to the future brought me anxiety, thinking about the present made me upset and stressed, and certainly thinking about the past just made me disappointed and frustrated.

What to do when those kind of thoughts cloud every moment?

The only thing I could do that would help - I went to the source of my strength - God's Word.

Psalm 141

I call to you, Lord, come quickly to me;
    hear me when I call to you.
² May my prayer be set before you like incense;
    may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.

³ Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
    keep watch over the door of my lips.
⁴ Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil
    so that I take part in wicked deeds

. . . . .

⁸ But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign Lord;
    in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death.

 I trust that today you will be able to focus your eyes on the Sovereign Lord and hear what the Holy Spirit is saying to you today - rather than what the evil one is trying to get you to believe!!!  I trust that your thoughts will be drawn to Him rather than "to what is evil"

.

If you have nothing good to say. . . . .

I'm sure you've all heard it:  If you have nothing good to say, don't say it.  I was reminded of that saying several times over the last couple of weeks.

But before I get into that, I'll also share a sad story that got me thinking about that very thing - not that the story itself had anything to do with not speaking, but it was the analogy that got me thinking.

On the weekend, a home that belonged to a family of four burned down with the family only being able to make it out with the clothes on their backs.  The news says that pretty much the entire home and all the belongs were not salvageable.  All because of a little ember that started the fire and the high winds that we had on that day just fanned the flames, engulfing the home.  According to the news the family had little time to get out because the wind had whipped up the fire before they really could do anything.

In thinking about what that one little ember did, I found myself thinking about my words and how they are embers.  One little ember.  One tiny comment.  One small retort.  One sarcastic response.  Dropped.  Without thinking.  Without even pausing to think of the effect it is having where it falls.  Sometimes I'm a volcano spewing out embers recklessly.  Most times, it's small embers that I don't even notice as they drop. And what happens?  Those embers smolder.  Those embers break out in flames.  Those embers cause raging infernos where they've been dropped.  Devastating effects can come from careless embers dropped from my lips.  Add to that a wind that fans those flames, others dropping careless embers where my original ember fell and it turns into a devastating situation.

I look at the picture of this home and see it fully engulfed in flames and wonder: am I causing such destruction with my words?  The things that come out of my mouth. . . is this the end result that I have caused?  It made me shudder thinking of the what this family will have to go through, but even more it made me shudder to think of what my words have done. The destruction my words have caused.  The agony, the pain - maybe for a moment - but possibly for a lifetime - that my words have caused others.

And it's not just my words.  Sometimes it's my "NON" words!  Sometimes those things unsaid are worse than the things I actually DID say!  The scathing looks can speak volumes.  The glares.  The times I've not acknowledged a job well done.  The times I've not said thank you. All those things. . . embers dropping down.  And this is what is coming from me.  How can that be?  If the Holy Spirit is living in me, love, compassion, gentleness, joy, patience - that's what should be coming from me.  Those fruits of the spirit.  WHERE ARE THEY????  I've let Satan get a hold of my mouth - an that's where those embers stem from.

Most times when I've dropped embers, I haven't given any thought to the end result.  And when I saw that burning inferno, I was reminded that there ARE consequences from my words.  While it might start out as a small ember dropped thoughtlessly, I have no way of knowing what kinds of winds will surround the person on whom my ember has fallen.  I have no way of stopping the damage that the wind will whip up.  All because of my selfishness.  All because I didn't let the Holy Spirits fruit flow out of me.

My prayer today is that we will be reminded that every word - every non-word that comes from our mouth has results.  What will they be?  Will it be a devastating inferno that destroys?  Or will those words be uplifting, encouraging, drawing others to see what God wants me to pour out onto others.

I will end with a quote I saw online:

WORDS CAN HURT OR WORDS CAN HEAL.  WHAT DID YOURS DO TODAY???

White. . . pristine. . . holy. . . . covering a multitude of UGLINESS!!!

Last night. . . I went to bed and a beautiful blanket of white purity covered the night.  It covered the ugliness of the day.  It covered the awful crevices created by a long harsh winter.  It covered the awful remnants of half a year, gone cold.  It covered a lot of dirtiness that was not very pleasing to the eye.  It covered it - and made it look pure.  Pristine.  BEAUTIFUL!  Those dark spots that winter had created. . . that winter had cast it's long dark shadows over. . . . it covered it all.  The snow.  A cloak that covered it all. 

