Blessings

A couple of years ago, I read Ann Voskamp's book 1000 Gifts.  If you have not read it, run to the nearest bookstore and buy it.  (For a little peek into what it's about check her site out here:  One Thousand Gifts ) I had picked up the book initially because I recognized the author's last name from when I had gone to high school, and had heard that this book was a life changer.  As I read through this book I was stunned to realize that the church the author was talking about in the pages of her book, was the church that I had attended as a teen!  The people that were mentioned in her book were people I had grown up with, including my piano teacher and my best friends parents!!!  After the first few chapters, I realized that this was indeed someone who was related to a guy I had gone to school with and the in-laws that she spoke about were in fact the same people that I had gone and had clubs at as a young child.  Talk about a small world.

As I read through the book I was challenged to take up an attitude of gratitude!  For me, it is way too easy to focus on the negative things in my life, and so I took up her challenge of starting my own 1000 gift list.  This is a list of things that I am thankful for.  It can be as simple as a beautiful sunny day (which when you think of that is actually awe inspiring!) or as complex as answered prayer and seeing God's hand working in your life.  I do have to admit as I look back on my journal of praise, I have not been very faithful.  Ann's challenge is to every day write down three things for which you are thankful.  There are times that I am diligent in my thankfulness journey, but as I look back, there are months where I haven't written anything.  And ironically, its the times when life "is good" that I haven't entered anything into my journal, and yet the times that are most difficult I have tried desperately to be thankful and enter those into the journal.  I found it a little curious that it was those "good times" that I had no entries.  But I also realized that so often it is in the good times that I become complacent.  I forget that I need God.  I go about my daily duties and forget to thank Him for the very things that He has blessed me with day after day.  

Years ago, a friend of mine had made this quote "Every time you breathe in, you suck in mercy."  Isn't that so true?  Every time we take a breath in, it's one more moment that God has given to us.  What am I doing with that moment?  Am I thankful for that moment that God has given to me?  Am I using it to draw others into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ?  Am I focusing that moment on myself, or directing it in praise to God?  When I actually stop to think about all that God has blessed me with, I am overwhelmed.  I can't help but praise God.  It's when I look inward to myself, and focus on me, that I forget the blessings.  I am focused on the negative.  Satan gets a hold of me and forces my thoughts into some of the deepest, darkest places.  

However, it is also true that when I enter those dark places, it is at those times that I try to force myself to focus on the blessings that God has given to me.  To forge ahead in my praise journal and remind myself of how blessed I am by all the things/people/situations God has granted to me.  I will admit. It is not always an easy abyss to come out of.  But I can say that as I try to focus on the blessings, I am able to remind myself of what God has brought me through.  And I can say that some of those dark days of depression have been some of my most meaningful days of focusing on God's blessings.

On the good days, I am too focused on everything else.  I forget the One who has made all those good things possible.  I forget the joys that He provides for me day to day.  I forget that the very fact that I am breathing, is a sign that I am still sucking in breaths of God's mercy!!!!

So today my question to you is this:  What are you thankful for today?  What blessings has God showered on you that maybe you haven't thanked Him for?  When we turn our minds to focus on God's blessings and all the amazing benefits He gives to us, it sends Satan packing.  And I like that image.  I like that image of kicking him to the curb so that I can walk up my driveway and praise God, thank God, worship God.

One of my all time favorite hymns is To God Be the Glory.  I can still hear my Dad and so many of the GBF congregation singing it out at the top of their lungs. What precious memories! (think I'll have to add that one to my joy journal!)

Be blessed my friends, and hopefully this little blog reminds you to focus on God's blessings and to give Him such praise today!

Enjoy these words!!!!

To God Be the Glory

1. To God be the glory, great things he hath done!  

So loved he the world that he gave us his Son, 

who yielded his life an atonement for sin, 

and opened the lifegate that all may go in.

Refrain:

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, 

let the earth hear his voice!  

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, 

let the people rejoice!

O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son, 

and give him the glory, great things he hath done!

2. O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood, 

to every believer the promise of God; 

the vilest offender who truly believes, 

that moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

(Refrain)

3. Great things he hath taught us, great things he hath done, 

and great our rejoicing thru Jesus the Son; 

but purer, and higher, and greater will be 

our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

Tuesday's Choice

So last week Tuesday, I decided I was going to start memorizing verses.  Putting God's word in my mind and mulling it over and over as I tried to memorize it.  IT WORKED!  I haven't memorized anything in ages, but this week I was able to get Philippians 2:1-4 memorized.  I know, it's not much, but it's stuck in there.

