When Your Miracle Takes a U-Turn

One of the things that I dislike about driving in cities is all the boulevards that there seem to be.  When you are driving along and you can SEE where you want to go, but it is on the other side of the street and there is a boulevard in the way, it's annoying. You are RIGHT there. But because of those boulevards, you have to drive way further down the road until you find a street that doesn't have a "NO U-TURN" sign and make the U-turn and drive all the way back to get to where you want to go.

 

Have you ever felt like your life has had to do a U-turn? That you were heading in one direction, sailing along just fine, when suddenly your life comes to a screeching halt and you get flipped around and you are heading in the opposite direction? Well, recently, that is what my life has felt like. Four years ago, I truly felt like God had done a miracle in my life. God had answered prayers in ways I never thought possible. I was so thankful for where we were. Things were going smoothly. Covid was rough, but I had survived that. Life was sailing along and I could find so many things to be thankful for. Sure there was stress. Sure there was upheaval at times, but I could always look back and see how God had worked and the miracle that he had done in our family. 

This past year, I had a major U-turn to that miracle. Addictions are awful things. They are devastating. They cause incredible heartache and heart break. And where I thought God had done a miracle in our lives, I again was now reeling from the realization that things had again taken a U-turn. I had watched Him do a miracle in our lives in the past, and here things were once again crumbling. Was it a miracle? Was it real? Why was this happening again? Where was my miracle I believed God had given me? 

Maybe you have had it in your own life. You've watched God miraculously heal someone, only to have a return of the disease a few years down the road. Or you watched someone who you've prayed for years for come back to a relationship with Jesus, only to have them walk away from their faith yet again. We've watched God do a miracle in our life. We've praised God for that miracle. And then, suddenly, what we saw to be our miracle comes crashing down, and it feels like more pain than what we ever had in the beginning before our miracle. What do we do with that? Where do we put God in all of that? Was it ever really a miracle? Can God be trusted? NOW what? 

These are all questions I have wrestled with in 2022. And more. I have spent countless hours reading. Praying. Weeping. Yelling. Trying to understand why God would allow this U-turn in my miracle. And I will be honest. I really don't have an answer and I don't know what my future holds. And while I may be physically alone, I know Jesus is always right there with me. 

I want to share with you what I HAVE learned over these last several months. 

1. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. There are LOTS of things to be thankful for. As my family fell apart yet again, I realized that even though things were not turning out as I'd hoped, I still had so many things to be thankful for. God HAD given me a miracle. God was giving me peace through this U-turn. We were healthy. We had survived the ups and downs of a pandemic. I had so many blessings and gifts from God. I had to remind myself daily of all the wonderful things God has given to me. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it says "IN everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." So I look at this verse and I interpret it like this: It doesn't say BECAUSE of everything give thanks. It says IN everything. Through everything. As I am walking through a crappy situations - give thanks. I don't have to be thankful for these awful situations I've been placed in, but I certainly can continue to give thanks because there are so many things in my life to be thankful for. 

2. God is always working, whether I can see it or understand it or not. Don't get me wrong. God is never pleased by sin, suffering or pain. BUT He is all powerful and can/will still work through our circumstances. I believe that God's heart aches for us when we go through these situations. I also know God can see the big picture and I cannot. I also know that He gives us choices every day. And so when we walk through these difficult situations, as we know we will because we live in a sinful world, all God has asked us to do is keep our eyes on Him. I don't know why sometimes things work out exactly the way we want, and other times they don't. When God gave me my miracle, I was the one assuming it was a "forever" miracle. But today, I can see that it was a miracle for that time. It was something I needed. And today, my only job is to keep my eyes focused on Him. To go hand in hand striving every day to be the best version of a Jesus follower that I can be. Some days, I don't know how to move forward. But when I start with a thankful heart, and keep my eyes focused on the fact that the Holy Spirit is right there beside me helping me, I can make it through each day. 