Today as I woke, I thought about how Christ does that for us.  It's not like He doesn't know what's in us.  It's not like He doesn't know about each angry, misdirected, ungodly thought, but He doesn't hold it over our heads.  He covers it with a fresh blanket of holiness.  He gets rid of it forever.

While I am not a big fan of winter, and this one truly has gone on long enough, I was lured by the thought that like the blanket of snow, Christ covers our sins.  We just have to bring them to Him and they are gone - covered.  The big difference is that by the end of the day, the snow is gone - but Christ's forgiveness is limitless.  He doesn't unearth those dark spots in our lives.  He gets rid of them forever.  It is me who sometimes can't let go of those sins.  I might ask for forgiveness and He forgives me, but so many times, I realize it's ME who needs to forgive ME again.  It's me who struggles to get rid of the cold awful heart, the darkness of my negative thoughts, dark shadows of sin in my life.  Christ forgives me FREELY!  He covers them. . . and they STAY covered. Pure, holy, forgiven!  But I am the one that seems to be unable to keep them covered.  And I go to the places where Satan loves to see me go - looking at myself as unworthy.  Unforgivable.  Undesirable. Unwanted.  But all those things are what Satan is telling me.  He is trying to get me to melt that holy forgiveness away and expose those things. That's not Christ.  He has promised to forgive those things.

It's hard.  To believe that God can do that.  That God can not only cover those sins, but really take them away and remember them no more.   It's a tough thing sometimes, but let's remember to take a look at ourselves the way Christ sees us.  The white pristine holy child of His.  He loves us.  He died for us.  And that's what I need to focus on.  He did it for me.  It's already done.  HE LOVES ME!

Happiness is a decision

So i've been struggling a bit lately with finding the joy.  and as i looked out my window today and watched the snow fall down - YES - the snow (April 24!!!) i was struck with how pretty it looked despite the fact it was almost May. it really was so pretty.  i know i've talked about perspective and this was one of those times.

however, i also realized that so much of how i feel is a choice i make as to how i am going to react.  as i was thinking about that fact, i came across this video on facebook that changed my day completely.  it just made me smile and made me feel happy.

hope it lifts your day today too!

if you liked that one, i'm sure you'll appreciate this one too.

He's Risen. . . now what?

It's Monday. . . the day after Easter. . . the day after Christ rose from the dead.  The day after life forever changed.

And now what? ? SO what? Today as I told the story of the two walking to Emmaus I was struck by how life didn't seem to have changed for them.  They were still sad.  Jesus was not real to them.  Rumors of His resurrection had been only that to them - rumors.  Nothing real.  Nothing tangible.  Just the terrible sadness.  The feeling of being let down.  Betrayed.

And then. . .  just like that. . . He was there.  He was in the middle of them - breaking bread.  Changing their lives forever.  Causing them to believe.  Imagine their shock!  Imagine their sheer joy when they realized that their beloved Savior was indeed ALIVE.  Oh how that simple fact changed their lives.  They raced back to Jerusalem.  Shrieking the news to whoever would listen.  They had experienced Him.  They had encountered Jesus!!!!

I wonder this Monday after Easter how our lives have changed.  This day after the Resurrection.  The day when forever history was altered.  How am I different?  How has His Resurrection altered MY life?  Lent is over.  He is Risen. . . but so what?  What difference does that make to me?  How has my life changed because He is ALIVE?

I think sometimes I go about life living it as though that weren't the case.  I do not mean to be sacrilegious.  But really.  Sometimes I go about my life as though Christ dying and rising from the grave for my sins makes no difference.  Some days it does.  Some days I'm really aware of what Christ did for me.  For all the things He died for in my life.  But then Monday comes around. . . and what. . . life takes over and I forget.  I focus on the wrong things.  I focus on today, instead of "yesterday" - Easter.  I forget that the fact that JESUS CHRIST IS ALIVE should be an EVERY day life changing concept.  It should alter how I go about every single day of my life.

So He's risen. . . Now what?   How is my day going to be changed by that one thought?  How am I going to change my day because of that very thought????  It had BETTER change my day - because His resurrection changed HISTORY!!!!  and I am a part of that history.  I am a part of the reason that Jesus willingly died and carried my sins.  He's Risen. . . what am I going to do with that????  What are you?

