September 19, 1993 - A Day of Miracles

September 19, 1993 . . .  a day where every moment is etched into my memory as if it were a photo.  The sounds, the smells, the memories.  Every detail is carved into my memory as though it happened last year.

It was on that day, that Keith's and my life changed forever.  It was the day God gave us miracle after miracle.  It was the day God chose not to take Keith home to Heaven but rather to leave him here on earth to share his story with others so that they might know the God who orchestrated all the events that day.



You see, September 19, 1993 was the day that Keith went out to do his job for Red Rock Bible Camp as a maintenance manager, but never returned to that position.  In brief, I will share the story with you.  A bus full of Bible College students had left the camp to head back to Winnipeg.  As it headed home, it ended up in a ditch on it's side not far from the camp.  Being the maintenance director at the time, Keith and the onsite manager, Rob, went to go to see how they could get the bus out of the ditch.  Without going into details, in the process of trying to get the bus out, an accident happened that ended up with Keith under the tow truck with a broken neck (C2), a broken back (L2) and a compound fracture in his tibia/fibula.

He was taken to the Health Sciences Center where he spent the next 6 1/2 months recovering and trying to figure out how to put his life back together - knowing he would now spend it in a wheelchair.

We arrived at the HSC around 8 p.m.  At that point I still did not know to what extent he had been injured.  He had first been taken to the Beausejour hospital and there, they had told me he had a broken back, and I knew he couldn't feel or move his legs, but quite truthfully I really never realized to what extent he had been injured.  So, at the HSC, they finally told me not only had he broken his leg and back, but he had also broken his neck.  So that evening, they took him into surgery to "stabilize" his neck.  I knew this meant putting a halo on since a year previous to Keith's accident we had been to this very hospital visiting one of the staff that had worked for Keith at the camp who had also broken his neck but was a quadriplegic because of it.  When Keith woke from surgery, he had been fitted with a halo, with a weight hanging off the end of his bed to give his neck traction.  His leg had been temporarily set but his back was still broken.  They would have to wait to do anything with his back because they couldn't move him without risking damage or death from his broken neck.

The next morning we waited to hear what the doctors would say.  What they told us at that time was that Keith would never walk again.  His back vertebrae had been so completely shattered that there was nothing left of it.  They would wait for a few weeks to see what could be done to remove the intense nerve pain that he was having, although he could not feel his legs at all.

Two and a half weeks later on October 7, as reality started to settle in that he would never walk again, the doctor's decided to do surgery on his back.  It was risky because his neck was not healed.  Because of the risks involved, they put all the tubes etc. down his throat while he was still awake because they had to know whether or not he was loosing feeling in his upper body or feeling any pain when they turned him.   By about 9:30 a nurse came out to tell me that he had indeed survived being turned over, he was now out and the doctor was beginning to operate.

Before his operation, the doctor had asked Keith what he was hoping for from the operation.  We had pretty much resolved in our own minds that he would never walk again, so Keith said that the only thing he was hoping for was that he could get rid of the nerve pain in his legs that never went away.  This was being caused from all the bone fragments that were lodged in his spinal chord.  So that is what the doctor began to work on.  For the next 7 hours, he picked every splinter of bone out of Keith's spine and when Keith came to the next day, it was the first thing he realized - he had no more intense burning from the nerve pain he had had.  They also harvested a bone from his hip to create a new vertebrae to replace the one that had been shattered.  Praise the Lord!!!

One of the benefits of being in the hospital was that Keith got to meet Matt Dunigan.  Although Matt was playing for Winnipeg at the time, Keith made very sure to share the fact that he was indeed a Saskatchewan Roughrider fan!!!

Over the next several months, Keith had many many hours of physical therapy, occupational therapy and basically retraining his life to deal with legs that didn't move.  Learning to transfer in and out of a wheelchair.  Learning to sit up when you have no leg muscles to support you.  Life was very different.  After his surgery he had been fitted with a halo vest that kept his neck stabilized allowing him to sit up.  Later on once his neck was starting to heal, he was able to do more physical therapy and was fitted into a stand up wheelchair that allowed him to be upright, although he had no leg muscles.

