Two

I sit here struggling how to put down into words what my heart has been feeling recently.

TWO weeks since my last post.  TOO difficult to bring myself to the computer and write down words in my heart.

I struggle with depression and anxiety.  TWO major things that I'm realizing MANY women struggle with.  It can be a constant battle, or it can be one that suddenly rears it's ugly head and controls my day.  Someone recently told me "you always have TWO choices.  Give in to the struggle or live above it."  I'd asked if she had ever struggled with regular depression or if she'd ever experienced an anxiety attack, and admittedly she had not.  TWO choices are NOT always available to me.  Sometimes there ARE no choices.  Sometimes, it's all I can do to get up and send the kids off to school.  Sometimes, I just have to turn the car around and go back home because there are no TWO choices.  I can only give it to the anxiety.

TWO children who look to me for guidance.  TWO children who I fail every day.  TWO adults who are muddling through life/marriage trying to keep our heads above water. TOO many times I give in to the selfish nature that I struggle with over and over again. 

But ONE God. . . who hears me even when I don't have the words to cry to Him.  ONE God who knows that in the deepest part of my heart, I truly want to serve Him.  ONE God that that has promised me, that even when the walls and world around me feel like they are falling down. . . HE IS ALWAYS THERE. 

MISSING: Motivation

For some reason, this week has been painfully long.  Not sure.  Started out Monday with having to go into my dermatologist and finding out I have 4 more skin cancer spots that need to be removed.  I thought that I'd get another 6 month all clear, but alas such is not the case.  I AM thankful that I have such a great doctor who is SO careful to check each mark out and takes great care in removing each one before it turns into all out melanoma!! 

So since then, I've been blah.  Just unmotivated, tired, slow and just blah.  (Yes, I DO think that should be a word in the dictionary!)  Efforts to pick myself up and go just are not working.  The kitchen is hardly progressing (well, PAINFULLY slow!) and along with feeling like spring is never gonna get here, I just feel like sitting here and doing nothing.

Ever get that feeling?  What do YOU do to pull yourself out of it?

So here's what I'll share with you today. 

Our pastor at EEFC is Terry Kaufman and both Keith and I really enjoy his speaking.  He shared some really great things on Sunday that I quickly jotted down during the service.  While TODAY I'm not struggling with doubt, there are definitely times when I am.  On a variety of levels.   So I'll share what he said:

"Doubts do not equal:  1. us rejecting God 2.  God rejecting us 3. us rejecting each other"

"Jesus is waiting to meet you RIGHT NOW just where you are - not after you've figured it out "

So when in doubt, go to God!

Have a great day and hopefully I'll find my motivation today!  :-)

New Menu

Today was one of those days that I struggled with ambition.  So what better way to get motivated than to come up with something new to make.  After some searching, I decided on

Spinach Bacon Alfredo French Bread Pizza

Before baking

Ready to eat!

and

No Bake Fresh Strawberry Pie

and was it ever yummy!!!  Definitely keepers and definitely will be making these again.  Two big thumbs up from each of us!

Here are the recipes:

Spinach Bacon Alfredo French Bread Pizza

1/2 loaf French Bread

1 cup Alfredo sauce

1/2 cup baby spinach leaves

1/3 cup sliced mushrooms, optional

1 cup cooked, chopped bacon

1 large cooked and chopped/sliced chicken breast (to make it extra quick I used canned chicken)

2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Cut bread in half lengthwise. Lay each one on a cookie sheet. Spread Alfredo sauce evenly over the top of each half. Use as much or as little sauce as you would like. Then layer spinach, sliced mushrooms, bacon, and chicken until it reaches your desired amount.

2. Evenly sprinkle mozzarella over the pizzas and bake for about 15 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly. Remove, let cool slightly, slice and serve. Enjoy!

(I made my own alfredo sauce:  1/2 C of butter, 1 C whipping cream 1/2 C Parmesan cheese and salt to taste.  You may thicken with flour if desired)

No Bake Fresh Strawberry Pie

Ingredients

•  1 1/4 Cups chocolate Oreo crumbs.
• 1/3 cup margerine
• 6 ounces 1/3-less-fat cream cheese, softened
• 1/3 cup powdered sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups frozen fat-free whipped topping, thawed
• 2 tablespoons strawberry flavored ice cream topping
• 1 tablespoon raspberry ice cream topping
• 1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
• 1 pound small strawberries, hulled and cut in half

Preparation

1.    Melt margarine.  Mix together with chocolate crumbs and press into pie plate. Place in freezer 15 minutes or until set.

2.    Place cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla in a medium bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth. Fold in whipped topping. Carefully spread over bottom of crust. Mix together strawberry and raspberry topping and lemon juice; stir with a whisk until smooth. Add berry halves; toss to combine. Arrange berry halves over pie. Chill for 30 minutes before serving.