3. Live life one moment/day at a time. Sometimes I have wished that I could see the whole picture. That God would show me the bigger scope of things. But most often, when I truly think about it, that would be way to overwhelming and I don't think I could handle knowing what all was ahead. BUT, taking one moment at a time. Dealing with one little part of my story at a time. THAT way, I can see my way through. There are some days, that it's all I can do to see ahead to the next meal. It's all I can do to make it to the next little task on my list. I literally have to pray my way through to the next moment because if I don't, and I start to focus on the next month, or year or stage of life? Then panic sets in. I think my favorite character in the Bible is Peter. Boy, I can relate to that guy in so many ways. But the story of when he was walking on the water towards Jesus and took his eyes off and began to sink. Well that is me. BIG time. Thankfully, Jesus never gets tired of me calling out His name in panic because I've taken my eyes off of Him. He always is there reminding me that He is RIGHT there. RIGHT beside me. And when I redirect my focus on Him and do what pleases Him, that is when I am able to put the next foot in front of the other. That is when I am able to breath a little easier. That is when I can sing again. I can play piano again. I can see joy again. Coupled with the practice of being thankful, and remembering that God is still working despite my circumstance, I can continue moving forward. Anticipating what other great things God has ahead for me. 

Of course there are other lessons God has taught me, but I think these three things are what have kept my head above the water this year. I am so thankful. For EVERY part of my miracle. And while the miracle as I saw it has taken a U-turn, it's still a miracle. It might not look exactly as I would have liked, but the fact that God continues to give me the strength to walk each day with Him? Now that is the true miracle. That is the true moment of gratitude. Life is difficult. And no matter what miracle U-turn you have experienced, we can still work to see God's hand in every moment. As I said, I am learning to be thankful for every part of my miracle. No matter how different it looks from what I had hoped. God taking me through every day, holding my hand and getting me through, that is a miracle in and of itself. 

 I'd love to sit and have a coffee with you and hear about your miracle and how you have seen God work through your life, and to hear about all the wonderful gifts that He has given you for which to be thankful. We DO have so many blessings. Some days we might need to look a little harder. But they are there. And we can always trust God to take us through each situation, so long as we keep our eyes solely focused on Him, with our hand firmly entwined in His. Life is a journey, and this current U-turn is only one part of this amazing journey God has for me. 

💙💚💛💜

 For those of you wanting to read about the first part of my journey you can do so here 

In the Blink of an Eye. . .

In the blink of an eye. . . . . . .

I remember so clearly, the day I was standing in front of the dryer folding the tiniest little socks I'd ever seen.  Folding a receiving blanket and thinking "Could it be?  Could we really be getting a baby?"  A birth mom had picked us to parent her child and for the first time in maybe forever, it was beginning to start to feel real.  Keith & I MIGHT actually become more than a couple.  We might be a family of more than 2!!

A few weeks later, our dreams came true and our daughter Taylor was born.  What an incredible gift we'd been given.  She was everything we'd ever dreamed of.  She was perfect.  And so tiny and we knew we would drink in every moment of her growing up.  But that felt sooooo far into the future.  We had YEARS to enjoy her and be with her.

Just over 2 1/2 years later, God blessed us with our 2nd miracle.  Never in a million years did we think that I would be giving birth to a child.  Doctors had said it was basically impossible.  And yet, 16 1/2 years ago, I gave birth to the most handsome little boy I'd ever seen.  Our 2nd miracle baby - Peyton!  And while time with him seemed to progress quicker than it did with Taylor , I just KNEW we'd absorb every possible moment with him as well.

But here I sit.  With an empty house.  Realizing that my babies are no longer babies!!  Okay, so I knew that, but how did this happen so quickly??? How did they go from being those tiny bundles of miracles into full grown (almost) adults?  Taylor is living on her own in her 2nd year of university.  Peyton just started his 2nd last year of high school!!  In the blink of an eye, right before my eyes, they have grown up, without me hardly noticing!  

While I may not remember every little detail, I do remember so many.  I am thankful for the pictures that have captured smiles, memories and my heart!  I could post hundreds, okay thousands of pictures of them.  Each with their own unique memory.  Some blissfully happy.  Others have heartache attached to them.  Some memories are difficult to think about, knowing I've made more than my fair share of mistakes raising them.  But, one thing I know is that my kids are my favourite people in this whole world.  I love them so incredibly much and thank God for both of them each and every day.  They each have their own unique and wonderful traits that make them so amazing.  They both love people and will fiercely fight for what is right.  They both are passionate about the things they love to do.  But most importantly, they are proud of who they are.  They have found friends that make them better people, and I believe they do that for their friends.  When I see the quality of friends that both my kids have, I know that my kids are also quality people.  