So this week, I have another passage I'm throwing out there for us to memorize.

Colossians 3:12-17.  Again another one of my favorite passages.  Join me won't you?  And let me know how it's going.  Where do you like to memorize?  How do you memorize?  For me, a couple times a week, I pick my kids up from school and unless you are there half an hour early, it is nearly impossible to find a parking spot.  So I go early and that is where I do my quiet memorizing.  I type it out several times which helps me.  I find when I write/type stuff out, I really have to think about it, and I also can visualize it.

So here are the verses for the week.  They are in the NIV but feel free to try them in whatever version you are comfortable with!  And let's remember to review our Philippians passage as well.  (See Thinking ahead: Tuesdays-challenge)  Wouldn't it be fun to be able to recite an entire month's worth of verses???  Let's see what we can do.  Blessings on you as you put God's word into our hearts and into our actions!!!!

Colossians 3:12-17

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.And be thankful. 

16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 

17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

40

Yesterday, a friend of mine turned 40.  Now for her, and for many of you out there, 40 is a difficult year to celebrate.  In some respects it was for me, but not too bad.  Of course I didn't FEEL like I was 40 so it really didn't bother me too much.  My kids were still young, I was teaching young children, so feeling old wasn't really there for me.  (Don't ask me how I feel at 46 though!!!!  :-) )

These past 4 months, 40 has become a very important number for me.  A positive number.  As I shared in my post entitled Prayer Room (http://sharon2kids.blogspot.ca/2014/01/prayer-room.html) my husband and I had separated for awhile this past fall.  As we started to heal and rediscover our communication, I started to wonder when it would be that he would come home.  I was well aware that we were far from done dealing with all our issues, but I was also well aware that, as two different individuals, we would always have issues. The major one that resulted in our separation was being dealt with, the hurts and emotions were being healed, but there were so many other issues, that I knew if I waited for them ALL to be dealt with, K more than likely would never move home. I also didn't want us to jump back into something too soon that would result in more hurt, anger and frustration.  And I also wanted to be mindful of the kids, and a long separation I knew would not be in their best interest.  So after many days of praying and asking God for wisdom, 40 days was brought to my mind.  I started to do a little research on the number 40 and this is what I found.

Some of the common examples that I knew about "40" were these:
- it rained 40 days and 40 nights and then it stopped and God provided His promise with a rainbow.
- Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness for 40 days
- The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years before they were allowed into the Promised Land
- Goliath had taunted the Israelites for 40 days before David defeated him.
- Moses was on the mountain for 40 days and nights before delivering the Ten Commandments to the Israelites
- Lent lasts for 40 days

In fact, I found out that 40 is mentioned in the Bible 146 times where it refers to trial and testing or probation.  As I thought about the separation that we as a family were going through, I though how ironic it would be if the time of trials and testings in our marriage also lasted 40 days, with the deliverance  or renewal of our family.

When I was at Bible School at Millar College of the Bible, we had a wonderful professor who taught The Pentateuch and Old Testament classes and who had also studied the numbers of the Bible extensively.  It intrigued me.  As I thought back to those classes, I recalled that 5 was the number of grace and 8 was the number of renewal or revival - AND 8 times 5 is 40.  Now, I'm not sure if this is all truth or not, but I was intrigued that after 40 days, and by God's grace, our marriage/family was renewed and we were able to move forward out of the dark days of separation.  It was a date I had specifically chosen and by God's grace, we are moving forward.  So what a joyful day November 27 was, that after 40 days of our family being broken, we were once again restored.

Believe me, that does not mean that all our issues were resolved.  But what it did do, was give us each some space.  K & I have grown through this time apart and I truly believe that the time apart allowed us to focus on areas of our own lives that needed changing.  It allowed us time to focus on our relationship with Jesus and to see where we needed to change.  It allowed us to remember those things that had drawn us to each other in the first place. Even the kids have grown through this.  Their spiritual and emotional strength grew by leaps and bounds.  Prayer became a huge part of their and our lives.  Believe me, I am not recommending that every family take a 40 hiatus from each other, but I do know that we as a family, endured the trials and testing for 40 days, and after that, came renewal.  We have established a better communication for it.  We have established better relationships with God because of it.  We have grown together as a family.  Truthfully, we are way better off for having taken this time.  (On a side note, I DO have to emphasis that the separation was never intended to be permanent so the time apart was always done with the intent of working to get back together.)

I praise God for our forty days that He blessed us with. I thank God that after our 40 days, came our renewal, our revival.  So today, I am thankful to God for "my 40"  !!!!