Three days - 3 things to give up

As I sit here thinking about the first Good Friday, I am reminded of what one of my children commented on this past week.  We were talking about Easter and Peyton asked, "Why would they call it GOOD Friday?"  As we chatted about it, he commented that really there was nothing good about what happened that day at all.  We chatted about Judas betraying Jesus. We also chatted about what Jesus went through on the way to His death, and how He KNEW all of these things were about to happen, yet He did nothing to stop it.  He did it all willingly.  We also talked about how still to this day, when we have taken God out of so many areas of our world, we STILL take a day off to celebrate Christ's birthday, and Christ's death.  "Why would people do that if they don't believe God exists, and they don't even want to follow God? Just for a holiday I guess."

As I've thought about that concept and what Christ gave up, I have wondered what I would be willing to give up - for even my family.  Christ gave His life.  When I think of that, it's overwhelming.  And when I think of the fact that He knew of everything that He would have to endure to go through that, it brings me to tears.  AND He would have done it even if it would only have been for me!  That's how much He loves me.

I expect I will never have to give up my life for my family.  But today, as I think about what Christ gave up to save me, I sit here thinking about what I can give up my family to make life better for them.  In some respects giving up my life would be easier.  In the end it would be heroic.  I'm sure it would make headlines.  "Mother gives up life to protect her family."  AMAZING!  But it's the little things that I'm thinking about.  The things that are "hoarded" right up in my heart that I'm not willing to give up.  It's those roots buried deep inside that cause rifts and tears.  That cause pain.  That cause tears in the very grain of the fabric that wraps up our family together.

And last night as I lay in bed, I wondered. . . what would I be willing to give up?  This stubborn, closed off, short fused Mamma.  What would I be willing to give up?  As I thought about it, I realized that Christ died for all those things that I find so difficult to give up.  His very death was because I am impatient, selfish, unglued, unforgiving person.  I'm hanging on to the very things - those very things that Jesus Christ shed His blood - gave His life for.  I'm STILL HANGING ON TO THEM!!!!

So today, for a moment, I will try to nail those things back onto the cross that Christ died on.  I won't take those sins back.  I will put them up there on the tree and say "Jesus - thank you for dying for THOSE sins."  What will you put back up on the cross today?  Those things that Jesus died for - what are you holding close - unable to give back?  What are you holding. . . hiding. . . unwilling to give up?

I challenge you to take three very specific things in your life.  One for each day of Easter.  One for every time that Peter betrayed Jesus - yet Jesus still forgave Him.  One for every part of the Trinity. One for every cross on that hill. Three things.  Here are mine:  1.  I'm going to give up the walls of protection that I've built around my heart and be vulnerable.  2.  I'm going to strive to hold my tongue from speaking things that are hurtful. 3. I'm going to strive to be a patient Momma and not come unglued.  Those are my three. Three days - three things. And I know I can't do it without Christ's help.  So I will focus on the fact that He died for those three things.  It's because of those three sins in my life, that He was willing to go through the pain and agony. . . the torture. . . and be hung on a cross.  For those three things. . . Those things that I find difficult to let go of.  He died for those.  Am I willing to give them up?

What are your three things?

As you focus on Christ's death and resurrection this year, here's a song you may have heard in the past - but done to the story of Christ's death.  I've always loved the sound of this song, and now it brought a whole new appreciation for it!

Expectations vs Experience

I read a blog this morning from Ann Voskamp and it sure got me to thinking.  I really encourage you to read it When you are struggling and HOLY week is just hard.

These last couple of weeks have really been a struggle.  A struggle to find joy.  A struggle to be positive.  A struggle to not slide down the staircase of despair.  I know my life is not as bad as others.  I know my family is all healthy.  I know that for all accounts, I should be thankful.  I should be grateful.  But these days, those words are difficult to swallow.  Those words don't show up to readily on the tip of my tongue.  Those words. . . . feel like just words.

I think if I had to categorize it, it would be summed up into one little phrase. . . let down by my expectations. Letting go of what I had hoped for.  Changing what my hopes or dreams or expectations are.  I know I have written about this before.  And I guess that's just me. . . knocking my head against a wall yet again.  I thought I'd learned those lessons "the last time", but here I sit - with unfulfilled expectations.  And whose fault is that???  MINE!!!!  I create these little scenarios in my mind and then when it doesn't pan out the way I expect, I am disappointed.  And I sit and wonder WHY NOT?  What's wrong with what I had hoped for?  And I guess in and of itself, there's nothing wrong with what I'm hoping for - expecting - except for the fact of how important they are to me.  How much value am I putting in those expectations?  When they don't pan out, how do I react?