I am SO proud of both of my babies.  And yes, to me they will always be babies.  And yes, I am still trying to wrap my head around how quickly they went from itty bitty ones to beautiful amazing grown ups!!  It has been in the blink of an eye. . . . but oh how thankful I am for every little moment I was given with them.  They stole my heart the moment I first laid eyes on them.  And I have never been more proud of anyone than these two amazing humans that God has blessed me with.

Taylor & Peyton: I love you so very much and this Momma is so thankful to have been blessed with you in my life!!!

 

HEALING. . . My will? Or God’s Will???

Healing

So I have been sitting here praying for a young mama. She’s in for the fight of her life. She’s fighting for her two babies - for her family - and I am bringing all of them and their family to God.

As I sit here, I think about prayer and how we pray. So often I pray for healing, but do I really? Or do I just beg God for Him to paint the picture that I see in my mind to be healing. So often, when I pray for healing, I envision what I think to be someone healed - some situation brought to what I see to be a beautiful ending.

In my own life, when my husband suffered a neck and back injury, we prayed for healing. In fact, we had several people pray over him when he was confined to a wheelchair. We had 4 or 5 people who prayed probably for 15 or 20 minutes, expecting God‘s healing to be instant. We waited and waited and waited. If anyone wanted to be healed, it was Keith. He wanted to walk again. He wanted to run. He wanted to ski. He wanted to stand up out of the wheelchair that he had then been confined to. But, that evening he would not stand up and walk. He would not run. He would not drive the vehicle home.  He would not carry me into our home. He could NOT move his legs or feet.  As much as he hoped.  As much as he had faith that GOD could do it.

However, a few years later we were able to talk with the people who had prayed over Keith that night, and tell them that while God had not healed him in the way that they had envisioned, God had indeed healed him. Keith was now doing some walking assisted with a cane and braces, and the healing had happened not only in his body but in his heart.  He no longer wanted to take his own life. He saw how God had brought him through a difficult circumstance and was going to use him for God's glory and to bring healing to others. He saw how God was working in HIS own life.

Years later in our marriage, I begged healing from God. I prayed that he would heal our marriage and restore our family after pornography had torn it apart. I begged that God would heal my marriage. I had a very specific image of what that would look like. And so when I prayed, I prayed toward that end. However, I didn’t realize that God’s healing would look different than what my healing looked like. I thought my marriage would be the happily ever after type of marriage. It’s not! It’s far from it! But. . . It is mending. Truthfully, it’s a work in progress. And I’ll be honest, many days, it’s completely stalled. But, we are together. And two years ago, I would never ever have believed that possible.  I don't know what the future holds for us.  But when I look back to 4 or 5 years ago, God has been healing.  He IS healing.  In me, my children, and my family.

So, I have begun to learn to leave my prayers in God's hands. I can tell Him my hopes and my dreams. I can tell Him what I beg for. I can ask Him over and over to please do this or that, but ultimately, I want God's best. For me? For you? For all of us.

Isn’t what God has for us better than what we could envision? I have come to realize that while I want the Cinderella ending in every story, sin doesn’t allow for that. Sin has consequences. I’m not saying that someone is sick because of sin. I’m not saying that this mom is struggling because of any sin she has committed. Far from it!!! Is Keith in a wheelchair because of his sin?  NO WAY!!!  Is pain a suffering a consequence of human nature's sin?  YES!!!  Sin is a part of our world. And agony is a part of that our world. But God can use that agony. God can use our pain. God can use the difficult points in our life to bring glory and honor to him.  What if these difficult moments we are going through in OUR lives will allow God to speak to others because of it?  What if the difficult waters we are trying to wade through, allow us to use our experiences to guide and direct others?  I can tell you.  I have a sister-in-law That has gone through some awfully difficult stuff.  But I believe 1000% that because she was faithful to her walk with God, He is using her story to bring honor to Him!!  Does she have the fairy tale story we'd like to imagine?  NOPE  Not at all.  But God IS using her.  And God is giving her joy in her journey as she seeks Him and HIS direction in her life.  She is a witness to so many other women, wives, Grandmas and others.  She is sharing God through her journey. 

