A few words from Keith

When Sharon asked if I could write a response to her blog, my first thoughts were NO WAY.  I don't have a gift of writing like she does, and what could I say after her amazing story.  The Lord had a different plan and began to soften me up.  God has taught me a lot over the last number of year.  I hope and pray I can encourage men to get freedom and victory from pornography and sex addiction by sharing my story.




To start with, I want everyone to know what an incredible wife I have.  She is the most amazing, Godly woman i know, and I am so thankful for her.  Without her relationship with God, I would not be where I am, nor would we have the marriage like we do.  The grace, mercy, forgiveness and love that she is showing me is a reflection of her giving heart and relationship with Jesus Christ.  The way she has forgiven me, is willing to trust me again, and wanted me back home, still makes me feel so thankful for her.

I also want to say how thankful I am for our amazing kids.  They were also willing to forgive me and offer a second chance.

God began the deep healing process in my life a number of years ago, the first time Sharon and I separated.  After that separation, for the first time in my life, I started to see and feel that there was hope in the battle to stay pure.  God used Sharon, along with some Godly men to help me get open about my addiction. Without that separation, I am not sure I would have realized my need to change.  I joined a men's support group and had regular sessions with a therapist.  After a few years of sobriety, I started to get over-confident and slowly stopped doing the hard work.  My lazy attitude also affected my relationship with God, Sharon & the kids.  These relationships also began to go downhill.  Once again, both were extremely patient with me.  Our men's group did a video conference call with Steve Masterson, a counselor with many years of experience in counseling men with sex addiction.  He said something which God used to start a whole new level of healing.  He said that porn is not the root of the addictive behaviour but the fruit.  God started to speak to me and show me that there was a root that was causing the addictive behaviour that He wanted to heal in my life.

Sharon encouraged me to see her former pastor Bob Bramhill who had a ministry helping people deal with pain and hurt in their lives.  I spent a week with him where God began to show me what was my root. - pain and hurt from my past that I had never dealt with.  God did some healing and I began to feel His love like I had never before.  Again, I did not keep building on that foundation and strengthening relationship in my life.  This led to destructive habits and eventually relapse.  I didn't share this with Sharon which was a big mistake.  I began to go back into myself and shut her out. I fell into a selfish attitude and let pride take over my life.  I had told Sharon and the kids the last time we had separated that if I got back into porn, our marriage would be over.  Even this was not enough to keep me pure.  I was willing to lose my family instead of staying pure!!  God had a plan to take me through a new level of healing.

Sharon was obedient and faithful to God's prompting and confronted me asking if I was back into porn.  She reminded me that the last time we had separated, I had promised her that if I ever got back into porn, I would leave.  After moving out and being at the bottom of the pit, I cried out to God for forgiveness and help.  In His love, He led me to an addictions support group at Southland Church in Steinbach called Path to Freedom.  This program has changed my life.  I started to learn and feel God's love for me again in a new and exciting way.  The program has taught me how to deal with overwhelming negative emotions in a non-destructive, non-addictive way.  God also used John & Anne Neufeld, a counseling couple, to help me grow closer to God, and start to bring Sharon and me together to talk.  And God was doing just as much healing in her life as well.  Healing from the years of pain I had caused her in our marriage. I could never have imagined that she would ever give me another chance, ever forgive me or ever trust me again.  But she did and it's an example of God's power.

God has taught me a lot through this journey.  The NUMBER ONE key to sobriety is to grow close in my relationship to Him and my family.  As I started growing closer to God, He started to teach me truths which I knew in my head, but never felt in my heart.  I had to start by surrendering to His will and learn what it meant to fear Him.  As I felt His incredible love fore me, He began to show me the lies I had been believing since I was young.  He showed me in love how to forgive the hurt of my childhood, deal with pain from my disability, learn to forgive myself for all the pain I had caused Sharon and the kids.  These are some of the roots that led me to my addiction and kept me in chains to it for almost 40 years!  Freedom and victory over addiction or destructive behaviours requires hard work and complete surrender to God's will. 

There are a lot of very good authors who give advice on battling pornography.  My favourite is Dr. Doug Weiss and his book CLEAN.  I needed to go even deeper and build a new foundation for my faith.  Three books by David G. Benner started this foundation for me: "Surrender to Love", "Desiring God's Will", and "The Gift of Being Yourself."  Reading these along with "The Shack" helped me to really see and feel God's incredible love for me in spite of all my sin.  I've also found Pastor James McDonald and his support material on his website Walk in the Word, to be very inspirational.

To maintain my sobriety, I meet weekly with my accountability partner, meet weekly with an addictions support group, put accountability software on my phone and computer (Accountable2you), spend daily regular time with God reading His work and listening to the Spirit and journaling.  Sharon bought me a joy journal and I need to regularly write the joys God has blessed me with.  Another key for me is being open & honest with Sharon and the kids.  Starting every day with prayer, submitting my weaknesses to purity to God.  The best way to strengthen our marriage is for me to continue to grow closer to God.

I just want to share with you a song that has meant so much to me over the last several months and years.  My favourite scripture verse is Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God" and this song goes well with that.

If any men would like to get together and talk, I would love to help and encourage you in any way I can.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to share your struggle with someone you can trust.  If you are married, you need to be open and honest with your wife and tell her what you are dealing with.  The best support in your healing and sobriety will be your wife.  You are not alone and I would love to support you as others have done for me.  Please feel free to contact me at kmklaassen@hotmail.com 

God loves you so much.  And He is excited by the changes you will take with Him.

~Keith