And I guess as I read Ann's blog, it just kind of made me shake my head and wonder.  Yes.  Here it is days away from Easter. . .  and I am consumed by my expectations.  My broken expectations.  My struggles.  This holy week IS hard.  It is a struggle this year.  But there is so much more.  I just want to share a little of what she wrote - but hope you take the time to read it all through.

He has touched our tears. He has cupped our broken hearts with His scars. He has whispered to the howl, “I know, I know. And I’ve come to begin the making of all things new.” We believe. Because we know. He knows our grief. We know His goodness. And the truth is – we don’t need an explanation from God like we need an experience of God.

And that is exactly what we get.

We get that experience of God when He stretches open His arms on that Cross and cries,

“For you. For all your regrets and for all your impossibles,
for all that will never be and for all that once was,
for all that you can’t make right and for all that you got wrong,
for your Judas failures and your Peter denials and your Lazarus griefs,
I offer to take the nails, the sharp edge of everything, and offer you myself because I want you, to take you,
you in your wild grief,
you in your anger and your disappointment and your wounds and your not-yet-there,
you, just as you are, not some improved version of you, but you – I came for you, to hold you, to carry you, to save you.”

The thanks, the yes — it could come like sweet relief.

The broken hearts — they could re-member.

The lament — it could be absorbed in love.

And I taste of holy week, taste of what of runs from that Tree, taste and experience grace and He is good.

It really did put my expectations into perspective when I actually stopped to think of what this week means to me.  I really just want to take this week and EXPERIENCE God. I love her quote:  We don't need an explanation from God - we need an experience. I am going to try to take the remainder of this week and focus on what Christ did for me - instead of the broken expectations.  Focus on what it cost Him - HIS LIFE!  For ME!  And really my lost expectations are pretty tiny in comparison to what Christ did for me.  He died, but He lives.  And it's because of that, that I can have the greatest expectation of all - to live with Him one day.

I was reminded of this verse this morning (Thx Jeannie!)

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Trusting we can go together into the remainder of this week and truly experience God.  To put the expectations away - and just focus on what God has done for us.  And be reminded of His faithfulness to us.

Put to the test

Well. . . . as you may or may not have noticed, it's been a while since I have written anything.  First of all, it was because we were on holidays for our spring break, but truthfully, my heart has not been in it.  My heart has pretty much been beaten up.

Truth be told, I've been put to the test several times in the last couple of weeks, and failed miserably.  And am now struggling with those feelings of inadequacy.  Why should I even write since I am a complete failure? What do I have to say to others when I have failed so badly at the things that God has allowed, or perhaps even put in my way?  Time after time, I failed.  Time after time, I lost it and gave in to those negative, ungodly reactions.  Time after time, I have reacted in anger and frustration, rather than acting in love and patience.

UGH.  Even thinking about it makes me shake my head.

Yesterday's devotion was this:

To find Joy in this day, you must live within it's boundaries.  I knew what I was doing when I divided time into 24 hour segments.  I understand human frailty, and i know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time.  Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past. There is abundant Life in My Presence today.  Phil. 3:13-14 (Sarah Young)

Well, I have spent enough time being angry, and frustrated and focusing on the negative.  (TRUE - I do hate computers today!!!!)

So I will walk away and strive to focus on the joy today.  Praying that the anger and frustration of this day, will fade away and I will be able to focus on the day that God is bringing about for me tomorrow.  A day to rest in His presence.  A day to go to His house.  A day to share with the little kids about the joys of Easter.

Isn't that what is more important than a computer that doesn't work?  Than the internet that stops working?  Jesus Christ died.  And then He rose.  I will focus on that. . . and pray for joy in the morning.  No!!!  Pray for joy right now.  God direct my heart to the joy I find in YOU!!!

Blessings. . . . turned idols?

I was going to start by apologizing for yet another meandering down my "thought lane" since I have been so focused on what kind of a Christian I am and . . . really who I am serving.  But alas, isn't that truly what we should all be striving for?  To be more like Christ.