We may not "like" what we are going through.  We may not have prayed for the situation we are faced with.  BUT if we TRUST that God is in control, then when we pray. . . we know that God IS IN CONTROL and will work everything out to bring Him glory.  God created us. God created us FOR HIS GLORY.  And so when we pray, let's tell God what we want, but ultimately, let's ask God to use us TO BRING HIM GLORY. . . . . . ..  whatever the circumstance. 

Let our prayers bring honor and glory to God. . . not to us.

2020 - Moving Forward. . .

And here it is. . . the winding down of an old year.  The saying good-bye to the past.  To 2019.  Most years I’ve been excited to say good-bye to the old.  And in some respects, I am this year too.

The New Year represents a clean slate.  A new start.  The hope for better days.  And that’s always why I have anticipated a new year.

This year, it comes with mixed emotions.  2019 and was a tough year in so many ways, but a great year as well.  We got to celebrate Taylor’s graduation.  She got her driver’s license.  Peyton turned 15 and moved on to bigger and more exciting job opportunities through the summer.  I taught my largest group of students ever – 60!  Keith started at a different position at the credit union and won a trip which brought us to Las Vegas & Los Angeles. We made changes to the inside of our home. We saw God answer so many prayers in ways we didn’t believe possible.

But. . . .

. . . we also experienced some deep losses and watch some family members walk through the deepest darkest losses imaginable.  We experienced how God has sustained us and them through these losses.  We experienced the love, prayer and thoughtful gifts from friends who have carried us through these deaths and difficult times.

And so 2020 is bittersweet.  2020 will be the first whole year without Jonny, Dad (Keith’s) and Neil.  2020 will be an entire year without those pieces of our hearts here on earth.  2020 will be an entire year without them.  But it also comes with the knowledge that with each passing day, we are one day closer to seeing them, and joining them in the presence of Jesus.  2020 is hard to imagine without them.  It’s hard to imagine family adjusting to life without their son/their brother.  Their Dad.  Her husband.  But just like we’ve gotten through the last three months, I know God will sustain us.  I know God will be there through the grief and through the sunshine.

I don’t know what 2020 holds for you or for me.  But I know the God who holds 2020!  I know that God is eagerly waiting for each one of us to come to know Him.  I pray for my family members that aren’t following God.  I pray that 2020 will be the year they are drawn to Him.  I pray that 2020 will be the year we are all brave enough to share Jesus with others.  That we can conquer the fears that stop us from sharing the Truth.  As I think about the loves we lost this year, I cannot help but be grateful for the knowledge that the 3 people God took from our families are all with Him.  I know that didn’t need to be the case.  I know we have family members who wouldn’t have walked with Jesus.  So, my prayer for each and every one of us is that this becomes the year that we get brave enough to speak Jesus to those around us.  That our family members (and friends) that don’t know Jesus as their Saviour will look at us and be drawn to Him.  That they will hear our words, and see our actions and say, “I want to follow THAT Jesus!”  When I think about my family that doesn’t know Jesus, it can send me into fear and anxiety knowing that if it had been them that died this year, they wouldn’t be spending eternity with Jesus.  But I also know that Jesus took those to Himself that were ready. And that they are waiting there for me when I get there.

So, I wish you joy, peace and a sense of God’s presence and direction as you head into 2020.  May you seek a deeper relationship with Him that causes you to be closer to Him than ever before.

Be Jesus

One of the things that I have been struck with this year is the acute awareness of how each of us are carrying our own burdens.  And I don’t mean that in a negative sense, as in we are all alone carrying these burdens.  What I mean is that pretty much all of us face each day with a smile of sorts on our faces, and most of the rest of the world doesn’t have a clue about the struggles going on in our hearts.

We try to hide the pain.  We try to push it away, so it doesn’t show on the outside.  We keep it tight to ourselves so that the outside world doesn’t have a clue what we are going through.  Sometimes we fail.  Sometimes we lose it just a little.  But for the most part, we tend to bury our emotions, and no one would be the wiser. . .unless we take the time to dig into others. 