Sunday's Songs

Just thought I'd share a few of my favorite songs with you today.  Some you may have heard, and some perhaps not.  

Sit back and listen . . . on this Sunday of songs.  (Sam Robson, Laura Story, & Mercy Me)

Blessings!!!!

Fridays funnies. . .

~ so we have finally warmed up here in Manitoba to -10C so it feels like it's almost spring!  Here are a few thoughts to make you smile as you head into the weekend.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!!

Prayer Room

~ as I have mentioned in previous posts, 2013 was a bumpy year for me, for a variety of reasons.  one of those bumps along the way, happened in my marriage.  2014 is going to be our 25th anniversary, but at one point it seemed like we might not make it.  after much prayer and frustration, this past october, my husband and i separated.  we never intended for it to be permanent, but hoped it would be a time where we could work on our issues personally, and also as a couple.  in the end, we were separated for 40 days in october/november (that in itself is another post yet to come) but they were the best and some of the most difficult days of my life.  it was a time where we both grew, and our children grew.  it's not that we didn't see each other, because in reality, we did see each other most days, but it was a time to be separate and look through each of our own lives and reassess where we were at. . . what changes needed to be made. . . what changes we wanted to see in our own life, but also in our marriage.  it was a time that, as difficult as it was, i wouldn't trade for anything
~ while K was gone, he stayed with a couple of angels.  i say angels because i truly believe they were god sent!  he was my husband's boss and long before we were even separated, god had started working in their lives.  his boss was being challenged to carry out his faith deeper into the workplace and had even felt god calling him to give up their own comforts at home to minister to others.  they didn't know at that time that that meant taking my husband in for a month, but god had set their hearts in motion so that when K needed a place to stay, they were prepared.
~ they were truly god sent.  they ministered to my husband like i don't think anyone else could have.  god had prepared their hearts to meet the need of K's heart.  one of the biggest impacts that their home had on K was the focus on prayer.  the moment K walked into their home, he was prayed over by them.  they also had a prayer room that they allowed K to use as well.  that was a life changer.  K spent hours and hours in the prayer room reading, praying and just being still and spending time with god.  when he would come home to visit, i could see the power that spending that time closed off alone with god was having on K.  it was incredible. it was as though he would walk into the holy of holies when he walked into that room.  it just felt that god was right there. as he shared with me how valuable that space was to him, we started to talk about how we could incorporate this concept into our home.
~ i will admit, at first i was skeptical about the value of it.  but, it was something that i could easily provide for him, and if that grew him to become more of a godly father and husband, it was an easy fix.  the only spare space we had was our spare room, which also doubled as my office and scrap booking room.  we had a single bed in there, which was generally used for one of our kids since my daughter had a double bed in her room, and so guests stayed there.  we decided that we could do without the single bed, so we brought up two rockers, purchased a wonderful bookcase from Ikea and took all our books out of storage and put them on the shelves - ready to be read.  one of the things that impacted K was that in his boss's prayer room, they had soft praise music playing continually.  so i took one of our old iPods and downloaded several soft praise & worship albums and keep it playing day and night.  i also purchased a vinyl wall decal with a scripture verse on it. it (or others) can be purchased here.  http://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/152302618/custom-order-for-sallieu-psalm-4610-be?ref=shop_home_active     i still had to keep part of it as my office, but for the most part, it is our new prayer room.  what a blessing it has been.  i have even woken up in the morning to find my 9 year old in it reading his bible.  talk about blessing a mother's heart!!! WOW!
~ it is amazing to be able to walk into this room and hear hymns and worship songs playing continuously.  even when i am working on piano stuff the music fills my thoughts and directs my thoughts to worship.  it is such an amazing space.  i never thought that a simple room could help me focus on god and what he is teaching/telling me, as what this room has done.  and we all know that if the door is closed it means do not disturb because someone is spending their time with god.  it has also been a wonderful space to become quiet and read the many books we have accumulated over the years with the intention of reading, but never did.
~ so i thought i would share my space with you and encourage you to see if this is something that might benefit you.  in this day of age, where we all are so busy hurrying to everything and everywhere, this room has become a place of quiet and solace.  a place to come before god and be still.  you might not have a room to devote to this.  maybe it's a corner in your living room or bedroom.  i really encourage you to carve out a space that allows you to meet god there.  i know we can meet god wherever we are, but it has really felt like this room allows me to shut out all the busyness of life and make time to meet with god.  it has truly been a blessing to me.
~ enjoy a peek into our prayer room.