So instead of apologizing for going over this yet again. . . I will encourage you to join me on my journey as I try to figure out exactly where God is calling me. . . . or what God is calling me to.

There's more thoughts mulling around in my brain today. . . more than I can actually sort out and pour out through my fingers.  So for now, I will share something I read today.

I've been trying to figure out how to live my every day life, yet have Christ first in it.  How to make Christ my priority instead of myself.  And so those thoughts have been rolling around in the hollows of my head all morning as I get ready for Spring Break.  And as I sat down to strike a few things off my to do list, I noticed I hadn't turned my JESUS CALLING calender over to March 27.  So I did, and this is what I read.

Be still in My Presence, even though countless tasks clamor for your attention.  Nothing is as important as spending time with Me.  While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you: transforming you by the renewing of your mind. If you skimp on this time with Me, you may plunge headlong into the wrong activities, missing the richness of what I have planned for you.

Do not seek Me primarily for what I can give you.  Remember that I, the Giver, am infinitely greater than any gift I might impart to you.  Thought I delight in blessing My children, I am deeply grieved when My blessings become idols in their hearts.  Anything can be an idol of it distracts you from Me as your First Love.When I am the ultimate Desire of your heart, you are safe from the danger of idolatry.  As you wait in My Presence, enjoy the greatest fight of all: Christ in you, the hope of Glory!!

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.  ~Romans 12:2

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. ~Revelation 2:4

To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. ~Colossians 1:27

I will admit, I kind of stopped short.  Is it possible that I have turned so many of the blessings that God has granted to me, into idols?  Have I gotten so absorbed in the things He has given to me - the blessings, whatever they might be - that I have turned my focus onto the gifts He's granted me, rather than onto the Giver of those gifts?  I admit.  I kind of sat there and thought about that for awhile.  Certainly I acknowledge that God has blessed me with all those things in my life, but have I become too focused on those blessings?  Do the blessings consume my thoughts more than the Blesser?

Not sure what else to say about this because I think. . . maybe they have.  And maybe that's going to have to be my first step in my journey.  I know I have felt I need to put Christ first, but I never truly thought that it was His blessings that I had put first instead of HIM!!!

I've been praying that He will show me where I need to change. . . . and I think He just did. . . .

LOST!!!

If there is one thing in life that I cannot stand, it is when I lose something.  This has gone far back to when I was a child, and up until this very day.

Point in case:  Yesterday I taught several students.  I am organizing next years piano schedule, as well as trying to nail down all the songs that my students will be playing, and have TRIED to keep it all organized in a file folder near the piano.  Also in this file folder were several invoice payments for this months lessons - both cash and cheques!!!

So at the end of my lessons yesterday, I went to reach for my folder, and (* heart drops to the pit of my stomach*) I couldn't find it anywhere.  My daughter helped me look, but to no avail.  I then assumed that I must have gotten it mixed up with some students books as I scooped them up and returned them to their book bags.  So, I proceeded to call all my student's parent's to check if it had indeed shown up in their books.  One by one, each parent told me - no, it wasn't there.  So then my husband, daughter and myself turned the studio, my office, and every place imaginable, upside down in the hopes of finding it.

You see, the reason this sort of thing bothers me is because I know it is SOMEWHERE!!!  It's not a little thing.  It's larger than a sheet of paper, and certainly fatter (there WERE cheques and cash in there!!!) This little issue of mine goes way back to when I was a young girl of maybe 9 or 10.  I had been trick or treating with my siblings, and had one favorite item in my snack bag.  A package of Mackintosh toffee!  OH YES!  That was pure gold.  I could share everything else, but that package of toffee. . . well it was mine.  And I was going to save it for such a time that I needed a pick me up.  So, I went and stuffed it way in the back of my closet where all my dolls and doll crib etc. were stored.  I didn't think about it for a long time.  Several months later, as I was cleaning my room, I remembered it.  WHAT JOY!!!  I hauled out the doll crib where I KNEW I had stashed it. . . . but it wasn't there.  Out came the next bag of doll clothes.  Not there.  Then came the box of small toys that were my keepsakes.  Not in there.  I KNEW it had to be there somewhere.  But NOTHING!  I asked my siblings, but they didn't know anything about it.  I asked my Mom.  No one knew where it was.  For months, I would search high and low looking for that prized package of gold.  I never did find it, and it has always made me wonder:  Did I eat it?  Did my brother or sister find it and not tell the truth?  It HAD to be somewhere.

