September Blahs

Several days ago, I made a post about September being a season of new beginnings.

How easily I forget about those exciting new moments.

For most of our married life, for Keith and I, September has been a month of dread.  As the temperatures start getting lower, as the leaves start to turn color, emotions in our home start to take over.  The feelings of enjoying summer give way to the feels of panic.  With the sweet scent of fall leaves comes the panic and dread of remembering.

You see, September is the one month of the year that brings both Keith & I washes of emotions.  September 19, 1993 was the day that Keith was rendered an incomplete paraplegic.  It was the day that our lives would be changed forever.  Whenever we smell those distinct autumn smells, we are instantly transported back to that moment in time.  It also doesn't help that a year to the day after his initial accident, he ended up back in the hospital to have his appendix out - - - and TWO years to the exact day, he ended up back in the Health Sciences because we had been involved in an accident outside our church and the doctors here in Steinbach couldn't tell whether or not he had re-injured his neck or not.  So yes, for three years in a row, on the exact same Sunday, we made three different trips to the hospital and so September has some eery memories for us!

For me, September has brought a new flood of memories.  September 2012 was the year I spiraled downward into a sea of endless panic, anxiety and ultimately depression.  Coupled with what I know Keith is remembering, September has typically not been a great month for us.  It is amazing how smells, sounds and even movements can trigger all the emotions of that initial experience.  Still 21 years later, the sound of an ambulance often will send a wave of panic through my body.  Driving on a specific street in Steinbach and waiting at the stoplight, makes all those feelings of anxiety and panic bubble up in the pit of my stomach - even two years later.

So, September is a difficult month in many respects.  Some years we have had victory over those feelings and other years we have succumbed to the memories.  Even though time after time we give them to God, the reality is that we take them back.  It's hard to leave them there.  It's hard to consciously say NO!  I've given those negative thoughts to God and I'm going to let Him keep them.  I won't give in to them.  There have been times we've been able to focus on all that God has done through both of our situations.  There have been times when we've been able to praise God not despite our circumstances, but because of what we've been through.

This past week, we have both been acutely aware of it being September.

But we have been both been blessed with praying warriors who have taken up the baton of prayer for us.  And so it is blanketed in this prayer, that we are claiming Christ's victory over these negative thoughts.  We are choosing to think about the things that God has given through these dark times in the past.  How we have grown.  How God has promised to give us victory even in these areas.

I read a quote recently and I've posted it below:

Isn't that so often the truth?  We give something over to God, only to take it up ourselves the next time.  This month we have decided that rather than being dragged down into the ditch of depression, we are choosing to praise.  Instead of looking back at what could have been, we are being thankful for all that is.  We are going to choose to care for others, to bless others, rather than focusing on our own hurts and memories.

Pastor Rob, who was was with Keith when he had his accident and actually saved him from drowning, asked us in a Sunday School meeting on Sunday what verses we thought about when we thought about Philippians.  Little did he know that once again, he was saving us.  He caused me to be reminded of the following verse.

Remembering the past is okay, so long as we don't stay there.  Remembering is good if it causes us to look at the present and to see how God has brought us through the past to praise him in the present!

Today, I encourage you to look forward.  Join us in looking to how we can bless someone else's day.  Join us in blessing someone else today.  If you are struggling with someone, pray for them.  If you know someone is struggling, bless them with a gesture or a hug.  It's amazing how taking our eyes off of ourselves and doing things for other actually blesses ourselves and helps us focus on God.

Today I'm excited about September.  I'm excited to see how God can use me to bless others.  How God can use me to encourage others rather than tearing them down.  How God is going to get me to focus on Him instead of the negative.

Today - I will praise Him for each September that our lives have been changed - because God has brought us through to this day to bring Him honor, glory and praise.

On Sunday, our worship team lead us in one of my favorite hymns.  It is Well With My Soul.  They didn't know about "our September blues" and they didn't know how this song was a song that I sang over and over while Keith was in the hospital.  The people who I stayed with while Keith was in the hospital have often commented how they couldn't believe that through all the struggles we were going through, I could still play and sing that song.  I just want to share a version of it with you because hopefully, you can say along with me:

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!!!!