Over the next several months, we realize that he was starting to get a few quad muscles back, and so they fitted him with full length leg braces and taught him how to use his hips to swing his legs forward to take a few steps.  It wasn't really functional for any length of time, but it did allow him to be upright and see the world from a different perspective than from his wheelchair.

Over the next year or so, Keith started to get more and more muscles back to the point that he is now able to walk with the use of canes, and braces that go under his feet to just below his knees.  What an incredible gift!!!  Being able to walk and even climb stairs.  You have no idea how restricted you are until you cannot get out of a wheelchair.

So today, 21 years later, we celebrate all the miracles that God has done for us.  It has not been an easy road.  And there are days where it is still difficult for him.  Seeing someone skating.  Or skiing.  Or biking.  Running. . . these are all things that he used to love dearly, but can no longer do.  However, we are both acutely aware that God has blessed us with 21 bonus years.  21 years that could so easily have been different.

So today, I choose to look back with joy.  With thanksgiving.  With praise to God for all the miracles he has done in Keith's life.  The story that I have written here, is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to all the amazing little things that God worked out.  Oh how we have been blessed!!!  So today I thank God above all else for giving me these extra bonus years with Keith.  I truly am blessed to have him in my life.  He is my miracle - every day!!!

Why do I deserve to be loved?

As I sit staring into the empty computer screen, my reflection screams back at me with words already swirled around in my head but unspoken.

You have failed yet again.  You do not deserve all the gifts God lavishes on you.  You do not deserve to be loved by your children, your husband. Let alone God! You make mistake after mistake and never seem to learn.  You hurl angry words at your child all because a basketball bounced into your pot of flowers.  You sit in silence and don't speak words because your husband didn't understand what you didn't say.  You start a day with frustration and anger and send your most loved ones out the door feeling like they just want to rush out of the door to get away from the awfulness of their day so far.  What kind of a mother ARE you?  What kind of a wife are you??? You do not deserve love.  You do not deserve forgiveness.  YOU ARE A FAILURE! 

Those are the words that the reflection in my computer was shouting back at me.  Why do you expect to receive forgiveness or grace or any other good thing when there is nothing about you that is good????

Mired in shame and guilt, I bowed my head and wept.  And as I poured my heart out to God, I knew those answers.  I didn't deserve it.  I didn't deserve any of the God things that I have received.  BUT, because of God's grace and forgiveness He has given me many precious gifts.  God knows my heart.  God knows that I have and will continue to make mistakes.  Big ones.  Seemingly unforgivable ones.  But God forgives.  God has promised His forgiveness to me.  God has promised to love me unconditionally.  Any good thing I have comes from Him and it is because of His love for me, that I have any good thing at all.


So as I proceed through my day, I will claim God's grace.  For each mistake I make, I will claim God's forgiveness and grace.  And I will strive to do the same for others.  I will ask for and offer my forgiveness to others.  And above all, I will praise God for His goodness.  I am not a failure.  I may fail, but I am not a failure.  I will claim God's promises and allow Him to keep working on me and make me into a vessel that brings Him honour and praise. 

Sunday's Praise

 

Psalm 103

Of David.

¹ Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶ The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
⁸ The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
²¹ Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
²² Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.

National Day of Encouragement

I did not know that this day existed - National Day of Encouragement.  Wow.  Can you imagine if everyone in the world focused on encouraging the people they all came in contact with today?  What a joy filled nation we would have.

How different a culture we would be if we focused on encouraging others.  And I'm not talking about throwing out empty, meaningless compliments.  I'm talking about the get-to-the-heart-and-emotions kind of encouragement.  I know for myself, I sometimes forget to focus on those things.  They might come to my mind, but in the busyness of the day, I forget to share those things with the very person that might be needing to hear your encouragement - right at that moment. 



I personally have had SO many people randomly encourage me and they have often had no clue how much it had impacted me.  They didn't know what I was struggling with right at that moment, but they said or did something that changed my moment - my day.  We so often go around wrapped up in our own little worlds and forget to look at others.  Really look at them.  Really hear them.  We get busy.  We get occupied.  But we forget those around us.  We forget to take time to look into their eyes and see their hearts.

