Growing boy, or emerging little man?!?!?

EIGHT and A HALF YEARS AGO!!!!!  WOW!  

In exactly 47 days, my little baby boy is going to be turning TEN YEARS OLD!  I really do not know how this happened so quickly.  One day he was this little, chubby boy, reliant on me, and suddenly he is this boy, uncomfortable in his own skin, trying to figure out who he is.

I can say this, that these days of change have been trying.  I knew that girls were hormonal and I was prepared for that in my daughter as she grew older, but I never imagined that these changes that come with boys growing up could be just as crazy.  I have to say, this stage in my son's life has COMPLETELY taken me by surprise.

On some days, I'm not even sure who I have in my home!  Before this past year, my son was a calm, rational, sensitive boy who really didn't challenge too much.  Sure when he was about 5 or 6 he did some exploring as to how and why things happened, but it was never a defiant attitude.  He was always respectful of others, understanding of his sister, and of his friends, and I never worried about any of the decisions he would make.

These days, I'm getting phone calls from the school about behavioural issues.  Not huge, but just out character for him.  I'm having a tug of war with boundaries for him.  We're having the battles of the wills.  We are trying to convince him, that while he think he does, HE DOES NOT know everything.  He is not without fault and failure, and he DOES NOT always make the best decisions.

This once gentle, calm snugglie boy has turned into a stubborn, selfish, anger filled boy. At times, I still do catch glimpses of my little boy, but at times, I look into his eyes and wonder about this transformation I am seeing happen before my eyes.  It's scary!  It's heart wrenching!  It causes me to panic and freak out!  WHAT DO I DO????

As I sit and read about how to deal with a changing 10 year old, I've been reading about the world's view of men.  We don't watch a lot of sitcom type TV shows, but when we have in the past, I have always struggled with the "humor" when it came to the dad.  It seemed the dad was always made out to be dumb. Not understanding his children.  Making blatant errors when it came to anything family.  The Cosby Show, Home Improvement - shows that should be a "fun" family show - but always ended up putting down the dad.  What does that tell our boys?  What does that do for my perspective on my husband. . . on my son. . . How do I treat them after watching many shows like that?  How does my daughter perceive men when that is the image that is being portrayed to her.  Even a simple show like The Flintstones. . . What is that telling our society about men?  What kind of a role model are we giving to our children?

However, bigger than that, I started to think about how I was treating my son.  How does God treat me when I fail?  What does God see when He looks at me?  Failure after failure.  Does He shake His head in disbelief that I just can't get it right?  Or does He take a look inside at my heart?  Does He say, "you're useless!  Why did I die for you?  It wasn't worth it!"  (NO!!)  Or does He look at me, and say "I love her so much that I died for her.  I wiped away all her sins.  And now. . . look at her heart look at what she is doing for me."  He doesn't focus on my sins because He's forgiven them.  Keith & I are being the "examples" to our son of what a parent is.  (Oh Lord, please help us because Oh how we have failed!!!)  True, our son frustrates us.  True, he sins over and over.  But have I stopped to look at his heart?  Have I stopped to think about how he was looking at the situation?  Have I stopped to understand what a difficult time of life he is in?  Have I stopped to lay the ground rules down?  When a situation arises, do I respond in love, or frustration and anger, and if it's the later, how am I showing Christ's love to him?  Have I stopped to think that God has entrusted this precious child to me, and I am responsible for raising him to be a Godly leader in his life?  YIKES!!!  His attitude may scare me, but that thought scares me more!!!!  What am I doing?  How am I reacting??? What am I showing my son, this precious child that God has entrusted to me, what am I showing Him of who God is?  How is God shining through me in my reactions to him? Am I training him up to be a man of God?  Am I training him up to be a man that will potentially someday lead a family of his own? Am I teaching my son about God's forgiveness?  Am I teaching him about how God died for his sins and loves him so much? WHAT AM I TEACHING MY SON - every day. . . every reaction that I have. . . .

Does he see Christ through me?

Puts a different perspective on things. . . . Instead of focusing on all he's not doing right, how about focusing on what I'm doing/not doing to teach him about Jesus' love.

oh how I have failed.  Yes, it is my duty to train him up right.  But it is also my duty to give him an accurate glimpse of who God is.  God is standing in front on me/him saying: "I already died for you. I forgave those sins a long time ago. . . Now. . . .  Let me see your heart!"

Oh God, how I love my boy!!!!!  And I know you love him too, so God, help me to be the best mom possible to my son.  Help me to show him how to grow up to be a strong Godly leader.  Help me to teach/show him what it means to be a follower of you.  God. . . . PLEASE GIVE ME WISDOM!!!!!