Thinking ahead: Tuesday's Challenge

~ as you may or may not know, i am a piano teacher.  i also have 2 kids and a hubby that would love to have suppers each evening. . . yes. . . prepared by me!  ;-)  i teach piano three days a week, so each of those days, i try to have supper ready for them to either eat while i am teaching, or to be ready to eat so we can all sit together and have supper.

~ today as i sat looking through my recipes trying to come up with a "new" exciting recipe, i started to think about how much time i devote to getting meals ready.  before i could get supper started, i had also gone out and purchased some new piano books for some students.  as my mind wandered from making supper to the amount of prep time i do for my piano lessons, i started thinking about how much time i spent with my poet.  (See my post on January 3rd http://sharon2kids.blogspot.ca/2014/01/valuable.html about God calling us his poem.)

~ i started to think about how little time i spend actually reading God's word.  sure i read lots of great books, and devotionals - other people's writings about His word.  but how much time do i actually spend reading HIS words?  when i think of all god did for me, what he all gave up for me, i am humbled by it all.  and i am humiliated by how little time i spend with him.  how little time i talk to him and how little time i listen for him .

~ in Anne Voskamp's blog http://www.aholyexperience.com/ she writes about scripture memorization.  what an incredible way of getting into god's word.  i did this as a child, and have on occasion memorized scripture through out my adult years, but what an incredible way of getting into god's word.  not only are we reading it, but we are mulling over it.  over and over. . . and what better way to defeat the devil than by reciting god's word.

~ as i sat and thought about this and about what i was going to try to memorize, i thought about my favorite book - philippians.

So here are the verses, i purpose to memorize this week:

Philippians 2: 1 - 4    1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

join me on my journey to memorize more of god's word so we can turn it over and over in our minds to be able to have it on the tips of our tongues.  so that when we rise up and when we lay down, we will have his words in our hearts and in our minds.

Monday musings

~ and so it dawned.  the very first monday of 2014.  it brought with it one of the coldest mornings of the year.  ~school divisions were closed, buses didn't run, children stayed home for one extra day - except in OUR school division where everyone was supposed to show up cheerful and ready to meet the day.  REALLY?????

~well those were my thoughts this morning.  i dragged myself out of bed, impatiently waited for my daughter to finish her never ending shower, growled at myself in the mirror, grudgingly made my kids lunches, and finally limped into work.  not wanting to be there, and wishing i was buried back in bed.

~ i firmly believe that god knew i needed my job at the preschool just to get me up out of bed and start my day.  my battle with depression and anxiety is constant.  and so this morning, if i could have had my own way, i would have stayed buried under the covers for the rest of the day.  but before i even knew how much i needed this job, god provided it for me.  i had to get out of bed.  i had a classroom full of 3 year olds waiting for me - not to mention my peers who needed my help as much as i needed theirs.

~ as i drove to work, grumbling about the cold, and the fact that i had to go to work at all, i was struck by the beauty in the southeast.  the sky was pink and purple and orange as the sun was beginning to rise. steam rose from homes and cars.  god had painted a beautiful picture for me to see.  in my grumpy state, he knew what it would take to get me going.  he knew i needed my job to get me going. he knew i needed a sunrise to remind me of the fact that he is still in control.  he knows me - inside and out.  he knows that i could barely utter a prayer this morning.  he knows and he provides.

~ and so i remind myself that not every day will be a mountain top day.  and not every day will be a valley day.  but every day god is there for me.  knowing what i need.  knowing what i am feeling.  knowing the struggle that is in my mind.  i don't even have to voice it to him. . . he knows.  . .

and then there was this. . .

Matthew 6:8 Remember, your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!

~ god knows. . . and i am so thankful for that. . . 

Valu(able)?

~ my goal for 2014 is bringing back the joy.  2013 was a difficult year for me.  i struggled through a deep, dark depression, struggled with coming to grips with anxiety and panic attacks, i struggled through the loss of a job, i struggled through the break down (and repair!) of my marriage among all the other day to day issues that tend to creep up.

~ needless to say, while i have always struggled with this, i started to doubt my own identity.  i struggled with my own self worth.  i struggled with looking only at the failures i was or had encountered, rather than at the positives.  i looked at my own self worth by what i had or had not accomplished.  i saw all the things i wasn't and i saw all the things i wish i was.

~ having struggled with depression, i started out on antidepressants and in the process, gained significant weight and saw myself as ugly and a big fat loser.  having struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, i struggled to be out in public and in groups of people, so i saw myself as a loser - inferior to those around me.  ~ having struggled with losing my job and with issues in my marriage, i started to see myself as a failure, as completely incompetent.