 

Melancholy Monday

Monday. . . . The first day after a weekend. . . the first day after Spring break. 

As I sat at my desk contemplating the day ahead, I felt blah.  Depressed. Yuck.  Everyone else is back to work or school and here I sat all by myself.  What's a girl to do?  Don't get me wrong.  My to do list COULD be a mile long.  But "anticipating" the day, I sat down with dread of being by myself.  Of being alone.  Because the cat and dog just don't cut it.

So I sat down to read my devotions and hopefully get a pick me upper.  Nothing.  I was waiting for my "magic potion" to bring me out of the dumps.  So I tried the next blog.  The next book.  Nothing.  So finally I decided to read.  One of my reading schedules brought up the verse I Thessalonians 5:17.  Ouuuu  Scripture.  That's got to have something good in it.  As I scrolled down Bible Gateway, there it was.  Two words!!!  TWO WORDS!!!  My verse of the day was TWO WORDS!?!?!?!  My heart sank.  I couldn't believe it.  I was waiting for some big uplifting scripture verse that would lift my spirits and take me soaring through the day and week.  But there were two words.

However, once I got to thinking about those two words, my attitude definitely changed.  Here are the two words:

Pray continually.

Pray continually.  Not just asking for something but continually.  As some of you may know, this year I have really been prompted to pray.  Well here was my verse.  Pray continually.  As if I were having a conversation with God through out the day.  I don't have to be down in the dumps because the kids and Keith are gone today.  I have GOD right there with me.  I am NOT alone.  He's there.  And He asks me to talk to Him continually.  So what better way to start my day.  My week.  My new month.  Than by talking to Him continually.  And when I am struggling - talk to Him.  When I am grocery shopping talk to Him.  When I am enjoying a moment - talk to Him.

So that's my challenge to you. To me. PRAY CONTINUALLY!  It's a challenge I am going to take up today.  Spend my day, not only in deep powerful prayer, but to spend my day conversing with God.  Because when I do this, it is a reminder of who I serve and how I need to act.  I serve a risen Saviour and He is with me EVERY moment.  So why would I just ignore Him?

Pray continually!  Pray with out ceasing. Pray all the time.  Pray perseveringly.  Any way you read it, be in communication with God.  He's waiting for you. . . and for me!

Thursday Thoughts

I've actually never heard of Maundy Thursday before.  But this week, I have been able to focus a little more intently on what this week must have felt like for Jesus - knowing what He was in for.

I think of times when I have something not so great to look forward to.  Something that might make me nervous, stressed, scared.  Something like the dentist.  A dreaded doctor's appointment.  A job evaluation.

None of that can compare to the dread that Jesus must have felt leading up to this Friday.  I think about Him heading into the last supper.  KNOWING that Judas would be there. . . ready to betray Him.  Sitting beside Peter - who He knew would deny Him three times.  Sharing the passover meal with His disciples - men with whom He had spent most nearly every day with.  But men who had no idea what was to befall Him just later that week.  Men who knew He was the Messiah.  Men who walked with Him day and night.  Men who saw Him do miracles.  But men who really didn't KNOW who He was. 

I imagine Jesus at that last supper.  Sitting there with those men.  His brothers.  Knowing that in less than 24 hours He would be paying the penalty for all their sins.  For MY sins.  What dread.  And we see it in His prayer at Gethsemane.  It's not like Jesus didn't know what was ahead.  HE DID!  He went to the garden to pray.  To BEG God to make it any other way. I cannot begin to imagine the agony He must have felt.  And then to turn around and find His disciples sleeping.  I cannot imagine the hurt.  The disappointment.  Knowing. . . . what lay ahead. . .

And He did this all for me.

Below is a video that reminded me of all Jesus did. . . . FOR ME!!!!


We are the Reason video (Avalon)

M M M M M M Monday

Yup, Monday's moving a bit slow today.  Can hardly let the day roll off my lips because it's so tough to get going.

BUT WHY NOT????  It's spring break!!!  Keith and the kids are home, and there is a whole day head of me. 

This weekend I planted some of my seeds for my pots this summer.  I have some seeds for the girls from the preschool as well, and they are growing wild.  They planted carrots, radishes and onions for the kids to see "Roots" so it motivated me to get sowing as well = even though there is still 3 feet of snow or more outside.

So I planted petunias.  Lots of petunias  96 to be exact!!!  They are all in egg cartons under my grow light.  These specific petunias I planted have the seed laying on top.  Not covered with any soil just laying bare out on the soil. I have to mist them every day, and they have to stay fairly warm, and it looks like it could take a bit of serious care to make sure they germinate and then to actually get them to grow and eventually bloom could be another task!