Well, that was my feeling last night.  That folder didn't just up and walk away.  Having said that, I have also been known to absentmindedly put things in the most peculiar places.  FYI, whipped cream does not last very long in an non-refrigerated cupboard.  Nor does fresh spinach fare very well, when placed into the freezing compartment of the fridge rather than the crisper.  So when our search wound down, Keith made a comment that it was highly possible I had put it somewhere strange and it would eventually show up.  To which I responded, "well make sure you check the freezer the next time you go downstairs".  AND VOILA!!!!  The light bulb went on!!!  I recalled going downstairs to check on our aquarium pump!!!  And in one swift exit downstairs, I recovered the folder that had once been lost and now was found!!!

As relief washed over me, (and I quickly got my deposit ready!!!), I got to thinking about how frustrating it is when I cannot find something, but how amazingly filled with relief I am when I find it.  The whole episode got me to thinking about the parable in the Bible that I had taught to my Preschool kids not that long ago about the woman and the lost coin, and the analogy Jesus made about when someone turns their lives around and follows Jesus.  I certainly knew the relief and joy I felt last night, and I can only imagine what Jesus must feel when someone leave their lives behind to follow Him.

But I also got to thinking about how I would have felt if I had found my folder, only to find that all the cheques were missing!!!  Can you imagine how deflating that would be?  How disappointing and sick I would have felt?  I wonder if that is the way God feels when we say we love Him, but choose to follow our own path.  If you've read my blog from the other day about being hot or cold, (you can read it HERE), you will understand where these thoughts are coming from.  I think about how may years ago, I committed my life to following God.  I recommitted it to Him when I was a teenager, and have for the most part followed "the right" path.  However, over the last few weeks, I have begun to wonder how truthful that commitment was.  As I've taken a good hard look at my life, and watched as I've made selfish decisions, as I've made choices that please me rather than God, as I've gone ahead with my life without as much as a thought to how it pleases God, I've started to wonder if my life isn't a bit like that file folder.  I know God knows what my future brings I understand that.  He knows what my decisions have been and will be.

But yesterday I got to thinking about how my life, and yes - at times - my lack of commitment to Him, must be like thinking I had found the folder I'd lost, only to discover that contents weren't in it.  I've wondered if that is how God sees me? (Please forgive me for humanizing God!)  But I have to wonder, if I had opened that folder yesterday to find the contents empty, how sick and disappointed I would have been.  I wonder if that is how God sees me.  I had made a promise to Him years ago.  To follow Him.  To seek Him.  To serve Him.  But here I am today - folder pretty much empty.  Doing my own thing.  SAYING I am a follower of Him, yet 99% of the time, serving myself.

I wonder how that makes God feel.  I wonder. . .

I think it's time I start getting rid of the self, and filling "my folder" with the things in my life that I promised God along time ago.  Service to Him.  A heart of submission to His will.  A life given over FULLY to Him.

I trust as you listen to the lyrics of this old hymn, you will be motivated with me to move into a closer. . . a deeper. . . A REAL relationship with God.  One that puts our own desires behind us.  One that focuses on serving the very One who saved us.  One that loses our own life to gain the life that was saved for us by Jesus Christ.  Let's lay down our own selfishness and focus our eyes on the one that FOUND us!!

Small blessings - really are big blessings!!!

I have to admit. . . sometimes it is - as they say - hard to see the forest for all the trees.

This weekend I was reminded that sometimes it's those small blessings that we need to take a really good look at, rather than hoping for something big to happen.

For example, this morning as I walked into the church to teach at Preschool, I saw a smiley face sticker on the ground.  Now that in itself might make someone smile, but the reason it made me smile was because it was MY smiley face sticker.  You see, I taught Sunday School yesterday and the children were doing some decorating on a piece of a log that turned out to still be quite damp.  It was frustrating for them and me to try and get those stickers to stick on.  However, we did have some good conversation about forgiveness and judgment.  In the end most of the stickers ended up in the garbage pail but others took white glue to glue them on.  So that was a small blessing.  A great Sunday School lesson.  However, this morning I was was "re-blessed" by it because of the sticker I saw on the ground.  It reminded me that my kids do listen, they do hear what we are teaching them, and no matter how seemingly insignificant it feels we are, the kids DO take their crafts and lessons home with them, and share it with those around them.  I guess one child is minus a smiley face, but it certainly made me smile this morning.