~ as you can see, satan was having so much victory in my life.  after several months with a wonderful, godly counselor, i was able to come back from those difficult days and on most days gain victory over those lies.  i was realizing how satan was using a truth (YES i was overweight for example) but he was twisting it to make me believe that i was a failure.  obviously, this was not god's view of me.  

~ recently, i have watched as my 12 (almost 13!) year old daughter, has struggled with how she sees herself.  if she has lots of friends, she thinks that makes her valuable.  if she wears the perfect makeup, she finds value in that.  if she has just the perfect outfit, she feels that makes her valuable etc.  

~ this week i started reading Lysa TerKeurst's book called MADE TO CRAVE (satisfying your deepest desires with god).  what a timely book.  as i have struggled over the last year trying to determine what give me value, i KNOW in my heart of hearts it is only god that gives me value.  everything else will falter.  i have tried to share this with my daughter as well, and we have decided to take on this journey together.  in the very first chapter, there is a "takeaway" note that reads as follows:  "Like every other girl, you have a craving for acceptance, comfort, and provision - and it was put there by God, to be satisfied by Him alone."  WOW.  did she every put that right.  

~ so taylor and i are on a quest to see if we can find our value in god alone.  sure we like our fashion, our friends, our style.  but this next little mini journey, we are going to work on being able to find our value in god and god alone.  what brings me joy?  is it stable or not?  truly only god is stable.  our friends may change, our styles my not add up to those around us, our fashion may become a faux pas.  but GOD - god will remain our constant.  

~ Ephesians 2:10 English Standard Version (ESV)

10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

years ago when i was in Bible school, i did a study on this verse and found that the word "workmanship" in the original is the word "poiema" which means POEM!  we are god's poem.  a poet writes down their most intimate words, feelings and creates a poem.  THAT IS WHAT WE ARE TO GOD!!!!!  so for us to be putting our value in fashion, friends, things. . . wow . . . what a mistake.  our VALUE comes from how god sees us . . . without all those extra things.  our value comes from god. . . he created us in his own image . . . THAT is our value.  that is what makes us incredible.  and when we put ourselves down because of other things, we are destroying god's intent of the poem.  we are making up verses that he did not create.  he created us out of his utmost love for us - and that is what gives us our value!!

~  Taylor & I are just starting on our journey through Made to Crave and i am excited to see where it goes.  won't you join us?  you'll find Lysa's book online here http://www.amazon.ca/Made-Crave-Young-Women-Satisfying/dp/031072998X/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1388769747&sr=8-6&keywords=made+to+crave   

or in many other spots.  join us on our journey to be able to find our value in GOD alone!!!

Chilly with a chance of JOY!

today as i clean up from the  trimmings of the holiday season, i've made several trips up and down the stairs, packing away, cleaning up and ultimately doing load after load of laundry.  as i make my trek up and down, i watch as the steam billows from the exhaust of my laundry vent.  it creates weird and wonderful formations on the outside of our home.

here in manitoba, the second day of the year brings us -33C temperatures, but our home is a cozy 21C.  that's a 54 degree difference!!!  every time i see the steam billowing up in front of the window, i am overcome with gratitude.  for many things, but at the moment gratitude for a warm home - of which i am well aware there are so many who don't have that blessing.

another blessing was time spent with friends.  yesterday we had a wonderful time with friends who also have a multi cultural family as we do.  this morning i was reveling in the joy of having spent time with them, when my very grouchy nine year old burst my joy bubble.  too many late nights, and too many early mornings had made for a very grumpy boy!  at that very moment (and throughout the rest of this morning) i had so many opportunities to respond with a chilly retort to comments he was making or attitudes he was displaying.  

and as i watching the steam escape from my dryer vent i realized i had a decision. was i going to allow my warm fuzzy joy that i was feeling escape and fizzle into a frozen response or was i going to hang on to the blessings god had provided me with and focus on that?  how easy it would have been to just let it all evaporate into nothing and take on that chilly persona that so easily overtakes me at times.  thankfully god granted me the peace to chat through my son's chilly responses and turn it into something positive, but it certainly gave me pause to think about what my responses would be this year.

will the joy that god provides me, take over, or will i allow my heart to become chilly and frozen, freezing out those around me. . .   i truly hope it is the warmth of god's love that takes over and that each time the temperature might want to drop in my heart, that i will let gods love warm me and take over.

Happy New Year

Happy new year friends!