On the other hand, we sometimes don't forget to speak to people, but what is said is far from encouraging.  It might be a "joke" thrown someone's way that was not really a joke, but more of a jab said with a laugh.  Joking, yet the truth was all too close.  Sarcasm is another aspect that we do in jest, but can completely break an already fragile heart.  We might think it was funny, but the person to whom you have just said it too may be struggling with the very thing you are making fun of.

And isn't it true that all too often we can see the negative in others rather than the positive?  We can see what wasn't done, or what was done poorly, rather than all the good that the person has done.  I know for myself, I struggle with this one - especially with my family.  Keith may have done everything right all week long, but when the garbage doesn't get taken to the curb in time for the truck to pick it up, that's all I can see.  (Don't worry, he got the garbage out this morning LONG before I was even up!  ☺)  For my kids too.  So often I see the one negative thing rather than the positive things that have been happening all day.  It is so easy to focus on the things we don't like, rather than taking that step back and seeing all the good that has been done.  My kids have even called me on it.  "I was just trying to do something good." Oh how that comment has cut to the quick.  All I saw was the mess when in fact, they were just trying to do something good. 

So today - on this National Day of Encouragement - let's start a trend of calling out the good, rather than the negative.  How can you encourage someone today?  Who can you tell something good to, rather than the negative that so easily comes instead?  Can we retrain ourselves to look for the good in others?  I believe we can.  In fact, I believe we have been called to do that!!!  Check out this verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:11:

"Therefore encourage one another and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing."

We are told to strengthen and build each other up.  How often we tear people down - especially those close to us - without even batting an eye.  Without even thinking what it would do to their very souls.  For my kids and husband, I know their lives are filled with enough difficulty that I don't need to be adding to that by tearing them down.  

So today - let's strive to encourage one another.  God has called us to it.  Let's search out that person(s) that we know are struggling and lift them up.  Let's encourage those around us.  Let's treat them the way that Jesus would treat them.  The way we would want to be treated in that exact situation.  Let's make this a true National Day of Encouragement.  And let's not stop there.  Let's become a group of encouragers by showing God's love to them. . . ALL OF THE TIME!!!!

 

September Blahs

Several days ago, I made a post about September being a season of new beginnings.

How easily I forget about those exciting new moments.

For most of our married life, for Keith and I, September has been a month of dread.  As the temperatures start getting lower, as the leaves start to turn color, emotions in our home start to take over.  The feelings of enjoying summer give way to the feels of panic.  With the sweet scent of fall leaves comes the panic and dread of remembering.

You see, September is the one month of the year that brings both Keith & I washes of emotions.  September 19, 1993 was the day that Keith was rendered an incomplete paraplegic.  It was the day that our lives would be changed forever.  Whenever we smell those distinct autumn smells, we are instantly transported back to that moment in time.  It also doesn't help that a year to the day after his initial accident, he ended up back in the hospital to have his appendix out - - - and TWO years to the exact day, he ended up back in the Health Sciences because we had been involved in an accident outside our church and the doctors here in Steinbach couldn't tell whether or not he had re-injured his neck or not.  So yes, for three years in a row, on the exact same Sunday, we made three different trips to the hospital and so September has some eery memories for us!

For me, September has brought a new flood of memories.  September 2012 was the year I spiraled downward into a sea of endless panic, anxiety and ultimately depression.  Coupled with what I know Keith is remembering, September has typically not been a great month for us.  It is amazing how smells, sounds and even movements can trigger all the emotions of that initial experience.  Still 21 years later, the sound of an ambulance often will send a wave of panic through my body.  Driving on a specific street in Steinbach and waiting at the stoplight, makes all those feelings of anxiety and panic bubble up in the pit of my stomach - even two years later.

So, September is a difficult month in many respects.  Some years we have had victory over those feelings and other years we have succumbed to the memories.  Even though time after time we give them to God, the reality is that we take them back.  It's hard to leave them there.  It's hard to consciously say NO!  I've given those negative thoughts to God and I'm going to let Him keep them.  I won't give in to them.  There have been times we've been able to focus on all that God has done through both of our situations.  There have been times when we've been able to praise God not despite our circumstances, but because of what we've been through.

This past week, we have both been acutely aware of it being September.