I was struck by this thought again especially this fall after losing 3 of our family members within 6 weeks.  One of my piano parents had made the comment that they couldn’t believe that I could still teach piano after dealing with these deaths.  What she didn’t know is that I was in the middle of a piano lesson and had to finish out my day after I found out that my brother-in-law went to be with Jesus.  Not sure how I did it.  The day I found out that my father-in-law had died (which was the day after I found out that my nephew had been killed in a car accident) I had to right away go into teaching 12 students.  We move on.  We compartmentalize and do what needs to be done.

And so, having done that these past few months, I’ve realized that so many people are walking around doing the same thing.  So many people are walking around shrouded in pain that we don’t see etched on their faces, but if we were to dig – even just a tiny little bit – more than likely we’d find out about some of the struggles they are facing.  Not all the struggles are “big” like a death.  I can tell you that more than likely most of the struggles wouldn’t be that life changing, but they are BIG to the person walking that road.  It might be a family member not following Jesus and the agony that brings.  It might be a defiant child that causes upheaval in the family.  It might be the day to day dealings of a child with needs or special health issues.  It might be a marriage that is falling apart at the seams.  But we each go forward.  We put on the “life is fine” face and move through our days. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying it’s wrong to do that.  We need to do that in order to function each day.  But what I was reminded of this year again, was that so often we meet people and they look like they are fine, but their hearts are broken.  Tears may be right there.  Agony may be lurking right around the corner. 

And we have the opportunity to help.  We have the opportunity to heal.  I can tell you that a mere text from someone telling me that they prayed for me that day has brought me to tears so many times.  A small gesture like a plate of muffins or cookies can soften the most difficult moments.  And truthfully a hug from a friend can ease a lot of pain and agony during life’s difficult moments. 

One of my biggest pleasures in teaching piano is to see a student come into a lesson and realize that life is tough for this little one, but that I have the opportunity to change that.  It might not be “adult level” tough, but whatever the case, their face tells a story of a struggle.  And I love to make it my mission to turn those sad faces into smiles.  It doesn’t always work.  But I LOVE to work hard to send them out of my studio smiling.  I generally don’t know what the issue has been, and I also know it sometimes is the fact that “they have to” be at piano.  I remember having one student come for lessons and I could see life had been tough.  The first few songs were evidence that his heart was not here.  Tears were close.  And so, I said “let’s forget about playing today”.  Let’s do something that has nothing to do with practicing, scales or work.  And then the tears came.  I put my arm around him and told him piano was not important today and that he shouldn’t even give it a thought.  I pulled out some of my games (okay, so they were piano related. . .) and we spent the rest of the lesson forgetting the pain and just healing and releasing at least for those moments from whatever it was that plagued him. He left the studio smiling and laughing and at least for a moment, a little lighter. Other times, I’ve had the opportunity to pray with students who share difficult things with me.  These are times and moments that I cherish.  Those are the moments that I think “THIS is why I teach piano.”  I love helping my students make music, but even more, I am thankful when I can put a song in their hearts instead.

I know as adults we don’t always wear our emotions on our sleeves that way, so finding out how someone is doing can be more difficult.  But it is possible.  And as we move into this new year, I encourage each one of you to join me on this journey of taking the time for others.  Take the time to check out how others are feeling.  Take time to smile at a cashier even though they might not be.  We do not know what they are going through.  We don’t know the storms they are facing even though they are holding their head up high.  Let’s take the time to consider others.  Be patient. But even more, try to find out what is troubling them.  Try to offer them love.  Try to be Jesus to each person you encounter.  Because you never know what sort of agony, or heartbreak that person is facing at that very moment.  You never know, how your gift of Jesus’ love, could be the very thing that saves them. 

The song that follows is not my style of music, but it does speak very clearly the message I think we all need to hear and follow.

So I encourage you:  Be Jesus to Someone Today

Dear Neil

Dear Neil,

First and fore most I need to say, that I cannot believe you are gone, and I miss you so much.

