Just not Good Enough . . .

Do you ever struggle with those thoughts "I'm just not good enough"? If you do, believe me, you are not alone.  Those thoughts constantly go through my brain.

Most of the times, I'm feeling okay about myself.  Not always great, but not completely down on myself. 

But then . . . you know how it is. . . you've sent an email or message to someone and they don't respond.  You invite them for coffee, but no response.  And suddenly those thoughts come filtering into your mind.  "Have I done something to upset them?  Did I say something wrong in the message I sent?"  It's amazing the thoughts that can come careening into my brain!

Or, you sent a text to someone and the response you got back was short. . . or maybe way to detailed. . . and so you over analyze it.  You critique it reading into each and every word that was sent.

Or you don't hear from someone in a while.  Are they upset with you?  Did you do something wrong?

Ever get those feelings?  There have been times when I've been SURE that I was the only one obsessing over things like this. . . and then I hear that others are thinking the same thing.  And it's not just me.  Even my husband goes through those thoughts at times.  Maybe not as often as I do, but certainly they are there too.

Once I unplug my panic button, and start to think a little more rationally, I realize that I am only allowing negative thoughts to come in.  I'm not seeing myself for who I really am.  Who I was made to be.  When I read through Psalm 139  and see how amazingly God created me, (especially vs 13-18), it reminds me that God made me.  God loves me for me.  God created me.  Can I become a better person for Him?  Absolutely, but God sees me for who I am and loves me!!!

I am reminded that it's about how GOD perceives me, not others.  It's His image I am created it.  It is Him who I am striving to please.

And as I focus on those facts, the truth about those other situations clarifies.  I get busy, and often don't respond immediately to those around me.  I get distracted and perhaps the texts or responses I am sending out don't clearly convey what I am truly feeling.  I am sure there are Facebook Messages, or phone or email messages that I have neglected to return.  Am I upset with those people? SURELY NOT!  Life just sometimes takes over.  But then again, so do those negative thoughts.  If I just turn it around and take a look at my life and try to imagine that other person's life - full of the busyness of jobs, children, home, church etc., it's easy to understand that those un-returned messages are merely a slip.  It's not me.  It's not what I have said. Life has taken over for that other person.

So today, I aim to focus not on unanswered messages, but on the one who created me!  Focus on God and listen to what He is telling me.  I am loved.  I am His child.  I was created to bring Him joy.  And I will continue on.  I will not keep those negative feelings inside, but rather reach out.  Perhaps the person I had messaged was hurting that day.  Was feeling too overwhelmed to respond.  I know I have been there before.  I have had days when I just couldn't respond to others.  And so today, I choose to think those thoughts.  I choose to continue on and not let my own insecurities take out a friendship.  I choose to focus on how God sees me, and to react the way God would.

Because the truth of the matter is. . . there have been more than enough times when God has tried to get my attention - tried to get a message to me, but I have not responded.  And He has not given up. And as it says in Galatians 6:9 And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up.

God hasn't given up on me, He just keeps loving me and trying to get my attention. I think that is what I need to remind myself of each and every time those feelings of insecurity grab hold of me.

Because - after all - We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10