Today as I sat and had my lunch, the two bird feeders that sit in front of our patio doors brought me much joy as I watched a chickadee flit back and forth opening seed after seed. I am pretty sure our cat enjoyed it too as she sat happily chattering as the bird flew back and forth between the feeders!!

As I listened to my son and daughter banter back and forth this morning, I was thankful for their silly chatter because it reminded me - they really do love each other!

One of my piano students gave me one of her little butterfly knickknacks that she was getting rid of.  It's not that it's an incredibly unique item, but it DID come from the heart.  She could have thrown it out or given it to one of her friends, but she thought to wrap it up and give it to me.  It sits proudly here on my desk to remind me that what I do is about more than just teaching piano.

As I listened to my daughter and her friend chat back and forth this afternoon, I was struck by what a blessing it was that I was able to pick them up for her friend's piano lesson and that Taylor has such incredible Christian friends.

These things. . . I so often take for granted.  Those and so many more. I get bogged under by other things.  Life gets clouded over by the "big" things.  But today, I was reminded that it is the little things that ARE the big things in the end.  Those are the blessings that bring me joy.  They are the every day things that happen that God has blessed me with.  They are the things that I so often overlook - yet the things that God presents me with every day - over and over.

Join me in looking for the little blessings today.  Because God is giving them to us everywhere.  We just need to open our eyes and realize, that the little things ARE the big things.  They are all blessings God has wrapped up as gifts for us to take with us every day.  Truly God has given us many great things!

What's your temperature? HOT? COLD?

So last night in our Bible Study, we watched a video that really made me stop and think.  This past week I struggled with feeling empty and emotionless.

Well, last night, I left feeling very alive.  Not excited for God per se, but alive and aware about how NOT excited I am for God.  We watched a video by Joel Thomas called Choose to Lose.  I think the bottom line in it (if I can paraphrase it) was I need to loose things in my life in order to win Christ.  I jotted down the question: WHAT AM I WILLING TO LOSE?

Then this morning, this video from Francis Chan comes across my desk, and I tell you . . . I am feeling a lot more than I really want to.  It made me really question my faith!  Not question God, but it made me question what I believe.  I know WHAT I believe, and I know WHO I believe, but do I truly believe it?  Francis challenged the listeners that if we really BELIEVE GOD, we will choose to lose everything for Christ.  We will put everything in our lives behind us to put God first.

He asked:  What are you putting before God?  He shared the verses in Revelation3:16-21

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

21 To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

I have been made increasingly aware that my walk with God is not all it should be.  In reading the book The Christian Atheist (Craig Groeschel), in watching these two videos it really made me think about how little I am losing for God.  It made me so aware of all the things I am putting in front of my relationship with God.

My relationship with God should be SO IMPORTANT that everything else pales in comparison.  I know at Lent we give something up for God, but shouldn't we be giving everything up for Him?  ALL THE TIME?? Shouldn't I be putting such little value on the things around me that my focus, my value, my primary goal in life is to please God?  Oh how I have failed.  Oh how my life needs to change.

What am I willing to give up for God?  What am I willing to lose in or to win in my relationship with Jesus Christ?  One of the comments in our video last night was "Jesus didn't want to lose His life, but He did because He knew if He didn't, we all would have been lost."  So what am I doing for Him?  Am I putting Him first in my life?  Am I a hot Christian, a non Christian, or even worse a lukewarm Christian.  Because according to Revelation, if I AM a lukewarm Christian, I'm only fooling myself.  Because the very word Christian means follower of Christ.  NOT FOLLOWER OF OUR OWN DESIRES.

I need to lose myself, my life, my goals, my own selfishness - in order to gain Christ!

Be prepared to feel uncomfortable watching this video!  I can tell you, it has given me a lot to think about.