When you were here in August, I was, and am so thankful for the time we had with you. . . . BUT. . . WOW. . . .you were a great actor! Let me explain. . . . I know Wendy saw right through those times of pain and anguish, but I want to say thank you to you for giving our family a wonderful time.  Thank you for pushing through the pain and sharing your heart with us.  I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt, you were giving us a gift no one could ever give us by fighting the pain in your body, to give us YOU.  Thank you for pouring into Taylor & Peyton and showing Jesus to them.  You have touched them so much through that visit. They will never forget those moments!

Thank you for the time you put up with me taking pictures of you and Wendy.  Being able to capture your love together was an incredible gift for me, and I will always treasure those moments at K.R. Barkman Park.  I know you were in pain.  And I know it was tough to try to smile through the pain and to give us the gift of the pictures, but I want you to know how much I treasure them right now, and how honored I feel that you let me take them.  I know being on display was not your favorite thing!

Second of all, I want to say thank you for loving my sister, and for putting up with me and the rest of us.  When you and Wendy first got together, I was cynical at best.  I had grown up with so many spiritual misconceptions, but I remember so clearly being at Red Rock and getting Wendy’s call asking me what I would think if you and she got married.  I told her it didn’t matter what I thought, but I told her that when she married you, she had to be 100% confident that you were the one for her and that she would never question whether God was blessing your marriage.  She told me she was 100% sure that you were the one for her, and for me? That’s all it took.  YOU WERE HER GUY!  So, thank you for loving her so faithfully all these years.



Thank you for putting up with our Langendoen-isms.  (I could say crap, but really, is that a nice thing to say?  I know you’d sit there with a bit of a smirk on your face – or a snorting laugh - and say nothing right now - but boy would that mind be a’whirlin!!!) But you put up with us.  You loved us. Because Wendy loved us.  I am so thankful for all those precious moments you gave to Wendy, and for all those moments you added to our family.

Neil, you weren’t perfect - (none of us are . . .despite the fact that us Langendoen's seem to think we are. . . . ) But YOU were perfect for WENDY for 26 years.  And I am so sad that she doesn’t have you in person anymore.  That we don’t have you anymore.

I have this picture of you sitting up there in Heaven with Keith’s dad chatting it up about the going’s on in the life of Langendoens.  And comparing notes from what you both knew.  I think about Jonny sitting there, correcting you both telling you the way it “really” was.  I can’t believe the three of you are together.  But I am glad.  I’m glad you are all there together.   I never would have thought that we would go from not having anyone close to us die, to having 3 of you there together in the matter of 6 weeks.  It’s so crazy.  I don’t know why God chose to take the 3 of you so close together.  But I do know it gives me so much comfort knowing you are all together with Jesus.

I cannot wait to be there with you.  Neil, please, please give Jonny a huge hug from me – (he’ll be awkward, but just do it 😊 ) and for sure, tell (Keith’s) Dad how much we think of him and love and miss him.  And know that we will do our utmost to take care of Wendy, even though we are so far away.  We’ll make sure your kids do too!  I know they love her. . . not as much as you, but almost as deeply.  We are so glad that you shared them with her.  What a gift they are to her.  To us!!  We will love Jesse too, and remind him often how much you love him and what a gift he is to you.  And how much you will be waiting for all of them. . . for all of us. . . .

I get that you will know this, but we’re heading there after Christmas. We will miss you so much, being there without your person.  But not more than Wendy, and the rest of your kids/grandkids.  I am so thankful Wendy has them to love on her, and care for her, and to carry on a piece of you in them.


Neil, you took in our Langendoen family without a second thought.  And I for one, am so thankful for all you have done for us.  (You got my Dad on a FREAKING MOTORBIKE for crying out loud!!!)  I love you and miss you.  And wish you were here, but find such comfort knowing you are with Jesus - pain, cancer, worry free – worshipping the One who you loved the most.

I wish we could be at your funeral and share all our great memories with those there.  But you know our hearts.  And you know how we feel.

I know that Wendy’s saying is “I LOVE YOU NEIL WARD!” but I do too.  You are missed so incredibly much!!!

I know God said to you, “Well done, Neil Ward!!! YOU have been a good, and a faithful servant. Come!  Sit beside me!”





Good bye dear brother.  Till we see you again. . . . . .