Trusting and praising God with you as we jump head first into 2014.  May you be blessed by these words:

Psalm 138

Living Bible (TLB)

138 Lord, with all my heart I thank you. I will sing your praises before the armies of angels.[a] 2 I face your Temple as I worship, giving thanks to you for all your loving-kindness and your faithfulness, for your promises are backed by all the honor of your name.[b] 3 When I pray, you answer me and encourage me by giving me the strength I need.

4 Every king in all the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord, for all of them shall hear your voice. 5 Yes, they shall sing about Jehovah’s glorious ways, for his glory is very great. 6 Yet though he is so great, he respects the humble, but proud men must keep their distance. 7 Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will bring me safely through them. You will clench your fist against my angry enemies! Your power will save me. 8 The Lord will work out his plans for my life—for your loving-kindness, Lord, continues forever. Don’t abandon me—for you made me.

Good Bye. . .

. . . 2013!!!  I am not sorry to see you go. 

i  am thankful, however, for all the lessons learned this past year, but excited for the new ones that will be learned in 2014.   it is true. . . . lesson learning is usually a "ripping and stripping" process that, for me, tends to take way longer than what i think it should - but also that is way more difficult than i think it should be - however, as the old saying goes, no pain, no gain, right?

i wish it were not so.  i wish i were much quicker at learning lessons.  i wish once i learned them, they would STICK because all too often it seems that i have 'learned' the lesson before, but am back at the same spot all to soon because i apparently have to 'relearn' it!!  

but i guess that is my sinful, human nature.

i am striving to make 2014 better - with more lessons learned - but more lessons stuck! maybe this year i will learn a lesson and be able to have it stick just a little longer.

do i make new year's resolutions? sometimes. . . but what i do find is that the end/beginning of a year is a great time to evaluate the last 12 months.  how did it go?  what did i accomplish?  what lessons did i learn?  what lessons stuck?  so as i go into 2014, i am not looking at 2013 with regret.  i am not looking at it in terms of where i failed.  i am not going to look at it with a negative attitude.  

rather - i am choosing to look at the positive things that happened.  the joys that became mine this year.  the lessons learned - and stuck. .  but even the lessons learned that became unstuck - and resolve to make them stick in 2014.

i am choosing to look back and see all the incredible blessings god has granted to me this past year - and trust him for more to come.  

my 3 greatest blessings are truly my two amazing miracle children, and my amazing miracle husband.  some time i might just have to share with you those miracle journeys as well. 

happy new year to all my friends and family.  may you experience god in a completely new way this year, and may you look back on 2013 and see all the goodness he has blessed you with.

(and on a side note - HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my amazing mom.  wishing you so many joys this year - thanking and praising god for all the things you do for us.  and while we may not see you as often as we'd like, we are truly thankful for the times we have been able to be with you this year.  i love you so much!!!)

Monday's Musings - thoughts on FORGIVENESS

* as i sit and think about the past year and try to compact the things that i have learned, i think i can say the biggest thoughts/changes have been that of forgiveness.  for so many years, i saw forgiveness as forgetting what had happened in the past and just ignoring it.  but as i have looked more and more into what forgiveness is, i am realizing that i had a completely wrong perception of what forgiveness was

* i saw forgiveness as something i was doing/giving to another person.  it is in fact, something i am doing for myself.  a gift i am giving to myself.  a gift of freedom and release to and for myself.  here are some of the thoughts, quotes and meanderings that i have accumulated about forgiveness over the past several months

~ forgiveness does NOT require an apology (or another person). RECONCILIATION requires another person.

~ "Forgiveness is giving up my right to get even"  charles stanley

~  Forgiveness is a promise not a feeling.  When you forgive other people, you are making a promise to yourself not to use their past against them.

~  Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behaviour.  Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying YOUR heart.

~ "Forgiveness is giving up your right to hold someone accountable for their sin against you.  It DOESN'T mean that you are letting them off the hook.  It means that you are setting yourself free from the pain and anger that has connected you to them for so long.  When you choose to forgive, it does not mean you will forget what happened, rather it means that the event will no longer have the same emotional control over you that it used to have.  Forgiveness releases the power of God to bring healing into the wounded places of your heart."  Grant Mullen from the book EMOTIONALLY FREE

~ you forgive someone for YOU - for YOUR benefit, not for them.

I can't say that this has been an easy process.  and i still struggle with thinking that forgiveness means "it's all better and fixed" because it doesn't.  it just means that i am not letting the black ugliness of the situation take hold of my present life.  

*  i want to live in the joy of right now, rather than in the pain of the past.

