When Life Disappoints

This week at our house, we've been having some lessons in disappointments.  Some big, and some small, but all disappointments none the less.  And thankfully, this time (as is not always the case!) we have, for the most part, been able to take these disappointments and turn them into teachable moments.

One of the first "teachable" moments came over the long weekend.  My husband and son had gone to the cottage for the weekend, and one of the things on their list of "to dos" was to go and see if a boat we had locked up at a lake several miles from our cottage was still there.  I do have to admit.  This boat has been a bone of contention for me.  It is a boat that, when I was finishing a job at the camp I used to work at 13 years ago, I was training the next office manager, and rather than getting paid a bit here and there when I would come into the office, I decided to work for a boat.  It was a small rowboat that Keith thought would be perfect for hauling into a lake that was only accessible by a walking trail, and so the plan was to leave it there, locked onto a tree and then whenever he and friends or family wanted to go into the lake, they wouldn't have to try and haul a boat in.  Well, for years this worked.  Many hundreds of small mouth bass were caught from this boat.  However, over the last several years, no one has made that trek into the lake and so I have been asking (OKAY - nagging!) Keith to go and get it and bring it back to our lake so that the kids would have a light weight boat that they could row around in our bay.  It was small enough that I could pop it into the water if just the kids and I were there and they could still go fishing. 

So thankfully, this past weekend, Peyton and Keith planned their excursion to see if the boat was still indeed there and to do some fishing from it.  Needless to say, the phone call they had to make was one of extreme disappointment.  My daughter had picked up the phone and chatted with Keith and by the comment she made "Why do I have to tell her the bad news?" I knew that the boat was gone.  And so I also knew that the "epic" fishing trip Peyton had conjured up was not to be either.  (He had heard the stories of catching 60 - 100 fish in one day of fishing - and they weren't fish tales!!!!)  My boat was gone.  I was so disappointed.  All the expectations that I'd had were gone.  And of course the "I TOLD YOU SO" complex was out in full force.  Such disappointment.  I think the biggest disappointment was that I had created this scenario of a great childhood memory of going boating with my dad at Driftwood Beach, and I had wanted to share something like that with my kids.  And now the boat was no longer.  There would be no memory making the way I had hoped.  Disappointment.  Tears stung my eyes.  And bitterness tried to claw it's way into my heart.  Thankfully before the boys came home, I was able to take a step back and look at the big picture.  The things that mattered.

Then yesterday, my son had another sting of disappointment.  Ironically about a boat as well, but a much smaller version.  Now that he is 10, Peyton has been getting an allowance and some of his allowance goes to a spending account.  (Other parts go to savings and donations) but part of it is his to spend.  In an effort to not have him spend it all on gum (WHICH HE WOULD!) he picked out a project that he wanted to save up for.  He chose a remote controlled boat.  So, he had saved $17.00 towards the $35.00 boat, but on Tuesday when he went to check to see if they were still there, he returned with a downcast face to report they were all gone.  His face certainly changed when I shared with him that "Dad already bought you one on Saturday since we didn't want to risk them being gone."  Well, yesterday was the day that he was allowed to get his boat.  (Okay, we did cave just a little b/c he won't have enough money until November to purchase his boat, at which time he will have no where to drive it! But he will still owe us for the remainder.)  Oh what fun he had all afternoon driving it around in the pool.  Tying things up to the back of it like a skier.  Making obstacle courses for him to drive through etc.  So you can imagine his disappointment when after supper when he went out to use it again, he found it at the bottom of the pool.  Clothes were ripped off as he jumped in to try and retrieve the boat from the bottom.  After attempting to dry it out (the instructions were adamant that the boat should NOT be immersed in water) we tried to get it going - to no avail.

I can tell you my heart broke for the boy.  The tears were flowing and his heart was broken.  What disappointment.  As we chatted about it, we tried to put the whole situation into perspective.  At least he had a day to play with it.  At least it was not a life changing disappointment.  We allowed him to feel his disappointment too.  We allowed him to share his feelings.  We allowed the tears to flow.  And then we tried a few other tactics to get it to work to no avail.  The disappointment was written all over his face.  And truthfully, we did go back to Walmart to check to see if there were some others there that we MIGHT be able to replace it with, but unfortunately they were all sold. 

But let me tell you, even though both of those things weren't life changing.  Even though they weren't life altering disappointments, they hurt.  And I think that is one thing that we need to acknowledge when life disappoints.  It hurts!  No matter what the disappointment it hurts.  How we handle it is a different issue.  But to acknowledge those disappointments, that is valid.  And I believe that God wants us to voice those disappointments to him.  To voice those hurts to Him. 

As I did the previous week, and as Peyton did last night, we can lay those hurts before Him.  We can even ask that He change the situation.  Sometimes He might. Sometimes. . . He may change US instead.  Last week as I read through Romans 5:3-4, it put it all out there the way I needed to hear it!!  " We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.
And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation."

I shared this with Peyton yesterday too.  We can either grow from these disappointments or let them take us over.  We encountered other disappointments this week too.  Some even bigger.  Some that not only affect us, but others too.  We had smaller disappointments, that really aren't that life changing.

Regardless.  God feels our pain. He's been there.  And He is there to help us walk through those disappointments.  When things don't go the way we want them to, big or small, we have the assurance that God is in it.  Sometimes it might be that we need to adjust our expectations and that's what God is trying to teach us. Sometimes it might be that He is trying to remind us that we need Him and through those tough times, we are drawn to Him.  Sometimes it might simply be that our disappointments cause us to focus on what is really important in our life.


I can't remember where I heard this quote but it was from when I was young.  And it has stuck by me often.

"In the light of eternity, how does this really matter?"

Over the years as that quote has come to my mind, it has often put situations into perspective. 

And so too with our disappointments.  If I ask myself about a lost boat.  In the light of eternity, what does that boat matter?  NOTHING!!!  Can't take it with me, but my response to my husband and my relationship with him is what matters.  And when that's right, then my relationship with God is right. 

So today, give Him your disappointments.  Share them with God because He knows what you are feeling.  And He wants to hear your pain.  Because, He can heal it.  And He can take those broken moments, those fragmented expectations and create something beautiful and praiseworthy for Him.

Just remember:   JESUS NEVER FAILS!!!!