Bathroom Renovations

Keith and I have lived in our house for 25 years.  We love our home.  Many people have moved to bigger, more expensive homes in more affluent neighbourhoods, but we have always loved where we live.  Over the years, things have changed in every room of the house.  And now 25 years and 2 children later, we are starting that process again.  We've had to put on a new roof, new siding, update flooring, and finally this year we did some renos to our upstairs main bath.  There's only so much you can do in a small home that only has one full bath, so we did what we could.  We love it so much and were so thankful for the help we received.  Up until this point, we have not ever really splurged on anything in our home, so this bathroom deserved some pizzaz. (Little did I know what was going to happen in September that would rock our world!!!) 

Someone asked me recently to post about my bathroom renovations.  They were wondering where I got my fixtures, who did the work etc.

So here goes.  I'll post some of the before pics first, and then mid reno and then the renovated pics. 

We had an old tub that had lost most of it's enamel on the bottom (if you don't mind a filed off bottom each time you tried to bath, this was the tub for you!!), a cheap vanity, and walls that badly needed sanding and painting.

Since Keith isn't able to do this kind of work any more, we asked KP Projects in Steinbach to come and help us out.  They ripped out the tub and tub surround, installed the new plumbing, drywalled the walls, and added the little shelf in the wall.  They also installed our beautiful glass door when the rest was all finished.

Then came the tiles.  We were so grateful for Ivan Pavliy and his crew from PI Finishings.  They do amazing work.

When we removed the mirror, we discovered a hole where a medicine cabinet once resided, so we decided to leave a time capsule for the next owners whenever they decide to renovate the bathroom.

 

We left a family picture, candy, a card and one of my piano studio bookmarks and covered it back up with a big mirror..

We got a new vanity (Wayfair), vinyl flooring (Costco) (which we ran up the wall behind the toilet, sink and mirror), new faucets/shower head (PlumbingOnline.ca),  tub (Home Depot), tile,(AMES Tile & Stone) and a new bathmat and towels (Giant Tiger - we splurged! LOL).  The light fixture we kept from before and the industrial towel rack Keith made from pipe parts from EG Penner and wood from one of his family's graineries back in SK. He also made a door stop from the same pipe material. The hand towel rack and toilet paper holder came from Amazon. I love that when you order fixtures, if you order it from different places, but stick with the same Brand (we have Delta) if you order all the same colour - Venetian Bronze - they all are the same no matter where you order it.

So, needless to say we love our bathroom!!! 


Granted. . . . had we known then (when we put our bathroom in) what we know now, we likely wouldn't have spent the money.

BUT. . . . I have to believe. . . . GOD IS IN CONTROL. . . . and He knew what was going to go down after we put the bathroom in. 

Never have I been hanging on to the fact that God knows.  And God will PROVIDE!!!!

A few words from Keith

When Sharon asked if I could write a response to her blog, my first thoughts were NO WAY.  I don't have a gift of writing like she does, and what could I say after her amazing story.  The Lord had a different plan and began to soften me up.  God has taught me a lot over the last number of year.  I hope and pray I can encourage men to get freedom and victory from pornography and sex addiction by sharing my story.




To start with, I want everyone to know what an incredible wife I have.  She is the most amazing, Godly woman i know, and I am so thankful for her.  Without her relationship with God, I would not be where I am, nor would we have the marriage like we do.  The grace, mercy, forgiveness and love that she is showing me is a reflection of her giving heart and relationship with Jesus Christ.  The way she has forgiven me, is willing to trust me again, and wanted me back home, still makes me feel so thankful for her.

I also want to say how thankful I am for our amazing kids.  They were also willing to forgive me and offer a second chance.

God began the deep healing process in my life a number of years ago, the first time Sharon and I separated.  After that separation, for the first time in my life, I started to see and feel that there was hope in the battle to stay pure.  God used Sharon, along with some Godly men to help me get open about my addiction. Without that separation, I am not sure I would have realized my need to change.  I joined a men's support group and had regular sessions with a therapist.  After a few years of sobriety, I started to get over-confident and slowly stopped doing the hard work.  My lazy attitude also affected my relationship with God, Sharon & the kids.  These relationships also began to go downhill.  Once again, both were extremely patient with me.  Our men's group did a video conference call with Steve Masterson, a counselor with many years of experience in counseling men with sex addiction.  He said something which God used to start a whole new level of healing.  He said that porn is not the root of the addictive behaviour but the fruit.  God started to speak to me and show me that there was a root that was causing the addictive behaviour that He wanted to heal in my life.