Strength and Song

This week has been a struggle.  I can't put my finger on anything specific, but emotionally, it has been a struggle to stay positive.  I feel dry.  I feel empty.  I can't say I've struggled with depression, but just really have felt blah.  Almost emotionless.  Like I've been going through the motions.  Going to work.  Teaching. Making sure the house is running smoothly.  Doing what has to be done, but doing it without any emotion. And you can tell by the silence on my blog.  Thankfully those feelings have not erupted into any storms here at home, but I don't like this feeling.  I just feel emotionless.  And I don't like that.  I like to feel alive.  I like to feel motivated and energized.  We have our spring break to look forward to and yet, even that is not getting me energized.  I've tried spending time in the Word and it has felt like I'm just going through the motions.  I've tried praying and it feels like the words really barely got past my lips.

And then the questions have started. What's the point?  Where's the meaning in all this?  Where's the joy?  Surely there has got to be more than this for my week?  I want to feel alive.  I want to feel happy.  I want to feel joy!!!

Then out of mere habit I turned my page on my Jesus Calling devotional calendar from Sarah Young and read this:

"TRUST ME AND DON'T BE AFRAID, for I am your Strength and Song.  Think what it means to have Me as your Strength.  I spoke the universe into existence:  My Power is absolutely unlimited!  Human weakness, consecrated to Me, is like a magnet, drawing My Power into your neediness.  However, fear can block the flow of My Strength into you.  Instead of trying to fight your fears, concentrate on trusting Me.  When you relate to Me in confident trust, there is no limit to how much I can strengthen you.

Remember that I am also your Song.  I want you to share MY JOY, living in conscious awareness of My Presence.  Rejoice as we journey together toward heaven; join Me in singing My Song.  Isaiah 12:2-3; Psalm 21:6"

I don't know necessarily how to get out of this dry spell I am in a the moment, but I DO know that my song - my joy - will come from God.  And focusing on Him is going to get me moving.  So that's what I will do.  I will not concentrate on my own fears, I will instead, try to focus on God and His Strength.  I will try to draw my joy from all He has for me.  I will put the music on and let the words speak to my heart.  I will allow God's praise to sink down to the very bottom of my day and focus on that.  I will listen to Him speaking to me today and seek my joy from that, rather than from the happenings around me.  I will draw my joy, my strength from the One who is the ultimate Strong One.  The giver of TRUE JOY!

OH HOW I WISH. . . . . . . . . . .. . .. yup . . .. . . my dreams came true. . . . .

so i will start with this. . .

i am sorry that there are those of you out there that have bigger (and truthfully) more anguishing wishes than me.  I pray for you! I DO!!!  I pray for the cancers.  I pray for the broken families.  I pray for the illnesses. . .  PLEASE do not think that I think these issues any less.  BELIEVE me they teach me lessons.  I am so thankful that god brings these thoughts. . . and FRIENDS to me. . .

But for tonight. . .. . i choose to share my thoughts via this forum.

I wish I could take away all the struggles that we/I have gone through. . . as my son strives to be a better hockey player (nope not on a team! -  on our driveway!) he plays with his dad - an incomplete paraplegic.   As proud as I am of my husband (AND I AM - BELIEVE ME I AM!!!!) i am saddened for the things that my son would have liked to do but didn't b/c he did not want to disappoint or make his dad feel bad.  Peyton has an extreme pride in his dad.  Keith is his world.  He's my world - okay - that has nothing to do with sports - but he is AMAZING!!!  Did you know?  That Keith did the time clock so that my  boy could experience hockey?  Keith couldn't coach.  He couldn't show Peyton how to skate. . . but he DID what he could do.

Do you know?  That every swimming lesson, Keith takes Taylor to it because I am teaching????  He cheers her on!!!  He brings her there and takes her home BECAUSE HE LOVES HER!!!

Did you know that even in the worst storms, my husband that has an C2 and an L2 fracture in his neck and his back, snowblows my driveway????  AND not only does he do that for me, but he does it for about 4 or 5 other seniors on our crescent??? and with this absolute love for Jesus, he is teaching my son to do the same???

OH HOW I AM BLESSED!!!!  Sometimes I get covered in ME. . . in what I don't have. . . . and God redirects my focus.

I started this blog with OH HOW I WISH. . . . . and it was things I was thinking about what I wanted.   but i would like to say this.. . .

OH HOW I WISH YOU ARE AS BLESSED BY SOMEONE AS I AM . . . . 

BY MY HUSBAND!!!!!!!

keith i love you. . . . . .

Keith at a Blue Bomber game with Taylor

Keith took Peyton to a Monster truck evening!  Peeps was SO thrilled!!!