Broken to Beautiful (Abraham Moment #1)

So….. I have been wrestling with getting back into writing this blog, and particularly struggling somewhat with sharing what’s been on my heart.  This past Sunday I was praying that I would have a very clear direction as to whether or not I should go ahead and share my story and believe it or not, Pastor Kent made a small but poignant statement in his sermon this Sunday “If you have a story, SHARE IT!”  I could not argue with that! So I hope you will bear with me as I venture down some rabbit holes to get to the main story that I want to share with you.

Although, having decided to share it, I still had no idea how to jump into it.  You see, our family has been on a crazy journey this past year and while I do want to share with you how God has worked and done more miracles in our lives, it is a journey that is difficult to share and put into words.  (This will be part one of ?)

So, I think I will go back many years and start there.  Because long before this past year happened, God had already been working in me and showing me things about Himself that I needed to know and experience to help me through the waters I was supposed to walk through years later.

Over the years, there have been a handful of times that I remember God speaking very clearly to me.  I wouldn’t say they were audible, but times where I could not dispute that it was God’s calling or nudging me forward to do something.  I can honestly say that without a doubt they were always things that I truthfully did not want to do, but that God was very clearly pushing me through.

The first time was when I was 18 years old.

What some of you may not know is that growing up I came from a pretty strict home.  Dating was not an option for any of us, and so when a boy I liked, approached my parents to see if he would be allowed to take me out on a date, I was terrified.  I was SURE my parents would say no but I guess since I was in my grade 12 high school year, with plans to complete Grade 13 (something Ontario students had the option of doing back in the 80’s) my parents didn’t see the harm in it (or more than likely, they just gave in!! LOL)  He was a Godly boy whose family knew our family and so I think my parents felt comfortable knowing they knew him and the standards he and his family held.

After dating for over a year, I was making plans to head to Bible College in Saskatchewan.  I was very much in love, but planned to go to Bible College and head back home the next spring to plan my future.  A few months before I left for Bible College I started to wrestle with a thought God was placing in my mind – that the future that I was planning with my boyfriend was not what God was planning for my future.

The previous summer, I had been sponsored by Conestoga Bible Camp to attend a Leadership Training Camp at Bark Lake Leadership & Conference Center.  While I was there, I had one of the most profound encounters with God in my whole life.  My friend Roxanne and I had been sitting outside under rain ponchos during a thunder and lightening storm.  This Leadership Camp was not a Christian camp and by the time this storm happened, she and I were incredibly lonely and were missing our families, friends and Christian connections very much.  So there, in the pouring rain, with thunder pounding and lightening flashing, we sang How Great Thou Art and worshiped God like I have never experienced again.  It was an incredible spiritual experience for me, one where I could almost tangibly feel the presence of God.  After that Leadership camp experience, I felt so strongly that God was calling me to do camp ministry.  Once the summer was done, I pushed that feeling aside, and proceeded to complete my Grade 13 year.  However, during that year, the feeling that God was calling me into camp ministry did not subside. In fact, it got increasingly stronger.  Of course, during this time, I was also growing in my relationship with my boyfriend, who I knew did not have this same calling.  In fact, he very much felt God calling him to work with his home church, to grow, nurture and lead that church.  I remember chatting about my struggle with him, but since we were both heading to separate Bible Colleges, didn’t spend a lot of time exploring it. In my own mind, I knew I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but also knew that we seemed to be on two separate paths as to where God was calling us.  Once settled into Bible College, the draw to camp ministry continued to get stronger and stronger and it was shortly after my 19th birthday that I couldn’t ignore what God was asking of me.  Will you choose Me (God) or choose what you (Sharon) want?  I can easily say that this was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made in my entire life.  Knowing I was breaking hearts, my own included, to follow a direction that I knew God was calling me to but feeling like I was giving up everything I wanted and loved.  I agonized for many days over what I knew God was calling me to do, but what my heart didn’t want to do.  And I can say this was one of my first Abraham moments in my life.  Listening to God’s calling to do something I honestly had no desire to do, nor any understanding of in that moment.  And I can say that breaking up with my boyfriend was one of the most difficult things I’ve done.  And truthfully, there were many, many times after that, that I questioned God.  I knew I had made the right decision, but I knew I was devastated and other than knowing I was doing what God had asked of me, there was no “amazing light moment” or endless joy after making that decision.  Obviously looking back on that, I can see how God was prompting me to follow Him because the 12+ years I did spend involved in the camping ministry at Red Rock Bible Camp would never have happened.  I would never have met my husband.  I would never have my two beautiful miracle children. And the list goes on.  But I can tell you in the moment, I could not understand God. I could understand the pain I was feeling.  The grief and loss of the dreams I’d had.  And yet, I had chosen to follow His prompts.

But what this all boils down to is that when God tells us to do something, we need to follow His prompting.  He hasn’t promised that it will be easy.  He hasn’t promised it will be all smooth.  He hasn’t even always shown us what’s at the end.  But I can promise you that it will be worth it.  Oh, the pain was awful.  And the grief I felt about giving that relationship back to God stayed with me for years.  The guilt I felt at times was consuming.  But God honoured my decision to choose Him.  And while I didn’t know why at first?  Over the following years, He showed me that He had indeed called me to camping ministry.  And the decision I made to follow Him at the expense of my own desires, proved that God was and is faithful.  That God is in control.  That God is sovereign, and He sees and knows the bigger plan.

So, this was my first real “Abraham Moment” that I have experienced, and I can’t wait to share more with you.  They all lead up to where God has been taking me/our family to this year, and how yet again, God proved to me that when I just do as He asks, as painful as it is perhaps in that very moment, that He is there, and He is beside me the whole time.  And He brings the joy at the end. It might not always look the way I had envisioned it to look. But He brings me to the place that He wants me to be my best at.  Sometimes those journeys are painful.  Sometimes they might not seem like they have an end.  Sometimes we might not know "the why" for years to come.  But I can promise that no matter what. . . NO MATTER WHAT. . . being in God's will. . . following His prompting is worth it.  no. matter. what.

Deuteronomy 4:39

Know therefore today, and take it to your heart, that the LORD, He is God in heaven above and on the earth below; there is no other.