Expectations vs Experience

I read a blog this morning from Ann Voskamp and it sure got me to thinking.  I really encourage you to read it When you are struggling and HOLY week is just hard.

These last couple of weeks have really been a struggle.  A struggle to find joy.  A struggle to be positive.  A struggle to not slide down the staircase of despair.  I know my life is not as bad as others.  I know my family is all healthy.  I know that for all accounts, I should be thankful.  I should be grateful.  But these days, those words are difficult to swallow.  Those words don't show up to readily on the tip of my tongue.  Those words. . . . feel like just words.

I think if I had to categorize it, it would be summed up into one little phrase. . . let down by my expectations. Letting go of what I had hoped for.  Changing what my hopes or dreams or expectations are.  I know I have written about this before.  And I guess that's just me. . . knocking my head against a wall yet again.  I thought I'd learned those lessons "the last time", but here I sit - with unfulfilled expectations.  And whose fault is that???  MINE!!!!  I create these little scenarios in my mind and then when it doesn't pan out the way I expect, I am disappointed.  And I sit and wonder WHY NOT?  What's wrong with what I had hoped for?  And I guess in and of itself, there's nothing wrong with what I'm hoping for - expecting - except for the fact of how important they are to me.  How much value am I putting in those expectations?  When they don't pan out, how do I react?

And I guess as I read Ann's blog, it just kind of made me shake my head and wonder.  Yes.  Here it is days away from Easter. . .  and I am consumed by my expectations.  My broken expectations.  My struggles.  This holy week IS hard.  It is a struggle this year.  But there is so much more.  I just want to share a little of what she wrote - but hope you take the time to read it all through.

He has touched our tears. He has cupped our broken hearts with His scars. He has whispered to the howl, “I know, I know. And I’ve come to begin the making of all things new.” We believe. Because we know. He knows our grief. We know His goodness. And the truth is – we don’t need an explanation from God like we need an experience of God.

And that is exactly what we get.

We get that experience of God when He stretches open His arms on that Cross and cries,

“For you. For all your regrets and for all your impossibles,
for all that will never be and for all that once was,
for all that you can’t make right and for all that you got wrong,
for your Judas failures and your Peter denials and your Lazarus griefs,
I offer to take the nails, the sharp edge of everything, and offer you myself because I want you, to take you,
you in your wild grief,
you in your anger and your disappointment and your wounds and your not-yet-there,
you, just as you are, not some improved version of you, but you – I came for you, to hold you, to carry you, to save you.”

The thanks, the yes — it could come like sweet relief.

The broken hearts — they could re-member.

The lament — it could be absorbed in love.

And I taste of holy week, taste of what of runs from that Tree, taste and experience grace and He is good.

It really did put my expectations into perspective when I actually stopped to think of what this week means to me.  I really just want to take this week and EXPERIENCE God. I love her quote:  We don't need an explanation from God - we need an experience. I am going to try to take the remainder of this week and focus on what Christ did for me - instead of the broken expectations.  Focus on what it cost Him - HIS LIFE!  For ME!  And really my lost expectations are pretty tiny in comparison to what Christ did for me.  He died, but He lives.  And it's because of that, that I can have the greatest expectation of all - to live with Him one day.

I was reminded of this verse this morning (Thx Jeannie!)

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Trusting we can go together into the remainder of this week and truly experience God.  To put the expectations away - and just focus on what God has done for us.  And be reminded of His faithfulness to us.