But we have been both been blessed with praying warriors who have taken up the baton of prayer for us.  And so it is blanketed in this prayer, that we are claiming Christ's victory over these negative thoughts.  We are choosing to think about the things that God has given through these dark times in the past.  How we have grown.  How God has promised to give us victory even in these areas.

I read a quote recently and I've posted it below:

Isn't that so often the truth?  We give something over to God, only to take it up ourselves the next time.  This month we have decided that rather than being dragged down into the ditch of depression, we are choosing to praise.  Instead of looking back at what could have been, we are being thankful for all that is.  We are going to choose to care for others, to bless others, rather than focusing on our own hurts and memories.

Pastor Rob, who was was with Keith when he had his accident and actually saved him from drowning, asked us in a Sunday School meeting on Sunday what verses we thought about when we thought about Philippians.  Little did he know that once again, he was saving us.  He caused me to be reminded of the following verse.

Remembering the past is okay, so long as we don't stay there.  Remembering is good if it causes us to look at the present and to see how God has brought us through the past to praise him in the present!

Today, I encourage you to look forward.  Join us in looking to how we can bless someone else's day.  Join us in blessing someone else today.  If you are struggling with someone, pray for them.  If you know someone is struggling, bless them with a gesture or a hug.  It's amazing how taking our eyes off of ourselves and doing things for other actually blesses ourselves and helps us focus on God.

Today I'm excited about September.  I'm excited to see how God can use me to bless others.  How God can use me to encourage others rather than tearing them down.  How God is going to get me to focus on Him instead of the negative.

Today - I will praise Him for each September that our lives have been changed - because God has brought us through to this day to bring Him honor, glory and praise.

On Sunday, our worship team lead us in one of my favorite hymns.  It is Well With My Soul.  They didn't know about "our September blues" and they didn't know how this song was a song that I sang over and over while Keith was in the hospital.  The people who I stayed with while Keith was in the hospital have often commented how they couldn't believe that through all the struggles we were going through, I could still play and sing that song.  I just want to share a version of it with you because hopefully, you can say along with me:

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!!!!

New Beginnings

It has arrived.  September.  The long awaited.  Perhaps the dreaded.  It has arrived.  And somehow it feels a bit like January 1st.  It feels like the beginning of a new year.  And I guess in some respects it is.  Lots of new things to discover.  Changes to absorb.  New routines to get used to. A new school year to tackle.

So, yesterday, both my children went off to middle school.  Talk about some mixed up emotions.  for ME that is.  I know you parents out there have experienced it, but all I could think about was:  "How did this happen so quickly?"  It truly does feel like moments ago that I was folding the tiniest little socks in anticipation of adopting our daughter.  Fleeting moments ago, I was staring at this beautiful baby boy that I had just birthed.  How did they grow up so fast?  How did they become such amazing young people in such a short time?

So with both my babies at middle school, it does sort of feel like a new beginning.  And this year, I have been blessed with 34 piano students.  Talk about doing something new!  Not sure I'm quite prepared for it, but God has given me these 34 gifts and I can't wait to teach them!

So our new beginnings start out with mixed emotions.  Excitement. Anxiety.  Anticipation.  Joy.  Dread.  Fear.  So many mixed emotions, and so many of them bombarding us all at the same time.  My daughter was incredibly nervous yesterday as she started her final year in middle school.  The fears and pressures of fitting in.  The anxieties of not having close friends in her class.  The pressure to conform, but desiring to stay true to God's ways.  And my son?  Well, he was just plain excited.  Thrilled that he gets to walk to his new school with his sister. (Now his sister - well, she's not to sure about that! LOL) Excited that he gets to see friends again.  So happy to have a great male teacher - his first time.  And for this momma. . . a little sadness to see them go.  I SO enjoyed my summer together with them.  A little nostalgia thinking about those first steps years ago into the preschool at age 3.  And a lot of pride today watching them meander down the sidewalk.  Proud of the kids they have become.  Proud of their strong desires to learn.  Proud of their desires to serve God.  So many emotions.

And as I spent the day in the quietness of my home, it was with a peace that I knew God was in control.  I didn't know how their days would go, and I don't know how my first days of teaching will go, but I knew God was in it.