Sharon encouraged me to see her former pastor Bob Bramhill who had a ministry helping people deal with pain and hurt in their lives.  I spent a week with him where God began to show me what was my root. - pain and hurt from my past that I had never dealt with.  God did some healing and I began to feel His love like I had never before.  Again, I did not keep building on that foundation and strengthening relationship in my life.  This led to destructive habits and eventually relapse.  I didn't share this with Sharon which was a big mistake.  I began to go back into myself and shut her out. I fell into a selfish attitude and let pride take over my life.  I had told Sharon and the kids the last time we had separated that if I got back into porn, our marriage would be over.  Even this was not enough to keep me pure.  I was willing to lose my family instead of staying pure!!  God had a plan to take me through a new level of healing.

Sharon was obedient and faithful to God's prompting and confronted me asking if I was back into porn.  She reminded me that the last time we had separated, I had promised her that if I ever got back into porn, I would leave.  After moving out and being at the bottom of the pit, I cried out to God for forgiveness and help.  In His love, He led me to an addictions support group at Southland Church in Steinbach called Path to Freedom.  This program has changed my life.  I started to learn and feel God's love for me again in a new and exciting way.  The program has taught me how to deal with overwhelming negative emotions in a non-destructive, non-addictive way.  God also used John & Anne Neufeld, a counseling couple, to help me grow closer to God, and start to bring Sharon and me together to talk.  And God was doing just as much healing in her life as well.  Healing from the years of pain I had caused her in our marriage. I could never have imagined that she would ever give me another chance, ever forgive me or ever trust me again.  But she did and it's an example of God's power.

God has taught me a lot through this journey.  The NUMBER ONE key to sobriety is to grow close in my relationship to Him and my family.  As I started growing closer to God, He started to teach me truths which I knew in my head, but never felt in my heart.  I had to start by surrendering to His will and learn what it meant to fear Him.  As I felt His incredible love fore me, He began to show me the lies I had been believing since I was young.  He showed me in love how to forgive the hurt of my childhood, deal with pain from my disability, learn to forgive myself for all the pain I had caused Sharon and the kids.  These are some of the roots that led me to my addiction and kept me in chains to it for almost 40 years!  Freedom and victory over addiction or destructive behaviours requires hard work and complete surrender to God's will. 

There are a lot of very good authors who give advice on battling pornography.  My favourite is Dr. Doug Weiss and his book CLEAN.  I needed to go even deeper and build a new foundation for my faith.  Three books by David G. Benner started this foundation for me: "Surrender to Love", "Desiring God's Will", and "The Gift of Being Yourself."  Reading these along with "The Shack" helped me to really see and feel God's incredible love for me in spite of all my sin.  I've also found Pastor James McDonald and his support material on his website Walk in the Word, to be very inspirational.

To maintain my sobriety, I meet weekly with my accountability partner, meet weekly with an addictions support group, put accountability software on my phone and computer (Accountable2you), spend daily regular time with God reading His work and listening to the Spirit and journaling.  Sharon bought me a joy journal and I need to regularly write the joys God has blessed me with.  Another key for me is being open & honest with Sharon and the kids.  Starting every day with prayer, submitting my weaknesses to purity to God.  The best way to strengthen our marriage is for me to continue to grow closer to God.

I just want to share with you a song that has meant so much to me over the last several months and years.  My favourite scripture verse is Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God" and this song goes well with that.

If any men would like to get together and talk, I would love to help and encourage you in any way I can.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to share your struggle with someone you can trust.  If you are married, you need to be open and honest with your wife and tell her what you are dealing with.  The best support in your healing and sobriety will be your wife.  You are not alone and I would love to support you as others have done for me.  Please feel free to contact me at kmklaassen@hotmail.com 

God loves you so much.  And He is excited by the changes you will take with Him.

~Keith