* just some thoughts i wanted to share with you and i mused about the past and the future. . . 

blessings on your day - and may you find forgiveness in the situations you find yourself in today

Break over!

as this  year ~2013~ draws to a close, I have been looking back on the past year and all that i have been through.  Seems amazing that it is the end of the year, and i have come out better for all that i've been through.  haven't blogged since may, and that is a sure sign of where my life has been.  wanting to be closed in.  wanting to be private.  wanting to hide the pain away from others.  wanting to protect my shell, the walls that i have built over the years.

but today, i purpose to share some of those journeys that i have been on over the past little while.  

journeys that included painful moments.  

journeys that included a stripping down of my comfort zone.  

journeys of admissions of failures.

journeys filled with joy.

journeys filled with pain, anger humiliation, yet

journeys filled with growth and healing and forgiveness.

journeys filled with a search for joy

journeys filled with a deeper understanding of my relationship with jesus


i am excited about this path of renewal that i feel i am on.  i am excited about the path of growth and stretching that i am on.  

so join me if you care, to hear about the moments, thoughts and journeys that god has taken me through this past year - a year of stretching and growth - but a year that i wouldn't change for anything - as i look forward to a new and exciting year in 2014

Anxiety Disorder

I am Royce White: Living and working with anxiety disorder - SBNation.com

I just wanted to share this link with you.  What a fabulous write up about some of the struggles that I deal with, but sometimes have no way of putting into words.

Thanks to my sister Wendy for getting this to me.

Struggles

So what are you struggling with tonight???

I'm struggling with. . . .
- not being what I need to be for my kids

-  not being what I should be for my hubby

- not being what God wants for me. . . . .


Trusting that next week I'll get a grip on it.

My God is … Faithful Deuteronomy 7:9

Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Meatless Mondays? Oops. . .

GOOD MORNING!!!!  Hope your day is off to a roaring start!  :-)

Generally, I try to go with the label of meatless Mondays.  Don't always remember, but that is often what I try to go with as I think about my menus for the week.

Yesterday was one of those days where the day got away from me (working hard on getting the kitchen finished - of course pictures will follow hopefully later this week) but even during the weekend a recipe for Quick and Easy Calzones was sitting on the back burner of my brain. So, since it was already 5:00 and the kitchen was still in disarray with black grout EVERYWHERE!, I remembered my calzone recipe but forgot about meatless Monday. 

I grabbed the recipe from my binder, looked at it and decided it was indeed a quick make for Monday.  And it was a keeper!!!  It called for chopped cooked meat so I decided to quickly boil up 2 chicken breasts and shred them. (QUICK TIP:  Boil chicken breasts for about 10 minutes until cooked through.  Cut into 4 or 5 small pieces and put them in your Kitchen Aid Mixer.  With the paddle inserted, "whip" them for 2 or 3 minutes on medium speed and VOILA - perfectly shredded chicken!!!)  You could use any meat that you had on hand or even cut up pieces of pepperoni would work I am sure. The recipe makes 6 but they are quite large so I am sure you could reduce the size of the dough and make 8 instead.

FAST AND EASY CALZONES

Here is the recipe.  Quick and easy and OH SO YUMMY!!!!

Fast and Easy Calzones

Ingredients

    1 Tbsp honey

    1 Tbsp oil (I used olive oil)

    1 cup warm water

    1 Tbsp yeast

    ½ tsp garlic salt

    3 cups flour

    1 cup ricotta cheese

    1 cup mozzarella cheese

    1 cup of cooked meat

    fresh or died herbs to taste (I mixed in some fresh basil)

    cornmeal

    4 Tbsp Olive Oil

    6 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

    marinara or pizza sauce to serve with

Instructions

    Preheat oven to 475 degrees.

    In a bowl, combine the honey, oil, water, yeast, and garlic salt together. Then mix in the flour. Once mixed knead the dough for a minute or two.

    Divide dough into 6 easy pieces. Roll each ball out into an 8 inch circle using extra flour if needed.

    In a bowl, combine the ricotta, mozzarella, meat, and herbs.

    Take ½ cup of filling and place on half of each rolled out 8 inch round of dough.

    Fold other half of dough over each round and seal seams.

    Dust cookie sheet with corn meal and place calzones on cookie sheet.

    Brush tops of calzones with olive oil and sprinkle each with 1 Tbsp of the Parmesan cheese.

    Bake at 475 for 10 to 12 minutes until golden. Allow to set for 5 minutes before serving. Serve with marinara or pizza sauce for dipping. Serves 6.