As I was spraying them this morning, I was thinking about how much care these little guys are gonna take to provide me with some beautiful flowers.  They are just the size of a mustard seed, and of course my mind wandered to the Bible verse.  I was thinking about the amount of care I was going to have to pour into these tiny little seeds and got to thinking about how much care God is pouring into me.  Obviously tons more than what I am doing for these seeds.  But it made me wonder:  with all His perfect care - His perfect waterings, His perfect soil, His constant watchful eye over me, feeding me when I wilt, propping me back up when the breeze gets too strong, what sort of flowers am I going to yield for Him?  Am I going to make His garden beautiful? 

Today is another day.  Another day to please my Lord.  Another day to show those around me what it means to be a child of the King.  My prayer for you and me today is that we will allow his gentle care to grow us into the beautiful image of Himself!!!!

Still Saturday

How can a day that is completely empty already be so filled in my head?

Saturday.  A day for doing nothing, right?  A day off?  A day to relax? 

NO NO NO!  Saturday . . . . a day to get all the things done that I should have gotten done this past week but didn't.  A day to cram in as many things on my to do list that I can - and to make sure my entire clan HELPS me get them done too! 

So tell me this:  WHY ARE THEY STILL SLEEPING??????  Don't they know that I have a list for each of them to complete?  IT'S HUGE and if they don't get up very quickly, it will not all get done.


Hmmmm and then this:   Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10  

BE STILL.  I can't!  There's too much to do!  BE STILL!  I can't sit here. . . I must get started. . . . BE STILL!  How do I do that.  EXALT ME  It's that simple? There's got to be more!  EXALT ME  That's it. . . that's all I have to do?

Today I will strive to make this a day of exaltation.  Not a day of demands, and expectations.   But a day of being still and exalting my Saviour!

 


 

Slow motion

Progress is slow. . . .

For a number of reasons.

Stomach flu has hit our house, or more specifically ME! UGH!  I do not do well being sick, but alas, I think it IS finally running it's course.

Renovations are slow too.  I have painted everything and the rooms are ready to go, but the cabinets are a slow process.  It's coming.  Don't get me wrong - I am very pleased.  I just sometimes forget that Keith DOES have a job that he has to go to 8 hours and day, and he has been SO good at working on these renos every day after work.

March 22:  We are presently without water in the kitchen.  The upper cabinets are all up, although the microwave has yet to be installed.  Friends of ours came over this past Monday and KG is a skilled cabinet installer.  Their family brought us over supper, drinks and dessert, and by the time we left, we had 3 cabinets in and Keith was so much more educated about this reno!!   The lower cabinets are SLOWLY getting put in, but of course these have to go in and around pipes etc. so it is taking more time than we'd like.  But rather have it done correctly than to have to go back and redo and have wrong cuts/holes etc.  I am SO THANKFUL that I have a husband who can do this work, and that is a perfectionist.  Sometimes it drives me crazy but usually I am benefit from great work because of it!

In a few days I will post some new pictures, but for now, I think I'd better get back to assembling some more cabinets.  Next week is spring break and we are all home so hopefully we'll have something to show for the days we can work on it all day! 

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Day 1 of Kitchen Renovations

Yesterday was day number 1 of our kitchen renovations.  And guess what:

OUR MARRIAGE IS STILL INTACT!!!  :-)  Keith and I have never taken on this kind of project.  Don't get me wrong. . . we have changed a lot and I mean A LOT of things in our home since moving here 19 years ago, but never have we been without our kitchen.  I mean our kitchen is the FOCUS of our family.  We love food, but we do everything here.  Homework, hanging out, playing games, eating, chilling - you name it we do it here!  So dismantling our kitchen could be quite the game changer for us!

For those of you who know us, our family is split.  Some of us are SK Roughrider fans, some of us are not.  Ok.  Keith and Peyton are, and Taylor & I are not.  We are split on the Blues.  Taylor for Winnipeg, and of course me for Toronto.  However, 3 years ago, I decided to surprise my hubby and painted our kitchen Roughrider green.  I had intended for it to last ONE year, but 3 years later, and a new Ikea in Winnipeg, I am finally getting my new kitchen.  YA HOO!!!

So yesterday we started our demolition.  The upper cabinets are gone, and that is where it will stay for the next few days.  Living without the upper cabinets will not be too bad since we will still have access to our counters, stove and sink/water.  That is HUGE.  We are hoping to get the ceiling/walls prepped in the next few days so that I can start painting but unfortunately, I may be sanding all the walls first.  It looks like a latex paint has been painted over top of oil, so will have to find out what to do about that.  One person told me I have to sand off all the old latex first, and if that is true, that will be a bear of a job!  Guess I will find out today.

So here are a few pics of the before and day 1 renos!

ENJOY and we will carry on here!

 Rough Rider Green kitchen

 Our work here is complete - for day one!

~SK