As I thought about the new beginnings each of us were going through, I thought about the beginning of all time.  Genesis 1:1 says it all.  In the beginning GOD. . . God has been there.  Since the very beginning.  Since the start of all mankind.  And He was there yesterday.  At all those beginnings.  Despite the fears.  Despite the anxiety.  Despite the sadness. . . God was there.  He IS there.  He is HERE!!!  Always.  And as we continue on through the next several weeks and encounter more beginnings, we can be assured that God is there.  Isn't that such an incredible comfort? 

I know that sometimes He feels far away, but He has promised us that He is there.  In the beginning.  In the middle and in the end. He is there.  God is.  What an incredible thought.  We don't have to do these beginnings on our own.

So be it a new school.  A new venture.  A new stage of life.  A new job.   Be assured that God is there.  At your new beginning.  He is there.  Walking with you.  Take His hand. . . and KNOW HE IS THERE!  At each new beginning.  At each phase of your life.  He is there!!!!

. . . and I'll try to remember that too!!!  :-)

Cheese Pepper Soup with Frozen Butter Biscuits

Oh but it's a chilly one here this morning!!!  I actually got the furnace going by lunch because even with the oven on and the stove on, the house still hadn't warmed up!!!  I believe it was only 8C at night!!! Brrrrr. . . . I think our summer is over.

But I have to say, I'm not all that sad.  I have had a great relaxing summer, but am getting excited for teaching again.  Got my student wall up, most of my beginning day sheets ready, and all I have to do is get the piano tuned yet.  I am also looking forward to the routine that fall brings.  Hopefully we can keep the craziness down to a minimum this year! I know. . . good luck, right???


So because of the chilly day it is here, I thought I'd share with you what I made for lunch today.

I decided to try a new recipe I've had in my recipe binder for ages but never quite got around to making it. . . . and I can't believe I waited so long!  It's a keeper!!!

Cheese Pepper Soup!  I can't remember where I got it from, but oh is it yummy!!!  I also made some Chef Michael Smith Frozen Butter Biscuits!  None of this lunch is low cal at all, but wow is it flavorful!!!

We enjoyed them immensely, and hope you do too!!!  It's a warm hug on a cold day!!!

Cheese Pepper Soup

 Ingredients

• 1/3 cup grated carrots
• 1/3 cup grated celery
• 1 cup thinly sliced green onions
• 2 cups water
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 3/4 cup butter, cubed
• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 4 cups milk
• 4 cups chicken broth
• 1 jar (15 ounces) process cheese sauce (About 2 1/2 cups)
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 1 tablespoon prepared mustard

Directions

Combine carrots, celery and green onion in water; cook until tender.

Set aside.

Saute onion in butter until limp; stir in the flour and blend well. Do not brown.

Combine milk and broth; bring to boil.

Whisk in onion/flour mixture. Add cheese sauce, cayenne, salt and pepper if desired, and mustard.

Slowly stir in vegetables and water they were cooked in. Bring just to a boil; serve immediately. Add  cayenne gradually to taste.

Yield: 12 servings. 

Chef Michael Smith’s Frozen Butter Biscuits

Serving: Makes 8-10 large biscuits

Ingredients

4 cups all purpose flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
 1 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) frozen butter
1 1/2 cups milk
sprinkle or two Salt and Pepper

Instructions

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F. Whisk the flour, baking powder and salt together until they’re evenly mixed. Grate the frozen butter into the dry ingredients. Shred it through the large holes of a box grater or potato grater directly into the flour. Toss gently with your fingers until the butter shards are spread evenly throughout the flour.

Pour the milk into the flour mixture and stir with an upside down wooden spoon to form a dough mass. The handle of the spoon is gentler on the dough. Fold the dough over a few times with your hands until all the ingredients come together. If necessary add a few spoonfuls more milk to help gather up any stray flour. This kneading will strengthen the dough a bit but not enough to toughen the biscuits. It will also help them form a crisp crust when they bake.  

Pat the dough out on a lightly floured cutting board forming a loose round shape. Cut into wedges – like a pie - or any other shape you’re in the mood for. Position on a baking sheet; sprinkle on a bit of coarse salt and coarsely ground pepper. Bake for fifteen minutes or so. You’ll know they’re done when they turn golden brown. Enjoy at once with lots of brown butter!