Serving Size

One of my new blogs that I have started enjoying is the blog Power of Moms.  (http://powerofmoms.com/register/)  What a wonderful little space.  A space written by mothers, for mothers.  A space written by mothers who are searching/scrambling/struggling to make each day the best for their families.  I have loved their down to earth, I'm-no-better-than-you-because-I-write-a-blog attitude because so often they write about the very things I struggle with.

Recently one of the ladies wrote about the thought of How Big is Your Plate?  What a good question.  So often we hear about people feeling like their plate is overflowing.  Or you hear about people and we think "They sure have their plate full". 

But this blog made me think about plate size.  Our serving size.  And it made me think about meals. And the size of plates we use to eat vs. the size of plate we use to serve!  And I got to thinking about the fact that we don't always use the same size of plate for everything.  Imagine a dessert plate.  TINY.  and very often I'd like to use a serving plate to eat my dessert with - but it is small.  At lunch we use a luncheon sized plate and at supper, a dinner plate.  NOT EVERY PLATE IS THE SAME SIZE.

So why do I think after having struggled the last few months that my plate should be the same size as it was a year ago?  Perhaps God is telling me to use a dessert plate.  Put on my dessert plate what I can fit today, and if tomorrow it feels like a luncheon plate kind of day, just do a luncheon sized job!  I think I have created this idea of what I am SUPPOSED to be able to handle, SUPPOSED to be able to accomplish because "she" can do it, or I used to be able to do it all, but God hasn't called me to do that.  He has called me to take today and to go at it with HIS strength.  And maybe all I can handle today is a dessert plate.  But HE has given me the dessert plate and he will give me the strength to take care of that dessert plate.  Next year He may be giving me a supper plate, but regardless He will give me the strength to take on the supper plate.

So today, I am going to try to be thankful for the dessert plate.  To NOT be down on myself for not having/using the dinner plate.  But to take on my dessert plate and make sure I take care of it in a God honouring fashion.

Maybe some day I'll be able to take on the serving platter that I made at Crockadoodle last summer.

Blessings. . . .

Serving Platter I made at CrockaDoodle last summer.

Two

I sit here struggling how to put down into words what my heart has been feeling recently.

TWO weeks since my last post.  TOO difficult to bring myself to the computer and write down words in my heart.

I struggle with depression and anxiety.  TWO major things that I'm realizing MANY women struggle with.  It can be a constant battle, or it can be one that suddenly rears it's ugly head and controls my day.  Someone recently told me "you always have TWO choices.  Give in to the struggle or live above it."  I'd asked if she had ever struggled with regular depression or if she'd ever experienced an anxiety attack, and admittedly she had not.  TWO choices are NOT always available to me.  Sometimes there ARE no choices.  Sometimes, it's all I can do to get up and send the kids off to school.  Sometimes, I just have to turn the car around and go back home because there are no TWO choices.  I can only give it to the anxiety.

TWO children who look to me for guidance.  TWO children who I fail every day.  TWO adults who are muddling through life/marriage trying to keep our heads above water. TOO many times I give in to the selfish nature that I struggle with over and over again. 

But ONE God. . . who hears me even when I don't have the words to cry to Him.  ONE God who knows that in the deepest part of my heart, I truly want to serve Him.  ONE God that that has promised me, that even when the walls and world around me feel like they are falling down. . . HE IS ALWAYS THERE. 

MISSING: Motivation

For some reason, this week has been painfully long.  Not sure.  Started out Monday with having to go into my dermatologist and finding out I have 4 more skin cancer spots that need to be removed.  I thought that I'd get another 6 month all clear, but alas such is not the case.  I AM thankful that I have such a great doctor who is SO careful to check each mark out and takes great care in removing each one before it turns into all out melanoma!! 

So since then, I've been blah.  Just unmotivated, tired, slow and just blah.  (Yes, I DO think that should be a word in the dictionary!)  Efforts to pick myself up and go just are not working.  The kitchen is hardly progressing (well, PAINFULLY slow!) and along with feeling like spring is never gonna get here, I just feel like sitting here and doing nothing.

Ever get that feeling?  What do YOU do to pull yourself out of it?

So here's what I'll share with you today. 

Our pastor at EEFC is Terry Kaufman and both Keith and I really enjoy his speaking.  He shared some really great things on Sunday that I quickly jotted down during the service.  While TODAY I'm not struggling with doubt, there are definitely times when I am.  On a variety of levels.   So I'll share what he said:

"Doubts do not equal:  1. us rejecting God 2.  God rejecting us 3. us rejecting each other"

"Jesus is waiting to meet you RIGHT NOW just where you are - not after you've figured it out "

So when in doubt, go to God!

Have a great day and hopefully I'll find my motivation today!  :-)